


PURPLE RAIN

by lithium_breath



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Blood, Breaking Dawn, Character Death, Depression, Drama, F/F, F/M, Family Issues, Forgiveness, Italy, Jasper Hale - Freeform, Love, Mates, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Romance, Running Away, Self Harm, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Soulmates, Suicide, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vampires, Volleyball, Volterra, Volturi, Wolves, eclipse - Freeform, escaping, new moon, twilight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 135,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lithium_breath/pseuds/lithium_breath
Summary: purple rain | "deep longing or desire that will likely not be met."Valerie Addams doesn't understand why looking at Jasper Hale feels like she's just set herself on fire.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale/Original Character(s), Jasper Hale/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 74
Kudos: 256





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hello there. i know this isn't my first story on this website (yes, i haven't shamefully uploaded the others, don't kill me! but i promise i will), but i decided two get started on a fanfiction about twilight. a few important warnings:
> 
> 1\. english isn't my first language, so feel free to point out spelling mistakes and such!! that would be much appreciated;  
> 2\. midnight sun coming out absolutely SENT my soul, so i decided to give a shot on fanfiction and write this jasper story, which will be updated weekly;  
> 3\. this story has a whole bunch of trigger warnings such as depression, suicide, panic attacks, self harm issues, etc. read with caution as every chapter has one of these events!  
> 4\. i'm a nursing student. due to the covid-19 whole situation, we were sent to work and we're currently fighting in the front line. it's taken a toll on me (emotionally and physically) so writing fanfiction is my way out when i'm out of work, alone and isolated. i'll try to keep updating weekly as i promised; just pray that things don't go (even more) to hell outside. STAY SAFE AND TAKE PRECAUTIONS. THIS IS NO JOKE.
> 
> this story is also published on wattpad.
> 
> off we go!

**_PURPLE RAIN ♡ ERA ONE_ **

**_APPARENTLY, IT WAS NOW_ ** _our job to keep them as pets._

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen had been their first child, so their inevitable preference on him above all their other _children_ seemed something expected to Jasper Hale – however, he honestly thought they would cover up their little preference better. That didn't happen: you could see from a mile away that Edward was the first and favorite amongst five children: he was the prodigy handy son who played the piano, actually combed his hair and had a natural charisma that made him very approachable to humans. It probably helped that he had a lovely gift related to mind reading. Esme and Carlisle just couldn't stress how proud they were of their first _creation_. Jasper had seen this preference many times in his past and considered it dangerous. And even though the blond knew his brother wouldn't hurt a fly, it was his _pet_ that bothered him.

Jasper was okay with feeding from humans. After all that was everything he knew until he met Alice and joined the Cullen clan. It was hard to consider them a family because they were no family to him; even though they had changed the majority of their members, Jasper had joined centuries later. They hadn't been there for him for the first one hundred and twenty years of his life. He had started this new lifestyle about fifteen years ago, which felt like a month in vampire years.

The Cullen's had a very _no-no_ rule about using humans as blood bags, so Jasper had now been turned into a vegetarian. It wasn't exactly his choice; it had been more of a strong want to stay with Alice rather than pure kindness towards humans. Jasper Hale was okay with hunting only animals and he was definitely okay with hiding away from humans – _however_ , he wasn't okay at all with a human joining them for lunch at school. School was already hell, so why would they make it worse?

'Is that all you wanted to say?' Edward asked him, letting out a small laugh as he scavenged through his thoughts with his stupid, powerful gift. He could go to hell for all Jasper cared; he liked his siblings enough to stand them, but he didn't exactly love them (and that included Alice) and wasn't keen on this idea of having a human around at all even though everyone said she was part of the family now. A human carrying their secret was like a time bomb ready to explode.

Isabella Swan joined Forks Highschool a year ago. She came to Forks to live with her father, the town's sheriff (which wasn't, of course, dangerous for the Cullens...) and had been sitting next to Edward Cullen in Biology class for a while until they started seeing each other. She had a sob story that apparently Edward could relate to. Isabella was pale and dull, a little human with no personality, no facial expression and absolutely nothing interesting to say. After all, she was a human. Yet Edward seemed to love her and _had begged and begged_ and swore that Bella, as everyone called her, was his soulmate.

At first, Jasper and Rosalie (probably the only two vampires in the family who had braincells left) didn't understand. The first few months were hard, but she was so dull and so boring that neither of them cared at this point. One year later, Bella was still with Edward, still human, still spending a lot of time in their house and she was still the same dull girl he had met one year ago. Now Rose didn't care about her and Jasper ignored her presence much to Alice's dismay. His wife loved the human.

Jasper just _knew_ Edward was messing around with his thoughts by the way he was scolding him with his eyes, yet he couldn't find a shit to give. He wasn't even thinking that loud and Edward had dozens of humans to bother, so why him? He shouldn't be messing around with his mind anyway.

The bell rang and Bella was still eating; this was why vampires were at the top of the food chain. Humans were too slow, too boring, _just too much_. Jasper couldn't understand how Edward managed to be around Bella and handle her doing things the mundane way.

Jasper got up and started walking towards his next class after saying his goodbye to Alice who had Biology with Edward and Bella. The ridiculous amount of humans on the halls used to bother him, but not anymore. Even though he had only been on this diet for fifteen years he had trained himself well enough to be able to control his thirst around them. He was all control; Jasper Hale was a soldier, a machine with no emotions, even though he could feel every single one human emotion being thrown at him at the same time. It was exhausting being surrounded by so many teenagers.

_As Jasper Hale entered his History class, he felt as though he had been punched in the gut so hard that even though he was vampire, he could feel his insides shrinking in pain._

  
☂

Valerie had been sitting in the same place in the same classroom chair for at least five minutes hearing (not voluntarily) what people had to say about her coming to Forks. As expected, it wasn't anything worth listening to. There were rumors, yes (like the one where they said she had stabbed someone and went to juvi for two years; sometimes she really felt like stabbing some stupid kids back in her old school, but she hadn't acted on her urges), but there was also some rumors _that weren't rumors_ (like saying that she moved in with her mother to run away from her past).

Mr. Sparks wasn't a kind man – he probably knew about her background from the way he was eyeing her dangerously from his desk and by the fact that he didn't tell any of the students to shut up with the nasty comments. She was expecting it, really: it was a small town, her mother was the new brain surgeon at the local hospital and she was the cliché new girl. A fresh start was all she wanted and all she needed, but everybody knew everything about each other in small towns. Maybe moving somewhere like New York where no one really knew anything about one another would be better. Valerie usually concealed most of her emotions to herself; it wasn't like people could read her from a distance, but it would be worse if they were to sense her as the nervous new girl.

Maybe she should have cut her hair: her long locks descended their way gracefully and touched her waist, covering most of her petite figure and face. And maybe – _just maybe_ – she shouldn't have had a mental breakdown and dyed it _fucking_ purple. However, it was done, she loved it, embraced it and wasn't afraid of showing her true colors. After moving to another town and leaving _there,_ she needed to do something different to herself, yet cutting her hair wasn't part of the plan: she wasn't about to cut a part of herself that she loved so much, and she had already let go of some many things in her life and cut so many ties that it just didn't feel right to cut her hair as well. She wasn't ready to let _anything_ go at that point. Not again.

Mr. Sparks finally got up and the students interpreted it as a sign that class was about to start. The seat next to her on the last row of the class was empty. She was never able to concentrate right in the front, much less in the middle, so she chose the back. And honestly, she felt like she had a target pointed at her face just by the looks the teacher was giving her: it was better to avoid questions.

Everything was fine until Valerie Addams felt like she had been punched in the gut.

She held her breath; _sit still_ , she thought to herself. This didn't happen on a regular basis, only when she was about to have a panic attack. However, this wasn't one of those times. This wasn't anxiety. This was real pain.

Something was twitching her insides.

_This was trauma._

She held her screams as her insides burnt; _she had had years of practicing on hiding the pain anyways._

By the time that the pain stopped and she was literally sweating due to restraining her screams, the room temperature felt like it had dropped at least twenty degrees. Forks wasn't the warmest place on earth; nonetheless the classroom was warm a second ago and she was wearing a sweatshirt on top of that. The rest of her peers seemed fine and didn't seem to notice any temperature drops; two or three of them were even wearing t-shirts.

Valerie sensed movement by the classroom door, like a shadow lurking through the dark. When her eyes travelled to the spot there was no one there. The room temperature suddenly came back to normal, she stopped sweating and the pain didn't come back.

There was a shiver down her spine, and then there was only Mr. Sparks talking about the Civil War. 

Valerie Addams was crazy.

  
☂

'I was kinda scared of you at first, I have to admit.' The brunette one revealed, as they got dressed to their P.E. uniforms. 'I guess I just got really delusional with all the rumors and stuff.'

Jessica was pale, had brown hair, brown eyes and she was an extrovert. When they were leaving History class she had tripped and all her books were suddenly on the ground. Feeling for the poor girl, Valerie went to help her picking up the books. Jessica was frozen on the spot at first, but she quickly composed herself and asked Valerie if she needed help to find her next class in a way of saying thank you. They quickly found out they had P.E. together next period and headed towards the gym. The new girl was easy going and pretty much knew everyone. Some of her friends threw weird glances at Valerie but nobody said anything. J

essica talked, a lot. She talked about the rules in Forks Highschool, about the different groups and she also talked a lot about P.E., which seemed to be her favorite subject in school. Valerie was the one to stay quiet but she wasn't the one to stay still. She had loved P.E. back in Arizona and she surely would love P.E. in Forks. When they got to the gym and she realized they would be playing volleyball, her heart stopped for a second. Volleyball was home; it was her passion back in Arizona and she had missed it so much. She recalled the good moments she spent with her friends at practice, at tournaments and every single emotion on different games. As she was the last member chosen to get into a team (and well, she was chosen by Jessica), she decided to stay quiet and not tell anyone she had been Captain back in her old town. After all, those memories were only that: memories. Arizona was her past and it had been amazing, but she needed to live now. And now was Forks.

As she glanced at some people outside, Jessica explained that those people were part of the school's official volleyball team. She usually had practice with them but Coach F. decided to invite Jessica to show off some skills; apparently, they were in need of new people on the team.

Valerie positioned herself and breathed deeply; as she spotted the volley ball, the net and Coach F. ready to blow the whistle, she suddenly felt like home; though as she eyed her teammates, she found their stares judgmental – after all, the weird, murdering girl was on their team. Valerie would never feel at home in Forks.

However, when Jessica jump-served and the ball hit the other side of the gym, Valerie knew this was game.

_And she was ready to play._

'Holy, motherfucking god.' That was all Jessica managed to say as both girls entered her car, a cool looking pickup truck. Valerie's new car hadn't been delivered yet and after the class finished Jessica was kind enough to offer her a ride. 'I didn't know you could play like that.'

The curly haired girl cringed. _Maybe_ she had gotten a little too excited and scored a little bit more than she should have. She also caught the Coach's attention who nodded appreciatively at her by the end of the lesson. Valerie sat on the front seat as Jessica warmed the vehicle. 'Well, I kind of played back in my old school back in Arizona.'

Jess almost crashed into a Volvo parked next to her.

'Jesus Christ, Arizona?! Arizona kicked our asses last year, we didn't even score a goddamn point. I don't remember you though, and I'm sure I could remember that hair anywhere.'

Valerie tried not to think about why she hadn't been playing volleyball last year.

'Oh, I haven't played in two years.' _Change the subject. Change the fucking subject._ 'Thank you for the ride. I'm still waiting for my car to get here, it's taking so long.'

She had always been a social butterfly and it seemed okay to trust Jessica. She shouldn't get her feelings involved but she could trust. _They can't hurt you here. You're safe. Trust people._

'Oh, that's fine, the hospital's on my way home anyway. So your mother works here now? Dr. Cullen used to be our only top surgeon.'

She had no idea who Dr. Cullen was, but nodded. 'Yes, a position for a brain surgeon opened and she was more than willing to accept.' Jessica was very interested in Valerie and asked a lot of questions. They didn't make her that nervous anyway. She just asked if her mother was too absent from her life (being a top surgeon and all), if she pressed her into going to the Medical Field and all those cliché conversations she had had with people before. Valerie was thankful for it, anyway: her life lacked normality. It wasn't hard to carry a conversation with someone who was as extroverted as Jessica too. She talked about her family for a while, her plans for college and how much she loved volleyball. Soon enough, they were at the hospital gates and Jess was pulling up.

'Thank you for the ride.' Valerie said as Jess simply smiled at her. 'I'll see you tomorrow at school?' Jessica nodded and Valerie watched her leaving the hospital. She decided that being Jessica's friend wouldn't hurt her. _They can't catch you here._

Her mother was working on the E.R. unit, which meant that she was responsible for emergency cases that came suddenly and needed immediate assistance. She texted Valerie saying that she had to perform a very dangerous surgery that had been four hours long, so she needed to get some paperwork down and talk to the patient's family. It was supposed to be all figured out until 5pm. Valerie arrived 20 minutes earlier due to Jessica's ride.

The girl was used to her mother's absence on her birthdays, special occasions such as Christmas and her presence wasn't expected most weekends. Her job had the surprise factor attached to it and sometimes shit happened and she needed to say until a bit late, work double shifts or end her vacation suddenly. Yet Valerie wouldn't want her mother doing another thing: she was the most beautiful human being she had the opportunity to come across and she was a very intelligent and professional woman.

She had been around hospitals for long enough to know how they all worked. Walking towards the ER building (which wasn't even remotely full compared to Arizona – Forks' lack of population still surprised her), she got herself some coffee from the vending machine and sat outside by a lake full of ducks. She texted her mother to warn her that she had arrived.

It was a chilly day at Forks. It wasn't raining but it was cloudy – very cloudy. She wasn't used to the dark weather, but it matched her current mood. She couldn't help but think that she loved volleyball, but her constant anxiety triggered her fight or flight instinct. It didn't help that she had almost crumbled in pain for unknown reasons today.

But school was... School was okay. _Surprisingly_. People talked behind her back yet she was used to that. She had been expecting the impact the moment she moved. And the impact came, but it didn't hurt her as much as it would have if she was still the same girl from two years ago. She was grown.

The curly hair girl hadn't been the same since the accident happened. No one expected her to be the same after witnessing what she did and after going through that experience for two years, but she didn't expect to get out so damaged and tired of living. It hadn't gotten any better as she still cried at night and screamed in horror as she watched everything that happened in front of her eyes in her dreams, over and over again. She could still smell the rain mixed with the blood; she could hear the screams, the piercing and penetrating sound and the ripping sound _of-_

Her phone buzzing stopped her from having a panic attack. It felt like she had been grabbed by the waist and snatched from her old life to the lake with the ducks again. She wasn't in Arizona anymore and she surely wasn't in that alley anymore. She was in Forks, Washington, very far away from home, waiting for her mother to get out of her shift.

_You're fine. Relax._

After being given instructions on how to get to her mother's unit, she got up and started walking, her legs hurting with every step. The doctor was about to go talk to the family of the patient she had just performed surgery on and she was on the infirmary on the second floor. Valerie didn't know anything about Forks' Hospital, but she had been in a lot of hospitals before and they were all quite the same, so it wasn't hard to find the elevator that led her to said floor. As she stepped out of the elevator she saw her mother still on her scrubs talking to someone.

They were talking in a very quiet and gentle voice and they were outside the infirmary, away from prying ears. Valerie recognized that way of speaking: they were probably talking about a harsh case as she had seen her mother do many times when she was a child. The doctor was able to save so many lives, but she also lost some in the way. Brain surgery wasn't easy in any way, but her mother was talented enough to the one of the best.

The door of the elevator closing made Valerie's presence aware.

Elizabeth Addams was beautiful: she was almost 43 yet she didn't look a day over 35. Her curly hair pattern matched her daughter's, yet hers was a vibrant color of black. Valerie realized she hadn't seen her mother in scrubs in almost two years.

She also realized she had grown to hate hospitals.

Elizabeth Addams smiled fondly at her daughter. Her daughter was her sunshine, her everything. Valerie's dad had never been around and they were both okay with that: they had each other and that was more than enough. There's nothing stronger than a mother's love for her child.

'Oh, it's just who we were expecting!' She boldly exclaimed, making Valerie feel very uncomfortable. She hated introductions more than anything. 'This is Dr. Cullen, sweetheart, one of the most intelligent surgeons I've ever met. Dr. Cullen, this is my daughter, Valerie.'

This part of the hospital was normally cold – Valerie was used to her mother working place being a little cold. _But what the hell was going on with the constant shivering down her spine and the constant lump on her throat?_

She shook her thoughts and she took a look at Dr. Cullen. He was blond, pale and ridiculously attractive. He was also ridiculously young, probably the same age as her mother, but seemed very professional. She was welcomed with a very warm and white smile.

'It's a pleasure to meet you, Valerie.' He talked like he was singing. She wasn't expecting such a melodic, tranquilizing voice coming from someone like him. 'Your mother is a very skilled professional. I'm glad we can work together.'

Valerie found her voice small and weak leaving her throat.

'It's a pleasure too, Dr. Cullen. I'm sorry if I arrived at the wrong time.'

'You're okay, Valerie.' Her mother answered, dismissing her thoughts. 'We're just finishing up some details and then we can leave.'

They did leave. Fifteen minutes after they were on their way home, her mother still talking excitedly about Dr. Cullen. She had him in great respect and was very happy about all the other staff. Moving to Forks apparently had been a blessing to her career. Back in Arizona she almost had no time to eat and she rarely spent time eating.

'He's such a top surgeon, I wonder why he's stuck in Forks. He would make great money in Los Angeles or something.'

'Well, you're a top surgeon too and here you are.' Valerie replied, even though she knew why her mother was stuck in Forks – even though her mother knew they _needed_ to stay in Forks. As no reply was heard from her mother, Valerie decided to change the subject. 'I played volleyball today.'

Elizabeth Addams almost crashed. What was up with people in Forks and driving?

'You did?! Oh my god, how was it like? Did you have fun? Did you miss it?'

Her daughter let a smile draw itself on her lips. She missed Volleyball so much and the grown woman was perfectly aware of that. But maybe she shouldn't get too close. She would only be staying for a year in Forks anyway. It was September, the beginning of the school year, and she would finish school in July. It wasn't even a year worth of playing and worth of making friends.

'I really liked it and I really missed it, but I don't see the point of growing roots here.'

Valerie's mother didn't hold a breath; it sounded like she had already planned her answer.

'Blaming yourself from things that weren't in your control isn't going to cure your open wounds.'


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !TRIGGER WARNING!   
> This chapter might contain scenes not suitable for all audiences. Read with caution.

**PILLS NORMALLY KEPT HER** under control, but something – _someone_ – was sending her over the edge, yet she couldn’t quiet put her finger on who – or _what_.

Her loyal purple Toyota had finally arrived at Forks and she almost cried in happiness as she saw it parked in her driveway. Thank god she had her car back! It wasn’t even like she was about to go for night rides and explore Forks by herself, but she definitely needed it drive to school and practice.

However, Valerie couldn’t shake off the anxiety she felt while driving; she didn’t have much driving experience due to _everything_ that happened, but she had her license and that’s what mattered. At that specific morning, even though she knew she would only take fifteen minutes to get to school, the girl left thirty minutes earlier in order to drive slow and get some practice driving on the slippery roads of Forks. The wildlife there was way too diverse – her mother had talked about baby deer and bears on the middle of the street, for god’s sake - and she wasn’t about the life of having Bambi impaled by her car.

She arrived twenty-five minutes after she left home and Jessica was already approaching her as she got out of the car; the parking lot wasn’t that big anyways and her purple car broke the monotony of black, white and grey cars. Valerie noticed the brunette was with three other people: two boys who didn’t look very happy and a girl that was currently smiling warmly at her, yet very cautiously. Yeah, she forgot that people still thought that she was a murdered who had just gotten out of juvi.

‘Morning, V!’ Jessica said as she hugged the girl tightly. She felt her body going tense and realized she didn’t know how to react; people didn’t usually hug her and she hadn’t hugged anyone else besides her mother in almost 3 years. She decided to pat Jessica’s back awkwardly and erase this moment from her existence forever. ‘This is Eric, Mike and Angela. Guys, this is Valerie and she’s new here, you must have already heard about her.’

Everyone was silent and staring at her with raised eyebrows.

‘People can be mean.’ Angela said as she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. ‘I was mean too. Sorry if we were rude behind your back. You’re very welcome in Forks, Valerie.’

Truth is, she had loads of friends back in Arizona, all from different backgrounds and she loved them all a lot, every single one of them. Sometimes it hurt her to think that she had it all so good in Arizona and that she couldn’t go back. If she did go back it would be even worse than Forks. All the memories would come back and it wasn't like she had friends there anymore and that they wanted to be with her: _because they didn’t._

‘Thank you. I know it might be hard welcoming strangers, especially when there’s so many rumors.’ She responded as they all walked together to their next class. _Remember, don’t be awkward. You’re good with people._ She had Biology with Jess and Angela while the two guys were on their way to History. ‘So… I was thinking about the volleyball team…’

She had decided that she wasn’t in Forks to exactly make friends, but the last time that she played volley she almost felt at home. She felt something lighting up inside her, a happiness that she thought she had lost.

‘Oh, you better be!’ Jessica giggled, all excited for her friend and for her team. She turned to Angela and the two boys. ‘She’s a playing machine, I swear to you guys. I wasn’t expecting that to come from someone this size!’

Her new companions laughed and started questioning her about her playing background, making the girl blush; volley was something she was good at. Normal people played volley and she enjoyed volley. She could do that. _She could be normal._

The girls finally entered their class and said their goodbyes to the boys. Valerie realized the teacher wasn’t there yet, but she didn’t hear any snarky comments about her, probably because she was around Jess and Angela. As they sat together, Valerie chose a seat on the empty table right behind them.

‘Oh, you’re with Jasper, the other Cullen I talked to you about.’

She really didn’t know which Cullen they were talking about because she had no idea how they looked like. Jessica briefly mentioned Dr. Cullen, but she didn’t remember anyone named Jasper. She had never seen them around in school but Jess and Angela surely were fans of theirs as their eyes lit up by the mention of their name.

‘He’s cute and he’s blond, but he doesn’t look like your type.’ Angela commented, examining Valerie. ‘You would be more of an Emmett girl since you’re so athletic. It’s just a shame that they’re all taken…’

‘Believe me, I want to graduate this year. Not looking forward to hearing about boys. Also, I met Dr. Cullen yesterday. He’s really nice.’

Angela laughed and Jess raised her eyebrows. 

‘You’re telling me that you’ve met Dr. Cullen, that you’ve seen him with your two eyes right in front of you and that you decided to describe him as _nice_? He’s an absolute hottie and I’m not even the sugar baby type. Imagine if I was.’

Angela laughed out loud again and Valerie suppressed a laugh as the teacher stopped the commotion and class started. Jasper Hale, Jasper Cullen or whatever he was called didn’t go to class that day. It was better off like that, anyways. She wasn’t really good at making friends and didn’t feel comfortable near anyone really, even though Jessica and the crew made her feel a little more welcome. Also, boys made her nervous. Boys in general made her nervous.

_He can’t touch you here._

Valerie enjoyed Biology very much back in Arizona. Even though their teaching methods were rather… well, _odd_ , as well as the whole learning situation, she quickly found out that she had already covered the human digestive system last year, the exact theme they would be covering that day.

It was boring but it was just another class and she would need to revise as soon as she got home. The girl had been thinking about college and her options. She wasn’t a History, Geography or even Literature kind of gal, but maybe she would enjoy being a nurse… it wasn’t even the doctors who caught her eye the most in the hospital; it was the nurses, the badass backbone of the health system. It was just a shame that she wasn’t that badass… However, she knew that Elizabeth Addams, her stupidly supportive mother would still love her whatever option she chose anyway. Valerie would really love to move to a far, far away college and start all over again; play in the volleyball team, try to make some new friends and never, _never_ , look back. It was a shame that trying not to think about her past was hard when she didn’t have anything to do in that class and paying attention wasn’t really something she was looking forward to. Memories of Arizona still came back flooding at her: there were some really good memories, but the bad ones stood still in front of her, carved in her mind and in her memory forever.

The white walls of the classroom triggered her a little; her body started having an immediate reaction as soon as she remembered _those_ walls: they were all so white. The walls, the floor, the ceilings, her clothes, even her bed: everything was pretty much white. Back in the time it brought her some comfort having the same peaceful and dull color surrounding her, but time passed. Days, months, years even. And even though she was engulfed in white, _she saw red._

_Red blood._

_Red ey-_

‘May I go to the bathroom?’ She had learned to interrupt her own thoughts when they became too much. The question left her mouth in a small voice; she knew damn well she was in the verge of crying and that she was sweating like she had just ran a marathon. Mr. Molina nodded and didn’t ask questions thankfully, so she quickly got up and was thankful for her big hair hiding her face and her features. She would rather not have people talking about the new girl crying her eyes out in the middle of a class about digesting nutrients.

She quickly realized the bathroom wasn’t the answer; she wasn’t breathing properly. Her anxiety expressed itself as something squeezing, squeezing her so bad that she thought she would collapse at any second. When she had her first panic attack she was sure she was having a stroke and that she was going to die. And even though she had grown accustomed to these, she still felt like every wall of Forks Highschool was closing towards her: she was trapped, she was suffocating, yet she couldn’t seem to find the strength to run away and go outside to get some fresh hair.

Valerie knew perfectly well that this was only going to get worse. As her vision started to become spotty, she noticed that her breathing was coming in pants: as she started feeling tingly, she came to the realization that she wasn’t getting enough air in her brain.

_More panic._

She pushed herself towards the exit door almost colliding with the ground when she felt the fresh and humid air hit her. Her throat closed up choking her but opened again as she took a breath. Valerie remembered all the times she spent trying to regain control. _You’re in control. You’re okay._ _Smell the flower, blow the candle._ As her legs were about to collapse, she sat by a tree afraid of going face first to the floor, and put her head between her knees.

 _You are okay now._ She thought, trying to convince herself. _It can’t touch you here. You’re far away. You have to get over this._

Besides all the panic and pain, it was impossible to not shake the feeling of having someone watching her.

☂

Jasper Hale was currently watching _her_ from a tree above. And he didn’t care that he was bluntly watching her, stalking like he would stalk a mountain lion by meal time.

_Who was she?_

He knew her. She made him uneasy. He remembered her.

But how would he remember a human who was new to the city?

That’s right – it wasn’t possible.

The vampire tried to recognize her features and locate them in his past: she had curly hair, but the color had him very confused. The youth were now very keen on coloring their hair; he had seen some brunette girls in Forks going to a dark shade of red but purple was new in the little rainy city where everyone was so old fashioned. He also had never seen such thick, long and curly hair. Girls used to have their hair long on the old days, but they had taken a liking on cutting it short as the years passed and they became more emancipated. He couldn’t exactly see her facial features as she was hiding her face between her knees but he noticed her clothes: even though Forks was freezing for humans at that time of the morning, she was wearing a black skirt with thigh highs, sneakers and a sweatshirt to cover herself. What a rather odd taste in fashion.

Suddenly her emotions hit him like a train.

_Sorrow. Pain. Suffering. Anxiety._

Those were extremely strong and raw emotions, emotions he wasn’t quiet used to, expressing a level of pain that he had never experienced coming from other humans.

How could humans even handle something like this?

He stayed there watching for who knows how long, letting her drive him inside her mind and inside her deepest feelings and scars. Jasper felt like he was drowning in a pool of random emotions; He could almost _feel her_ trying to bury everything deep inside her heart: she appreciated numbness over feeling too much: she had some sort of wish to achieve complete mental anesthesia.

The waves of sadness stopped spreading through his body as his concentration was broken by the ringing of the bell. The kid got up: her anxiety exploded like a grenade as she noticed the class had ended and she was still outside. 

_Was this kid a bundle of anxiety?_

He had just decided it wasn’t safe to go to school today. He was very intrigued by this girl and felt drawn to her, but he really didn’t know her. Alice hadn’t talked to him about a vision which meant she hadn’t seen anything. Maybe this girl was a blind spot for her visions and nothing good ever came from those who blocked Alice. Jasper decided to hide better in the tree; even though humans were stupidly blind, he didn’t want to get caught. Her friends joined her and one of them was grabbing her backpack and looked slightly concerned. He recognized them as Bella’s old friends, way before she started being Edward’s pet. Apparently these kids were the Forks’ welcoming committee. How charming.

‘What happened back there?’ The girl who he recognized as Angela inquired, raising her eyebrows. The vampire could feel her concern sweeping through her pores. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Oh, yes.’ The mystery girl finally answered. Her voice… he didn’t recognize it. Sometimes he remembered people by their strong emotions or by their voices, yet this wasn’t the case. Her voice was shaking but it sounded very characteristic and matched her wild looks, yet it was absolutely unrecognizable. He couldn’t see her face in order to examine her facial expressions but her heartbeat quickened: she was lying. ‘Me and humidity don’t go well together. I’m not used to this weather.’

Concern was written across their friends’ faces, but they didn’t say anything. Jess laughed but she wasn’t amused at all, just deciding to let it go. _Poor human was probably used to Bella being like this as well,_ he thought.

‘C’mon Valerie, we have P.E. next and you have a Captain position to snatch from Lauren. Fuck, I hate Lauren so much.’

_Valerie._

Her name was Valerie.

Jasper didn’t know anyone named Valerie. In almost his two centuries of living amongst humans, he didn’t remember a single one Valerie.

Who was she then?

As students left the patio, he dashed out from the trees, emerging in the woods. He truly didn’t recognize himself or this human’s appeal to him. The forest awaited him, called him; that was where he belonged, where vampires like him belonged, away from fragile and little humans like her. Even though he didn’t trust Edward enough he that it was absolutely necessary to talk to him right now.

Jasper tried to convince himself that it was only because he had a human pet and he could read the girl’s mind and maybe find out something about her and her past.

What scared the vampire the most, was Alice. He wouldn’t talk to Alice.

☂

Apparently, volleyball practice was on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays and lasted three hours each day. It wasn’t even that bad since Valerie was used to training 4 hours a day everyday back then when they were state champions... and then she left the team and never came back; at least she had left a State Cup in Arizona.

‘So, here’s the deal, V.’ Jessica started, as she laced her sneakers and got her water bottle. ‘Lauren’s a fucking bitch. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself. This team is nothing but something for her to put on her curriculum to get into Cheerleading or whatever in some stupid university in New York. I repeat, and I can’t’ stress this enough: she’s a fucking bitch.’

Now that she wasn’t feeling that someone was watching her every step and judging her, Valerie felt much lighter; people had started to look away from her and they had stopped talking and she had found some protection in her new group of… _friendly_ companions. She still didn’t want to get too close to anyone, but it didn’t hurt to talk a bit to Jessica. After all, she would be here only for this school year and then she would leave.

‘Damn, why calling her a bitch though?’ Valerie questioned the harshness of her words.

‘She’s a bully and that leads us to our second subject: I’ve seen you play.’ Jessica suddenly grabbed her shoulders but Valerie didn’t flinch away; she trusted Jessica. The girl shook her a little. ‘I know you’re a feisty little thing inside those four lines, but you need to be _that_ feisty when Lauren comes to try to beat your ass. You’re even a best player than she is and she’s going to feel threatened.’

Just what she needed. She hated confrontation although there was a lot of that in her old high school. It wasn’t the right timing for her to go off on some popular kid at a new school. It didn’t make sense anymore, after everything that happened. She had grown so much, she had seen so much shit that sometimes she didn’t feel like a teenager anymore, so she wasn’t about to fight a girl for a volleyball position. Yet she was just 17 years old; it should make sense that sometimes she argued with her peers over stupid things. She still had a lot to live, a lot to learn and a lot of stupid and futile things to get sad over. _She_ would want her to have a normal life. And that’s why she moved to Forks: to start again.

Valerie tried to smirk at Jessica. She would do this.

_To honor her memory._

‘Let’s go kick some ass, Jess.’

_Easier to talk, harder to do._ When Jess entered the gym, holding Valerie to dear life and approached Coach F., Valerie literally thought of jumping through the glass windows and die.

‘Hey, Coach F.’ Jess literally yelled, fist bumping the man’s arm. He was the embodiment of relaxed, so he simply smiled at her warmly.

‘Jessica, Valerie.’ He acknowledged them both. In Arizona, teachers would never be able to do so. There would be too many students for them to remember so Valerie thought it was cool for him to remember _her_ even though this was her second day. It just showed that people in Forks really cared. ‘You two ready for class?’

‘That’s what we wanted to talk to you about, Coach. Valerie here decided that she would join the volleyball team.’

The man smiled widely. He wasn’t expecting less, as he had witnessed all the soul she had poured into playing last time. Jessica explained that practice was outside (where it was very slippery, she noticed) and it happened during Gym class two days a week. On the rest of the days it happened after school finished by 4pm. Thank god her schedule wasn’t busy as she literally knew 4 people in Forks and one of them was in practice as well.

The girls approached the other bunch of females who were gathering around a blonde girl: Lauren. A sudden wave of anxiety rushed through Valerie: why was she even putting herself through this? She hesitated, but Jessica wasn’t having none of that and dragged her. Her chest was hurting.

‘Hey girls.’ Jess said and everybody quickly said hi. However, they were staring at Valerie as she was still the crazy girl at school with a mysterious and dangerous past. Jess gave her a reassuring nod and squeezed her hand. ‘This is Valerie and I think some of you watched her playing the other day. I think she would be a great addition to the team and Coach F. agrees.’

That’s when Lauren stepped out and another wave of anxiety washed through her again. She swallowed the lump on her throat and tried to appear brave.

‘So, you’re the crazy new girl.’ Lauren spat out immediately. Valerie was never the one to tolerate bullying. She was never a victim of such in her old school, but she knew people who had. Even though she was about to melt into a bundle of nerves, she tried to steady her breathing and ignore the hurting on her chest. ‘I didn’t know crazy girls could play.’

Her goal was to mock her in front of the whole team and make her appear less trustable. Lauren probably felt threatened as Jess said and wanted to get a laugh out of the new girl. And even though Valerie knew that, she thought that it wasn’t worth it. Starting a war in her second day in the new school wasn’t worth it. What was even the point of all of that? They would never trust her.

As her hands started shaking, she thought she would melt right there in the spot.

Valerie was about to tell her that she was sorry, turn around and leave, _until she felt a warmth reaching her._

It started on her head, spreading through her throat where her anxiety and fear was cuddled up in the form of a lump. Suddenly the lump wasn’t there anymore, and there was only warmth and tranquility. As the warmth kept spreading and touched her upper limbs, her hands stopped shaking.

A wave of courage hit her like a brick. Valerie had endured enough.

‘I was the team captain back in Arizona and we won the State Championship. What have you done for your team besides bullying everyone?’

The words left her mouth and Jess had her mouth wide open while looking at her. She was trying not to laugh as she watched Lauren’s face distort in anger, but something changed last second. Lauren merely smirked.

‘Let’s see what you can do then, if you think you’re so good of a player.’

Lauren walked away. The other girls were glancing at each other, and she couldn’t quite understand if it was in fear or because someone _finally_ snapped at Lauren.

The warmth suddenly left her and she stopped feeling _whole_. She started shaking again as adrenaline left her body, leaving her to deal with the consequences of what she had just said. Jess let out a shriek and punched her harm. Sprinting towards the net, she yelled. ‘That’s what I’m talking about, Vals! Let’s go get them!’

Valerie smiled lightly; she had done the right thing. She dashed towards the net.

Jasper growled loudly; he had fucked up. Snapping out of his moment of stupidity, he dashed towards the woods.

☂

‘I’m so hungry.’ Valerie mumbled rather grumpy and Mike nodded in agreement. They were all sitting in the cafeteria waiting for Angela to make her way to their table. ‘And we have History next. I feel like banging my head against a wall.’

Mike Newton was a clown. He wasn’t a clown because he was stupid – he really wasn’t – but he just had this goofy vibe around him that everyone seemed to enjoy. He let out a laugh as he agreed with Valerie and they quickly started trashing Mr. Sparks, the History teacher.

Practice had gone really well. Lauren really did try to fuck up her entire game. Valerie kept winning each serve, helped her small team delineate good strategies and blocked every hit that she could. Lauren didn’t seem to like that one bit at all which only made Valerie even more excited to start volleyball again. It was a great day and thankfully it was Wednesday, the middle of the week, which meant one thing: the weekend was coming! Valerie didn’t have much plans for the weekend, as she would probably just do her homework, get her furniture sorted out (she was sleeping on a mattress on the floor and everything was still inside the boxes due to her lazy ass) and do stuff around the house since her mother was working all Saturday morning and then she had a night shift on Sunday. Sunday was also practice day. Jessica had made herself a guest to get breakfast at Valerie’s house and then drive to practice. Valerie just wanted a peaceful weekend and then she would be back on Monday to her new “friends”, and everything would be the same again. She would repeat the same routine every single week until July.

And then she would leave to the other side of the country. Or maybe to another continent.

‘I’m sorry, I was stuck behind the Cullen’s.’ Angela finally arrived, visually stressed and hungry as she sat down next to Valerie. She put her tray on the table and everyone started eating. ‘Has Jessica ranted about the Cullen’s to you yet?’

Jess scoffed.

‘Her mother works with Dr. Cullen, Angela. We already talked about that.’

‘He seems really professional, and I-’

Valerie was interrupted by Jessica’s chirpy voice.

‘Here they come!’

‘Oh god, it’s a _déjà vu_ all over again.’ Mike muttered and Valerie raised an eyebrow, but decided to let it go as she looked at the Cullen’s.

There were five of them: they were all holding trays and speaking quietly to each other. She had heard from her mother that Dr. Cullen and his wife couldn’t have biological children so all their children were adopted. That was a really kind, taking in several children just like that. However, they looked pretty similar amongst each other and had some similarities with their father: most of them were tall just like him, golden haired and had honey colored eyes, except one of them: a brunette girl.

‘That’s Bella Swan.’ Jess said, speaking quietly as the Cullen’s headed to a table away from prying eyes. ‘She used to be our friend, but she started dating Edward and we kind of drifted apart.’ Even though Bella was pale, she wasn’t as pale as the rest of the Cullen’s and her hair was brown, just like her eyes. She was holding hands with a boy Valerie assumed was Edward. He was handsome, but they all were: from the blonde goddess, to the mountain of muscles and to the tiny girl who was smiling widely at Bella as she sat down. ‘So, the blonde one is Rosalie, and she’s with Emmett, the big one.’ Jess continued. Valerie was interested in them, but not _that_ interested as Jessica and Angela. She just liked gossip, it was definitely her guilty pleasure. ‘The really short one is Alice. She’s with Jasper, the one who sits next to you, but he hasn’t been in school for a while now. And I guess that’s it.’

Valerie shrugged her shoulders.

‘They look like normal people to me.’

‘They are.’ Eric replied. There was a hint of pain in his voice. ‘Bella just fell in love and that’s okay. We all change paths sometimes.’

‘You don’t talk to her anymore?’ Valerie questioned, interested in their story. Apparently she had left them for the Cullen’s, but she didn’t even seem to acknowledge them as she was holding hands with Edward and walked right next to them without a word. A silence fell on the table.

‘She kind off chose to let us go.’

Valerie didn’t answer. She didn’t understand why Bella Swan would do something like that to her best friends..

_She would give her life to be with hers one more time._


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING! | READ WITH CAUTION.
> 
> just wanted to remind you all that i'm not following the book's timeline, so i might adapt some events to different characters!!

**IT WAS ALMOST DINNER** time when Valerie finished tidying up her room. Her room back in Arizona was much tinier than the new one in Forks, so it felt a little less cozy, a little less at home. Everything in Forks felt less cozy anyways so it didn’t come as a big surprise. Also, a bigger room meant more time spending cleaning it and she absolutely hated cleaning. It was a waste of time.

She had requested her mother to paint a wall: she had wanted a purple wall for her entire life and now she finally got it. Besides her king size bed occupying a big portion of the room, there were fairy lights that she decided to put up literally everywhere and some plants scattered around that she would probably forget to water. She also had some souvenirs back from Arizona decorating the wood shelves. She had tried to decorate her room as close as possible as the one in Arizona. It still didn’t feel like home but maybe one day it would: after all, it _had_ to. For at least one year, _it had to feel like home_.

A plant was already set on her white window sill – a cactus that she had bought in Italy back when she visited the beautiful city with her mother. The window was opened and all the sounds and smells of the forest were now entering her room and she welcomed them; they made Valerie feel more at peace. Right in front of the window her desk was all set with her old, pink table lamp being an important element of decoration along with her laptop. Her old books, some classics and some modern literature, were settled.

Everything was settled.

_Everything but her._

Valerie didn’t want to cry. She was a bad person, she was sure of that; she had made so many mistakes in her past life that had gotten her in trouble, and one of them ruined her entire life. It was her fault anyway. To make everything worse, Valerie was ready to throw away her last cardboard box when she found _it_. She didn’t mean to find those pictures, she thought she had left them back in Arizona to rot and to never be seen again, but seemingly her mother thought she would want to keep them. _She was wrong._

Old polaroid pictures that had been taken in different places and in different occasions were now in her hands. She hadn’t seen those in almost three years, and as Valerie held all of those old memories, it wasn’t hard to remember why she usually avoided. It didn’t help that her red headed friend was with her in every single one of those.

Valerie held the pictures tightly. The first one was taken at the beach when they were 14. They were standing in the beautiful, deep blue waters of Brazil hugging each other tightly; their love, their friendship and their happiness swept through that picture. It was the usual vacation picture, but it was so much more than that: it was about memories that would never come back; it was about a bound that she thought to be unbroken but that had been broken by a sequence of tragic events. They were the _bestest_ of friends and that was a summer that Valerie would never forget. She could bury it deep in her mind like she had been doing for the past years, but the best summer ever that happened three years ago would always hold a special place in her heart.

The other polaroid picture had been taken the same night. They were enjoying their family time together and they were all having dinner at a big local restaurant. It hurt to see so many people that she hadn’t seen in so much time and that wouldn’t want to see her after everything. The two girls were sticking their tongues out, drinking mojitos and pretending to be grown ups. She missed being a child.

As she remembered every memory, every moment, every laugh and every second of that trip, Valerie realized she was sweating and that the pictures were getting wet from her tears. It was all her fault. She just missed _her_ so much. How was she able to live in a world like this? A world where she wasn’t breathing? A world where her best friend couldn’t join her and make new memories with her?

The next picture was from when they were 15. She was crying but let out a laugh at this one: they were both very drunk at a party. Valerie was piggy backing while grabbing four beers simultaneously with her hands and one with her mouth while Mary was giving the thumbs up and drinking a cocktail, equally drunk but equally happy. In big capital letters, a caption had been written in the polaroid: **“to my best friend. to many years together.”** in _her_ handwriting.

Valerie let out a high-pitched, mournful cry and her hands shook so hard that all the pictures were now scattered on the ground. She dropped to her knees and muffled her screams with her hands.

Jasper was keeping his distance on the window sill right behind her.

He wasn’t even _trying_ , yet he could feel it. This was pain like he had never felt before. It wasn’t like going through the process of becoming a vampire, and he surely remembered all that excruciating pain that he felt when he was his turn; this was emotional, deep carved pain. And he didn’t feel like he could handle that as a vampire, even less as a human. He just watched her with his eyebrows furrowed, intrigued.

Why did humans try to feel so much? Why couldn’t they just turn it off and give up on caring?

What on earth made this little human so miserable, so sad? How was she able to endure such pain, such sorrow and such melancholy inside such a petite body?

Valerie’s tears were now dripping quietly on the floor, staining the light wood she had chosen from the shop with her mother two weeks before they had moved. _She had tried._ She had tried to keep her focus, to do her chores, her homework, organize her room. But the pictures were the last straw, her punishment for eternity. Her punishments were diverse; some were self-inflicted, some came flooding in her direction without any warnings: flashbacks of partying with her best friend, the unbearable pain and anxiety she felt every time she tried something new – she felt like she was betraying her best friend for experiencing life while she couldn’t.

_Because she wasn’t here anymore. And it had been her fault._

Guilt.

Jasper Hale suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of guilt crushing his bones so he quickly decided to move away. He was getting involved, way too much involved, and he didn’t understand why. He knew he could leave. He could leave at any time he wanted and she wouldn’t even know he was there. She could handle it by herself.

Valerie wiped her tears. _It_ sang to her. It had been singing for a long time but she had tried to ignore it. She loved _its_ voice. She heard it faintly sometimes in times of horror so soft against her ears, pressing against her skin... The voice was beautiful inside her mind but the damage she caused outside was hideous.

_One touch._

_Just one more time._

She was going insane. She covered her ears and tried to calm down her breathing. _1, 2, 3. Breathe. You’re okay._

Don’t remember. Don’t-

_She knew it was 5 am. She knew it was 5 am because everyone else was leaving. The party was almost over. She was throwing up all the contents of her stomach and all the alcohol she had been drinking for the past 7 hours. Mary was laughing._

Shortly after that, blood was mixing with rain.

Valerie yelled. Jasper could hear her yelling but her mother was dead asleep in the other side of the house, oblivious to her daughter’s pain. Valerie knew she wouldn’t listen, not because she didn’t care, but because the girl was a master at hiding things.

_Slide it horizontally. Long, deep, clean._

_Just a slice._

Valerie suddenly got up. The vampire was confused for a while, but then he saw her going to what he thought was her bathroom, probably to wash away the tears in her face. Jasper could feel that she didn’t feel pain anymore. She was fine now. There was still a little bit of numbness, but it was better not to feel anything than to feel all those emotions at the same time, he thought.

The purple haired girl came back. No, she wasn’t crying anymore. Her facial expressions were neutral and she finally sat down on the bed. Jasper thought she was going to sleep and something inside him settled. _She’s safe now._

That is, until Valerie Addams grabbed a pillow, bit it down and slashed her thigh in a clean cut.

As the skin ripped and blood surfaced, Jasper Hale ran away.

_Again._

#  ☂

‘Fucking Christ Jasper, don’t do that.’

‘Don’t let your guard down while you’re texting your girlfriend, then.’ Edward’s pet had made him get a phone, for fuck’s sake. The little thing was always ringing and when Edward wasn’t with Bella, he was checking his phone and checking on her. Jasper didn’t understand the human. But after what he had just seen, he concluded that he didn’t understand humans in general.

That night wasn’t a particularly good night for Edward. Bella’s mother was visiting and she was sleeping on her daughter’s bedroom, so Edward wasn’t exactly allowed to sleep with her. He was sitting by the balcony, his legs dangling and his phone now on his pocket as he appreciated the nature sounds coming from the forest. It was 3 in the morning and everything around them was silent; the perks on living outside the city with no neighbors on the sight. Esme and Carlisle were watching a stupid tv show downstairs while Alice was painting and Emmett and Rose had decided to go take a walk. Their conversation was safe. He had spent a few times in the woods trying to calm himself down and finally decided that was the perfect time to talk to his brother. Jasper couldn’t hold it any longer. ‘I need to talk to you.’

He could almost feel Edward trying to mess around his thoughts and that pissed him off.

‘Alice didn’t tell me anything about you needing to talk to me. You haven’t been around for me to be able to hear you. That’s weird.’ He stopped talking and eyed his brother. He was hiding something; he could almost feel it. ‘What’s going on?’

Jasper sat down next to his older (yet younger) brother. He didn’t know how he should approach the subject. Edward and Jasper didn’t usually had humans as a topic of conversation, but this was a much needed convo that needed to be approached. He just wanted to turn it off, to stop being so damn curious about this human and to go back to his old self: the one who hated humans and despised every single contact with them.

‘There’s a new human at school.’

‘Yeah, I’ve noticed…’ Edward slowly replied. He was being cautious; after all, no one enjoyed pissing Jasper off. ‘The one with the purple hair. What’s with her?’

‘I feel like I know her.’

Jasper felt Edward’s emotions shifting. He was a good guy and he loved his brother, but his weak point were humans. After Bella, Edward had become very aware (and protective) of humans in general. He cared about their well-being and about their safety. He decided that if Bella needed protection, then they all deserved protecting. Jasper didn’t feel like protecting anyone; anyone but his kind. Yet these… _wants, or needs, or whatever_ of watching the human were driving him insane.

‘Jasper…’

‘Fucking don’t, Edward.’ He growled. ‘If I’m talking to you, it’s because I trust you and because you have experience with humans. Also, I can’t talk about this with Alice.’

Edward stopped his train of thoughts for a second. He hadn’t been able to read Jasper’s thoughts recently but he had known something was wrong with Alice. It was sort of an unspoken thing between the three of them: something was wrong but no one really wanted to talk about it, and both Jasper and Alice seemed very eager to hide it from each other. Yet Edward knew his brother: Jasper wasn’t interested in humans. He didn’t like them, he would rather be set on fire slowly than be on their presence; he didn’t like Bella, for god’s sake, and she had been around for almost two years. His brother didn’t understand his sudden liking on a random human girl at school. Jasper was also the newest vegetarian in the group and that made him worry even more. It was all very suspicious.

‘Is it the blood?’

‘No.’

‘How do you know her?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Did she recognize you?’

‘She hasn’t seen me yet.’

_Silence._

Edward was afraid. He knew how many rules he was breaking by loving Bella and even just by _thinking_ of spending the eternity with her. How did Jasper recognize a human that didn’t seem to recognize him? He had lived hundreds of years so it was expected for him to not recognize every single human he had crossed paths with, but this was way different.

‘What have you done, Jasper? For you to recognize a human who just arrived town…’

‘I don’t know, Edward. I’m fucked.’

Both brothers sat in silence. They didn’t need to talk. It didn’t make sense that Jasper didn’t remember. And even if he did meet a human in weird – or dangerous – circumstances, Edward didn’t understand how she had made it out alive.

Edward just knew he was attracted to Bella when the time came. Hell, he had never felt so attracted by someone in his entire life as he had been to Bella Swan. She attracted him because she was a mystery. And after all Valerie was a mystery to Jasper too.

Yet Edward had always been curious. Jasper hadn’t.

‘Is it… is it a human thing to…’ Jasper stuttered. He literally stuttered as he was trying to get the words out, having trouble on expressing himself. Edward was failing to understand if he was dreaming. This wasn’t Jasper. Jasper didn’t stutter, Jasper didn’t have trouble talking. ‘Does Bella use blades to cut herself?’

‘I’m sorry?’

Edward’s chin almost hit the ground. He was very confused, scared and worried about his brother and about his entire family. What did he mean about blades, Bella and hurting herself? Had Jasper officially gone insane?

‘The human...’ Jasper replied. He looked pained, conflicted. He looked lost. ‘I saw her cutting herself until there was blood coming out. There wasn’t any pain or sorrow, I could only feel numbness. She just did it. I left.’

Edward didn’t say anything. He needed to think.

As he glanced at his brother, he didn’t have to read his mind to notice _guilt_ sweeping through his pores.

#  ☂

Practice ended by 4pm, but it was literally pouring and neither Jessica nor Valerie felt comfortable driving in such conditions. Forks was always rainy and Valerie never felt really safe driving around but today was especially a shitty day to be driving home. She was also a little shaken up due to her mental breakdown two days ago and her leg had hurt a bunch during practice, so she needed to stay home alone for a while. However, even though she really needed to go home, she was scared of being alone. Her mother would probably arrive by 5pm but sometimes she was just _too much._ Even her own presence was sometimes too much for her, let alone her mother’s. So the girls decided that sparing a few minutes wouldn’t hurt them as it was Friday and they had literally nothing better to do. They grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the cafeteria doing their homework and just chatting around.

Valerie had only been on Forks for a few days but she was finally getting settled. It still felt like a little too much but she was handling the best she could. She enjoyed her classes. Sometimes she sat near Jessica or Angela but there were other classes, like History and Biology where she had an assigned partner, the Jasper guy Jessica just wouldn’t shut up about. He hadn’t been to school yet, so she had been all alone and had managed to concentrate really well on her school work.

Jessica was a great friend. Valerie appreciated her friendship a lot and the days seemed to go by easier with her by her side. They met in the mornings, they had classes together, they had lunch together, they went to practice together; she felt like she had a friend again, someone she could trust. Valerie was still a little scared of letting her get too close, but it didn’t matter.

_She was safe._

_That is, until she was alone with her thoughts at night._

Fifteen minutes after starting their homework and finishing it (Valerie had already covered the subject back in her old school and she was able to help Jessica), the girl noticed it had stopped raining. She wasn’t in a hurry to get home as her day actually went smoothly, but she remembered she was supposed to meet her mother at the hospital.

‘Look, it stopped raining.’ She said, informing Jessica. ‘At least we got our homework done.’

‘Right?’ Jesse replied. ‘As soon as I get home I’m falling asleep in the bath. We need to get ourselves ready for Sunday.

Valerie needed to get some rest for Sunday. She had thought about hanging out in the city’s cafeteria on Saturday afternoon, grab dinner with her mother at night and then have a good night of sleep to get herself ready for their training of Sunday. They were starting the season really soon and their trainings were going to be hard. At least she still had volleyball to keep her mind occupied.

They gathered their school supplies and left, meeting Forks’ chilly air temperature. It was especially chilly that day and rather humid. It smelled like mud, but she loved it. Forks and its weather was growing on her.

Jessica was going straight home so they would only depart their ways at the hospital. Valerie was supposed to be waiting by her car while Jessica went to get hers so they would leave at the same time and make sure they arrived safe to their destinations.

Valerie’s phone rang and she noticed her mother had sent her a voice message. Whenever she was too busy to write she would always talk to her by voice message. Valerie put her headphones on in order to be able to hear anything and leaned against her vehicle.

She noticed that both her car and her sneakers were soaking. It had really rained a bunch and there were puddles everywhere.

The pavement was slippery.

_Slippery for a human and even worse for an old car._

Valerie Addams had been close to death once and she couldn’t quite describe how she felt. It was a mix of anxiety, pain and excruciating horror. Horror of leaving her mother, her friends; horror of leaving all her dreams on this earth. She had been really careful girl up until this time: she didn’t want to die. She wanted to live her life to the fullest, she wanted to go to college, she wanted to play volleyball and she wanted to find her happiness somewhere.

However, it seemed like the dark thoughts had already claimed her as she had her guard down already. Valerie Addams barely noticed the van sliding through the pavement.

She heard everything in rings and was suddenly frozen in the spot. Everything was in slow motion.

First, something hit the backside of her car. She felt the impact, but she didn’t feel the pain as it had barely touched her. She had a millisecond to yell and look at the van. It was one millimeter away from her. That’s when she knew she was going to die crushed to death by a stupid, old van.

That is, until something collided with her. It knocked all the air out of her and as she flinched, _the wall_ pressed itself more against her, protecting her head and her chest. As soon as it touched her, cold as stone, she stopped feeling.

Time also stopped.

And the van stopped moving.

The cold stone wall was still leaning against her until right in front of her eyes, _it moved._

It wasn’t a wall.

It was a boy.

_Brown met Golden: I’ve met you before._

There was a moment of silence. Everything was still, everything was quiet. They didn’t move.

Valerie thought she was really dead. She didn’t feel any pain, she didn’t feel anything; maybe it was the shock taking her over and she was hallucinating. Or maybe it wasn’t, as she was feeling so sane at that exact moment. If it weren’t for the fact that the van was absolutely crushed, crushed in the exact same shape of the boy’s back, Valerie would just accept the fact that she was dying and was very, very high due to the adrenaline

He looked at her.

_Golden met Brown: I’ve met you before._

That’s when she thought she was going to die again.

Letting out a scream of pain as his eyes met hers, she gripped her throat tightly; it hurt so bad it burned. Something had stuck an iron down her throat and-

And then there was a wave of peace.

And then there was chaos.

As chaos exploded, she realized she was sitting on the ground, her jeans stained due to the wet ground and her arms shaking. The van was not moving. Tyler was unconscious, his head bleeding, and there was a burnt smell and a cloud of smoke coming from his air bag.

And she was all alone.

That’s when she saw Jessica. Jessica had been standing there for some time, apparently.

‘Holy. Fucking. Shit.’ That was what she managed to say. ‘That, my dear friend, was Jasper Hale. Did he jus- Vals? Val? Valer-hey, don’t faint-FUCK!’


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING |  
> Some scenes may disturb some readers. Read with caution.

****‘JESUS FUCK, MY MOM**** is going to kill me Jess. I didn’t even hit my head, what are we doing here?’

‘Valerie, you fainted out of nowhere. Jasper Hale isn’t even _that_ cute for you to be fainting for him, so it must be serious.’ Jessica rambled. ‘Like head trauma or something like that. It doesn’t hurt to get you checked up, does it?’

It actually did because she was sure she hadn’t hit her head.

After the accident, people were yelling, crying and calling 911 for Valerie even though she was perfectly fine, maybe a little bothered about the wet spot on her jeans and the chance of everybody thinking that she had peed herself when she clearly just had fallen on her ass.

During all the drama, Tyler woke up suddenly and started crying, saying he was really sorry and begging for her forgiveness. She felt for him as he was the one bleeding and the one who could have gotten seriously hurt. After all, the van hadn’t touched her. Nothing touched her. Nothing but-

He had held her. He had touched her so the van wouldn’t crush her. Their bodies had been pressed against each other _. I smell like him._

Valerie wasn’t sure about many things anymore, but she was sure that Jasper Hale just about saved her life by crushing the van with his bare back and holding her against him. And the worst part was that Valerie recognized him from somewhere: she just couldn’t quite put her finger on from where and that was driving her insane. Good way to meet her class partner anyway.

The ER was very busy. She was sitting on her hospital bed and the nurse had been checking her vitals and speaking to her and Jess to calm them both down. People in Forks were very nice and kind but the girl was sure that there were other people who needed assistance more than her. She really wanted to be worried about Jasper, by why would she? After all, he simply crushed a van with his bare back and proceeded to disappear like it was nothing. There wasn’t any blood, no sound of crushing bones, _anything_. He hadn’t even looked in pain after it happened.

What bothered her the most was that Jessica had definitely seen that Jasper was there, but when Valerie asked her she simply said that he was right by her side and that the van had stopped as soon as it touched the back of her car. And that wasn’t true, Valerie knew it wasn’t. Jasper was supposed to be dead.

_Anxiety._

‘Fuck, my mom’s coming.’ Valerie muttered, facepalming herself and proceeding to try to rip her IV off. The nurse yelped and looked shocked, not knowing she was used to hospitals and that an IV wasn’t going to stop her from hiding from her mother. Hell, _nothing_ would stop her from hiding. Maybe she could just pretend she had died. It would be better than having her mother throwing a tantrum in the hospital. Anything would be better than facing her. Maybe she could hide under the bed. ‘Just get ready for-’

And there she was. Elizabeth Addams, a prestigious brain surgeon who had just gotten a new position at Forks hospital, managed to run over three nurses, two doctors and almost ten patients as she tried to reach for her daughter (who was very much alive and currently cringing). Valerie could feel the distraught and anxiety as the woman ran towards her. Elizabeth was shaking and her face was full of tears; her mother was very rational when it came to her patients but way too emotional when it messed with her family. Valerie had suffered due to this in the past. Surprisingly, she found that Dr. Cullen was right behind her mother.

Valerie's ribs hadn't been damaged by the accident but they surely would be damaged by her mother's tight embrace.

‘I’m working and I get a warning about a patient who just came in after almost being crushed by a van, they’re talking about head trauma and near death experience and I just couldn’t believe it was my own daughter!’ Elizabeth grabbed her daughter’s face between her two hands and kissed her temple. Her face got wet from her mother’s tears and she felt really bad - she didn’t want her mother to worry. They had suffered enough after all back in Arizona. ‘Oh my god, I just can’t believe this. How aren’t you even hurt?’

‘Jasper helped her immediately.’ Jessica spat out and Valerie _really_ wanted to hide under the bed. C’mon Jess, why? Was that really necessary?

‘Jasper?’ The brain surgeon seemed confused. Only the two girls saw Jasper and Valerie hadn’t said a thing to the paramedics, so there was no record of him being involved on the accident. The name rang a bell on Elizabeth’s mind, but she knew her daughter wasn’t friends with the Cullen’s. She only heard her talking about her small group of friends. ‘Your boy, Dr. Cullen? I didn’t get any entries on him. Is he alright?’

Dr. Cullen seemed unfazed.

‘He is, yes. I just talked to him.’ He smiled down at the purple haired girl. ‘You were very lucky, Valerie.’

Valerie was happy that Jasper was alright; it was almost like a big wave of guilt had been lifted from her shoulders. Many people were already hurt when they were around her, she didn’t want Jasper to be another one of them. However, he literally crushed a van with his bare back and stopped it; she had seen the shape carved against the vehicle. How was he alright?

Who was Jasper Hale? How did he do that?

And more importantly, who was this golden eyed boy she was sure she had met before?

‘Oh my god, I need to thank your boy. You raised him very well, Dr. Cullen.’ The doctor simply smiled at Elizabeth and she was eager to start working on her daughter. ‘Now let me check on you darling.’

Even though the nurse had already checked on her several times, Elizabeth wanted to be 100% sure that her daughter was and would be alright. After everything she had been through, she didn’t deserve any more health problems or brain damage to be included on her health issues package. Forks was supposed to be safe, yet it was their fourth day there and her third school day and Valerie had almost managed to get herself killed.

 _This isn’t my fault._ Maybe if she repeated it enough times it would become true in her head. _Accidents happen. This was an accident. Jasper didn’t get hurt and Tyler is alright._

Elizabeth checked, and checked, and checked again. Thirty minutes later she decided her daughter was good to be home, but she was supposed to wait for her mother’s shift to end so she could drive her. Jessica went to get Valerie’s car while Elizabeth showed her daughter the hospital’s cafeteria, eager that her daughter would get something on her stomach. They were walking down the halls and her mother greeted a lot of people as she nagged her about getting her tires checked because of the weather to prevent further accidents. It didn’t really matter, did it, if she was the one almost being run over.

That’s when they met Dr. Cullen and Jasper.

It was sudden and Valerie wasn’t expecting it. It just happened.

_1, 2, 3, hold your breath. You’re okay._

As golden met brown, _pain._

_What’s going on?_

Golden eyes kept staring at her. Jasper’s jawline was clenched and his eyes were penetrating hers, while Carlisle seemed intrigued on what was happening. Slowly, her insides started burning.

That’s when the pain became almost unbearable. In attempting not to scream, Valerie clenched her fists and gritted her teeth, but didn’t stop staring back at Jasper. She needed to understand what was going on. Why was she hurting all the time? Why did it hurt so much when they exchanged glances at the accident?

All she could see was golden: honey looking, beautiful and profound golden eyes, yet full of rage. Valerie felt the pain would make her insane right then and there: it was sharp and it burned, radiating from her head to her upper limbs, reaching her belly and spreading through her legs.

‘Dr. Addams.’ Carlisle finally said, and suddenly she snapped: Jasper wasn’t looking at her anymore. The pain disappear immediately and suddenly Valerie realized he was sweating as she was probably as pale as the Cullen’s. ‘I believe you wanted to talk to my son. This is Jasper.’

‘Oh!’ Her mother yelped, oblivious to everything happening right in front of her. ‘I can’t thank you enough, my dear. You saved my daughter’s life.’

‘I didn’t do anything, ma’am.’ _Husky. Honeyed._ That was how she would describe his voice. Jasper Hale had a beautiful melodic voice with a pint of maybe a Texan accent. The pale boy had looked really mad when he saw her, but now he looked like a puppy talking to her mother. Elizabeth was too busy drooling for him while Valerie tried to recognize his voice. She was good with voices, maybe it would be easier to remember him that way.

‘Of course you did and I just can’t find a way to thank you! Promise me you’ll show up for dinner sometime?’

_No!_

Valerie wanted to scream for her mother to stop but she knew damn well she wouldn’t care. If she wanted Jasper over, she would have Jasper over. She was just like that and nothing could stop her.

‘Oh, you don’t have to-’

‘Of course I have!’ Elizabeth interrupted him. Yes, she was just like that. She was even worse and more stubborn than her daughter. As Valerie had thought, if she wanted Jasper around, she would have Jasper around and that was it. ‘Do you think you can make it tomorrow by 7pm? There’s no school and I work morning shift so that would be perfect for me.’

_Oh god, no. Tomorrow? She wasn’t ready for tomorrow._

Jasper said something amongst the lines of “It would be my pleasure, ma’am” but Valerie didn’t hear him as she was too busy thinking of ways to kill herself before tomorrow. It would be the most awkward dinner ever. How could she even share a table with him if when they shared a glance she felt like she would explode?

To make things even better, Dr. Cullen snatched some papers off his scrubs and started discussing a clinical case with her mother in the middle of the hallway, leaving Jasper and Valerie behind by themselves.

_Valerie needed to ask him._

_Jasper needed to flee._

He didn’t look at her. He didn’t want her to feel pain as she had felt a few minutes ago as they stared into each other. He obviously hadn’t done it on purpose and he had no idea why this happened as he wasn’t trying to inflict any pain, but her mood and corporal expression surely screamed pain. _Who was this girl?_

Jasper could almost feel her trying to gather the courage to ask him something and he realized he didn’t have an answer to her question. It seemed like hundreds of years alive didn’t give him a good lying skill. Maybe it was duo his shockingly good social skills - _not_. They just stood there and he wanted to curse Carlisle out of his ass as he just knew he was doing this on purpose; he needed to set things straight with her before he went over to dinner.

It didn’t surprise him that she would invite him: Carlisle told him to expect so. It surprised him, however, that he accepted it and that he didn’t even try to change her emotions so she would give up on the idea of having him over. Yet this was straight up ridiculous: he wasn’t Edward to keep a human as a pet. He didn’t want to talk to her, he didn’t want to be near her and most importantly, he wanted her out of his thoughts.

_A small voice._

‘Thank you.’ His head shot up and he really wanted to look her in the eyes but managed to control himself, knowing it would only cause her pain. He just didn’t know _why_ it caused her pain. ‘For stopping the van. I have no idea how you did it, but thank you.’

_For stopping the van?_

Did this girl have a death wish?

Jasper tried to get his rage in control; he really did try. His thirst for humans was now more controlled – maybe because he hated every single one of them so much – but this girl drove him insane. It wasn’t just her scent; it was her stupid existence, stupid questions, stupid hair and stupid brown eyes.

Stupid, stupid Jasper. He didn’t even know why he stopped the van from crushing her if he hated her existence so bad. Yet something inside him made him run and save her. Something primal, maybe, and it wasn’t just the scent of her blood.

Jasper needed to have a conversation with Carlisle and Edward.

The golden eyed boy didn’t answer and he looked pissed. More than pissed, actually, it seemed like he looked ready to beat her ass. Valerie was confused; she was just thanking him for saving her life. He was still avoiding eye contact yet the girl didn’t mind; she wouldn’t want them to be looking at each other either since it brought her so much pain.

‘Hm…’ She started, not really knowing what to say. Sometimes she knew it was her fault – well, it was her fault several times, but this wasn’t the occasion. She hadn’t done anything at all to make him mad at her. ‘Well, are you mad at me or something?’

He closed his eyes.

 _Repulsion,_ he thought.

Valerie suddenly took a step back and her face contorted in agony. Her body was suddenly warm, but not the good kind of warm; she felt like throwing up just by looking at him.

Jasper looked her straight in the eye.

_‘I should have just let that van crush you.’_

☂

‘Maybe Psychiatry really is my calling. I should just apply for college with Bella.’

‘Edward, if you don’t shut the fuck up-’

Edward let out a laugh but he didn’t find any of this funny. This was even worse than what he had anticipated. He had heard Alice’s thoughts and they were no good, but he kept his mouth shut as he was afraid that Jasper would just snap.

‘Calm down, brother. I understand what you’re feeling. It sucks at first, but you’ll get used to having a human around.’

‘I’m not keeping her as a pet, Edward.’ He growled, and Edward rolled his eyes. He was always really defensive when it came to humans, but it was Jasper. That was expected from him. ‘I just need to understand what’s going on. She almost explodes in pain every single time I look at her.’

‘Maybe it’s because you’re so approachable…’

‘Edward, I swear to go-’

‘I can keep an eye on her thoughts.’ Edward said, interrupting him. ‘But you need to talk to Carlisle and understand what’s going on. Rose’s pissed you almost exposed us by crushing the van. Alice hasn’t said anything yet, but she’s about to combust in anger. She thinks you have feelings for the human.’ _Oh, for fuck’s sake._ He despised humans. He didn’t even like Bella. He couldn’t say that something on the girl was calling for him. Something definitely was but he wasn’t the one to pick up those kinds of calls. He had felt himself attracted to her, yes, but it was more an attraction to her peculiar lifestyle than anything else.

‘What am I supposed to do with the human, Edward?’

‘Well, ask her whatever you have in mind if you’re so interested in her _peculiar lifestyle…_ ’

‘I’m not int-’

‘Jasper. We need to talk.’

Alice had never been the confrontational type. Jasper and the petite girl had been together for so many years that he wasn’t even surprised if she could hear his thoughts. He just hoped she wouldn’t, otherwise they would be in for a _fucking_ ride. However, Edward was perfectly capable of reading Alice’s thoughts and he knew what was coming. He was still confused at how Jasper would react and was looking forward to understanding how things would work in the future, but didn’t say a word to any of them.

Jasper got up. He followed Alice and he saw her jumping to somewhere in the middle of the woods. She probably wanted privacy, but she had lived with Edward for hundreds and hundreds of years; she would never get privacy in a house like this. He followed her, and soon he found her. She was sitting by a tree.

He had met Alice a long, long time ago. She told him she had been waiting for him. Unfortunately, Jasper was never the one to have feelings for anyone. He thought he had loved Maria, but maybe he was wrong. However, after meeting Alice, they just set off and got together and even married, even though it wasn’t his type of thing at all and he didn’t feel the need to do so. The Cullen’s accepted Jasper as family just like they did to Emmett, yet Jasper never really felt like he was one of them. Maybe it was because of all the things he had done before he met them or because he was the newest addiction to their family and diet, Jasper didn’t know; he just knew he didn’t feel as part of the family as much as he wanted to. It wasn’t like Alice hadn’t tried – it was just that he didn’t care.

The funny thing was, he knew this was about the human. This new… _curiosity_ for this human apparently made Alice very mad. He didn’t need to read thoughts to realize that. He decided to hit it off: the sooner the conversation started, the sooner the conversation would end.

‘What’s going on, Alice?’ He asked, keeping his distance; he wouldn’t risk Alice ripping his arm out.

‘I think you know perfectly what’s going on, Jasper.’

If he could taste her words, he would probably die of venom poisoning. She was absolutely pissed; Jasper had never seen Alice like this, not even when he slipped and killed a human or two. The worst part was that he didn’t even know why she was acting like this. He hadn’t done anything wrong.

‘I don’t, Alice.’ He replied, getting worked up. He would never get himself worked up with Alice, but he had been on the verge for the last few days and she wasn’t helping. He wasn’t even going to try to control her emotions or get her to calm down with his powers. It wasn’t worth it. ‘Would you mind explaining to me what’s going on?’

Alice loved humans. Well, she didn’t love all humans, she loved Bella.

She didn’t seem very keen on Valerie.

‘You know I see things, Jasper.’ And that was the problem on their relationship. Alice saw everything while Jasper was always left in the shadows. He felt like she was always one step ahead of him, that he was the one to be blinded of the future. And that wasn’t fair at all. ‘You pretend you don’t care, but you feel too much for others, Jasper. Sometimes I think you don’t even feel anything for yourself.’ He felt like she would be crying if she could. ‘But then I realize you don’t feel anything for anyone – not even for me.’

Alice Cullen didn’t see it coming. It was, however, the last time she addressed Jasper Hale as her lover.

‘You’re right, Alice. I don’t feel anything for anyone. Not even for you.’


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING |  
> Read with caution.

**‘WE NEED TO MAKE** sure everything is perfect!’ Elizabeth Addams babbled as she finished cooking her mashed potatoes. Her mother was in a frenzy making sure everything was on its place, that the food was cooking well, that nothing was burning and that the house was presentable. Valerie really did want to just _accidentally_ fall down the stairs and snap her neck. Her mother had been too enthusiastic about Jasper coming over and she hadn’t shut up for a second. As soon as she got home from her shift she made Valerie get up from the couch (where she had been since she woke up, after binge watching a tv show for five hours straight) and made her start cleaning. They were making dinner for the first time since they arrived to Forks since they had just been eating take away; her mother really liked cooking and so did Valerie, but the vegan take away in Forks was actually better than she had expected. She set a couple of candles in the middle of the table (her mother’s idea, which had honestly made her cringe) and as she was setting a third plate her phone vibrated in her pocket.

**jess**

_he there yet?_

Valerie suppressed a laugh. Jessica had found this stupid dinner plan an absolute blast and was eagerly waiting for all the details. She tried to convince Valerie to invite her as well but she would rather die than have Jessica, Jasper and her mother sharing a meal together. This was already bad as it was.

The purple haired girl was still dumbfounded by his actions; he really had an attitude problem. He had shocked her when he say that he should have had the van crush her. She wanted to answer with a smart remark, but she had been too hurt about his rude and unexpected attitude. It hurt her, yes, but she didn’t care; she was used to being hurt at this point. Jessica had told her that the Cullen’s weren’t exactly approachable. She replied to her text.

**vals**

_i’ll text you when he arrives. don’t expect anything good_

She felt empty while looking at the dinner table. It was always her mother and her (and sometimes it was only her due to Elizabeth’s crazy shifts at work), and they would be having their first official dinner in Forks with an outsider. Sometimes she just wished her mother wasn’t a surgeon. Sometimes she just wished her mother didn’t work in the E.R., that she was more present and that they were able to see each other more frequently. Even though Forks was smaller, they also had less doctors so Elizabeth had to be around for longer. Valerie hadn’t been expecting that.

Forks had its pros and its cons; back in Arizona they didn’t usually have many guests over. But today they had Jasper over, and even though it was just a stupid boy, she knew Elisabeth would go insane over him; after all, he was _the_ guest that had saved her from being crushed to death.

At 7 pm sharp, there was a knock on the door.

Valerie sighed and couldn’t help but feel the lump in her throat growing. _Here goes nothing,_ she thought. He would be over for what, two hours max probably. She could handle two hours of Jasper Hale being rude.

‘Oh, he’s here!’ Burst Elizabeth, as she straightened her dress and glanced at her daughter. ‘Be nice and remember to smile. Now go open the door!’

Valerie sighed again but proceeded to open the door. She gripped the knob and realized she was sweating.

Outside, a very focused Jasper Hale used his powers to calm her down as he wouldn’t want her to fall down the floor crying and screaming in pain like she always did when they were together. Her mother definitely didn’t need to see that and neither did Jasper. Carlisle still didn’t have any answers for her reactions and that bothered him – not knowing what was going on, not being on control, not understanding humans.

Jasper Hale was handsome and Valerie couldn’t take that away from him. His blond locks looked especially shiny that day and she wondered for a moment if they were as smooth as they looked; his golden eyes illuminated his entire face, but he wasn’t smile. He wore a green collared skirt, black jeans and sneakers. He dressed like a teenager but he was well dressed; the Cullen’s had money, after all. Valerie couldn’t disagree that Jasper Hale was beautiful; he was indeed attractive, but he was also very rude. And she didn’t like rude boys: it killed their beauty.

Elizabeth Addams, however, loved every inch of Jasper Hale. As she found him by the doorstep and realized her daughter wasn’t about to invite him in, she decided to intervene.

‘Jasper, dear, you’re right on time!’ Elizabeth clearly wanted to hug the boy but calmed herself down and stepped to the side, opening the door further. ‘How are you doing sweetie?’

‘Thanks for the invitation, ma’am. I’m doing good, actually. What about you?’ Jasper’s voice was both pleasant and booming at the same time. It was the voice of someone who usually talked to big crowns and was used to be respect, yet Jasper looked like everything but an extrovert. Valerie decided that he just liked to show off.

‘We’re very good!’ She replied. ‘Come in dear, don’t just hang- oh, I don’t believe it! You’re so sweet!’

Jasper almost cringed and Valerie felt like rolling her eyes: of course he had to be a gentleman as well. That had been Edward’s idea and just like his ideas, they were all bad. He said it would be a great idea to give _her_ flowers. Well, Jasper indeed bought the bouquet of violets yet but he wasn’t about to give them to her. He gave them to her mother, who was immediately in hysterics calling him a gentleman and trying to find a vase to get the flowers some water.

Valerie was just standing there dressed in a black, long sleeved dress, looking like she was ready to go to a funeral. She looked beautiful nonetheless, yet he realized he didn’t care about what the human was wearing. She probably did find his company unpleasant and really thought this was a funeral. That wouldn’t surprise him.

‘You can sit down now, dear. Dinner’s ready!’ Jasper sat down. The table was nicely decorated but was rather small with only four chairs available. Jasper sat down on the chair that Elizabeth pointed to while Valerie sat as far away from him as possible. Her mother brought the food and he felt like puking; it all looked delicious, but he just couldn’t stand the smell. ‘I hope you like what I made for us, honey. Valerie’s vegan so she cooked her own food. Some stupid idea of hers, if you ask me-’

‘There’s nothing wrong with liking animals, mother.’ She replied as she lightly rolled her eyes. She hadn’t looked at him in the eye yet. Jasper wanted to laugh. Humans were really weird. He was a vegetarian too; _we have so much in common,_ he thought bitterly. He would rather have humans for all meals.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Elizabeth dismissed, as she started getting their plates ready. ‘I hope you find this dinner of your liking, dear. Like I said before, I can’t thank you enough for saving my daughter’s life.’

 _Of course, mother,_ Valerie thought bitterly, _it’s not like he regrets it or anything._

Jasper could feel Valerie’s mood radiating from across the table. She wasn’t enjoying dinner at all and wanted to go to her room. She didn’t trust Jasper after he had been so rude to her.

What was Jasper even doing?

He should be home with Alice, his mate?; He should be home, away from humans. He should be home, away from a girl who looked and smelled and radiated nothing but trouble.

‘This is more than good, Mrs. Addams.’ Jasper replied politely. He didn’t hate the doctor; she seemed nice and she was an intelligent woman who helped a lot of people along with Carlisle. He just had a special _hate_ about her offspring. ‘I didn’t do anything deserving of this.’

He could _feel_ Valerie smirking; of course she hadn’t let go of their conversation. He had come to the conclusion that she hated him and was okay with that. She was a mess anyways and so was he. He didn’t need another pet in his family. As they were eating, Jasper pretended he wasn’t swallowing cardboard.

‘Valerie’s also very thankful, Jasper. She may seem a little rough around the edges, but-’ Valerie was almost begging her mother to stop while Jasper was really interested on the convo, but she was interrupted by the ringing of her phone. She sighed, excusing herself to use the phone. She went to the living room, a few meters away from the kitchen’s table. Jasper was silent and Valerie kept eating, sighing. A few seconds later she came back and she looked really down. ‘I’m such a bad host, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m afraid I have to go pick up a shift at work, darlings. There’s been a huge accident at Port Angeles and unfortunately they’re bringing the hurt to Forks. Jasper, I’m so sorry again. Your father was the one to call me.’

Jasper almost thanked Carlisle for his intervention. He just wanted to leave and go home.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for Valerie as her waves of sorrow rushed in his direction. She wasn’t sorry that this dinner had been canceled, she was sad that her mother was never around. This probably hadn’t been the first time this happened. He felt for her for like, 3 seconds; then he was Jasper all over again and he didn’t care.

After reassuring Mrs. Addams that she could go and that it would be okay, she was out of the door. He was still sitting down, waiting to hear her car pulling out the driveway, when Valerie got up.

He was afraid she would start crying and he didn’t know what to do besides run. It probably didn’t help that they were in her house either after a rather awkward moment.

‘You know you can leave now.’ The vampire hadn’t expected to hear such words coming from her mouth, but they did. She turned her back on him as she sat down on the couch. His light waves of tranquility were no competition to all the sadness she was feeling. ‘It’s over. I guess you don’t have to stand all the guilt of saving me anymore.’

Jasper knew damn well he shouldn’t have said what he said before, but it was done and he couldn’t do anything to change what he said. Why was she still holding on to it? The past was in the past. Humans were difficult and he didn’t know how to behave near them nor how to deal with their emotions.

‘Why is your hair that color?’

The question left his lips before he could catch himself. _What a stupid fuck_. All his military training had been apparently forgotten since he couldn’t keep his damn mouth shut and his curiosity away. And it was a stupid question – why did he even care about her hair? That’s right: he didn’t. Yet the words still left his mouth. The question caught her by surprise as well; she didn’t expect such question coming from him. Jasper noticed she blushed a little as she touched her hair.

‘I guess I needed a change, and I really love purple.’ He nodded. So she was impulsive and liked purple. It looked rather nice on her, though. _For a human, of course._

Jasper didn’t answer: he just stared at her hair. Alice had never had it this long neither any of the women in his life. He had never touched curly hair either. He started to wonder what would happen if he were to touch her hair just slightly, until eventually Valerie decided to fuck everything up. ‘Why are your eyes that color?’

The question left her lips before she could catch herself. _What a stupid fuck._ By the moment she stopped talking she knew she was dead _._ Jasper had almost looked normal and not mad when he asked her about her hair, but she could almost feel the mood change in the air.

Jasper stared right at her; she didn’t feel any pain yet she was very, very warm.

One second later and she was pressed against a wall, without really knowing how that was possible.

Her breath quickened as Jasper leaned towards her. She closed her eyes and gulped.

‘Believe me, Valerie, you wouldn’t want to know why.’

When she opened her eyes, he was gone.

### ☂

‘Damn, it looks like you were hit by a truck. Believe me, it gets better once you get used to waking up at 7am every Sunday.’

She hadn’t had another mental breakdown the night before but she hadn’t slept much either. She had set Jasper off; it had been her fault. He clearly didn’t like people around him asking questions and she knew that. It probably didn’t help that he also looked like he hated her so much and made her feel bad about herself on purpose.

Valerie handed a plate full of pancakes to Jessica and proceeded to eat hers even though she wasn’t really hungry. Her mother had arrived home at 5 am from her unexpected shift and she was sleeping on the second floor resting for her night shift. Both girls kept their voices quiet as they ate.

‘I hate mornings.’ That was Valerie reply as she sipped some orange juice. ‘I didn’t do anything yesterday afternoon and I really wanted to explore town. I just didn’t have the energy to do so.’

‘You still have to tell me everything about yesterday’s dinner, don’t forget!’ Jessica interrupted her and she rolled her eyes. She would rather not remember that: if she could just bury the memories inside her forever, she would gladly do so. ‘Besides, I was thinking of going to Port Angeles to grab some lunch after training and you could get to know the city. What do you think?’

It was a great plan. Training was always exhausting and she could really use visiting her surroundings and getting to know the world outside besides Forks. As they finished eating and they realized they would be late for practice, Valerie left the house with Jessica and on her way out, she couldn’t help but glance at the violets that were still sitting on the counter.

It was 1:30 pm when both girls arrived at Port Angeles. Even though Angela wasn’t on the team they invited her, but she was having some family time. Valerie would really love to know what meant to have family time, but she never had such opportunity. As she decided that it wasn’t worth being sad about something she couldn’t change, she came to the realization that Port Angels wasn’t that different from Forks, except it had more people, more stores and it even had a small mall. The girls got lunch and grabbed some coffee while walking down the city’s streets. Thankfully it wasn’t raining; the sun was actually peeking through the clouds.

‘I really need to but a new skirt.’ Valerie mumbled as she glanced at a store window display. Her eyes immediately landed on a red plaid skirt. ‘Do you think we have time for that?’

‘Are you kidding me? Of course we have, I need a new jacket anyway.’ Jessica was happy to finally find a friend who enjoyed shopping as much as she did. They entered the shop and Valerie had to stop herself for buying tops and off-shoulder shirts; she wasn’t in Arizona anymore and Forks was way colder.

Neither Jessica or Valerie realized they were being watched as they tried on new skirts, jackets and dresses. They were only having fun and the purple haired girl was so thankful that she could finally take her head away from stupid thoughts, especially those about a rude boy named Japer, that she let her guard down for a second.

The blond vampire smelled the air. Teenage girls were his favorite, not only because they were feisty but also because their blood was young and purer than grown women’s. Nonetheless, he realized her scent was mixed with another scent… _him._ The vampire laughed, wickedly. She was a teen smelling like a vampire; it was interesting enough that she had lived to tell the story without any visible marks. She was probably someone’s very secret blood bag, and that would only make his hunt more exciting. Humans weren’t very smart but everything on her called to him: from her scent to her appearance; how could a vampire let his blood bad have purple hair, wear small skirts and tight highs?

This was going to be an exciting hunt.

As the girls finally stopped their shopping spree and drove home, the vampire knew her scent would be carved in him for as long as he wanted. He could never forget it. 

He followed them.

Almost two hours later, he was standing in front of a white house, as the purpled haired girl pulled over on her driveway, all by herself.

_Let the hunt begin._

### ☂

Jasper tensed as he saw purple hair touching the table as she sat down.

He couldn’t exactly stop going to school – _even though he could_ – and he just had to handle her on History and Biology class. Jasper had become very good at ignoring humans but this one was especially hard to ignore. Saturday had been harsh for both of them.

Valerie didn’t say hi as she sat next to Jasper. She kept talking to Jessica and Angela, who were sitting in the desk right in front of them. He knew the girls were looking at him and that they were very curious about his presence. Valerie probably told him about the dinner at her house.

Even though the two girls felt a little anxious being around him, Valerie, however, was in a pretty normal mood. No extreme emotions.

_She was melancholic though._

But again, she was always like this.

‘Mr. Sparks looks like he’s in a very good mood today.’ Jessica mumbled, and the girls let out a laugh as the teacher entered the class, shut the door close behind him and said that he didn’t even know why he became a teacher. He looked pissed and Jasper could feel that he was indeed very pissed. From what he could read, he had found out his wife had been cheating on him.

Valerie started writing on her notebook and leaned to get her book out of her school bag. Jasper glanced lightly at her leg as the hem of her plaid skirt – who he had never seen – lifted. There was a red, puffy scar carved in her thigh.

Except it wasn’t just one scar. He wondered how nobody had noticed the stupid amount of scars she had scattered around her legs. But again, humans were really stupid and she was really good at hiding them. He hadn’t even noticed until now. What bothered him the most was that he couldn’t understand why humans hurt themselves; he couldn’t understand this gloomy and sad vibe of hers. Elizabeth was clearly a good mother and they clearly loved each other a lot. They had a nice house, a nice life and they were genuinely nice humans; stupid, yet nice. Why was she so… depressed?

‘I bet Mr. Hale is paying a lot of attention, so if you would answer my question, I would appreciate it very much sir.’

Jasper fought the urge of rolling his eyes. Sometimes he really felt like ripping this man’s neck apart. He was incredibly dumb and a pain in the ass. His classes were terrible, sometimes historically inaccurate even, even though he had a PhD in History or something. Apparently biting his teacher’s throat until his body was totally dry of blood because he was boring wasn’t a good reason for killing him according to Carlisle. Jasper didn’t agree. He felt Valerie tensing next to him; the man clearly scared her. Stupid little human.

Not the girl, of course.

‘1865.’ He answered, obviously bothered. ‘April 9th, to be exact.’

‘Wrong!’ Mr. Sparks exclaimed, making Valerie jump a little next to him. Jasper started getting just a _little_ mad. And it wasn’t because this stupid human was questioning his intelligence, but because he could feel how much he stressed Valerie. ‘It seems like Mr. Hale didn’t quite study this subject.’

Jasper tried to steady his breathing, even though he had no reason to breathe and it wouldn’t change anything. He clenched his fists under the table and realized that if he were to grab anything he would probably break it in half.

‘I studied my lesson.’ He spat out. He was _there_ when it happened, for fuck’s sake. ‘The civil war ended on April 9th, 1865. You can Google it.’

Mr. Sparks raised his eyebrow. _Mad._ He was starting to get really mad at Jasper. And that’s when Jasper realized they weren’t even talking about the Civil War, that had been last lesson. He was just trying to fuck with someone because he found out his wife was fucking someone else and he chose someone random. _Bad choice._

‘Well...’ Tyler, the kid who almost killed Valerie, spoke up. How was this kid still alive? Oh right, because Carlisle didn’t let Jasper rip his throat out. A shame. ‘It says April 9th on Goog-’

That was the end of conversation. Mr. Sparks was apparently very mad that they were talking about things that didn’t matter in class and that they should be talking about corn crops instead of the Civil War. Jasper almost wanted to laugh. Humans were dumb.

The girl next to him was wearing a smirk on her face. She didn’t like Mr. Sparks either but he still made her very anxious. Everything made her anxious, anyway.

When he arrived home on Saturday, his family members started asking him questions about dinner. He said it was normal as he didn’t want to talk to anyone and he proceeded to throw up everything in the toilet. Edward was the only one who understood him and he was very mad to say the least when he found out that Jasper snapped at her. Carlisle and Edward still hadn’t quite figured out who was this girl and he was also confused.

He sighed. He couldn’t concentrate on class with her all nervous and shaking next to him.

_Calm yourself down._

She let out a small breath one second later and her hands stopped shaking. She seemed rather startled with the sudden change of mood, but she didn’t mention it. She just accepted it.

_Whatever._

As he headed to lunch two hours later, Edward and Bella were already sitting down. Alice wasn’t there, while Rosalie and Emmett were grabbing their “lunch” outside in the woods. As he sat down next to Edward, he opened a chips bag to pretend was actually going to eat it. As he looked around, he noticed the purple hair immediately; it wasn’t like it was hard to do so in the middle of such dull colors in a city like Forks. She was hanging out with all her friends as she normally did, eating, smiling and talking. Her friends clearly liked her very much, more than they liked Bella. She radiated happiness and tranquility, but the melancholy was always present. He was already used to that and it looked like she was too. A shame.

‘Is that the girl?’ Bella asked him. Jasper glanced at her and nodded, looking over at Valerie again. ‘She’s beautiful. Have you guys talked yet?’

Edward let out a laugh and Jasper sent him his best killer eye. Stupid Edward. He knew damn well their interactions had been an absolute hell and he was laughing on his face like he didn’t have a human pet sitting right next to him as well.

‘Jasper doesn’t seem to like the idea of having a human around.’ Edward commented; _stop messing with my thoughts, do you want me to try to kill Bella again?_ ‘Alice doesn’t like that as well. I wonder why...’

Jasper rolled his eyes. His eyes were attracted like magnets in the direction of this girl. Everything on her screamed “look at me”, from her purple hair to her cute skirts. His eyes were still lingering on her new plaid skirt and he noticed that Tyler was very interested on it as well. He raised an eyebrow.

_Lust._

Jasper growled.

‘Jesus.’ Bella mumbled. ‘Can someone explain me what’s going on?’

Edward was smiling as the scene developed in front of his eyes. He loved Alice, he really did, but he knew that Jasper didn’t love Alice as much as he loved her. And they would never love each other enough to spend the eternity together; as cliché as it sounded, they weren’t each other’s mates. But this, this all cliché-high-school-scene that he was watching, _this_ made him feel happy for his brother.

‘Bella, my love, it looks like your friend Tyler has developed an interest in Valerie over there, and Jasper’s not liking it.’ Edward tried to ignore the chair almost cracking under Jasper’s tight grip. Tyler was now sitting next to Valerie, who didn’t seem very interested in talking but still smiled and answer. The boy said something that made her laugh and Edward heard the chair snapping under Jasper’s grip. ‘Not to be dramatic or anything Jasper, but Tyler’s over there is trying to smash again. But in a different way than before, this time there’s no van involved.’

Suddenly, Tyler went pale. Valerie raised an eyebrow and her lips started moving; Edward realized she was asking if he was okay. Tyler was green as looked to the other person sitting next to him – Mike Newton – and proceeded to throw up in his lap. Valerie was very confused for a few seconds. Everyone on the table was yelling “ew!” and making gagging sounds as they were disgusted by the vomit. Edward laughed out loud.

‘Jasper!’ Bella exclaimed. ‘You can’t do that to people!’

‘I didn’t do shit.’ It was his reply, even though the stupid smile on his face was suddenly wiped off when a very concerned Valerie patted Tyler’s back and asked if he was okay and if he wanted to go to the bathroom. Edward was laughing again and this time Bella joined him.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the amazing feedback you've provided me with. It means a lot to me.  
> As always: TRIGGER WARNING. READ WITH CAUTION.

**DOING SCHOOL WORK AT** night had always been Valerie’s thing. She was a night owl and she always had been one ever since she was a child; everything seemed to fall into place at night time. However, it was also at night that she used to think the most, especially about things she shouldn’t _ever_ be thinking about. But today she was busy; today there was no time for dark thoughts as she needed to finish her school work. She finished it pretty quickly as school has never been a problem to her and as she saved her essay on the computer, her phone rang. Her Whatsapp group with her group of friends was going insane.

**angel**

_have you guys submitted your essays yet?_

**mikey**

_what essay?_

**jess**

_@vals what are you wearing for the school trip tomorrow?_

**prince eric**

_stop spamming you guys, i wanna sleep_

Valerie smiled kindly. She liked her group of friends. She started addressing them as ‘her friends’ as she spoke about them to her mother and she finally came to the conclusion that she couldn’t run away from creating bounds and ties. They were really nice, welcoming people and ties were what made her human after all. Besides, _she was safe in Forks._

**vals**

_i’m about to do it now, @angel. you just have to send it by email. @jess probably a skirt and fishnets. and my doc martens. don’t even think about going on high heels! there’s gonna be mud everywhere!!!_

She turned her Wi-fi off as her battery was about to run out and put her phone on the charger, getting her alarm clock ready to wake her up in the morning. She should be getting ready to go to bed anyway, it was getting late. Valerie was excited for the school trip on Biology they had the next day (even though she wasn’t really happy at the fact that they would have to write an essay about that as well) but she liked biology and the teacher seemed very happy about it.

Valerie opened the browser on her computer and logged in to her school email. After submitting the essay, she was about to turn off her computer when she received a new notification on her personal email. The girl raised her eyebrows. Not many people knew about her personal email and she didn’t even use it anymore as she didn’t talk to anyone and people these days would rather text by phone. No one really wrote emails anymore.

She logged in. It was an email from a girl named Charlotte.

She stopped breathing for a second as she opened it.

_Dear Valerie,_

_I hope this email finds you well. I know we haven’t talked in a long time and this is a weird way to contact you, but I don’t have your number and you’re not particularly active on social media anymore._

_I moved to college and I had a bunch of things deleted from my computer. I found this, but it was very hard for me to delete, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it._

_I hope you find some peace and comfort from it. I thought you would want to have it._

_Wish you the best. Charlotte._

Valerie was really confused. Charlotte was someone from her old life, but she didn’t quite understand the purpose of that email. They weren’t even that close, less alone friends. They went to the same school and they were part of the student council but that was it. As she read the e-mail again, she noticed there was a mp4 file attached to the email. It was named as random letters and numbers as it was probably recorded on a cellphone. Valerie had always been curious by nature, so she opened the file.

Jasper Hale _felt_ an excruciating pain. He didn’t have time to even think as he dashed towards the woods. He knew where he was going.

And Valerie was now heavy breathing. She remembered this night. She didn’t remember this video being recorded but it seemed like she was having a lot of fun with Charlotte and Mary. The girls were drinking and Valerie was holding a cigarette between her fingers while sticking out her tongue to the camera.

From her outfit, she knew what _night_ that had been recorded.

She slammed her laptop shut and tears started flooding. _Not again._ She didn’t want to remember that night again. She always remembered it in her nightmares yet she thought she didn’t have any physical memory of it. It was a nightmare to think that there was even a video of the before: before _everything_ fell apart.

Valerie wasn’t even sad; no. She was numb, and numbness was a dangerous feeling.

As tears stained her face, she went to the bathroom to get what she needed the most to calm herself down. 

When Jasper arrived, he knew what was going on and what was about to happen. He couldn’t let everything get to the point where he had to leave because he couldn’t stand it. He wasn’t a coward. He was stupid and ridiculous for being so interested in a human, _yes_ , but his heart wasn’t made of stone. Everything else was, and sometimes he really did think he didn’t have a heart, but he had. He had a heart and he hated seeing people getting hurt.

He hated seeing _her_ getting hurt.

Valerie came out of the bathroom looking even smaller than she already was. He realized she was ready to do the same she had done the last time he had visited her. He could see it now even better: dozens of scars carved into her body. Some of them were older, some of them were new; he realized the cut on her thigh was still fresh, looking rather puffy and red. He didn’t understand why she was doing something like this, but he just knew he had to stop her.

Jasper didn’t know why he cared about this stupid human with a death wish, but he did.

He had been hunting so he projected the strongest, warm, peaceful waves he was able to conjure towards her. He realized she liked those warm waves, so he started with those to calm her down; he rarely used his powers with such force, but it was necessary. Her tears were now drying and even though she was a little confused about how she was so calm, she suddenly stopped. The girl glanced at her blade, seeming to understand what she was about to do if she hadn’t stopped, and sighed. Maybe this was a common occurrence in her life.

Valerie went to the bathroom and when she came back, she was still feeling rather upset but she was thinking logically, so Jasper was sure she wouldn’t harm herself.

He was about to leave when he caught a scent of _it._

_A vampire had been here._

At first he wasn’t sure. He was stuck in her window sill frozen in spot while she was covering herself with her bed covers.

He caught her curtains between his fingers and smelled; a vampire had visited Valerie’s home.

A second later, he was home and had Edward slammed into a corner of the living room. Bella was sitting on the couch and she let out a yelp as she felt her boyfriend being literally ripped away from her.

‘A vampire. On Valerie’s room.’ That was everything Jasper had managed to say as his eyes started to go into a shade of black, a very dangerous one that his brother knew so well. He was frantic. He had sensed it. He knew every smell of every vampire he had ever come across, but this scent he wasn’t sure about. It didn’t smell like a newborn and the vampire didn’t leave any traces behind (like her mother dead in the kitchen table, for instance), besides his disgusting smell, so it couldn’t be an unexperienced vampire. He was pissed, and he was even more pissed when he realized the vampire didn’t exactly like to have Bambi for lunch. He hunted humans. He was going to kill Valerie.

_And he had been stupid enough to leave her unprotected at that right moment. What was he even doing at their house right now? He should be watching over her!_

Edward was listening to everything he was saying in his thoughts. It didn’t surprise him that Jasper was going insane for being so attracted to a human – he had been there and he had done that – but he was rather scared at the perspective of a new vampire in town. He had Bella to worry about and it was even worse if he was looking for human blood. He realized his brother needed him.

‘Jasper, they won’t be risking it today. You left your scent there, he probably won’t be attacking today.’ It was true. He had lived with ancient vampires for enough time to understand their techniques. He wouldn’t kill her right away if he knew she had something to do with a vampire. The vampire would make a show around it, it was the hunt that made them so eager on killing humans. ‘You need to calm down.’

Jasper was a soldier. He could control his emotions.

‘If she gets hurt…’

‘I know, I know.’ Edward comforted him. ‘If there’s a vampire in town, I can’t risk it with Bella being around either. I understand. I got you.’ He embraced his brother and even though he didn’t embrace him back, Edward could feel it made Jasper relax. He had a ton of questions he wanted to ask his brother but now it wasn’t the time. ‘I’m getting Alice, we’re tracking the scent and we’ll see if we can find anything about this guy, okay? We’ll figure out something. Can you stay here with Bella while I’m gone?’

The last thing Jasper wanted was to watch over Edward’s pet when Valerie was in danger, but his brother was going out to track someone who was stalking _his_ pet, so he couldn’t exactly say no. He nodded and Edward gave him a squeeze on the shoulder before kissing Bella and leaving.

‘You saved her life, Jasper.’ Jasper looked up. Bella was obviously talking to him but he could always pretend he hadn’t listened to her. He didn’t understand what was going on and he would rather not discuss it with a human like Bella. ‘You haven’t killed her yet.’

‘No shit.’ Jasper muttered, rolling his eyes. Dumb Bella acting like dumb Bella.

‘However, you’re pushing her away.’ Jasper raised an eyebrow. ‘You are. Everytime you push her away, you’re pushing her towards this vampire. You haven’t killed her, Jasper, but you’re letting someone else do it for you.’

### ☂

Valerie shouldn’t have seated next to Tyler on the bus. He seemed really eager to get to know her and talk to her, but it was making her a little anxious. He was a great guy, but sometimes he was too much and sometimes she still remembered that he tried to run her over – not on purpose, but still. He babbled a lot, told way too many jokes at 8 in the morning and honestly, she had never felt comfortable around boys after everything that happened. Thankfully her group of faithful friends was sitting right next to them and it was a nice trip. She was always curious about learning and she thought that school trips were the perfect opportunity to have fun and learn at the same time.

The bus came to a stop and they started getting out: all her Biology classmates were there but she wasn’t feeling anxious at that exact moment. That was how she should feel all the time, every day: peaceful, receptive to new things and new experiences. It was a shame that she was sick.

The teacher called his students and gathered them around him. He explained that there was an exhibition about carnivore plants that he really wanted them to see even though they had talked about this subject last year; apparently it was really hard to get this opportunity to these many people. Valerie suddenly felt gloomy; she hadn’t been expecting this and she wasn’t that interested as she probably should be. She wanted to be a nurse, so carnivore plants weren’t really her thing. But learning was always interesting.

As they walked the long halls filled with plants, and plants and plants, Eric and Mike were cracking jokes and trying to get the plants to bite them ( _‘I just wanna know how it feels like!’)_ while Angela and Jessica were taking pictures. Valerie found all of this very funny and was secretly hoping that one of them would get bitten. She could hear Tyler talking next to her, but she just stared at the plants and thought about what the hell she would talk about on her essay.

Suddenly Tyler wasn’t next to her anymore.

‘Hello,’

She knew that voice. It scared her immediately.

Valerie didn’t look him in the eye. How could such a beautiful voice belong to someone like him, someone so rude and that hated her so much without a cause? It bothered her being hated by him yet she didn’t understand why.

‘I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Jasper Hale.’

_We weren’t properly introduced?! You were an ass!_

Jasper wanted to literally punch himself in the face. Why was he so stupid? He followed Bella’s advice, of _fucking_ course, and this happened. What kind of introduction was this? He wasn’t Edward. He could feel anger sweeping through her but she seemed to bite her tongue and hold her words.

‘Valerie Addams. A pleasure.’ It was her dry reply; it obviously wasn’t a pleasure. She wasn’t happy at his sudden chance of attitude but she had every right to be mad. He was an ass after all. Before he could stop it, stupid fucking Tyler stopped walking and Valerie tripped on him. He grabbed her arm and yanked her upwards.

‘Would you stop trying to fucking kill yourself?’ He hissed. Jasper regretted it right afterwards. That was going really well.

‘Maybe you shouldn’t have caught me. Just like you shouldn’t have stopped that stupid van, isn’t that right?’

That hit him. She was right, he had fucked up. He said things he didn’t mean and did things he wasn’t supposed to, but it was all done now. Jasper could only hope Valerie would forgive him.

‘Look…’ He faltered, breathing deeply. He couldn’t hurt her; hurting her would only put her in more danger. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t start on the right foot. It’s hard for me to make friends sometimes.’

‘I guess it’s because you’re really approachable.’ It was her dry reply. She reminded him of Edward and his smart remarks; he tried to steady his mood but it was really hard when your only instinct was to kill.

Jasper could hear her little heart thumping in her chest just like he could hear every single heart pumping blood through each teenager’s body. Yet he didn’t feel like ripping her neck apart and suck her dry. He wanted her to stay safe even though he didn’t know why, but that wouldn’t be possible with a vampire chasing her.

_How ironic._

He just tried to think of what Edward would do. It was hard though, as he wasn’t exactly the nice vampire of the family. Yet acting like Edward was a smart choice, he got the girl after all. And no, it wasn’t like Jasper Hale wanted to get the girl, but it would be nice if she didn’t hate him so much.

So he decided to do what he did best: talk without using his centenary brain to think.

‘Would you like to go for a coffee tomorrow after school?’ What even on earth was he thinking? Exactly, he wasn’t. That had been a really bad idea that Rosalie wouldn’t like one bit. Valerie looked a little startled as she wasn’t expecting the invitation. As he read her emotions, he realized she was surprised that he invited her but she wasn’t exactly disgusted about the idea of going. That was better than anything.

‘I have practice.’ She answered him, but for Jasper it was only a reminder. He knew she was in the school’s team, of course; he had been there when she got in. He just stared intently at her and the girl ended up sighing, knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer. ‘We can go after practice, I guess.’

Valerie knew she shouldn’t accept the invitation after everything, but she was really curious about him and she could see he was curious about her too. She just wanted to see if they would be capable of having an actual conversation with each other and hang out or if they were just meant to hate each other.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow then, Valerie.’ Jasper chirped as he nodded his head. Valerie raised her eyebrow at the sudden change of mood, although she nodded back. She blinked, and he was out of sight.

Just after he left the girl realized she had never looked him in the eye during the whole conversation and he didn’t look at her either; they just avoided each other’s stares like it hurt – because _it did._ She had Googled it and had searched on her mother’s books for an explanation for such amount of pain, yet nothing came up. It was a mystery and maybe something that she should talk to Jasper about.

Jessica was on her side in a second.

‘You’re going on a date with him?’

Valerie rolled her eyes.

‘I don’t date, Jess. We’re grabbing some coffee. It sounds like he feels bad for treating me like crap.’

‘Sounds like a date to me.’

‘Sounds more like a death sentence.’

### ☂

Jasper liked his coffee black, just like she did.

That was everything she managed to figure out as they sat in silence in a coffee shop near school. He had parked his motorcycle next to her Toyota and was waiting for her as she left practice. It wasn’t raining so they walked their way to the coffee shop and left their vehicles parked at school.

They didn’t talk a lot as they walked there. Jasper asked how practice was, Valerie answered; she asked how school was, he answered. And that had been it. They ordered their coffees, Jasper insisted on paying for both and they sat in silence for a while.

Valerie found the coffee shop nice. They had couches where people could sit and there weren’t many people around – just one or two teenagers drinking coffee and doing homework and a few adults writing on their notebooks and computers, probably busy with work. The lightning and the temperature were comfortable enough for her to sit on her skirt and her sweater.

As for Jasper, it wasn’t like he hadn’t been used to being around humans. He was, and the café wasn’t even full. He was just more worried about tracing a scent of a certain vampire on her, but he couldn’t find anything. Maybe he hadn’t visited her since he last checked. Maybe she was safe. In a world like his, however, it was hard being safe. In _his_ world, humans were never safe.

‘Why did you move to Forks?’ Jasper inquired, breaking the silence. _Oh, good one Jasper._ He congratulated himself realizing he had definitely fucked up as he felt her heart rate quickening. She grabbed the coffee mug and he realized she was suddenly shaking. Jasper thought about calming her down but maybe it would be too suspicious. He had done that so many times that he had started feeling a little guilty. He was scared that she would look him in the eye and just faint in pain like she had been about to a lot of times.

‘My mother was offered a position at the hospital.’ She replied, but he knew that hadn’t been the main reason. ‘She was a very busy woman in Arizona, so she thought that a small town would be better for us to settle down. She was a little wrong.’ Valerie didn’t want to talk about her and about her life; it didn’t work for her, so she decided to change the subject to Jasper’s life, which was probably better than hers. She was also really interesting on finding out about where was Jasper from and if there was any possibility of them meeting in the past. ‘What about you? Have you lived in Forks your entire life?’

If she were to have him start talking about his past life, he needed to look her in the eye and calm her down. The vampire inhaled even though he didn’t need to **,** and did his best to extend calming waves in her direction. When she was perfectly relaxed, he looked her in the eye.

_It’s just brown eyes. Sad, brown eyes, but it’s just brown eyes._

‘No. Carlisle adopted me and Rosalie and then we moved to Forks. We used to live in Texas.’

‘Texas?’ Valerie smiled. ‘That explains the accent.’

Jasper smirked. He just wished he could tell her more about his past life but it wasn’t possible. She seemed really interested on getting to know more about him. He didn’t understand why. She was always scared yet curious on his presence. She probably remembered him from somewhere as well as he did. From where, though? He wasn’t like he had been friends with a lot of humans.

Valerie had yet to realize that Jasper hadn’t touched his coffee. He had loved coffee back when he was a human but after the change he couldn’t drink it and he surely wasn’t in the mood to throw up like he did when had to have dinner at her house.

‘How are you enjoying Forks?’ He asked. She shrugged her shoulders.

‘It’s not bad, I actually enjoy being here.’ She was telling the truth. ‘It’s not for too long, anyways.’

Jasper couldn’t help but feel a little gloomy at the thought of that. She would eventually go away like many humans did, which was expected: she was a senior and she probably had plans for college. If you want to go to college you can’t stay in Forks. If you want to have a normal, human life you can’t stay in Forks.

‘Where?’

‘I haven’t given much thought to it, honestly.’ She answered. ‘However, Europe would be amazing and they have the best Nursing Programs, so…’

He shook his head at the thought of Europe. He _hated_ Europe. Yet it was expected again as American humans had a weird obsession with Europe. What surprised him though was the whole nursing thing.

‘Nursing? You’re intelligent enough to be a doctor like your mother.’

He let it slip; he didn’t even mean that, but he could feel that it had hit a nerve.

‘Excuse me? You’re telling me nurses aren’t intelligent enough? Do you even know how much it takes to be a nurse, Jasper?’ She gulped her hot coffee down her throat and he winced in pain. That must have been hot. He could feel that she was getting worked up as her cheeks became red. ‘Nurses are fucking badass. Doctors are badass at their own thing and so are nurses. Nurses are the backbone of the hos-’

‘I’m sorry, Valerie.’ He interrupted her, repressing a laugh. She still had some life inside her. ‘You’re right. Nurses are badass, and you’ll be a badass.’

Valerie hadn’t expected that. Jasper Hale being nice wasn’t something she was used to, but they were at peace now after all. As she smiled at him, she realized she was done with her coffee. Jasper didn’t know if he could handle being around the girl for much longer so he got up and she followed right afterwards. 

It was almost 6:30pm and he was walking in the streets of Forks with a human girl. What was even his miserable existence anymore?

‘How do you handle your father being at work all the time?’ She questioned. The girl looked a bit distressed as she asked him so. ‘I know your father is also very busy all the time. Sometimes I miss my mom and I would like us to spend a little more time together…’

Valerie didn’t understand why she was telling him this. Jasper Hale had been nothing but rude to her until that day, but she felt like she could trust him. Jasper, however, wasn’t really good with humans. He didn’t understand why they would get so sad at random things and he surely didn’t understand why it mattered so much to her that her mother spent so much time at work. She was a teenager. It would be good for her if her mother wasn’t around and she could just go wild and do whatever the hell she wanted, right?

He didn’t miss Carlisle, of course. He would have the eternity to spend with him and he had his own things to do as well. It probably helped that Carlisle wasn’t even his real father.

‘It’s hard, sometimes.’ He said, shrugging his shoulders. He needed to tell her something after all. ‘But I just try to think that a lot of kids wouldn’t be with their parents if it wasn’t for Carlisle being there to save their lives. It helps with the thought of feeling lonely.’

Something lit up inside Valerie. Jasper Hale wasn’t a bad kid at all and he helped her put things into perspective. She gave him a little smile. It didn’t reach her eyes but Jasper knew he had said the right thing. Damn, he didn’t even know where that came from. Edward would be proud of him.

As they arrived near her Toyota, she unlocked the door and turned around to face him.

‘Thank you. You were really nice today. It didn’t hurt you, did it?’

Jasper scoffed.

‘I guess not.’ She nodded her head and was about to get into her car when he stopped her. He also stopped himself from grabbing her arm as he wanted. She would be scared and he didn’t know if he could handle physical contact with a human. ‘Hey, listen,’ _Fuck._ This had been Bella’s idea and this was a terrible idea. He shouldn’t do this. It was wrong. ‘Do you have a phone?’

She seemed amused as she raised her eyebrow. _Do you have a phone? Really, Jasper?_ He wanted to punch himself again. She was a teenager in the twenty first century. Of course she had a phone.

‘Jasper Hale, how old are you?’ She teased him, a smirk in her lips. _Oh honey, you don’t want me to get started._ He shrugged his shoulders and Valerie thought that was cute. ‘Give me your phone.’ _Fuck it,_ she thought. It wouldn’t hurt to have another friend. Besides, he would be a friend who had saved her from being crushed to death (yeah, she hadn’t forgotten about that) and that she felt like she had known from before. She wanted to get to know him more. He gave her his phone and she quickly dialed her number, saving the contact. ‘I saved it as Valerie. I hope you don’t know many Valeries.’

As she handed him his phone, she quickly got inside her Toyota and drove away. The warmth she had felt when she was with Jasper was now gone, but now the warmth had made its way to her cheeks. Who was even this guy?

He spent most nights of the rest of the week visiting her window sill for about ten seconds to see if he could catch _its_ scent. He never did and he always dashed towards the woods right after. She was usually asleep but Jasper only glanced at her for a few seconds. He just hoped she had been holding on alright. He rarely saw her at school but when he did see her, she waved at him in a friendly way. Rosalie didn’t like it one bit but kept her mouth shut, hoping she would go away. After visiting her for two nights, he realized the vampire hadn’t come back, yet his scent was still very present. It was like he wanted to make his presence known.

He met Carlisle at 5 in the morning on a Friday. He was sitting on his window, listening to the music coming from his room and dangling his legs glancing at the forest. Maybe he should go hunt before school. He needed to release some energy before dealing with a bunch of teenagers.

‘Son?’ Jasper looked behind him. Carlisle walked towards him and sat down next to him, glancing at the forest. The younger vampire felt that Carlisle was a little anxious, so he decided to turn his look to the forest again to avoid eye contact with him. ‘I spoke to Alice today. About the vampire.’

Now that interested him.

‘And?’

‘She doesn’t want to talk to you for obvious reasons,’ It seemed like everyone was aware of the reasons why Alice didn’t want to talk to him; everyone but Jasper who was still very much confused. She was the one who accused him of all those things. She wasn’t wrong, though… He wanted to feel bad and he thought she deserved an explanation, but he had been too busy with Valerie. ‘But we found out who it is. He’s been killing in Port Angeles for a while, a few accidents but they’ve been well hidden. His name’s James. From what Alice could see, he’s 200 years old and he has been busy with his mate, a red head woman, so he stopped his little hunt on Valerie. She doesn’t know why he’s doing this, but as soon as he changes his route, she’ll tell us.’

Jasper was surprised. He didn’t know anyone named James. At least he wasn’t a newborn: he would be easier to fight. However, he would be harder to predict. He was older than Jasper and probably wiser. Jasper was lucky that he had his family with him, especially Carlisle. Sometimes he took them for granted.

‘Thank you, Carlisle.’ He answered. ‘For everything. I hate this life but being part of this family all makes it a little better.’

‘You’re my son, you’re family.’ Carlisle answered, patting him in the back. ‘Everything’s going to work out, Jasper. And everything’s going to get better. You’ll find your will to live this life.’

Alice had told him everything. Carlisle knew Jasper had already found his will to live. However, it wasn’t his place to tell his son.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, TRIGGER WARNING

**‘OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!’** Valerie yelled while punching her steering wheel for the third time in a row. Her car was fucked. It didn’t move, it didn’t start, it didn’t do its only fucking job: drive her to school; she literally wanted to smash her head against the window. At 7:45am on a Friday and having Mr. Sparks class at 8 am, Valerie knew she was doomed; she would be late and he would be a pain in the ass **.** He didn’t like her and he wasn’t afraid of mocking someone in front of the whole class. Her only option was waking her mother up and ask her for a ride, but the Doctor had been working until 1 am last night, so she would _kill_ her. It would be her or Mr. Sparks anyway.

Elizabeth didn’t kill her but at the moment Valerie set foot on Mr. Sparks class at 8:05am, she decided that it would have been a lot better having her mother killing her. She stood on the entrance as she wouldn’t dare to even step foot on his classroom without asking and begging for his forgiveness on her knees.

‘Oh, looks like Ms. Addams finally decided to join us!’

‘I’m sorry.’ That was all she managed to say as she lowered her head and walked to her seat. Everybody was still staring at her weirdly, but the rumors had stopped with her friends’ help; besides everyone thought the teacher was a douche bag anyways. She sat down and she realized that Jasper was already in class.

‘Being sorry isn’t going to help you pass this class, Ms. Addams.’ He growled.

_Jasper thought this teacher would look better screaming for forgiveness than he looked while growling at such a little human._

Valerie sat down. She had a lot of stress going on apparently, as her hands were shaking as she was writing down what was on the board. The class hadn’t even started and it was raining a lot outside; she obviously wasn’t late because she wanted to. This guy was a douchebag and as soon as the school year ended Jasper decided he would give him a little scare and kick his ass. As the teenager steadied her breathing next to him, he couldn’t help but check on her.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to do so.

‘Are you okay?’ He checked, barely in a whisper. ‘He’s a douchebag. Fuck him.’

Valerie let out a little smile – which again didn’t reach her eyes – and shrugged her shoulders.

‘It’s just a shitty day, that’s all.’

Her emotions told Jasper the same.

Jasper didn’t say anything else, yet he didn’t like the fact that she was upset. He didn’t try to interfere with her emotions as class happened and he didn’t even try to punch the teacher when he gave her extra assignments by the end of the class as a punishment for her being late. He was controlling himself even though he could feel that she was on the verge of crying. He was silent as the girl headed out to Chemistry with Angela. He just let her go with all her anxiety and sadness of having such a bad day ahead of her.

As he sat down in Literature class, he couldn’t help but wonder if…

He could almost _hear_ Edward in his thoughts telling him to do it. So that’s what he did.

He took his phone out of the pocket and his fingers quickly found her contact.

Valerie was sitting in Chemistry class after finishing her exercises and being miserable when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She took it out.

**unknown**

_Hello, Valerie. It’s Jasper. I just wanted to check if you’re okay._

It was a ridiculous text message but it was true. He just hoped she would answer.

Valerie smiled a little. Jasper was a decent human being after all. She started typing under her desk being really cautious. Luck wasn’t really on her side that day. However, Jasper’s message cheered her up. She didn’t understand why she felt so attracted to him.

Jasper’s phone buzzed.

**Valerie**

_yes, i am, sorry. i just had a shitty day and it’s not even lunch time_

Jasper couldn’t help but chuckle as he replied.

**jasper hale**

_What happened?_

**Valerie**

_my car broke down this morning, which was weird cuz it’s a new car. my mom had to drive me_

Jasper raised his eyebrows. So her new car broke up… so she couldn’t leave home? That made him start thinking. What if this was a vampire interfering with her routine? What if this was a way of getting her stuck home?

He wasn’t even thinking as his fingers started moving on the screen.

**jasper hale**

_Do you want a ride home?_

Valerie bit her lip. She had thought about asking Jessica, she really needed to get home somehow and her mother wasn’t picking her up for sure. However, she didn’t know in how good terms she was with Jasper. She trusted him well enough to stay in the same car with him, but maybe it was asking too much. But if he asked her it was because he wouldn’t mind, right? He was trying to be her friend and he was nice enough to check on her.

**Valerie**

_i have practice last period. and it might be a little out of reach for you…_

**jasper hale**

_Alright. I’ll wait by the gym._

She couldn’t help but smile a little at his stubbornness. Sometimes he actually used it for good things.

**Valerie**

_thank you jasper. you’re an angel!!_

He bit his tongue. He was no fucking angel.

**Jasper hale**

_(:_

As she entered practice, she knew her day was about to get even worse. Lauren had probably already heard about her not-so-lucky Friday and this wasn’t even the 13th. A hard time at practicing was everything that she was expecting.

The first incident happened when they were running laps. She was sure that Lauren had made her trip on purpose and that she had to run two extra laps when the Coach wasn’t looking but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t care. She needed to be in her best performance if she wanted to play anyway. The girl just didn’t like Lauren’s attitude.

Coach was normally really present on practice even though he had other students, but today he seemed rather busy yelling at the rest of the class, so Lauren seized her opportunity and made her sit down in the first few minutes of the game. She only had the opportunity to start playing when the Coach arrived and yelled at her – _like it had been her fault_ – to get up and start playing.

It probably didn’t help that Lauren had struck her with the volleyball three times in the face, _on purpose,_ and she didn’t even have the energy to put her hands in front of her face. It had been a bad day overall. Everyone had those days yet she felt like she would want to drown herself at night. Maybe she could ask her mother to get her some medication to sleep. Being awake at night was dangerous for her and her stupid decisions. They had gone wrong in the past.

‘Are you okay?’ Jessica inquired as they undressed and went to take a bath. She sighed, not really in the mood to talk about it or even think about what happened during practice.

‘I guess…’ She replied, shrugging her shoulders. ‘I was expecting it anyway. Thank god it’s Friday.’

Jessica agreed excitedly and the girls were very quickly on washing themselves up and dressing in their normal clothes. Valerie grabbed her backpack and her volley bag and they headed out.

‘So do you want to get some coffee before we get home?’

Oh. How could had she forgotten to tell Jessica that she wasn’t riding with her? When she told her friends that her care had broken down the girl immediately thought they would be riding together, even though she didn’t ask her. It was nice of her to think of her, though.

‘Oh, actually, Jasper’s going to take me home…’

Before Jessica could protest, Jasper arrived at the gym’s entrance.

Valerie’s breath caught on her throat; she normally didn’t pay attention to guys who acted like douchebags, but now that Jasper had actually been nice to her, she couldn’t help but stare at him.

She always had a thing for tall boys; Jasper was tall enough to make her heart skip a beat and his eyes and hair probably didn’t help. It was raining outside so he had his hoodie on. He was wearing all black and she couldn’t help but think about how good it looked in contrast to his pall face.

‘Hello, Valerie.’ He whispered, a small smile forming on his lips. He then looked at Jessica and nodded. ‘Jessica.’

Jessica didn’t say anything. Valerie could sense that she was nervous – and maybe even angry – but she didn’t say anything. She just said that she would meet Valerie on Sunday and left.

‘Well, I guess someone’s mad.’ The purple haired girl commented, and Jasper let out a fake laugh. Actually Jessica had been feeling rather angry at him, probably for stealing his new favorite friend and shiny new toy away from her. After all, another Cullen had done the same with Bella. ‘Thank you for the ride.’

‘I’ve told you, no need to thank me. It’s raining though, and I brought the motorcycle. You would probably be better off with Jessica.’ That had been a stupid plan, bringing the motorcycle. At first he brought it because he wanted to show it off to her that he was a cool dude with a bike, but he also forgot that she was human and would probably get soaking wet from the rain. He had also forgotten an umbrella. It’s not like he needed one anyway, but if she was like Bella she would be dead of hypothermia two minutes into the ride. She smiled.

‘That’s okay, I’ve never ridden a motorcycle before.’

He tried to hide his smirk; she had the exact reaction he was expecting. They walked quickly to the parking lot (he was just hoping that she wouldn’t fall on her ass and he had to save her again from imminent death. Bella would already be on her ass) when the vampire noticed she had quite the baggage with her.

‘Let me carry those bags for you.’ Jasper said, before he could stop himself, taking the bags away from her hands. She raised an eyebrow. ‘I know you can carry them, you just don’t have to if I’m around.’

She was still very confused at the sudden change of attitude from Jasper, but she didn’t say anything, thanking him instead. She should be happy that he was even-

‘You have a fucking Harley Davidson?’ She gasped, not being able to stop herself. She had never ridden a motorcycle but she knew a thing or two about bikes and she loved Harleys. There was something about them that was just pure badass.

‘I guess…’ Jasper replied, unsure of what to say. She was feeling surprised and very excited at seeing a Harley Davidson in person. Jasper didn’t really know what was so cool about it; this motorcycle had been with him for so long, it was an antique. She seemed to love it. ‘Well, let’s go.’

Jasper hopped on the motorcycle and glanced at Valerie. There she was, looking rather scared at the bike with her eyebrows raised. To be fair it was quite big and heavy compared to her. He had to help her and he wasn’t wearing gloves so it would go probably _really_ well.

‘Take my hand.’ He hesitated. ‘They might be a little cold, though.’

She shily extended her hand in Jasper’s direction. As their hands touched, Jasper was lost.

Valerie could feel the space between them exploding; he was cold. He was ice cold as he was on the day that he stopped the van. Even though she didn’t like the cold, she suddenly felt like she was being pushed against him, over and over. Her heart was still beating but she doubted it would be for long.

However, everything was quiet. She didn’t feel her hands shaking, she didn’t feel a bundle of anxiety like she did around most men and she didn’t feel like she would fall at any time: she was at peace. No anxiety, no agitation, no bad thoughts.

Jasper wasn’t using his powers on her. He was scared. Scared shitless. He didn’t feel like he was at the parking lot anymore; he felt like he was far, far away from everyone and that it was just the two of them. A bundle of light and peace and only the two of them were allowed.

As their eyes met, Jasper felt like his heart would start beating again at any moment.

Ten minutes later they found shelter in her porch.

_Well, that was awkward._

‘Thank you for the ride.’ She said, sending him a small smile. Jasper wondered when she would show him a real smile, one that reached her eyes and one where he wouldn’t have to suppress all her bad emotions that she felt because he was around. He was still in shell shocked about what had happened and he knew she had felt the same, but he wouldn’t bring that up. He didn’t even know what just happened and he definitely needed to ask Edward. Keeping a human as a pet was hard. Jasper rolled his eyes.

‘Will you ever stop thanking me?’

She laughed. Jasper noticed she was shaking due to the cold; they were both soaking wet. Yeah, the motorcycle hadn’t been his best idea. Valerie smiled at him again and opened her front door. She was about to say goodbye when she noticed his golden locks dripping and his black outfit wet from the rain. It was still raining a lot and he only had his motorcycle with him. Jasper couldn’t read her emotions very well at the moment, only that she was debating something.

‘Hey, would you like to come in until the rain stops? You’re soaking.’

Jasper thought about it for a second. It probably wasn’t a good idea that he was spending some time with her. He was only spending time with her so he could find out more about her past, about who she was and about the vampire that was after her. He had felt sad about her mood in class so he offered her a ride. The ride was given, she was home safe and sound and there were no vampire scents. He could just turn around and go home.

‘I would like that.’

_Well, that was stupid._

Valerie smiled a little more as she opened the door. Jasper remembered this house from the tragic dinner night. It was a rather nice house, very cozy and very homely. Valerie stripped off her wet sweatshirt and she stayed in normal tank top. He pretended he didn’t see the scars in her arms and wrists. She was wearing jeans, which was something new, but they were equally soaked.

‘I would bring you something but I doubt I have something that fits. I’m getting you a blanket, I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home!’

He wanted to tell her that he was okay and that he didn’t need a blanket as he could barely feel anything at all, but he didn’t say anything as watched her leave, a cloud of purple hair following her. Even though she had motioned him to sit down on their white couch he didn’t want to get everything wet, so he stood in the middle of the living room looking at their family pictures placed on the fireplace.

There weren’t many. Just a few of a brunette (and very much younger) Valerie hugging her mother in different locations. He noticed that there were no pictures of friends, male or female; it was only her and her mother. It looked like the father wasn’t on their lives anymore.

As he was inspecting the pictures one by one, a blanket was suddenly placed on his shoulders even though Valerie had a very difficult time putting it there. He smiled, grabbing the ends so he could cover himself and the water wouldn’t drip to the floor. Valerie was already covered in a purple blanket as well. The girl really liked purple.

‘That was taken in Nevada.’ She said, motioning at the picture he had been looking at. ‘It was a long time ago, like five years ago. I was very much brunette and very much ugly, as you can see.’ Jasper chuckled and rolled his eyes. She was far from ugly with brown hair, but he didn’t feel like it was his place to comment. He liked her curly purple hair a lot, even though it was wet and at that moment she looked like a purple poodle. ‘Would you like some tea?’

He didn’t like tea, he _couldn’t_ even drink tea for god’s sake but he nodded his head and Valerie bullied him into sitting on the sofa for two minutes straight. He was scared that she would physically make him to (as in by grabbing him) and would feel his cold skin again and ask more questions so he ended up sitting down. She didn’t even let him help her. As Valerie was making two cups of tea, Jasper was thinking about going to hunt the vampire at night. The girl clearly spent a lot of time by herself as her mother wasn’t home again, and that was a problem.

‘So what are you doing tonight?’ He asked casually. ‘Girl’s night with Jessica?’

He had heard Alice talk about girl’s night a lot with Bella. Valerie sat down, handed him a cup of tea and sat down on the other side of the couch.

‘We don’t have anything planned.’ She shrugged her shoulders. ‘She has plans with her parents today anyway.’

‘So what will you be doing?’

‘I’m probably just going to watch a stupid tv show until I fall asleep on the couch and my mother comes home in the morning to drag me upstairs.’ Valerie said, chuckling. So she was staying home all by herself until 9 in the morning. The hunter would have a lot of time to catch up to her and try to kill her. It wasn’t like Jasper could stay there all night.

‘That sounds lonely.’ He said, trying to get something out of her.

‘It is, sometimes, but my mother needs to save lives, just like you said.’ She shrugged her shoulders and sipped her tea. As she finished it, she put the small cup on the table center. There was a moment of silence. Jasper avoided looking her in the eyes, afraid she would fall on her knees and start yelling and writhing in pain. He could hear the rain pouring outside. He felt comfortable there and surprisingly the silence was comfortable as well. Valerie was there, along with her scent that intrigued him so much. The house was empty with no trace of other vampires.

He liked being in her house. He felt comfortable near her and it was good running away from his vampire family. He couldn’t help but think they have grown to be his family. They were there for him in this whole crazy hunting thing because of a human. Jasper knew they would always be there to welcome him home, but sometimes it was a little too much even for him. She brought him peace, comfort, and he didn’t even know why. He didn’t even know why he didn’t think about Alice anymore. But Valerie had managed to broken centuries of boredom and she gave him the will to do something with his life: protecting her.

He didn’t know what happened back there. He knew that he had loved to touch her and that he longed for more, but it was too good to be true. Nothing good ever came from humans and nothing good ever came for him. He didn’t have many years of practice around humans, but he had been a soldier. He was really good at controlling his thirst when he was around her and that was probably due to the fact that he had been hunting so much for so many days straight to not slip in front of her. He didn’t even breathe when he was around her. Sometimes the burning on his throat was noticeable and that day was definitely one of those days. He blamed the weird _hand-thing_ on that.

He noticed she had fallen asleep on the couch, her hair everywhere as she cuddled with her blanket. He chuckled. _Humans_. Jasper felt bad that she would stay in her wet clothes but honestly there wasn’t anything he could do. He got up and covered her with his dry blanket. Jasper left and locked the door behind him.

### ☂

The rest of the days flew by for the purple haired girl. Practice was better on Sunday than it was on Friday but Valerie was 100% sure that Lauren would never let her play on Sunday’s game. It was a very important game so all she did was go to school, practice everyday for four hours straight, go home, do her homework and sleep. Her mother and Jessica were giving her rides everywhere – her friend was acting a little strange, actually, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to ask her anything – as she hadn’t gotten her car repaired yet. She didn’t have the time to do so and she didn’t know any decent mechanics in Forks, so she was kinda shrugging it off for as long as she could. She hadn’t talked to Jasper in a while. She thought about texting him that she was sorry that she had fallen asleep while he was over but she never found the courage to do so. They had History and Biology together but they didn’t talk much as that wasn’t really possible due to the teachers. They said hi to each other and that was it. She missed talking to him. Eric, Mike, Angela and Jessica were great friends but Jasper made her feel different things. Dangerous things, though, things she promised herself she would never felt for guys. Men in general were not to trust, not after what happened.

Valerie was also kind of avoiding him, if she were to be completely honest with herself. After what happened between them, after they touched, she wasn’t really sure about what to expect coming from Jasper. She didn’t even know what that was; she had never felt it.

But it didn’t matter. The girl knew it was just a subtle high school crush, even though she couldn’t really explain why she suddenly felt like he was calling her. Jasper didn’t text her though, so the purple haired girl decided not to bother him as well.

_She sounded like a ten year old._

Practice was hard. She was giving her best but sometimes she still wanted to give up on everything. The girl had been too tired for the last days to even think about hurting herself or something like that, but the thoughts still clouded her mind. Depression was like that sometimes. Sometimes it got her so lazy that she didn’t find the energy to hurt herself, and sometimes she really did want to do that. It was obvious to Valerie that all those years away didn’t cure her for the events that happened almost three years ago but it was what it was. She needed to learn how to deal with it, and this was the way: being busy. Valerie barely had time to eat and she was always tired, but she was getting better and better. She made some friends on the team and as people saw she was actually good at playing, they started trusting her more and more. Lauren didn’t like that one bit.

It was Saturday. She had spent five hours in training, from 7 pm to midnight. Her mother was working the night shift so she texted her asking if everything was alright. She knew her mother hated working the night shifts as everything usually went to shit.

Jessica was her ride home but she had needed to leave practice early due to personal problems apparently. Valerie wasn’t her priority obviously, so now she didn’t have a ride. She could ask the other girls in the team if they could drive her home, but she didn’t have enough trust in them for that.

She took her phone out of her pocket. It was really late at night and she didn’t feel safe walking nor calling a cab. She knew about someone who would probably pick her up if she asked but it wasn’t fair. She hadn’t talked to him in a week and he hadn’t reached to her yet. Besides, it was midnight; he was probably sleeping.

Yet she would have to walk the dark, rainy streets of Forks for almost an hour until she got home. The game was tomorrow and she felt she would be exhausted. Valerie decided to text him. Fuck it. She missed him anyway; it was weird, but she really did miss him.

**Valerie**

_hey jasper. are you awake?_

It sounded so bad. She hadn’t talked to him for such a long time and she was now texting him at night because she needed a favor; that was stupid. He would probably be really mad at her and he had every right to be. She quickly got in the shower and two minutes later she was out as all the warm water was now gone; she had been the last to leave training. She started getting dressed when her phone buzzed.

**jasper hale**

_Hello, Valerie. Yes, I am. Is everything okay?_

He was sweet.

**Valerie**

_yes, but i needed to ask you a really big favor_

She cringed. This was really bad. She needed to get her car fixed immediately, she couldn’t rely on people and Jasper wouldn’t leave his house to go get her at 12 pm. She was delusional.

**jasper hale**

_Of course, ask away._

**Valerie**

_well, my car’s still broken and my mother’s working night shift. practice ended but jessica had to bail sooner, so i’m kinda stuck here with no ride_

Her hands were shaking as she sent the text. Of course he would say no. She sighed, grabbing her bag and getting ready to walk home. Her phone buzzed two seconds later.

**jasper hale**

_I’ll be there in five._

Her chin dropped in shock.

_And I’ll bring a car, not the motorcycle. It’s raining._


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING AS ALWAYS.
> 
> BLACK LIVES MATTER.

**JESSICA HAD WARNED HER.** She had warned her and Valerie knew deep down that shew was probably going to stay on the benches the entire game. And that’s where Lauren wanted her: away from the game, away from her spotlight that she was afraid the purple haired girl would steal. Lauren didn’t want her to play and she would obviously be last choice to replace someone in case they got hurt. And the truth is, what hurt Valerie the most was that she needed to do what she was told because she wasn’t the Captain, not anymore, not in Forks: Lauren was.

What Jessica didn’t warn her about though, was that this year was the year that Coach F. had started to actually pay attention to the volleyball team. After a heated discussion with Lauren, it was decided that Valerie was indeed going to play. She felt like her heart was about to burst; she felt anxious, of course, but also really happy about the fact that she could show what she was worth. However, she didn’t think she would be worth enough to be trusted the position of a left-wing attacker: that meant that the majority of the hits would be her responsibility.

The girl was shaking as she dressed herself. She had everything she needed: her purple jersey (thank god Forks’ team wore purple), her tight black spandex, knee and elbow pads and long socks. She was physically ready as well, full of energy, but her head and thoughts had always been the tricky part before the games.

As Valerie tried to tame her terrible hair and get a ponytail up, she realized her hands were shaking like hell; why was she feeling like this? The endless hours of training that all the team had, a week straight practicing without stopping, all the injuries, all the sweat... it would be all worth it in the end. Volleyball made her feel at home and it helped her a lot while she was in Forks. Volleyball was something that she knew she could do; it was something that made her happy and it was definitely something that she was successful at. As the Coach as said before, she just needed to have a little more self-esteem and everything would be alright. She should use that advice on everything in her life.

Jessica wasn’t talking nor babbling like she always did, seeming rather nervous as well. They were playing against a team from Port Angeles that they didn’t know much about, only that they hadn’t won in three years. Well, that made two of them.

As her sneakers touched the gym’s floor, she knew she could do this. She was used to this after playing for so long.

Yelling and screaming could be heard around the school building. Jessica smiled at the crowd and Valerie couldn’t help but smile a little too as she noticed that all the school was there; everyone was there screaming and cheering for them like they never had before. Jessica seemed startled and even though Valerie was smiling, she was starting to grow even more nervous and felt a wave of nausea.

As she started lining up, her name was called (more like, _screamed_ ). As she glanced at the crowd, she saw her mother in the crowd, standing up and clapping at her.

Valerie could see that Elizabeth was crying proudly, the tears flooding freely down her face. Valerie couldn’t help but let her heart burst in happiness and take a breath; her mother was there. She had come to see her. She was proud of her.

_Everything would be okay. She could do this._

They were aligned and Valerie didn’t even bother to take a look at the other team. There was no reason to be scared as they had trained hard enough and she knew they could win. The Coach nodded at his girls, the girls he was so proud of, and suddenly the National Anthem was playing.

Valerie was shaking.

They were lined up and then she heard a whistle. And that was it.

Jessica was serving. It was a high serve but she could see these girls were good as they easily moved and popped the ball up to their setter. The ball was already on Forks’ side and everybody was screaming.

A wave of peace washed her over and Valerie knew everything was going to be okay: nothing could compare to the feeling when her arms stretched to connect with the ball. The ball was on the other side again and she could hear the crowd going loud, but her racing heart was the loudest amongst all. The ball was on their side again and Forks was cheering again; she felt her body going on autopilot, and she knew damn well she was made for playing volleyball: she jumped and she was floating for a second, in a different dimension. It was just her and the ball. Everything around her stopped, she took a breath in, a breath out, and then she hit the ball with as much strength and technique as she could.

She hit the ground and everyone was screaming. She had scored.

On that shadows, hiding, a vampire was smiling proudly.

☔

Her hair fell down on curls down to her waist. Valerie didn’t even bother trying to style it; she always liked the way it looked natural (and to be honest, nothing could really tame it).

She was so excited about going to a party – she hadn’t been to one in ages. At first the girl thought she should have just stayed home but her mom, the Coach and even the girls all wanted her to go and join them. She had been a great addition to the team and she really helped them kicking Port Angeles’ ass. So there was she, dressed in a black tube dress and white sneakers getting ready to go a party god knows where. Lauren was hosting the party as she always did. according to Jessica, and Valerie was surprised she was even invited. Or maybe Lauren would just kick her ass once she got there. It was a matter of waiting.

Valerie had to admit that her makeup skills weren’t the best and that she had lost practice in the last few years, but she did the best that she could and applied some bloody-red matte lipstick to finish her look. Jessica was wearing a top and a skirt and high heels; the purple haired girl loved high heels to death but she couldn’t walk on them and didn’t need to break an ankle and ruin her opportunity on volleyball. As she looked at their clothes she was also almost sure they would both freeze to death on the way there.

Lauren’s house was huge, the kind of house people would live when they were acting in a movie. This couldn’t be real life, you couldn’t just live in a house this big and actually not get lost or spend an entire week cleaning it. Valerie had never been to that region of Forks but it was way fancier than where she lived. It was a two-story house painted all in white with two big balconies and a lot of windows. She had noticed that a lot of houses in Forks had windows, which was weird since there wasn’t even any sun that could be of use. The garden was big and she would say that it was beautiful except she couldn’t see shit as all the lights were off, leaving only fluorescent lights to set the party mood. As they approached the house, the girls could also hear the loud music and people – a lot of people laughing, yelling over the music and chatting. Valerie started to get a little nervous but she quickly noticed the girls from their team waving their arms at both girls, signaling their presence. The two of them jogged in their direction while the other girls started cheering and handed them beers. Valerie thought it wouldn’t hurt to drink a little, after all they were celebrating! The girl hadn’t drunk anything in years and she quite missed the taste and the sensation of just letting go.

Mike and Eric were also there. They congratulated Valerie on her performance, which made her smile a lot quite proudly and they all chatted casually while they drank. They were still outside, thank god; Valerie knew that inside things would be even more crowded than in the dark garden and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that, but the music coming from the house was indeed amazing and appealing. Although inside the house was booming, outside wasn’t that bad either: there were teenagers smoking on the deck next to a passed out Tyler (poor thing), empty cups and beer cans littering the front steps and a lot of couples making out and dancing. She was thankful she wasn’t a guy’s magnet (and that Tyler was passed out); she didn’t feel the need to impress anyone like she did in the past, she was just happy to be hanging out with her friends.

Valerie was on her fourth beer when Mikey boy decided it would be a good idea to challenge her for a round of shots, which wasn’t a smart decision as she was an absolute shot machine and he had no idea. Jessica and the girls stayed outside playing beer pong in a random table and she was inside with Mike in a second. The hallways were packed with a lot of people, some of them she didn’t recognize; the music was amazing as she had anticipated, yet the air was filled with smoke. She had loved parties before and she still loved them. Lauren had emptied the living room and transformed it into a dance floor which was absolutely packed.

Mike led Valerie to the kitchen which had been transformed into a bar and they started downing their shots. Mike was passed out literally five minutes later and by her seventh beer after that round of shots, Valerie decided she wanted to dance alone for a while. The music slapped and she missed letting go of herself, of her worries; it was obvious that she didn’t have the best coping mechanisms and that she was clearly drunk, but she wasn’t known as the queen of bad decisions for nothing.

Valerie found her space next to some girls that she didn’t even recognize but it didn’t even matter. She downed her eighth beer in a matter of seconds and could feel crunchy chips and popcorn under her feet as she danced, as well some spilled beer and other sticky substances staining her shoes. The girl just let herself go, feeling the music and moving her body in sync with the rhythm.

Valerie was feeling _very warm_ until she noticed she was dancing and pressing herself against something _very cold._

Jasper was tingling. He wanted to yell at her. She was in danger and she couldn’t even notice. They said vampires were dangerous yet Jasper would never lay his hands on a woman against her will. These kids, however, were eyeing every single girl on the dance floor like they wanted to eat them, and hell, they didn’t even have a valid reason to want that like Jasper had; they were just straight up stupid. One of those kids was Tyler, who seemed very awake now. And _that_ made Jasper mad. He had never liked the guy anyway, but his constant attraction and _feelings_ towards Valerie didn’t help to get him to Jasper’s side.

When her body hit his, he stood still for a second; he hadn’t been expecting that at all. His throat started burning for the sake of his old habits, and Jasper decided that it would be better to hold his breath. He was at a party full of crazy teenagers, he needed to calm himself down. He wouldn’t want to rip anyone’s throat in the middle of the dance floor even though Tyler clearly deserved it. While he was having a battle against his thirst of blood and his thirst for the girl in front of him, Valerie turned around with such speed that she almost fell down.

He managed to grab her by the arm and yank her upwards immediately. He just hoped he hadn’t done it with enough force to bruise her and leave a mark on her white skin. Jasper ignored the sudden electric shock caused by her touch; he ignored his body telling him to wrap his arms around her and place his lips on her neck. He was a machine. He was a soldier. _He could control himself._

Valerie was drunk. Very drunk. Even though she was warm, very warm, she couldn’t help but feel how cold Jasper was.

She couldn’t help but liking it too. Even though everything was seen in flashes and everything was dizzy and spinning around her, she couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Jasper Hale was.

Jasper Hale sometimes looked like he was in pain around her, but he always looked like a God, like someone spent centuries carving every single structure of his body to perfection. His honey blond waves framed his face in an angel-like way matching with his deep eyes. He wasn’t smiling at her, he looked conflicted. She could sense that he was feeling the same as she was feeling.

Jasper knew Valerie was drunk. Very drunk. Her eyes were having trouble focusing on things around her, but she was surely focused on him. She was smiling - an exaggerated, very drunk smile – and she could barely stay standing. Humans were really weak at handling their alcohol.

‘Jaasper…’ She slurred and the vampire realized she wanted to hold on onto him. He was afraid that he would be too cold, so he kept her distance by grabbing her by both arms. He couldn’t let her get too close. ‘You’rehereohmygod!’ Now her words were tumbling from her mouth as she tried to hold on onto him even more. Their position was awkward, it almost looked like they were about to fight in the middle of the dancing crowd. He wondered where, in his centuries of existence, he was destined to get a drunk girl out of a party.

‘Yes Valerie, I’m here.’ He said – more like yelled loud enough so that she could hear him since the volume of the music clearly wasn’t helping – and grabbed her tightly. ‘Don’t you think you should be home?’

‘Noo?’ She slurred again, looking around and spotting the bar. ‘Let’s go get some drinks!’

Jasper wanted to punch himself. _No, of course they weren’t getting some drinks_. Humans were fragile, she was shit faced drunk alone at a party full of high school boys and there was a vampire on the loose trying to hunt her down.

So no, they weren’t getting drinks.

‘It’s time to get home, Valerie.’ He replied, shaking his head. He lost his grip on her arm but started dragging her from the elbow across the party, maybe a little too fast for her human senses because one minute later, when the outside air hit her face, she was throwing up the contents of her stomach on the beautiful white porch.

Damn. She really did hate Lauren.

Jasper sighed. Yes, Valerie Addams was his pet just like Bella was Edward’s pet, apparently. He held her hair as she vomited. It was still very much purple, very much curly and very much long. He liked it this way. Jasper didn’t realize he was caressing her head until she was up again.

‘I know it’s over when I throw up…’ She muttered and Jasper suppressed a laugh. He hadn’t expected her to be sad because she had thrown up. Valerie felt defeated; as soon as she was throwing up, it was time to go home.

He had brought the car again so he quickly sat her down on the passenger seat. Jasper made sure her dressed didn’t go all the way up to her legs and once again glanced at her thighs covered in scars. The humans couldn’t really see them and she was really good at positioning her arms so they couldn’t see those either. It killed him that life was like that. That everything was so fragile and that people were so fucked up, that they were still so fucked up as they were a century ago.

He drove them away, leaving the sounds of the party and teenage boys yelling behind. He had never been to many parties, only formal ones with Carlisle’s friends and parties that Alice sometimes threw, but he surely hated teenager’s parties, especially the ones after games. Girls usually didn’t leave unharmed from those.

He drove slowly so she wouldn’t puke more, but that wasn’t necessary as she was asleep as soon as they left Lauren’s street.

She woke up when he opened her door to get her out.

‘I don’t like boys.’

Valerie’s declaration was so sudden that he raised his eyebrows. Jasper stuttered for a second. ‘I’m sorry?’ He was just the luckiest guy in the world, wasn’t he? This girl he had been kind of obsessed with didn’t even like boys and was admitting it right to his face.

‘Yeah, boys suck.’ She replied. ‘They’re dangerous and they hurt you. But not you, Jasper. Not you… you’re nice!’ Her drunken tone was getting way too happy for his liking. She was probably going to throw up again. Jasper let out a laugh yet couldn’t help but feel a little glad that a little human girl thought that he was nice.

_She shouldn’t trust you, though. Have you forgotten you’re a monster?_

‘Well, I’m glad you think that about me, ma’am.’ He replied, silencing the voices in his head and watching her smiling drunkenly. He was glad he could see Edward and Bella in her doorstep. Edward had been watching her house for vampire movement and Jasper had begged them for help as he had no idea how he was supposed to get her upstairs. ‘Make sure you get some sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.’

‘Oh, no no!’ She almost screamed as he grabbed her arm to help her out of the car. Jasper raised his eyebrow. ‘You’re not leaving until I tell you something!’

If he had a heart, it would have stopped beating already.

‘Yes?’

_Courage._

Jasper knew the effects of alcohol on humans and loss of inhibition was one of them. He didn’t expect Valerie Addams to start ranting and gesticulating while blushing at the same time.

‘I don’t know how you do this, or why… But I think I know you, I feel like I’ve known your for a long time…’ Jasper gulped. So she recognized him as well. He crouched down in front of her. ‘You always pull me towards you, I feel like I _feel too much_ when you’re around and-’

And she stopped talking.

‘And?’ Jasper urged. The vampire felt bad that Valerie was only saying all of this because she was drunk, but he needed to know. What if she _knew_ about him? About his family? They would have to leave.

Valerie gulped.

‘And I think I kinda like you…’

His entire world stopped.

His chest was burning for a second. Then it exploded in the most cliché way.

She passed out right after in the most cliché way as well.

Edward was there in a second to hold his brother. He knew he needed it; the words hit him and he wasn’t ready for a human to say that they _liked_ him. Hell, he wasn’t ready for the word _like_ coming from a human. Bella looked rather startled, but she grabbed the girl and led a very drunk Valerie upstairs without saying a word.

He had never left so fast. He ran as fast as he could; he ran and ran and ran. He only stopped when he saw his father.

Even though Jasper didn’t know, Carlisle Cullen loved all his children dearly either they were his creation or not. It hurt him to see Jasper so disoriented, it hurt him to see Alice suffering and it definitely hurt him not knowing the future of his family, but it hurt him even more to know that he couldn’t do anything to help them. Things would eventually fall into place someday; that was how everything worked in their lives.

Jasper’s eyes were dark and wide, yet it wasn’t due to hunger. He was confused, lost, scared. He had never seen Jasper scared.

‘I want my old life back.’ It was all his son had managed to mutter. Carlisle patted him in the back and Jasper lowered down his head. Either it was in shame or in sadness; the father didn’t know. Jasper was never the one to lose his mind and do wild things (not anymore), yet this _human_ girl was clearly driving him insane. Carlisle knew, Alice knew, Edward knew, all knew why but kept it a secret from Jasper. ‘I don’t understand what’s going on, but I want it back.’

‘Our lives aren’t static, son.’ Carlisle muttered. ‘Just because we are, it doesn’t mean our lives won’t change…’

Jasper gripped his blond hair tightly; he felt like ripping it off. He hated humans, yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate her. He wanted to be around her all the time and he had even start to forget about Alice when she was around. His thoughts of loyalty and protection were dedicated to Valerie, not to his mate of so many years. What was going on?

‘I don’t understand what’s going on.’ He said. ‘She said she _liked_ me. I know how humans are, but- but she’s different. She looks different, she _feels_ different. What do I do, Carlisle?’

Carlisle sighed. He knew. He knew and he felt so bad that he knew.

‘I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You have your entire life to figure it out, son.’

‘But she hasn’t, right?’ A female voice interrupted.

It was the first time Jasper had seen Rosalie talk about the subject.

He loved Rose dearly; she was literally his sister. He didn’t think he could love someone as he loved Rose, but apparently it was possible to do so. She had been on his side during the whole Bella-drama, but now the Bella-drama was gone and this Valerie-drama looked a lot worse in his eyes. She wouldn’t be by his side; she hated humans.

‘What are you even fucking talking about?’ Jasper was growing more and more confused. It seemed like everyone already knew something he didn’t and he couldn’t help but feel helpless and lost in a sea of feelings that he didn’t know anything about. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do to save her; hell, he didn’t even know what the hunter’s next move would be.

‘You’ll see Jasper, you’ll see.’ Rosalie grumbled. She looked her dear brother in the eye, the brother she loved so much, and sighed. He didn’t deserve this. ‘Just remember that _nothing_ good is ever allowed in our lifestyle; love, kindness and happiness included.’

☔

Her head was hurting and she didn’t know why.

Maybe the fact that she was still on her tube dress and there were pills and a cup of water in her nightstand meant something.

Valerie remembered the game: it was a fair win and they had put on a hell of a show that Forks Highschool wasn’t expecting. All their hard work had finally paid off thankfully and she even had the opportunity to play. Her mother had also been there to see her, which was something that she hadn’t been expecting.

Valerie rolled to the right side of her bed and her feet touched the ground. She was still on her socks; well, she had no idea how she got in bed but at least she took her sneakers off. The girl swallowed the pills with the water and found out that her mouth still tasted of beer and of those cheap tequila shots she had been doing with Mike last night; that was all she remembered. She assumed she blacked out after the shots.

Valerie decided to check her phone to see if it was already lunch time. She often passed out for two hours but then woke up to throw up, but it was already 4 pm and she had twenty missed calls from Jessica. _Fuck_. What had she even done last night?

She tried to retrace her steps. Valerie and Jessica had gotten ready, they left for the party, they arrived and they danced and had fun. Then Mike decided it was time for shots and-

And then she heard someone trying to demolish her front door. She was almost sure who that was.

She took a quick look in the mirror and almost wanted to pretend she was dead just so she didn’t have to open the door. Her hair was everywhere in a frizzy mess, her dress was wrinkly and her makeup was smudged. She looked like she had been run over by a car. Maybe she had and she didn’t remember. _Shit._

She quickly threw herself down the stairs to open the door as the pouncing continued; she thanked herself that her mother wasn’t home to witness this disaster.

When she opened the door, a very red, pissed, arms-crossed Jessica was standing outside. Valerie had seen that exact facial expression and body language in her mother several times, so she shrank a little in fear.

‘Where the hell have you been?!’ The brunette asked, fuming and entering her house. Valerie closed the door behind them. Shit. Her head kinda hurt. ‘I was so worried! You just disappeared!’

‘I’m so sorry, Jessica, I don’t rememb-’

Jessica didn’t care. She just kept ranting.

‘And then Mike tells me you were leaving absolutely shit faced with Jasper Hale, and-’

‘What?’ Valerie interrupted her, and Jessica rolled her eyes. _Jasper Hale?_ She was with Jasper Hale last night? What the hell? And she left the party with him?

Her heart stopped for a second as every memory from last night hit her.

_A cold body dancing against hers._

_Puke. A shit load of puke._

_Warm. Feeling so warm._

_‘I think I kinda like you…’_

_No._

Oh hell no.

She just didn’t do that.

Jessica looked at her and rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated.

‘Yeah, you just did that. I have no idea what you did with Jasper, but something happened. And you better remember.’

Valerie sighed. She didn’t remember every single detail but she definitely remembered some things. And she surely remembered that she told him that she liked him; like she would even stand a chance with him. That was laughable.

Thank god she had no memory about what happened after or else she was sure she would be banging her head against a wall.

‘Nothing happened, Jess.’ She sighed. ‘He dropped me home, I was feeling really sick. How was the party last night, anyway?’

Jessica ranted for what felt like a century about the party the night before as they both sat down and drank some orange juice. Her friend described each detail about making out with Mike and about the police crashing the party and everything ending in disaster by 4 am. She was lucky enough to get out with Mike, Angela and Eric but some of the girls of the team had to have her parents picking them up. Apparently parties in Forks weren’t really well accepted by everyone.

They had a weird version of a brunch and Jessica left since she was going to hang out with Mike. Her friend said she didn’t believe her and that she was sure that something had happened between Valerie and Jasper but eventually drove away as she realized the girl wouldn’t tell her anything. When the purple haired found herself alone, she just couldn’t help herself: she needed to talk to him. Valerie was really afraid of losing him, she just couldn’t bear the thought of losing a friendship because she was a sappy drunk. She grabbed her phone and decided to just text whatever came to her mind.

**Valerie**

_hey jasper! how are you doing?_

She pressed the send button while her hands were shaking and had no answer for two minutes. Maybe he was mad or maybe he didn’t want to talk to her; she didn’t know. She knew she had fucked everything up last night. Valerie decided to text him again.

**Valerie**

_do you think we can talk about last night? i don’t remember much but yeah_

Another two minutes without an answer. She felt stupid for trying too hard to make him talk to her, but the need of making sure that everything was alright between them was unbearable. Anxiety sometimes drove her to do stupid shit, and triple texting him was probably one of those occasions. However, Valerie really, _really_ liked Jasper. A lot. They could still be friends even after the whole awkward thing, right?

**Valerie**

_thank you for bringing me home. Everything was really childish of me. I would really like to talk._

His phone was buzzing, but Jasper was currently too busy running after James to even feel it.

He was growling; his brothers were right behind him, Edward being the closest one and him leading the chase. Edward was the fastest, yes, but not when Jasper’s _pet_ life was on stake. While Esme was guarding Valerie’s house, the rest of the family was trying to catch James who had currently approached the Cullen Residence, as he probably tracked the vampire’s scent on Valerie’s belongings. Jasper knew damn well this would only stop when the hunter was dead, split in half and burning into ashes, and he was the one who was going to do that.

Jasper was on fire; he could feel himself burning but it wasn’t from thirst: it was from pure rage. He wanted to kill this vampire. He wanted him to die, he wanted him to leave them alone and let him and Valerie live their lives without being so scared all the time.

Jasper ran. Edward was trying to catch up with him but it was hard; it was hard because Jasper was running after the thing he hated the most in the world, yet he never seemed able to catch it. It was impossible that he was faster than Edward, it was impossible that he was faster than Jasper’s rage. As they sprinted, James glanced at Jasper. _And he fucking smirked._

Jasper’s roar shook the whole forest.

As James touched the Canadian border, which apparently had been his plan all along, Jasper was unable to chase him as Edward tackled him to the ground. He was blind; the hatred he had for James had blinded him and as he tried to bite his brother to get rid of him, he felt Emmett and Rosalie grabbing his arms and head.

‘It’s not worth it, we need a plan!’ Edward growled as Jasper tried to bite him in the arm. ‘He’s different, he has a gift of some sort I haven’t been able to understand. He’s able to plan things ahead and not get caught. This was on purpose, just to feel the rush of adrenaline. We will catch him next time.’

Jasper didn’t give a shit about fights; he had never lost a fight and he wasn’t about to lose this one. As his siblings let him go he started uprooting the trees nearby and throwing them against the ground when Alice appeared out of nowhere. She hadn’t been on the chase and she still wasn’t talking to Jasper nor to any of the others except Edward and Carlisle.

‘He’s not coming back as for today. He loved the little show you gave him. He knows you’re scared for her.’ Alice looked him dead in the eye. ‘He’s winning, Jasper.’

The vampire kneeled and stared at the endless sky.


	9. nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. Read with caution.

**VALERIE WAS THE FIRST** of her group of friends to arrive to Biology class. Jessica wasn’t talking to her (she was only giving her silent rides in the mornings and afternoons) and even though the rest of her friends were as nice as always, the girl didn’t feel good spending time with them when Jessica was mad at her. It didn’t feel right.

Valerie was feeling quite miserable sitting down; she felt even more miserable when Jasper appeared out of nowhere and sat right next to her. Well, that was his seat after all.

The blond sent her a small smile. The bell hadn’t rung yet.

‘Hey. You’re here early.’

‘Indeed I am.’ Valerie replied between her teeth. She had fucked up, _yes_ , but she hated being ignored. People had lives, of course, but he had ignored her for a day straight. The girl just knew it had been on purpose.

‘Trouble in heaven?’

‘Yeah.’ Did he want her to snap at him? _Really?_ ‘Something like that.’

Jasper didn’t understand why the girl next to him was feeling so mad, but indeed she was; he could feel that she was about to snap at him just by feeling her energy so the vampire decided to shut up for the rest of the class. That is, until the teacher decided they were to solve the exercises together. And they were partners. Her emotions still hadn’t changed as she flipped the pages quite agressively and started writing on her notebook.

‘I’ve covered this before back in Arizona. I can do it by myself if you want to.’ That was all she said as she refused to look at him. He felt like laughing; he had covered that shitty exercises a million times as well.

‘We’re supposed to do this together.’ He acknowledged as he scooted closer to her. Jasper reminded himself that he had been trying to kill James the night before so he hadn’t hunted, so it would be better to hold his breath around her. ‘First one’s True.’

‘Yep.’ She agreed dryly and wrote it down in her notebook. They discussed the rest of the exercises and Jasper found out they actually worked well as a team, even though she was in the shittiest mood ever. They finished the two pages in five minutes and then she was silent again, doodling random flowers in her notebook. Valerie was building up the courage to say something. ‘Did you get my texts?’

Oh. _The texts._ He had only seen the texts when he got to school just a few hours ago. He didn’t feel like it would have been smart to reply to her when he could talk to her at school.

Truthfully, he didn’t want to talk about it. He just got mad at the most random shit sometimes, but this wasn’t random; he didn’t know what attracted him in this girl but it was surely something that he needed to cover and get in control. However, they needed to talk.

‘I just didn’t think it would have been appropriate to discuss that subject by text.’

Valerie gulped. She knew she had fucked up. Jasper looked calm but he didn’t look happy at all about her sudden revelation. Why would she even say something like that? She was supposed to be a sad drunk, not a sappy one.

‘I guess.’ She said and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Today’s not raining.’

Jasper looked through the window. Alice hadn’t predicted sun for a long time and that was good; it meant he could still go to school and see if she was safe. The clouds surrounding Forks didn’t look very threatening, but they were good enough to hide the sun.

‘It’s not which is good because I brought my motorcycle.’

Valerie smirked. She decided to be bold and Jasper felt her energy changing. If Jasper didn’t want to discuss things by text, they would have to discuss them face to face.

‘Today’s Tuesday.’

‘You’re just throwing random facts today?’

She smirked again.

‘I guess. I don’t have practice today.’

‘Another very interesting fact, Ms. Addams.’ He smirked. ‘I must remind you that is also a fact that I brought my motorcycle, that you seem to be so keen on, today.’

So he wasn’t mad at her. Valerie couldn’t help but giggle at his words and at the way he spoke; he wasn’t like Mike or Eric. She liked that, it was what one of the things that made Jasper Hale so unique.

Jasper felt human again for a second as he heard her giggle. Something inside his chest fluttered as he heard the beautiful sounds coming from her mouth. Beautiful, yet human sounds. That was the problem.

‘I really don’t feel like going to Chemistry and Physics after lunch.’

‘I think I’ve had enough of Literature and Spanish as well.’

Valerie smirked and glanced at Jasper.

He was smirking back and she knew, for a fact, that she was starting to love him.

‘I’ll meet you after lunch.’

☔

‘I think I’m still hungover.’ Valerie muttered even though no one actually heard her. She stabbed a piece of lettuce and realized that everyone was talking to each other about the party. Jessica was talking to Mike something about her lip gloss staining his shirt while Angela and Eric were discussing which picture was the best to use on the school’s paper. ‘I should go home.’

‘I can’t give you a ride.’ Jessica grumbled as she left Mike for a second to look at her friend. She still wasn’t really happy about their last argument apparently.

‘That’s okay Jess.’ She responded as she started getting up. ‘I’ll call my mom to pick me up. Thanks for the ride anyway.’

Mike asked her if she was going to be okay to walk to the parking lot alone. Mike was a good guy, really. Jessica was a good friend as well, she was just mad at her; even though she didn’t feel like it was very fair, she had the right to be mad. Valerie thanked him saying she would be fine by herself. As she was leaving the cafeteria she couldn’t help but glance at the Cullen’s table.

Bella was munching on some pasta and talking to Emmett about something that was making him smirk. Rosalie was texting someone while Edward was just looking at Bella with pure love and respect; it was clear why she hanged around Edward so much, he seemed to really love her and the Cullen’s were really welcoming (only to her, though). She realized that Jasper wasn’t there and that he was probably already at the parking lot waiting for her.

That’s when she remembered that Jasper wasn’t _alone_.

She remembered her introduction to the Cullen family: Edward was with Bella, Emmett was with Rosalie and… and _Jasper was with Alice._

Well, that was dumb of her.

It didn’t even hurt and she didn’t even flinch when she came to the conclusion that she was starting to fancy a boy who already had a girl. A girl he surely loved, as Alice Cullen was absolutely stunning. Valerie hadn’t seen them together in ages but she was sure they were still together; hell, they lived in the same house.

The girl sighed and thought that she should just not go; she should just text him saying that she needed to go to her classes, tell him that her mother would be pissed or a story of some sort. Valerie could lie, indeed; she had been lying her whole life. The purple haired flinched as she wasn’t expecting Edward to look her straight in the eye. He raised an eyebrow at her and Valerie couldn’t help but blush; it was like he was hearing her thoughts.

Valerie decided to just go for it. It wasn’t like he had other ideas besides hanging out with a fellow classmate. He was her friend. Everything else was just bullshit.

_He’s your friend. But you can’t trust guys, remember?_

Jasper was leaning against his motorcycle when he saw her coming. She was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, a skirt, thigh highs and sneakers, her usual outfit. It was perfectly normal that she caught James’ attention, she was absolutely stunning and he could smell her attractive scent from miles away. Her purple hair followed her as it flew with the wind. In a few seconds she was smiling in front of him, even though he could feel some apprehension coming from her. Jasper wondered why but didn’t ask. Humans were just like that.

‘Ready to go?’

‘Always.’

Even though its landscape was great, Jasper couldn’t exactly take her to the Reservation due to _obvious_ reasons. Thankfully he knew a lot about places to go when he wanted to be alone and think, so he took her to his favorite place on earth, which was way less crowded than the Reservation.

‘Wow, this is great.’ The girl gasped as she analyzed her surroundings. It was beautiful. More than beautiful. It was absolutely breath taking and she had never been to a place like the one the boy had taken her. It looked like it had been designed in someone’s dreams.

Valerie looked at the sand under her sneakers; she hadn’t touched sand in what looked like a century. She hadn’t gone for a swim in almost three years. _She had never felt free in almost three years._

Jasper took off his jacket, leaving only his sweatshirt on and put the jacket on the sand, covering it. Valerie couldn’t help but blush at his gesture and they both sat down, the jacket protecting their clothes from the wet sand.

‘Don’t you ever get cold?’ Valerie snorted and Jasper merely smirked.

‘You get used to it in Forks.’

‘For how long have you lived here?’

They had moved in about 4 years ago. They spent one year without going to school and hiding as much as possible but then Carlisle started his career and they needed to blend in. They were getting bored anyway, and since Carlisle hadn’t given them permission to travel without him yet – like they were little kids – they had no other option than to blend in the normal mundane life. He missed those times when everything looked so right, so in place.

‘Four years ago. It looks like a century, honestly.’ He chuckled and Valerie nodded. She had been lived in Forks for almost a month and she already felt like she had been stuck there for a year. Yet she didn’t dislike it; it was just that it was Forks. She loved being here and it was better than Arizona, but she still missed the sun, her friends, her old school.

She took note that Jasper had been living in Forks for four years yet she still felt like she recognized him from somewhere. From where, though? She had never been close to Forks. ‘Now that more time passed… how are you truly liking Forks?’

‘Forks is… Forks.’ She said, shrugging her shoulders and remembering that they had this exact same conversation some time ago. ‘I like my friends, yet I think they don’t like me very much, which kinda sucks.’ She let out a laugh but Jasper could see that it hurt her. ‘Well, it’s going to be only until July anyway, so…’

July. He just hoped that they would have everything sorted out with James until July, or things were probably going to get messy. He didn’t doubt that James would follow her until the end of her life if it that meant he would get to feel the rush of hunting her.

‘They were friends with Bella before, you know…’ He started, trying to comfort her but not really wanting to hurt her by saying the truth. ‘They’re just like that sometimes. This isn’t about you.’

Valerie smiled a little and wondered if Jasper was right. She just hoped he was.

The girl felt relaxed with Jasper. Even though she knew he was taken and that he was in love with someone, she just couldn’t help but appreciate that he left school with her to just spend some time away. Sometimes spending so much time dealing with teachers and teenagers and college applications was too much for her. It was rather cold at the beach, but Valerie felt at peace. They were the only ones enjoying the afternoon so the only sounds heard were from the deep, blue waves crashing against the shore, the seagulls screeching and the wind blowing lightly against her face. Valerie couldn’t help but breathe in deeply the smell of seawater that she had missed so much and that she had taken for granted back in Arizona.

As she closed her eyes and lay back on the sand, Jasper couldn’t help but feel like all his centuries of existing hadn’t meant nothing. It hadn’t meant anything being alive because she hadn’t been there with him.

Valerie was now laying down and she couldn’t help but look around at the beautiful beach that she had never heard of. Jessica only ever talked about La Push and she hadn’t mentioned any other beaches. As she looked around, she examined the rocky cliffs and she couldn’t help but feel attracted to them. They would surely give them a great view of the sea, but they also looked really dangerous. She liked dangerous.

‘Is it true that Bella used to cliff dive?’

Jasper couldn’t help but laugh. That took him by surprise. He wanted to say that no, Bella didn’t use to cliff dive. She decided to randomly jump from a cliff, almost die and almost cause his brother to kill himself. But he couldn’t exactly tell her that Alice had seen her jumping in a vision and that Edward tried to commit suicide by exposing himself to the human world, so he just smirked.

‘Jessica told you that, hun?’ Valerie snickered and nodded. ‘Bella was a little careless by doing it, though. She went alone.’

‘It must have been really cool though.’ The girl cautioned. Jasper was afraid for a second. He could _see_ all the scars carved in her legs and he knew there were more under her long sleeved shirt – he hadn’t spoken to Carlisle about it yet, but Edward told him that he needed to understand that maybe she wasn’t okay; that maybe she needed some phycological help. She wouldn’t try to kill herself by jumping off, would she?

‘It is…’ Jasper hesitated. He didn’t know how humans worked so he was being very careful with his words. ‘If you have someone to help you if you need.’

Valerie hesitated for a moment. She sat back down and smiled wickedly.

‘Isn’t it great that there’s two of us?’

☔

‘So we’re really doing this?’

He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t know that it wasn’t safe and that he would give his life to save hers if needed.

‘Do you want to?’ Jasper inquired. Valerie was afraid of the heights. Really, really afraid. But she also really, _really_ wanted to do this with Jasper. ‘You’re going to freeze to death though. And it’s probably not a good idea that you decided to wear a skirt today.’ He eyed her legs. She couldn’t help but blush.

‘Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting to go cliff diving, was I?’

‘Expect the unexpected when you’re with me, darlin’.’

He shouldn’t have said that. That was dumb, that was risky and she was probably disgusted.

Valerie couldn’t stop thinking about how much she loved that he called her darling.

She decided to change the subject.

‘What if I hit my head? What if I drown? What if-’

‘Hey. Calm down.’ Jasper interrupted her, and even though Valerie had stripped off her sweatshirt and was wearing just a top to cover her skin she started feeling warm and quite calm. ‘I’ll jump first and I’ll be there to catch you.’

Valerie nodded. She just hoped she wouldn’t chicken out when the time came.

‘I think I might faint on my way down…’

Jasper was wearing all black. He had stripped of his sweatshirt and was only wearing a t-shirt. Only then she realized he had muscles. Like, actual toned muscles and strong arms. He wasn’t as buff as Emmett, who looked like a whole ass wall, but he looked rather-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a laughing Jasper.

‘We’ll be fine, I promise. I’m going to jump now. Do you still want to do this?’

She nodded without giving it much thought. She knew Jasper would never let anything bad happen to her. She didn’t know why, she just knew.

‘Okay. I’ll see you on the water.’ He smiled at her, and then he was gone.

Valerie wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and she wasn’t even the one who was falling like, 50 feet above water, for fuck’s sake! She heard a thud and then a blond head surfaced. Jasper gave her a thumbs up and gestured her to join him.

Yeah, maybe cliff diving hadn’t been one of her brightest ideas.

Yet she trusted Jasper. She trusted him so much that she was sure that he would be there to catch her. She could only pray that she wouldn’t hit her head against a rock on her way down.

She breathed in, breathed out. _Live a little._

She jumped.

It was horrifying. When people did it they described it as an out of body experience, yet Valerie was absolutely out of breath as she screamed, screamed and screamed on her way down. She felt like she was flying, that her entire body was shaking and that her head was just going to pop out of her head at any time soon. The fall lasted a few hours in her head as she screamed, yet 5 seconds later she felt the smack of the ice cold water on her body.

Jasper was already underwater before she hit the water. As he saw her sinking, he grabbed her arm and pulled her up. He was glad that she didn’t actually die with the impact; humans were too fragile for his liking. Her head was now out and she looked like a purple poodle. He was grabbing her by the arm while they both tried to stay afloat.

That is, until a very out-of-breath and panicky Valerie decided to hug him by the neck.

The vampire wasn’t expecting to feel her body so close to him. He hadn’t expected her to wrap her small arms around his neck and hide her face in his collarbones. He didn’t feel it yet he knew the water was absolutely freezing, but as they held on to each other it felt like warm water was now washing them both. Valerie felt complete as she steadied her breath. Jasper was normally very cold and she knew for a fact she should be freezing, but her body against his had never felt so warm. As she felt his arms around her, she felt safe.

She felt alive.

She found out that life sometimes was actually worth living.

As the waves crashed against their bodies, Valerie decided that she wanted to look at Jasper. Deep down, she knew this was wrong. She knew this guy had a girlfriend that he loved very much, but she felt weird. She felt like she was supposed to be there, in his arms, as cliché as it sounded.

Valerie looked him in the eye. His hair was dripping, his lips slightly parted. He was perfect.

Jasper had never found humans attractive. Yet he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her and hold her against him. Her lips were slightly parted, almost inviting him in.

Her emotions were a mess. A _nxiety. Shame. Fear. Lust._

She leaned towards him. Jasper stopped breathing as her scent became overwhelming. If she were to kiss him right now, he would rip her throat right there in the water.

‘You really don’t want to do that.’

Valerie stopped. Her emotions were now very clear: r _ejection._

‘I’m sorry.’

Jasper raised his eyebrow as he pulled in her driveway. He could almost feel his insides burning in pain: the entire ride had been awful as she had projected all her shame and sadness into him for the entire time. It didn’t help that she was shaking because it was too cold.

Jasper sighed. He was a reckless vampire. He was even worse than Edward. This whole situation was stupid. The human had become infatuated with him and now they had a problem in their hands. How was he supposed to get away from her now? How was he supposed to protect her? If the hunter found out about all of it she would be dead even faster. It would only make his game even more interesting.

‘You’re sorry?’ He hesitated. He could almost bet this was about the kiss but didn’t want to push an answer from her.

She cleared her throat and he could feel the anxiety rising on her. Valerie gulped and stared down at her sneakers.

‘About everything at the party when I told you that I l-’

‘Oh, Jasper! You’re here! Oh my, why are y’all soaking wet?’

This was just getting better and better. She missed school, decided to jump off a cliff, Jasper Hale had refused to kiss her, she had tried to kiss a man who had a girlfriend, she was about to tell him she was sorry for saying that she liked him, and now her mother caught them both wet from head to toe on her front yard. How great.

Valerie felt her insides burning as she reminded herself over and over that he had rejected her and, worse than that, she had tried to kiss a man who had a girlfriend. She was no home wrecker, but apparently Forks had changed her too much. How stupid of her. Now she was ready to tell him that she said she liked him back at the party because her mother didn’t love her enough and she had mommy issues and all of that, when no one other than Elizabeth Addams made her appearance in their porch. _How great._

‘Hello, Mrs. Addams.’ Jasper said while Valerie grew smaller next to him. ‘I picked up Valerie from school and we decided to go take a swim.’

Elizabeth was still very sleepy and she was still dressed on her pajamas so she couldn’t exactly come out the porch, but she gripped her blanket harder as she watched her daughter shivering.

‘God, you kids are insane. Come on inside and get yourselves warm!’

‘Thank you for the invitation, Mrs. Addams, but I’m afraid I have to go meet my parents. I’ll change at home.’

Now Valerie was definitely sad. He didn’t even want to get in which was a sign that he was indeed pissed off at her. Her mother wasn’t very happy either, fearing that Jasper would catch a cold. She said her goodbyes and told Jasper not to a stranger (even though Valerie knew he was about to be one) and left.

There they were, the two off them, alone again. Valerie cleared her throat. She had lost all the courage, she just wanted to go home. The girl wasn’t feeling very well; she was actually feeling rather sad and wanted to be by herself, even though she knew how dangerous her thoughts could be, she had brought this upon herself. This was her fault.

‘Well, I’m going inside.’ She spluttered. ‘We have homework and-’

‘Is your car still not working?’ Valerie raised an eyebrow as she saw Jasper looking at her Toyota. She hadn’t had the time to take it somewhere to get repaired anyway and she wasn’t even in the mood to do so. She needed her mother to go with her because she didn’t want to get scammed as she didn’t know anything about cars, but she was always too busy for anything other than working. As she explained the whole situation to Jasper, he nodded. ‘Alright. I can give you rides, if you need.’

‘Jessic-’

‘Jessica didn’t seem very happy with you today. I’ll be here at seven thirty tomorrow.’

Valerie was still in shock. He was a really kind guy. Even though she had made those stupid remarks at that stupid party, made him jump off a cliff just for fun, tried to kiss him and gotten his bike all wet, he was still good enough of a person to offer her rides.

Valerie smiled. Even though it hurt her to say those words, she reminded herself that Alice existed and that she was his girlfriend.

‘You’re a really good friend, Jasper Hale.’

The words burned him from the inside, but he didn’t say anything. After all, that was just what he was always going to be and how she would always see him: as a friend.

It was only when Valerie stepped into her room when she realized she was still wearing Jasper’s sweatshirt.

It was only when Jasper stepped into his room that he realized he hadn’t been using his powers on her.

They didn’t hurt each other anymore.

☔

It was now a normal occurrence for Jasper Hale to be picking up Valerie Addams from school everyday and dropping her at her house after practice. Jessica hadn’t mentioned anything about the two of them yet, but Valerie was expecting she would do so really soon; she knew the girl was all about gossip and not even her own best friend would be safe from that.

Jasper and Valerie arrived at school. He found a good parking spot and after that they parted ways, smiling at each other ways while Jasper’s siblings sent him glares. As Jessica had said before, they weren’t exactly approachable.

After what happened a few weeks ago while cliff diving, Jasper and Valerie didn’t talk much. They said hello in the mornings, talked about the weather and their classes, she thanked him for his ride and they went to class. After school they said hello, talked about their classes and about homework and she thanked him for the ride. It was quite suffocating for her. It was like he was mad at her even though he didn’t show it. It was like he didn’t feel like having around but had to since he promised her he would give her a ride everyday. It was like he was nothing but a shadow.

She really needed to have her car fixed, but as soon as she solved her car’s problem, Jasper would be gone. And that hurt.

Jasper was sitting down next to her in Biology. They were doing textbook exercises together again but they didn’t talk much; they only exchanged the words needed to solve the exercises. When they finished, Valerie asked Mr. Molina if she could go to the bathroom.

As she was going back to class, only a few classrooms away from Biology, the girl saw Tyler standing against the lockers. He was leaning against them as he was waiting for someone. Weird, but okay. She hadn’t talked to Tyler a lot ever since the accident, but they had checked on each other to see if they were alright and he told her he was sorry. They were in good terms.

Jasper could _literally_ smell lust in the air. He just didn’t know where it came from, but he surely hoped it wasn’t from Mr. Molina because he was talking to Jessica. Disgusting and creepy humans.

Valerie was still in the hallway and she unconsciously pulled her plaid skirt down; Tyler made her skin crawl sometimes, not only because he almost crushed her to death but also because she was aware of the way he looked at her sometimes. She dressed however she wanted and she would never, ever start differently because of anyone. She couldn’t help but feeling a little stressed when he called her.

_Calm down. He’s your friend, remember? It’s just Forks._

‘What’s up, Val!’ He called her, all smiles and giggles, and she raised an eyebrow as he approached her. ‘Going to class?’

She tried to smile.

‘Oh, yeah. I had to go to the bathroom. Shouldn’t you be in class too?’

Jasper could smell _fear_ in the air.

Suddenly, Tyler started approaching her. She took a step back. And one. And two. And she raised an eyebrow. By her third step, he had her pressed against the lockers, hands on either side of her head.

‘What the fuck, Tyler,’ She spat out, trying to leave and her body turning into emergency mode immediately. She didn’t like being touched and she surely didn’t feel comfortable being so close to him. The hallway being completely empty didn’t help either. Even though she was trying to leave, he only pressed harder against her so she stopped moving to avoid contact. Only then she realized she was shaking. ‘What do you want?’

‘C’mon Val, relax…’ He slurred and she looked into his eyes, seeing the glazed look on them. Was he fucking drunk at 10 in the morning? ‘Just trynna talk to you.’

_Jasper got up._


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. Read with caution.

**AS TYLER STARTED LEANING** forward, Valerie tried to move again and set herself free; she could just go absolutely wild on him and punch him square in the nose in the middle of the hallway. Nothing bad would ever happen to her again, not if she could stop _them_ from hurting her and stand up for herself. She wasn’t a kid anymore.

‘Tyler, I’m asking you to kindly move the fuck away.’ She grunnted between her teeth. He _needed_ to move. ‘Don’t get me mad.’

‘C’mon babe, you just gotta chill out.’ Tyler leaned even more towards her, his breath hitting her face, and before he could even think of putting his lips against her, she kneeled him right in the groin. As Tyler yelled in pain and reached out to grab the area, Valerie managed to start sprinting her way out to class. She was fast, she had athletic training for fuck’s sake. However Tyler’s 6’1” figure and his long legs reached out to her before she could even get close to class. He yanked her arm, making her stop and almost fall down, and suddenly his hand was up. Valerie grew smaller and protected her face, expecting to be smacked. _Motherfucker._ ‘You fucking bit-’

He didn’t have time to finish his sentence as he was literally ripped away from her a second later. Valerie fell to the ground, losing all her balance and not expecting the sudden movement; all she saw were shadows. That’s when she realized that Tyler was now pressed against the lockers while a very pissed off Jasper Hale was grabbing him by the throat. The man was clearly struggling to breathe, his eyes popping out like a fish and his mouth opening and closing, legs dangling in the air. The blond man had him by the throat and his tight grip was starting to leave marks on his neck. Valerie’s legs were shaking; she couldn’t get up. Was she dreaming?

‘You do have a fucking death wish, don’t you?’ She didn’t even recognize Jasper’s voice: it couldn’t be him. She almost didn’t recognize the voice as she was so used to his sweet, husky tone; yet this was a whispered, dangerous and cruel voice. He didn’t look, he didn’t even sound like the same person she knew; tears were now staining Valerie’s face as she tried to get up. She needed to stop Jasper. ‘I’m going to rip you apart, Tyler, and I’m going to do it in front of everyone, right _fucking_ now-’

‘Jasper.’

As his name came out of her mouth, Jasper’s world stopped. When he saw what was going on, he only had one thing in his mind: murder. He was going to kill Tyler.

But then he saw her there, her arms wrapped around herself, clearly looking for protection and for a way out of the situation. He winced as tears started to stain her face. She was scared.

Jasper’s whole body was tense. He still had Tyler on a tight grip, not tight enough to crush his throat but hard enough to hurt him, but he was looking at her now. She noticed that his beautiful, golden eyes were now black, literally black. They were dark, wide and cruel. He looked scary as hell, yet she wasn’t scared of him. She was just worried that he would get in trouble.

‘Jasper.’ She repeated, trying to find her voice, this time more steadily. ‘This is too much. I can’t.’

The vampire only wanted one thing and that thing was to kill Tyler right there and then, but more important than his vengeance, that he could have any other day, was that Valerie wasn’t feeling well. She didn’t want to stay there.

He needed to be there for her. They needed to leave.

Tyler was now turning blue. Jasper squeezed his throat a little more, being careful not to crush it; he whispered in his ear.

‘I’m going to fuck turn your life into a living hell.’

He let him go and the boy dropped to the floor, holding on to his throat and struggling to catch his breath. Before he could stop himself, Jasper grabbed Valerie’s hand and they were on the forest before she could even gasp.

Valerie felt like they had just flown to the forest as she didn’t remember walking her way there, but she was in too much shock to even think about how they got there. As Jasper was pacing back and forth and breathing deeply, eyes close, she could feel his anger sweeping through him. She sat down on a rock and everything that happened came flooding into her.

Tyler just tried _something_. Something that she didn’t want to try.

Jasper was still rocking left and right and Valerie was still panicking. She hadn’t expected something like this happening to her, let alone in the middle of the hallway of Forks Highschool. Once again she had been caught in drama that wasn’t hers; she didn’t do anything to set Tyler off. She hadn’t deserved that. And worse, she had dragged Jasper with her.

Even though she was sitting still she could feel her breath quickening and her heart pounding faster and faster. Valerie tried to breathe; she really did try to, but she just knew a big fat panic attack was coming.

Jasper felt it too. In a second, he was holding her arm as he crouched in front of her.

‘Hey, hey,’ Jasper called out to her in hopes she would hear his voice. ‘Calm down, you’re not there anymore. Where are we? Look around…’

As his electric touch and the sound of his voice calmed her down enough for her to be able to breathe, Valerie managed to take a look around her. She had never been to the woods but there she was, at daylight, sitting in the middle of the woods with Jasper Hale. All she saw around her was green, very different from all the white she had seen for her last two years living _there_ ; green leaves, green trees, a green ground; there were all shades of green around her and some yellow shades as well. She felt the leaves under her feet, crispy and crunchy in all shapes and sizes she could imagine, some that she had never seen. Huge, ancient trees decorated the scenery and they disappeared into the sky; it looked like they could almost touch it as everything about them was so tall, so intimidating. The forest was alive and she could smell wet mud, but also flowers and grass that decorated all the natural paths that they could take if they wanted to explore it further. It looked from another world, almost mystical in Valerie’s eyes.

The beauty of the forest comforted her heart.

The beauty of Valerie calming down comforted Jasper’s worried heart. He got up.

‘Do you want to talk a walk?’

She smiled, and then he was offering her his hand.

Valerie hesitated. He was with Alice. He couldn’t forget that he had a girlfriend that he loved. And even though she was sure he didn’t mean anything bad or had any wish on cheating on Alice, she wouldn’t hold his hand. For her sake, she wouldn’t do that; she couldn’t fall in love with him more than she already was, and surely Alice wouldn’t like her boyfriend roaming through the woods with another girl, hand on hand.

Jasper felt stupid holding out his hand to a human who suddenly looked terrified at the sight of his cold and pale hand. Maybe he had misunderstood all her signs. Maybe she didn’t like him back and both him and Edward were wrong.

 _Edward._ Good thing Edward read minds.

‘I’m not with Alice, Valerie. Not anymore.’ He had never expected to say those words, let alone telling them to a human. He sensed her mood change, and suddenly she was smiling.

Truly smiling.

As he looked at her, he was reminded that as long as he was with Valerie by his side, there was no place where he would rather be. His brain wasn’t yelling at him, he wasn’t overcome with emotions and he was able to enjoy being there. All he could hear, feel, touch, was her. He didn’t want to rip her throat off.

Valerie felt like she could burst. Her hand was shaking as she took his. As her small hand fit into his, both didn’t feel any anxiety, any shaking or any electricity anymore.

_They felt right._

☔

Valerie was leaving Chemistry when she saw Jessica leaning against the wall. As the purple haired girl took a step forward, Jessica hugged her immediately. She yelped at the sudden physical contact.

‘I’ve heard about it.’ Valerie froze on the spot, holding tight to her books and not hugging her friend back. She was scared that people would find out about Tyler; not because she was scared for her or even for that son of a bitch, but because he didn’t want people to start talking about her again and didn’t want Jasper to get into trouble. ‘It’s only our friends that know. I’m so sorry, Valerie. I’ve been a terrible friend recently.’

Valerie didn’t answer. Jessica grabbed her by the arms to look at her and she looked like she was about to cry.

‘It’s okay, you’re a good friend Jess.’ Valerie reassured her. And she was, really. Her only real friend wasn’t with her anymore; Mary had been everything to her, it was normal that nobody could fill the emptiness that she left. ‘Just leave it. I’m good.’

‘Right, I was going to ask you how you’re feeling but it’s better if I don’t, right?’ Now she was rambling. Valerie usually found Jessica’s rambling funny, she couldn’t help to do so. But not today. ‘I just- he was beaten to the pulp. I didn’t know you had it in you.’

Valerie couldn’t help but smirk. Jasper had kicked his ass and she had probably saved a lot of girls from being impregnated by that asshole as she kicked him right in his groin with all her strength. _Oops._

‘Well, it’s his fault anyway.’ She decided to change the subject. ‘How are you, anyway?’

Jessica shrugged.

‘Feeling like shit for not giving you rides but I’ve heard that Jasper Hale pulled an Edward Cullen on you and is now your personal Uber driver.’ She muttered. Valerie didn’t understand the reference about “pulling an Edward Cullen” but she also didn’t care; Jasper was everything that she could ask for… as a friend. Because that’s what they were, _friends_. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t with Alice anymore. ‘Anyway, we can get your car fixed this weekend, I know someone who might do it almost for free and you can get your independence back!’

Valerie was about to say that no, she didn’t want her independence back, but simply smiled at Jessica and thanked her. She needed to get her car fixed.

And three days later, she was on her way to the Reservation.

The trip to La Push and to Jacob’s house didn’t take too long. The girls talk about their week and about practice, and Valerie was even more drained as the days went by. Forks was always the same; always the same conversations, the same people, the same things to learn at school.

Her life wasn’t exciting. And even though she had had enough of living in a rollercoaster of excitement, Forks was… Forks. Dull Forks, and boring Forks. And maybe she needed the boredom.

Thankfully it wasn’t raining and Jessica was driving with caution (they had never forgotten the van thing with Tyler), the tow truck following them and dragging her poor, dead car along. Jessica parked in the driveway of a rather small, red house and Valerie left the car, taking in her surroundings. La Push was almost like every other region at Forks, except that they were literally in the middle of the forest in front of the house – and garage – of a buffed, brown haired guy who was now hugging Jessica. Valerie shyly approached the two of them and sent her future mechanic a smile.

‘And this is Valerie, the girl I talked to you about!’

Jessica didn’t tell her how she became friends with Jacob. She only said he was Bella’s best friend and that he became friends with Jessica as well. They still talked even though Bella wasn’t around anymore and he didn’t mind taking a look at her car and try to fix it.

Jacob and Valerie did their introductions. He was warm and his smile was also warm, inviting. They all got settled, Jacob bringing two chairs outside so both girls could seat while he worked on her car and he started talking about school on the Reservation, as it was pretty different from Forks Highschool. Sometimes the girl wished she could just leave that crazy Highschool.

As Jacob took a look at her car’s motor, he couldn’t help but glance at the huge dent on the back of her truck.

‘Damn, what happened there?’

‘A guy almost tried to crush me to death.’ She said, shrugging her shoulders and making Jacob raise his eyebrows. She would rather not think about said guy.

‘And guess who saved her, Jacob?’ Jessica chimed in. ‘Jasper Hale. Can you imagine?’

Jacob literally snorted as he punched the dent. Valerie looked at his hand, quite shocked and worried that he had broken it, but the hand was on its place and there was no more dent on the truck. What the fuck? What were these parents feeding their strong ass kids in Forks?

‘The Cullen’s can’t mind their business, can they?’ He muttered and Valerie wondered if he knew the Cullen’s. He knew Bella, after all. ‘Thank god I don’t have to deal with them.’

‘The perks of being a Quileute that I unfortunately don’t have.’ Jessica sighed, leaving Valerie straight up confused. Apparently there was beef with the Cullen’s, beef that she didn’t know and that Jasper didn’t mention. She knew about the Quileute Reservation and about the boys that lived there; her mother was very interested In Forks culture. However, she didn’t know anything about the supposed perks of living down there and what was their problem with the Cullen’s.

‘I would love to understand what you guys are even saying, you know?’ Valerie chuckled. Jacob chuckled back and he started talking and working on her motor at the same time.

‘I guess it’s only safer for you the more we expose those guys… if you’re smart, of course…’ He muttered so silently that Valerie almost didn’t pick it up. She raised an eyebrow. ‘Well, it’s just a legend, but we hold on to our legends. They say that Quileutes are supposedly descended from wolves.’ Valerie didn’t like History but she knew a thing or two about tribe stories and beliefs and she found those really interesting. She whistled in amusement. Jacob chuckled. ‘Yeah, pretty cool. Anyways, we have a legend in regards to the Cullen’s. While we’re descended from wolves, they’re supposedly descended from an enemy clan.’

Valerie chuckled.

‘And let me guess… that’s why they don’t come here?’

‘Treaties are serious, Valerie.’ He replied and closed her car’s hood. It seemed like the work was done and it didn’t even take him much time. ‘I’ve never seen those pale faces here anyways, and if I were to see them, I would have to kill them.’

Wow. The testosterone levels on this kid. Valerie raised an eyebrow as Jessica laughed.

‘Pale faces? Bella’s even paler than they are!’ Valerie couldn’t help but laugh in amusement. ‘That’s ridiculous!’

Jessica and Jacob exchanged a look that she didn’t quite get.

‘Yeah, absolutely ridiculous…’

As Valerie left on her own with her thankfully repaired car (for free!) and said her goodbyes to Jessica, Jacob couldn’t help but smell a weird vampire scent on her – a scent that didn’t belong to the Cullen’s anyways. He simply shrugged his shoulders; it was his duty to protect his land and its people, but vampire business was vampire business. He had stopped caring about that a long time ago.

At least he tried to.

☔

Jasper avoided home. He knew this wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t help but avoid it.

He still didn’t understand why he broke up with Alice; he just knew he had to. And why? That was still a mystery. Every single person on his family including his ex-wife seemed to know why he _had_ to break up with her and spent their free time sending him pity looks. It was just awesome, wasn’t it? So he usually avoided their presence, their words and their company.

He was on his room listening to music and pretending he wasn’t bored out of his mind when Edward entered the room on full speed.

‘Don’t freak out.’ The vampire spat out, making Jasper immediately freak out. ‘Jacob called. He picked up the scent on Valerie again.’

Jasper freaked out.

Valerie just had dinner. She had dinner with her mother at 7pm since she was picking up the night shift and needed to leave for work early. Another night all alone in their house, it seemed. The girl was finishing her Biology homework on the sofa and already thinking about what she should have for a snack.

Valerie had been trying to stop thinking about Jasper. She really did, especially after Jacob said all those weird things about the Cullen’s. It wasn’t like she believed in werewolves, but she wasn’t about to mess around with legends and old stories. However, it didn’t make sense in her head. Carlisle was a good man who fostered a lot of children in need. He was a doctor and all his children were well mannered and beautiful. There was nothing wrong with them.

Jasper had a temper, _yes_ , but he was a good person, really good. He didn’t have to prove himself to her, even though he did it several times; she just knew he was.

‘Love, mom’s going to work, alright?’ Her mother announced. Valerie looked back and smiled at her.

‘Have a good shift mom. I’ll leave your breakfast in the fridge tomorrow.’

Elizabeth Addams left with a heavy heart; she loved her daughter more than anything, but duty called. Forks didn’t have many citizens, yes, but sometimes people from other cities were transported by flying to be in Dr. Cullen’s and Dr. Addams’ care. She couldn’t let her patients down.

And it wasn’t like Valerie was afraid of being alone or even afraid of the dark; she just didn’t feel very comfortable in her own home. As her mother left and closed the door behind her, she couldn’t help but wonder if Forks was as safe as her mother made it out to be. She hadn’t heard about any crimes being committed and Jessica hadn’t told her anything, but it didn’t help feeling like she was being watched all the time. Sometimes she felt herself shivering randomly for no absolute reason, sometimes she felt anxious out of nowhere, yet she always shrugged it off; it was probably due to what happened with Tyler.

Valerie couldn’t help but think about Jasper. She missed him. She didn’t want to get too close to him or to even acknowledge her _small_ crush on him, but as the days went by she noticed that it was getting harder and harder to be away from him. He was safe, and safe was the keyword in her relationships in Forks. It was just a shame that their conversations by text were always weird.

**Valerie**

_have you done your biology homework?_

The sighed. She wasn’t good at striking conversation, especially when said conversation was just built to be homework. But talking about homework was something kids usually did, right, especially when they were partners in class… _Right?_

She just couldn’t help but feel bad that she couldn’t feel the same for Mike. Eric wasn’t even in the equation anymore as he was with Angela, yet she came to the realization that neither of them had really been in the equation: they were both her friends, yet they weren’t Jasper.

She really hated Highschool.

**_jasper_ **

_I haven’t, but do you need help?_

She didn’t need help, but she really, _really_ didn’t want to be alone. Valerie could feel her anxiety levels randomly rising, but everything around her was still the same. Her house was still the same, she could hear the same familiar sounds coming from the woods and she knew that Forks was safe.

Yet she felt like someone was just _looking_ at her.

**Valerie**

_actually i’m just feeling kinda weird. like i’m being watched or sum_

Valerie decided to be honest. She _could_ trust Jasper after all. She had jumped off a cliff with him, for god’s sake, of course she trusted him.

**Valerie**

_it’s stupid though, i’m still paranoid from tyler’s drama_

Valerie rested her phone on the sofa.

As Edward stopped talking, Jasper was already sprinting towards her house. However, when he got the texts, he cussed; he was even more worried now. Maybe that James fucker was at her house lurking on her, ready to attack, and here was Jasper, doing absolutely nothing to protect the human he had dragged into this mess. He needed to get there immediately but he needed to take the motorcycle or else it would be suspicious. He couldn’t let her find out.

As he was driving, he realized that it was Alice’s turn to be taking watch around the perimeter. Of course she wasn’t there and of course the hunter had taken advantage of that.

**jasper**

_Do you want me to come over?_

Her answer was even quicker than his reply.

**Valerie**

_please._

It took him ten minutes to ring the doorbell as he had spent seven of those searching the perimeter around her house looking for something, for the smallest clue if possible. A vampire had definitely been there – James, as he suspected - and Alice hadn’t been on watch; he didn’t catch her scent. Valerie could have gotten killed if he hadn’t arrived in time.

Thanks to that stupid situation, Jasper needed to calm himself down and went hunting for a while before he knocked on her door. That took him precisely one minute and on his way to her house he realized everything was just ridiculous. She was going to get hurt and that was the hurtful, yet certain destiny. Alice was absolutely needed, she was essential to her protection, yet she didn’t feel like protecting her.

They needed to talk. All of the Cullen’s.

Valerie opened the door, looking rather startled but feeling definitely happy to see him.

‘I’m sorry.’ She bit her lip and opened the door wide so he could go in. ‘I’m still a little crazy about the whole thing I guess.’

 _You’re not crazy._ Jasper growled to himself. She had actually been really smart on texting him. He was just glad he got there on time.

Jasper wondered what he should do. Should he hug her? Should he hold her hand? Something inside him wanted to kiss her on the cheek instead, but he held himself back, deciding for a small smile.

‘It’s okay, I wasn’t doing anything anyway.’ She closed the door behind her and locked it; smart girl, even though a vampire wouldn’t be stopped by a lock. She started putting her school things on the kitchen’s table. ‘How are you?’

She shrugged her shoulders.

‘I’m alright, thanks to you.’ A small smile plastered in her lips. ‘Do you want anything to eat or drink?’

‘I’m good, thanks.’ They both sat down and they started doing their homework. Jasper scooted his chair closer to her, deciding it was safe as he had just hunted. He was explaining some basic biology things to her as he had done this over a million times and he already knew all the answers. ‘Where’s your mother?’

‘Night shift.’ The girl shrugged his shoulders even though it clearly bothered her. It was difficult living without a mother not being around so much. ‘It is what it is, I guess.’

It bothered Jasper immensely that she was alone all the time. Of course this wouldn’t stop the hunter, but it was just ridiculous wasn’t it? She needed her mother around; he had seen the girl in moments of pain and suffering and it wasn’t pretty. Why didn’t her mother understand?

Jasper wasn’t doing homework. He was too busy in his mind using his sense of smell to try to find out if he was nearby but couldn’t quite catch on anything. It looked like he had already run away and probably crossed the border. This hunter was lowkey driving him insane: this was all a game and Jasper seemed to be losing.

‘Okay, I give up.’ Valerie suddenly sighed and put her pencil down, finally giving up. ‘I don’t even want to do this.’ She glanced at the window. ‘It’s not raining, let’s go outside.’

Jasper raised his eyebrows; well, if she wanted to go outside then they would go outside as she wished. He had come to the realization that he would kind of do anything she asked.

The vampire soon realized her backyard was different from the one on his house. Hers clearly had a meaning to her little family as it was so well cared for, decorated with flowers, small trees and grass, a lot of grass.

They both leaned down on the green bed beneath their feet. Thanks to the usual Forks rains the grass was very much green but it wasn’t wet, just humid due to the humid weather that was always present in the small town. Valerie glanced at Jasper, and she knew right then and there that he couldn’t be human. He was too perfect.

Well, of course he was human, but how was it even possible?

Everything about him screamed for her to get closer. Everything about him screamed for her to touch him: his scent, his facial structure, his voice. Everything.

Valerie turned on her side, her eyes lingering on his face. She could never have him.

Jasper could hear her heartbeat quickening, but he just kept looking at the stars and waiting for a reaction coming from her, something to make him lose his mind. Valerie was looking at him and he wondered if he could ever have her.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be looking at the stars?’ He joked, as he finally turned his head to the right so he could watch her.

Golden met brown.

Brown met golden.

Both of them smiled and she even chuckled.

‘Would you rather have me watching the stars?’

Jasper chuckled. He was never the one to be touchy, he hadn’t been that person in his relationship with Alice and he wasn’t about to be that person with Valerie

He opened his right arm wide in her direction and she raised her eyebrow.

Valerie used to feel anxious everytime Jasper said something, did something; hell, she felt nervous everytime he breathed. But now it wasn’t like that. Valerie approached and rested her head on Jasper’s chest.

He swallowed; stupid Jasper, a century old vampire feeling nervous being around a girl. Jasper wrapped his arm around her and let his hand rest on her shoulder.

Valerie was enveloped in Jasper’s arms and enveloped in a riot of emotions. She had never felt so right, as cliché as it sounded; she knew there were sounds coming from the woods, sounds coming from the road, but she could only her one heartbeat: hers. Jasper’s chest was cold and hard pressed against her hands and her head, but she didn’t care. She was there. They were there. And it was perfect.

Jasper was holding his breath. It wasn’t hard being around her scent, being around her blood; it didn’t call for him, but it _attracted him._

They stayed there for a while holding on to each other, and Jasper thought that for a moment, it was just the two of them in the entire world. He knew, however, that there were a lot more than the two of them: there was Alice, there was James, and there was his nature. They couldn’t ever be together.

Valerie scooted up bit more to reach Jasper’s collarbones, her hands resting on her chest. Her movements caused his sleeve to roll up a little.

Valerie gasped.

She didn’t want to say anything, it wasn’t none of her business and didn’t even make sense. Jasper wouldn’t do it, right? Maybe she wasn’t seeing very well as it was night time. She had never seen those before, but they were pearly-white which meant they were old. A lot of thoughts were running through her mind at the same time.

‘What’s going on?’ Jasper whispered, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. He couldn’t exactly tell what she was feeling, he only felt her going tense against him; maybe he was too cold or maybe she was uncomfortable with him near.

Valerie hesitated; she didn’t want Jasper to feel bad about himself. She didn’t want him feeling ashamed of something she had been through herself. He had been nothing but caring and kind around her, making her feel safe and helping her through some hard times. He seemed pretty demanding on getting an answer out of her. Valerie sat down, missing the feel of his hard cold skin against hers and he soon followed her. He looked concerned.

‘I don’t want to intrude and I don’t know how to say this without being rude…’ She started. Jasper Hale was feeling scared for the first time in his life. Rejection scared him. And it made him mad. ‘But are you okay?’

He noticed where she was looking.

His scars.

He felt like he had been punched in the gut several times by a vampire twice the size of Emmett. She wasn’t supposed to see that; hell, humans weren’t supposed to see them at _all_. Yet there she was looking eagerly at the parts of his wrist and arm that were exposed. Jasper felt her mess of emotions: sadness, worry and even shame. He tried to think of a good answer but he honestly couldn’t. Hundreds of years living amongst vampires didn’t exactly give him the experience to have _the talk_ with humans. What would Edward do?

Jasper sighed.

‘I wasn’t expecting you to see them, but I can show them to you if you want to.’

Valerie looked petrified. She swallowed the lump on her throat.

‘You don’t have t-’

He rolled ups his sleeves, and Valerie stopped breathing again.

There were dozens of them, everywhere; from his wrist to his elbow, his scars were very different from those she had seen and from her own. They were light, white scars as they were probably very old, in a crescent moon shape carved in his skin. She noticed that he had some on his neck and jawline too. How couldn’t she notice before? They didn’t make him any less ugly, they just made Valerie ache. At first she thought he was like him, but it surely was something different. Something scarier.

‘These were before I was adopted.’ He said. Valerie examined them closer and felt a pull to touch them, but she controlled herself as Jasper probably wouldn’t feel any better off; at least she wouldn’t, so she bet he would be the same.

‘How?’

‘One day I’ll tell you.’ He said smirking, and the girl felt a wave of warmth reaching through her; she realized she felt a little better. ‘These are battle scars, a lot of people have them. And if I’m not mistaken, you have yours too.’

Jasper knew it had been a risky move.

‘I don’t want you to show them to me.’ He said slowly and carefully. ‘I’m just asking you to tell me… are you okay?’

Valerie swallowed. Jasper had seen _them_ , of course.

‘No, Jasper. I’m not.’

And that was Valerie Addams first step to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you might have noticed already, i'm all about the cliché fanfiction trope with a twist. enjoy these cute moments while they last :) 
> 
> thank you all for your amazing support. it means the world! x


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your comments, they're all so sweet. it means SO much to me when i read them omg   
> also as i was re-reading this chapter to publish it today i literally CRINGED because i'm writing a few chapters ahead and it's honestly so freaking sad reading this i- :)   
> anyways, TRIGGER WARNING. read with caution.

**THREE HOURS LATER, JASPER** Hale was back home. He parked his motorcycle in the garage and as soon as he was in the living room, he noticed he wasn’t alone.

Alice.

It was awkward. He wouldn’t deny that it was awkward being around Valerie and meeting his ex-wife right after, but that was how life was and that’s how he would have to handle it: like a man. Alice was painting and he tried to make his presence go unnoticed so there wouldn’t be any awkward moments, which obviously didn’t work out.

‘Have you snapped out of it or have you decided that’s not what you really want?’

Jasper inhaled.

‘I don’t want to argue with you, Alice.’

Alice breathed in deeply. Sometimes the vampire didn’t even recognize herself. She wasn’t this hateful person towards anyone, let alone for the ones she loved and would die for. She loved Jasper, _a lot_ , but loving him also meant respecting his decisions. It hurt, but she had to respect what he wanted. And he wanted the human girl, and that was it.

She had seen it in her visions, Edward had seen it in his mind and she had even seen it in bone and flesh. He didn’t love her anymore.

‘Jasper, I don’t want to argue either.’ Alice replied, breathing in and trying to control her thoughts. ‘I’m sorry. It’s been really hard on me dealing with everything. I lost my husband.’

Jasper exhaled. He knew Alice was hurting but he had been too busy trying to hunt down James, making sure Valerie wasn’t dead and making sure that he was fed well enough to be around the girl that he didn’t even think about his ex-wife who had played such an important role in his life. She was still family.

‘I’m sorry too.’ He muttered, still keeping his distance from the petite woman. ‘I hope I can tell you why this happened one day.’

Alice chuckled sadly.

‘You won’t have to. But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to warn you that I had a vision.’ Jasper raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested. ‘She’s going to die if we don’t stop him, Jasper. The hunter is going to kill her and her mother.’

Just the thought of her not being on earth anymore made Jasper want to go on a human killing spree.

‘Well,’ He spat out angrily. ‘If you even bothered to watch over-’

‘It’s different now, the vision changed.’ Alice stubbornly replied, rolling her small eyes. ‘You kill yourself in the end.’

☔

Carlisle was sitting outside with Esme. The woman usually avoided Jasper’s mood swings and let her husband handle them. Esme was usually the peaceful one when it came to calming Rosalie, Emmett and Alice down, while Carlisle always handled Edward and Jasper. When his adoptive mother saw him, she got up and got closer to him, caressing Jasper’s cheek. He would usually shy away from the touch, but he closed his eyes as she touched him, accepting the gentle and caring touch. Esme had been a mother to him even though he was a grown adult. Sometimes he just felt like a child dealing with vampire emotions and he was over one hundred years old. Esme left, giving them some privacy.

‘Sit down, son.’ Carlisle said, making room for him in the bench. Both of them stared into the deep, silent woods.

‘Did Alice tell you anything?’

‘She did.’ Carlisle answered and looked at him. ‘Alice’s visions are subjective, there are too many factors involved.’ Jasper was about to angrily interject when Carlisle stopped him. ‘I talked to her. She’s going to start helping.’ _She better be,_ Jasper thought. He couldn’t help but being scared that this hunter could actually touch him and Valerie, they needed everyone’s help to stop this threat. He hated to admit that they might need the wolves too. ‘How are you feeling about all of this?’

Everything was too fragile in their lives. Alice complained a lot of times about wanting to get herself a kitten, yet Jasper knew that he would probably end up feeding from the cat or he would die from what it felt like ten days in their lives; their lifespan was nothing compared to immortality. Everything around them shifted, changed, disappeared, yet they stayed in the same spot frozen in time. When Jasper was with Valerie, he felt himself moving forward with her. Moving forward on practice, moving forward on winning games, moving forward in life and in school, except it wasn’t like that. Valerie would leave in a year and the Cullen’s would stay in Forks until it was too much and they had to leave; they would move to the other side of the country and he would always wonder about the human that made him feel _things_ and that he felt so connected with.

And he would start all over again, not moving forward.

Frozen in time forever.

‘I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about her. I need to tell you something.’

Jasper proceeded to tell Carlisle everything about the girl. Everything from her panic attacks, to her strange past and to her self-harming issues. Carlisle was a very good listener, but his son’s worries only worried him more. This girl wasn’t Bella. This girl had psychological issues and she was clearly unstable. The father couldn’t help but wonder how Valerie would affect his family, especially his son.

The Doctor didn’t have a clue on what to do. He truly doubted her mother knew as she spent so much time at the hospital working right next to him. She was excellent at what she did, though; she wouldn’t let her daughter kill herself slowly, would she?

Someone as unstable as Valerie wouldn’t be able to handle Jasper, his traumas, his past and his secrets. She would get their family and herself in danger.

Carlisle needed to do something: as a father and as a Doctor.

☔

‘Oh.’ Valerie raised her eyebrows. Jasper glanced at her before looking at the road again. They were on their way to school and even though Valerie’s car was working again, Jasper was still picking her up everyday. ‘Jessica and Mike are sick, they’re not coming today. They caught a bug or something.’

Jasper scoffed.

‘Call it a bug…’ The girl laughed and rolled her eyes. She texted her friends a wish of a quick recovery and thought for a moment; she would be third wheeling Angela and Eric the whole lunch time. How great, just to remind her how lonely and single she was because Jasper Hale didn’t try anything with her and she was too much of a chicken to be the one trying first. Jasper didn’t have the power to read minds, but sometimes the girl thought he could. ‘Who are you having lunch with?’

‘Angela and Eric. I love third wheeling.’

Maybe this was the right time to ask her that. Maybe it would be better to just end everything for once and for all and to accept that his girl was going to be with them for a long time and that it would be smart to keep her around.

‘Would you like to have lunch with me, Edward and Bella? It’s just the three of us today.’

Valerie was a little nervous. She didn’t know anything about Edward other than sometimes he looked at her like he was about to rip her into pieces. Bella seemed okay but the girl didn’t know if she was safe; Valerie didn’t know anything about her past relationship with Jessica other than they were close and that everyone said that the purple haired girl was a replacement for Bella. And Jasper was Jasper. And she would enjoy being around Jasper. _Live a little._

She smiled at him.

Four hours later, they were leaving Biology class, Angela following them right behind.

‘Hey Val, hey Jasper.’ She smiled at the boy; Angela was a good person. She was never the one to judge someone and she was generally a sweetheart. Valerie was thankful for having her. ‘Eric and I were thinking of grabbing something outside to eat for lunch. Wanna join us?’

‘I promised I would have lunch with Jasper today, Angie. But thank you, have fun with Eric!’ Valerie sent an honest smile in her direction and after raising both her eyebrows and winking at her, Angela left quickly with Eric. They missed having time with each other for sure, they were always with their friends and being so busy with school.

Jasper sent her a smile as they entered the cafeteria. She was quite uneasy; she didn’t know Bella, but people on the school were already talking and they said things, a lot of dumb things about her being Bella’s substitute. Jessica had told her not to worry, that people in Forks were just dumb and didn’t have a life, yet the girl was afraid that it had become actually true.

People were staring and probably talking. Everybody knew Jasper and Alice were together and that Valerie had arrived later into Jasper’s life. When Valerie arrived, Alice left.

People talked behind her back. She hated that.

‘Get used to it.’ Jasper whispered in her ear, smiling. ‘That’s what you get from hanging out with someone as handsome as me.’

The girl rolled her eyebrows and chuckled. Soon they had arrived at the Cullen’s table and now everyone was staring again at Valerie joining the Cullen’s and Bella.

Bella was the first one to talk. She wasn’t the same shy, dull girl she had been when she met the Cullen’s, even though Jasper still thought she needed someone to shake her little brain so it would start working and processing information.

‘So, you’re Valerie, right? I’ve heard so much about you. Sit down, girl!’

Valerie should feel nervous, but she simply felt warm at the presence of the Cullen’s. She thought Bella would have a worse reaction of her coming to their table and interfering with her life, but she was kind enough to not let the rumors get to her. Valerie eventually sat down and Jasper followed her.

‘Yeah, I’ve heard you about you guys a lot.’ Valerie smirked, and glanced at the two other boys. Edward was a beautiful guy, yes, but he looked even better when he was with Bella. Valerie was observant enough to understand that he was so relaxed because Bella was sitting right next to him, his hand carefully placed on her leg. He smiled on cue; she wondered if he could read her mind.

‘I’m Edward. It’s finally good to meet you in person.’

‘Yeah,’ Emmett, the other guy, interjected. Valerie remembered him from when Jessica and Angela gave her the whole talk about the Cullen’s. He was even bigger up close. ‘It’s exhausting _hearing_ him going off about you all day.’

‘You don’t say…’ Edward snickered, and Jasper growled, muttering a “ _fuck off”_ under his breath. Valerie couldn’t help but smile; it was good that Jasper talked about her to his brothers. It meant that he liked her enough to not be ashamed of her. Valerie was still living in the fantasy that he could actually like her; _stupid girl._

Bella interrupted her thoughts as she questioned about the volleyball team. Emmett soon followed into the conversation as he was very keen on sports.

The conversation went on smoothly enough. Emmett was very funny, a good talker and he was also an enthusiast when it came to sports. Bella really didn’t like sports that much but what she wanted the most was Valerie to feel comfortable. The Cullen’s were her family as well and she knew that this whole situation was already dramatic while it was working, she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if it didn’t work. Bella would do everything to protect and help this girl around; she saw old Bella in her so much.

Jasper was too busy trying not to look at Valerie. Edward noticed that he was quite love-sick about her and that he had never seen his brother like this. It was good. This was good.

Jasper wondered how everything would work. She fit right in with Emmett, Bella and Edward, but Rosalie wouldn’t like her one bit. Alice would probably try to murder her and she already had a bunch of people trying to murder her. She didn’t need another vampire trying.

Jasper didn’t even want to get started on the whole immortality question. If she were to like him, _which he was absolutely sure she wouldn’t,_ how couldn’t she notice how he didn’t sleep, didn’t eat? She would notice he wouldn’t have changed a day in his life as the days, weeks, months went by.

This was a stupid game he was playing. And he could have left her alone if it wasn’t for her stupid her, her stupid clothes and her stupid scent.

And probably the stupid _pull_ that led him to her.

Jasper was too busy dealing with his feelings to care, but as Edward heard another mind, a mind very like his own peeking through their private moment, he immediately got up and left.

Emmett followed him.

Jasper stayed quiet and gripped Valerie’s sweater. She didn’t notice that another vampire was around stalking on her as she talked to Bella.

☔

Valerie let her purple hair down, falling its way to her hips.

She had been at practice for five hours every single day. She had homework to do, school projects to finish and she needed to eat, sleep and shower, but it had been hard since the Coach had gone insane with all the practicing. They ran a lot and cardio surely wasn’t her thing. She was tired as she left the gym with Jessica. The game was on the next day at 4pm and as always there was a party at night. She wondered if she should go, if she even had energy left to do so.

It was midnight and she had arranged Jasper meeting her. He said he wouldn’t mind picking her up as it was raining and she would be too tired from practice to be safe for her to drive. She hoped this was an excuse he had made in order to be with her, but she doubted it; this was him being her friend. _Stupid girl._ He had been sending her a shitload of mixed feelings, such as grabbing her hand and telling her he wasn’t with Alice anymore; however he hadn’t tried anything else. Valerie remembered the boys back in Arizona who were very straight forward with their feelings and weren’t scared of kissing and touching to show love.

Valerie Addams didn’t know that Jasper Hale showed love in his own way; not by trying to kiss her, which would be really hard due to his whole _control_ thing, but by watching over here; he showed his love by inviting her for lunch, taking her to walks on the forest, cafés and make sure she was always home, _safe_.

 _Mary_ used to always tell her the same mantra over and over again: _“Girl, if he’s sending mixed signals, save yourself the trouble and just accept that’s a no.”_ She agreed with it and had followed her mantra over and over again, but with Jasper everything felt different. She couldn’t exactly talk to Jessica about it, and Mary wasn’t an option as well. She missed her best friend dearly.

Jessica and Valerie said their goodbyes as the first girl had her car parked on the opposite side of the parking lot. Valerie smiled as soon as she saw Jasper leaning against Edward’s grey Volvo. Jasper Hale was smiling, yet he was never really _smiling._ It didn’t reach his golden eyes as it should if it were a real smile; she didn’t _feel it_ in her stomach like a real smile.

The last time they had hugged was when they were under the stars and everything was quite perfect, but she had been feeling quite brave lately so she decided to envelop Jasper’s waist with her arms. Even though he had a jacket on, the girl felt his body cold against hers as always. Valerie grabbed him tightly and even though he tensed a little, he soon wrapped her arms around her small frame.

She wondered if Forks started to feel like home or if Jasper was home.

‘Goodnight, Val.’ Jasper said, and she scoffed at the nickname. She looked up at him. ‘How was practice?’

Even though Jasper was cold, she felt colder as they separated and got into the car.

‘It was okay. I didn’t kill Lauren, so more than okay.’ They shared a laugh and Valerie glanced at the Volvo. ‘What happened to your car?’

Jasper hated lying but he couldn’t exactly say that he had drove straight into a tree and destroyed his car while he was going after the hunter a few hours ago, so he would _have_ to lie.

‘Edward apparently doesn’t know how you park inside a garage and ruined it.’ They shared another laugh. ‘I would bring the motorcycle but it’s pouring.’

She smiled thankfully and they both got inside the warm car.

‘Is your mother expecting you?’

Valerie rolled her eyes.

‘Woman’s probably dead asleep. They assigned her an afternoon shift today and a morning shift tomorrow.’

 _Perfect_.

‘Let’s get some coffee then, I know a drive-through in the city.’

Well, that surprised the girl. She should go home and get some rest for the next day’s game, yes, but she never spent time with Jasper. They had been away doing their own thing for so long, so worried about their own lives and their own doings that she really started to miss him.

Forks was pretty small yet Valerie didn’t know any drive-throughs around; Jasper said there was one in the outskirts who was only open during nighttime. They spoke about mundane things as he drove away.

Jasper’s presence was overwhelming. When she was with him she felt like her stomach was about to burst in happiness and she could just smile without thinking too much about it. His golden eyes and golden locks, his white smile and his presence had become so regular in her life that she missed every single second she didn’t spend next to him. Maybe she was just a hopeless romantic.

Jasper turned the radio on and some song by The 1975 filled the car. Forks was small; the bars had shut down and not many people were walking home at such late night hours. There weren’t many cars on the streets and the traffic ran smoothly; she loved late car drives. There was something liberating about them; there was something liberating about sharing them with Jasper, watching the trees surrounding them and the road narrowing as they drove deeper into Forks’ natural beauty.

She winded the window down, letting the night-time air hit her in the face; she could smell mud, forest, pine trees, every single smell of Forks washing over her. Yet Jasper was still the sweetest scent.

‘You really enjoy these rides, don’t you?’ He questioned, clearly amused by her enjoyment. The smallest things were able to make humans happy. Valerie smiled.

‘Everything’s better at night.’ She replied, and as Jasper noticed the way the moonlight hit her face, the street lights turned her hair into a darker shade of purple and her smile shone in the dark, he couldn’t help but agree with her: everything was better at night. ‘You look happier at night as well.’

Jasper chuckled. He had been a creature of the night for centuries, only really deciding to start coming out on the sunlight hours as he met the Cullen’s. He felt at home at night; everything was better. His vision was better and the fact that his sense of smell was enhanced was a problem, but he had become really good at hiding it.

‘Can’t fight against your nature, hun?’ He replied and Valerie chuckled: she was a night owl as well; they had that in common.

The view was breathtaking. Jasper apparently knew every single road in Forks, every single sight seeing point and every cliff located in the outskirts of the small town. His car was parked near the edge of a cliff, pointing towards the sea. They both stared at the immensity of the ocean in front of them, Valerie seated on the car’s hood and Jasper just leaning, afraid of breaking the car by accident and freaking her out. Valerie sipped on her coffee as she felt the wind hit her face. It wasn’t raining anymore.

She had never felt so much at peace like she did when she was with him.

Jessica and the rest of her friends were good people; very good, actually. They took her in, they were loud, they were extroverted and they were always ready to hang out. Valerie loved them so much. Yet they would never be able to make her feel as calm as Jasper would. They would never make her feel like home like she felt when she was next to him.

Valerie was falling in love. And falling in love never meant anything good for her.

‘What are you thinking about?’ Jasper questioned. For a few weeks he had been sensing some of her emotions and some of them he didn’t recognize; he couldn’t identify them. They were somewhat similar to what Bella felt for Edward, but Jasper knew the girl wasn’t like Bella.

‘Just my whole situation in Forks.’ She replied and send him a small smile. ‘It’s home now. It’s such a shame that I’ll leave in a few months.’

Jasper closed his eyes. Sometimes he actually forgot that she would leave someday to go to college in the other side of the country or maybe in another continent. She wasn’t like Bella; Bella wanted to stay with Edward forever and he was willing to go to college with her for it. However, it was different for Jasper and Valerie.

And after all, Bella and Edward were stupidly in love. They weren’t.

‘Forks will always be here for you.’ _And so will I,_ Jasper whispered. He couldn’t help but feel a little down even though he knew he shouldn’t.

Valerie didn’t say much.

Sometimes she wished she had met Jasper sooner.

Valerie leaned against his arm. He wrapped her arm around her and they stayed there, only having the moon as the witness of a blooming, mutual, and dangerous feeling.


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your kind and beautiful messages about this story :) x

**VALERIE BREATHED DEEPLY AT** the sound of the National Anthem playing. Jessica was right next to her and was looking as nervous as she always did on game days; the fear of failing doesn’t really go away, _never_ , it doesn’t matter if you’re very experienced or not. Valerie had been playing for so long but she still felt it in her bones: the fear of failing her entire team, her Coach, her school, and the constant thoughts that maybe she wasn’t good enough and that she hadn’t trained hard enough.

At least she had _them._ When fear struck home, she knew where to look for support. The girl glanced at the benches and smiled as she heard Erick, Angela and Mike cheering, however her gaze soon landed on someone else. There they were: Edward, Bella and, most importantly, Jasper. Her three new friends were there cheering her up and cheering for Forks even though they hated these events and never attended. She smiled brightly at them. Forks could be home.

As the Coach called their names and they were on their respective position, Valerie glanced one last time at Jasper. She needed it before the game started.

He was smiling. So was she.

He was also smiling as the game finished with a final whistle. All the girls were yelling and celebrating, hugging the Coach and each other as they cheered to another win. Jessica offered Valerie a piggyback and as soon as she hopped in, the brunette ran with her smaller friend around the gym, celebrating their victory and hyping the crowd. Even though the teachers tried to stop them, every single student of Forks Highschool was soon all over the team, hugging, yelling and throwing the girls into the air. Victory was always sweet.

Edward, Bella and Jasper were obviously keeping their distance as they always did. When Valerie landed on the ground, she could see that they were smiling clearly proud of her.

Jasper’s eyes met hers and he took a step forward.

Valerie was all sweaty, yes; her hair was everywhere since her ponytail had eventually come loose, but she didn’t care. She ran in Jasper’s direction and threw herself into his arms.

As his incredibly cold skin hit her warm and sweaty one, she shivered. She _loved_ him. It wasn’t her plan to fall in love in Forks after what happened; hell, it wasn’t even her plan to fall in love _ever_ , but there she was wrapped in the arms of a boy she never thought she could even be friends with. Love was a strong word; Valerie knew that Jasper and her weren’t even that close for her to be able to love him, but she somehow felt connected to him. _She had met him before._ Maybe reincarnation did exist.

As her body hit his, Jasper stopped his breathing. He hadn’t expected her small arms around his neck and hearing her giggles right in his chest; they could almost make his heart start beating again. His throat burned but he knew it wasn’t due to his thirst. He was connected to her, he just didn’t know how. _He had met her before._

‘Congratulations, Val.’ He beamed; he didn’t even know what had gotten into him before he placed a kiss on her forehead. He had expected to stop feeling things a lot time ago, but he could feel his lips tingling as he touched her skin. She stayed right there in his arms for a while and the purple haired girl decided that _this_ was the feeling of a lifetime. She had just won a game and she was on her favorite person’s arms. This was her peak in life.

As Jasper tried to control every single dead cell in his body not to snap and rip a few necks, Bella quickly approached and took Valerie in her arms. The girl let go of Jasper not very willingly and hugged Bella, while being congratulated by the brunette.

‘You’re coming to the party, right?’ Valerie asked while glancing at Jasper and Edward. ‘The three of you! Please! It’s going to be fun!’

Edward and Jasper shared a look.

‘Oh, I would love to Valerie, but I don’t think that’s a really good idea…’ Bella hesitated, as she glanced at Edward. Why were they all looking at each other? ‘I haven’t talked to Jessica and the whole group for a while, and-’

Valerie pouted and Jasper decided that he was _definitely_ going.

‘Oh, please!’ She begged. ‘We can get ready at my place, Jessica is going with Mike. I promise you it’s not going to be awkward!’

Bella rolled her eyes.

Bella rolled her eyes as she realized she actually liked her hair up. Valerie was lacing up her sneakers and trying to get her black dress to stay on her thighs and not roll all the way up when they heard persistent honking outside.

‘They really are in a hurry.’ Bella grumbled as she finished adjusting her sleeves. Her dress was a little longer than Valerie’s but she was already cold; she was never the one to party but it wouldn’t hurt to live a little, would it? Edward was also going which made things better. And the brunette knew perfectly well that this would make Jasper happy, leaving Edward happy as well. That was everything she wanted. ‘Are you ready?’

‘Please,’ Valerie rolled her eyes. ‘I was born ready.’

As Valerie locked the door behind her, realizing the house would be empty without her, she couldn’t help but sigh. Her mother was getting even more distant as the days went by; maybe it was her fault that they hadn’t connected more. Valerie was always either on school studying or practicing or she was hanging out with her friends; besides, Elizabeth had been taking extra shifts at work. Valerie was locking the door now, leaving her home empty, and she would come back to a still empty house in the morning. That’s what happened everytime.

Edward had parked his Volvo on her driveway and Bella was already all over him.

Jasper had chosen the motorcycle instead.

He was wearing a shirt and she couldn’t help but think that he was really brave; he was willing to display his scars without even worrying about it. She wondered if he wouldn’t be cold, but then the girl recalled she was wearing a short dress leaving all her skin exposed to the chilly weather of Forks. They were both insane, apparently. 

As she approached him, Jasper smiled and offered his hand. Valerie raised an eyebrow and took his ice cold hand on hers.

He twirled her and she let out a laugh.

‘Absolutely astonishing as always, Ms. Addams.’ Jasper praised and she couldn’t help but laugh again. Valerie blushed; Jasper never made any comments about how she looked so that surprised her. He pushed her against him and wrapped his arms around her, making the girl let out a yelp of surprise.

Valerie Addams travelled to heaven really quickly as she inhaled his scent. Jasper Hale was a gentleman and he was too out of her league.

‘You don’t look so bad yourself, Mr. Hale.’ She replied as she hid her face in the crook of his neck. Jasper chuckled and Valerie glanced at Bella and Edward. ‘Let’s go, lovebirds?’ Valerie was used to Jasper’s motorcycle by now, it felt really comfortable to ride with him. She probably wouldn’t ride with someone else, she felt really safe when she was with the blonde boy. He was heaven.

Bella gave her the middle finger and chuckled while following Edward to his Volvo. Valerie turned to look at Jasper and he was just looking at her crossing his arms. ‘I know you _love_ these parties, but I would really love to get going.’

Jasper chuckled.

‘What do you think about going in the front?’

Valerie laughed out loud. Like, she really did. What a stupid idea.

‘Do you want me to get us both killed? I can’t drive this monster!’

‘I’ll drive, just sit in the front.’ As Valerie muttered a few curse words and wondered how her mother would dress her up for her funeral, she sat down on the bike. Jasper was holding her a second later sitting behind her. Suddenly, he was close. _Very close._ His upper body was leaning against her back, hard and cold as always, and she couldn’t but wonder how it would react to her touch if she were to do so. The blond started the bike and adjusted her hair to her right side, leaving her neck exposed. She turned her head slightly, feeling his breathing right on her neck. She gulped. ‘Do you trust me?’

The answer rolled out of her mouth easily.

‘With my life.’

‘God, that’s Jessica over there. _Jesus_. I shouldn’t have come.’

‘Well but she’s coming now so act natural.’ Valerie hissed. She really liked Bella and she knew that Jessica missed her, it was just a waste of a friendship to act like that to each other. She didn’t understand why they had stopped talking to each other but it was definitely stupid. They looked like they got along pretty well in the past and all of them surely missed her, especially Jessica. They didn’t like the Cullen’s, yes, yet everything wasn’t about the Cullen’s; it shouldn’t be. This was about Bella and her ability of making friends and keeping them.

Jessica hugged Valerie tightly, a plastic cup full of beer in her hand and Mike’s hand on the other. She embraced her favorite girl in the world happily.

‘Here’s my girl, smoking hot as always!’ Jessica complimented her and she glanced at Jasper. ‘You don’t look so bad yourself keeping her company.

Jessica had been mean to Bella in the past, however Jasper couldn’t exactly blame her. He still thought she was the dullest human he had ever met, but at least Bella really cared about Valerie and that was something that he valued. He also valued Jessica’s worry about the girl. Besides, Valerie really needed normal friends, friends that weren’t like Jasper and his family, Bella included. Jessica glanced at Edward and Bella and the smile was soon wiped of her face.

‘Jess, I think you’ve met Bella and Edward…’

‘Yeah, I have.’ Jessica bickered; someone was getting mad. Valerie made a face. ‘Vals, you really are the best, but I really don’t want to ruin this party. Come meet us whenever you want to. You can come too, Jasper.’

And she left before Valerie could even process her speech.

Well, that wasn’t dramatic at all.

Bella showed no emotion to Jessica’s words; the girl knew damn well she had fucked everything up with her friends when she started her relationship with Edward the way she did, but Jasper didn’t blame either side. They were all pretty dumb and petty as teenagers always were. He decided to cheer up Valerie’s mood.

‘Let’s get something to drink, yeah?’

The girl smiled at him, clearly thankful.

Two hours later, she was absolutely shitfaced again, but at least she was in a safe environment this time. Bella and Edward were sitting in a small couch placed in another room away from all the dancing; Eric and Angela had decided to join them and they eventually started a conversation. They still liked Bella a lot and they weren’t as petty as Jessica; they weren’t capable of doing so.

They were all talking while Valerie was resting her head on Jasper’s shoulder.

Jasper was at a party; at a human party with teenagers because the _human_ girl he was stupidly in love with had just won a volleyball game. His life was just getting better and better, the irony of it was just… laughable. As he felt the girl breathing against his shirt, he wondered why he didn’t feel like ripping her throat out more often; he wondered why he felt so instantly connected with her and so needy of her company when they hadn’t even known each other for that long. He wondered, but he couldn’t find any answers.

Her curly hair was so long that it was now resting on his lap. He couldn’t help but bring his fingers to touch her ends and soon he was caressing her head while pulling her closer to him. He didn’t know why; he just wanted to.

Valerie woke up. It hadn’t been Angela and Eric screaming over the music while talking to Bella, it wasn’t the stupidly loud music nor even teenagers yelling; it was his touch that woke her. Jasper smiled lightly as Valerie looked at him.

‘Good morning.’ He teased her, loud enough so that she could hear him. She chuckled, clearly still drunk, and grabbed another beer from the coffee table. He chuckled as he wrapped her arm around her; besides being a shots machine, she also downed beer pretty well for a small human.

As the purple haired girl suddenly grabbed his face with her warm hands, Jasper knew what she was about to do. The sudden touch didn’t startle him; it just surprised him. Edward was fully aware of what was going on but he decided not to intervene.

‘Valerie…’ He started, hesitating. It hurt him to do so; he really wanted to kiss her, to feel her _human_ lips against his, but he didn’t know if he could handle it. Also, she was drunk. Maybe she didn’t want to do it. Maybe she would regret it. He wouldn’t do it while she was drunk. No. ‘You’re drunk.’

‘And?’ She replied, leaning even more against him and muttering the word very slowly.

‘And you need to sleep.’ He chuckled, finding the whole situation laughable. She pouted and he laughed, proceeding to caress her cheek. Jasper put his other hand over hers. ‘I want to. I really do. But not like this, not now.’

Valerie’s drunk brain didn’t process Jasper’s words; she just knew he wanted to, and that was enough for her at the time. She let her head rest on the crook of his neck, and finally, she found her home.

It wasn’t Forks. It wasn’t her house.

_It was Jasper._

Jump. Hit. Jump. Hit. Jump, hit.

Their next game was against Seattle and the team wasn’t ready; Jessica knew it, Valerie knew it, even Lauren knew that her perfect little team wasn’t ready to go against Seattle and not get their asses kicked. They had one month to toughen up and face Seattle and the Coach wasn’t about letting them rest. Valerie had been spending hours straight at practice; she barely had time for showering or eating, less alone for Jasper or spending time with her mother. Even homework was starting to get impossible to fit into her schedule. But she tried, she really did try, and it was wonderful keeping her thoughts busy.

Coach F. had faith in his girls. He knew Seattle would try to kick their ass but he also knew that these girls could do better than them. They had fire in them.

Valerie and Jessica were practicing serves and hits together as all the girls were divided in pairs, bettering their technique and finding flaws and weak points. Lauren approached both girls and Jessica immediately rolled her eyes, knowing what was about to come.

‘It doesn’t look like you’ve been practicing at all, Valerie.’ 

It was Valerie’s time to roll her eyes as she returned the ball to Jessica with a perfect hit. She knew Lauren was bullshitting her; she had been practicing a lot and was getting quite better everyday, maybe even better than she had been back in Arizona. But she wouldn’t let it go, would she? Lauren needed to have all eyes on her and they were now placed on Valerie’s skills. The girl grunted.

‘Sorry, Lauren.’ She mumbled, focusing on her game and not really caring about what the hell Lauren was talking about. ‘But don’t worry. If I suck, it means you get an opportunity to play in the next game.’

Jessica couldn’t hold back her laugh and eventually missed the hit. The volley ball hit the floor as she laughed, while Valerie was smirking as she saw smoke coming from Lauren’s ears. She couldn’t care less. She wasn’t about the life of standing bullies.

‘Maybe if you weren’t so busy with that freak of a Cull-’

Jessica stopped breathing.

‘Excuse me?’

Valerie stopped playing, grabbing the volley ball with both her hands and looking straight into Lauren’s eyes. She was wearing a smirk in her lips, her arms crossed in front of her body and her eyes staring at Valerie.

‘ _I said,_ maybe if you weren’t too busy with that Jasper Hale _freak_ -’

She didn’t have time to finish her statement.

Valerie hit the volley ball with the palm of her right hand.

The ball hit Lauren square in the face.

The gym stopped and everyone was silent as Valerie marched towards Lauren.

‘Next time it’ll be my hand, you stupid bitch.’

‘Wow wow wow!’ Jessica put herself between the two girls. Lauren was absolutely pissed off and if Coach F. found out what happened Valerie would probably stay in the benches for the next few games. If that actually happened, they would have even less chances of winning against Seattle. Also, Valerie was her best friend, for god’s sake! She couldn’t let her best friend not be recognized by her talent.

Besides, it was kinda deserved. She had wanted to punch Lauren in the face too.

Valerie had tried; she had actually tried not judging Lauren by the shit they had been saying about her. The girl knew what was like being judged for things people had no idea about and they weren’t funny at all. But Lauren was straight up a fucking bitch who lived to bully others.

Valerie was still cursing Lauren’s out of her existence when she walked to the parking lot to meet Jasper.

‘I didn’t know you had it in you.’ Valerie raised an eyebrow. The word was already spreading, it seemed. She didn’t care. If she were to be recognized as the girl who hit Lauren with a volley ball, let it be. It really should have been her hand against her face, it would be way more satisfying.

‘Don’t even get me started, Jasper Hale.’ Valerie muttered under her breath, making the boy laugh. He opened the car door for her and in a second he was already driving them to the beach.

Things were weird. Things were weird with Jasper Hale. She couldn’t deny that he was a really good person and as her mother would say, a very sweet boy. Yet he was a very sweet boy that she was crushing on and clearly had another interest. It was hard for her admitting that even though she wasn’t expecting to fall in love, it happened. It happened and it hit her harder than she ever expected it to. The girl had promised herself that she wouldn’t fall in love, that she wouldn’t trust no one and that she would only survive this year in Forks and then she would be gone. And she still wanted to live; she still wanted to study and see the world out there, but now she had a couple of friends that she liked so much and she also had Jasper. Jasper, who was still a mystery to her.

Classes were overwhelming and so was practice; it was hard balancing her school life with her extracurricular activities, but she tried. The only thing she enjoyed and that actually put her mind at ease was her car rides with the boy; they helped her feel less anxious and more balance, more down to earth.

Jasper was trying to feed a particularly small pigeon that was bothering Valerie about her sandwich while the girl watched him. He drove her around, he took her on night car rides, he cheered her up on her school games and he liked to chill at her at the beach after school. Apparently he was also kind enough to feed bread to pigeons.

She stared at the waves; she was just a stupid teenager. Jasper Hale didn’t like her as more than a friend. He did everything friends did, but sometimes he did things that made her question everything.

 _Do yourself a favor and take mixed signals as a no_ , she thought to herself. She hadn’t had these problems when she was younger and she wasn’t about to have them now; boy problems were stupid. She needed to move on; Valerie had enough school work and hours spent on practice to worry other than the handsome boy next to her.

The pigeon finally trusted Jasper enough to let the boy hand feed him. Valerie could almost see a smirk appearing on his lips as the pigeon ate the piece of bread, but she didn’t say anything. She was still sure that it should be illegal being that cute and handsome at the same time.

‘People are usually disgusted by pigeons.’ She remarked. ‘Because of all the diseases and stuff.’ Jasper smiled.

‘It isn’t their fault they were born into this world. Animals are cute.’

And Jasper did find animals cute. He felt bad when he had to kill them, sometimes. He really enjoyed horses when he was younger, he even had one when he was in the army, and his family kept dogs and cats as pets as well. Everything his vampire existence brought him was pain and hurting. He couldn’t be around people anymore without wanting to rip their throats out, he couldn’t sleep, couldn’t enjoy the small things in life; his existence was ridiculous.

Valerie’s phone alarm struck 6:30 pm. Time to go home and cook dinner; her mother was coming home earlier today. Jasper got up, saying goodbye to the small pigeon, and held his hand out to help her getting up. She accepted it, expecting the usual cold, but she had never felt so warm.

He didn’t let go of her hand for the entire car ride.

The drive home was quick, but Jasper raised an eyebrow as they drove by the police department.

‘Isn’t that your mother’s car?’

And his father’s car as well.

Valerie was confused. Back in Arizona it was a normal occurrence her mother being so present in the Police Department, sometimes taking a stand for her patients and leaving her statements. She had a various number of patients who were mentally incapable of taking care of themselves especially because of brain damage they had been exposed to in their lifetime and some that they were born with. Sometimes they had carers who abused them and her mother was the first one to find out by performing her routine physical exams; her mother pressed charges against them and she was normally obliged to present herself to court. However, Forks was a small town. Valerie doubted that was the case.

Right on queue, as Jasper and Valerie left the car, both Doctors were leaving the police station, clearly distressed and concerned and mumbling to each other. Valerie thought that Dr. Cullen was looking a little paler than usual.

‘Mom?’ Valerie called out. Both Doctors noticed their children.

‘Oh baby, hello.’ Her mother said, taking her immediately in her arms and hugging her tight. ‘Jasper, dear.’ She also greeted, sending him a small smile. She didn’t look like she was in a very good mood.

‘Mr. Addams.’ Jasper said, nodding. He then turned to his father. Valerie had never seen Jasper Hale so startled. ‘What’s going on?’

Doctor Cullen glanced at Doctor Addams briefly.

‘Four hikers were found dead in the trails this morning.’ Jasper didn’t even have to hear more. His whole body tensed. ‘The corpses weren’t looking very good.’

‘It was horrible, sweetie.’ Elizabeth Addams pipped in. ‘Skull fractures, missing brains…’ Valerie scrunched her nose; well, that sounded pleasant. Her mother looked like she was in an especially shitty mood. ‘One of them even had his head missin-’

‘Enough of disaster.’ Doctor Cullen interrupted and smiled lightly at the female doctor, trying to brighten up the mood. ‘We should all get together and relax for a while. My wife is really eager to meet your family, Doctor Addams. What about having lunch at my house one of these days?’

‘Oh, we definitely need to get a day arranged. I was thinking that I could cook some-’

Jasper knew what his father had just done; having them for lunch was a little too much, but he was in no position to care about right now. James had started killing people, killing other humans, and he had been in the trails. He was getting closer.

He realized they were leaving and looked at Valerie. Sweet, small, _human_ Valerie, with her stupid brown eyes and her stupid purple hair, and her ridiculous outfits.

He couldn’t leave her.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

She smiled.

She didn’t see him the next day.


	13. thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little shorter than all the others; covid-19 is going after my ass at the hospital and i've been fucking exhausted with my shifts. PLEASE, STAY SAFE.  
> also, i really need to go to sleep and i wanted to update today, so you might find weird some little errors along the chapter.
> 
> as always, TRIGGER WARNING

_Maybe he didn’t like Carlisle’s invite very much. I mean, he wasn’t even looking at him when he was inviting us. Maybe I should have asked him first if he wanted me to go. I’m just his friend. Besides, what if-_

Her thoughts as she walked down the hall to her next class were suddenly interrupted by Bella Swan.

‘They do this everytime the weather’s decent, don’t beat yourself up.’ Bella pipped in her thoughts, interrupting her inner monologue as she punched her arm slightly in the awkward Bella way; Bella had seen her gloomy looks from the other side of the hallway and decided to get her to cheer up. ‘They go on hikes and things like that to enjoy the good weather. Tried it with Charlie, it didn’t work.’

Valerie smiled; well, at least Jasper wasn’t avoiding her like she thought, he was out there doing things with her family. She would like going on hikes with her mother as well, but the Doctor obviously didn’t have any time for that. Valerie shrugged her shoulders.

‘I’m just paranoid, I guess.’

Bella rolled her eyes and chuckled.

‘You’re not being paranoid, I understand. I’ve been there too.’ Valerie didn’t answer her; she didn’t know what she was supposed to say. ‘Going to class?’

‘Yep.’ Valerie replied, popping out the “p”. ‘Biology with Mr. Molina. Would you like me to say something to Jess?’

Bella liked the purple haired a lot. She made Jasper happy and he was way less anxious when she was around him. The brunette also liked her cheering personality and the importance that she gave to friendship, but she was sure that what she had with Jessica couldn’t be saved. Bella didn’t even answer, deciding to simply say her goodbyes to Valerie with a sad smile on her face. Valerie knew that Bella had taken Jess’ words personally and she understood why. She just wanted them to be friends again. Friendships being thrown to waste really bothered her.

Valerie entered class and she saw her two friends sitting down. She quickly approached them, leaving Jasper’s seat empty since he wasn’t coming.

‘Jasper’s not glued to your hip.’ Jessica pointed out quickly. ‘And you were with Bella Swan. Care to explain what type of parallel universe are we living in?’

Valerie rolled her eyes and settled her books on the desk, quickly sitting down and trying to find a pen as Mr. Molina was already writing on the board.

‘It’s sunny, they don’t come on sunny days. You should know that.’

Jessica rolled her eyes.

‘You know I really don’t like you being around Bella.’ Valerie raised an eyebrow. ‘She’ll just end up leaving you like she did with us.’

One thing she hated about Jessica was that she was a control freak; no joke, she really was. Valerie had her share of mental illness so it wasn’t like she could judge her, but sometimes her needs to control everything around her were just overwhelming. The girl wanted to be in control of everything, _everytime_. Valerie couldn’t help but feel for her; being a control freak and having her friends leaving her suddenly must have taken a toll on her.

‘I’ll be fine Jess but thank you for caring.’ Valerie muttered, deciding it would be better to keep her mouth shut than to start a stupid argument. Mr. Molina started class and Valerie started taking some notes.

She was writing everything down when a paper landed on her desk. It looked like it had already been used and it was crumbled into the shape of a ball. She raised her eyebrow and glanced around; everyone was paying attention to class and writing things down.

Curiosity got the best of her and she couldn’t help but open the paper.

**_Can we talk after class?_ **

Valerie didn’t recognize the handwriting yet it sent shivers down her spine. She stared at the paper, trying to remember who was in class that would want to talk to her.

Angela looked behind and saw Valerie looking at the paper. Their stares crossed and the purple haired realized Angela was looking right behind her, her eyes glaring dangerously at a certain someone. Jessica quickly joined the staring contest.

_Tyler._

Valerie exhaled and pretended she hadn’t read what she just had. She definitely didn’t want to talk to him; hell, she didn’t even remember he was in her class. What if he decided to go after her? It was a known fact that the Cullen’s didn’t go to school when it was sunny and he certainly wasn’t seeing Jasper at her side. What did this guy even want after everything that happened?

‘Forget it, Crowley.’ Jessica hissed suddenly, eyeing him dangerously and ready to stab him with a pen. ‘Get lost before we make you’

Tyler didn’t reply and Valerie didn’t say anything back to him; she couldn’t. Talking to him surely wasn’t on her To-Do list for the day and after what he did to her, he could be dead for all she cared. Angela sent her a reassuring smile to get her to calm down. It didn’t work and it was even worse that Jasper wasn’t there by her side. She didn’t pay attention for the rest of the class until the bell rang.

‘Don’t you even fucking dare, Crowley!’ Jessica hissed once again, placing herself in front of Valerie. Valerie didn’t even bother to look as she collected her books; she was brave, yes, but not brave enough to face the guy who almost assaulted her in the middle of the hallway. ‘Get lost.’

‘Jessica, please.’ She heard his voice pleading; it wasn’t Tyler’s usually cheery voice. He sounded terrified. ‘I need to warn her.’

‘You need to fuck off.’ Jessica snapped back and Valerie was just thankful that Mr. Molina had already left class. She had everything in her backpack ready to go, but she couldn’t stop herself from hiding behind Jessica.

‘It’s about Jasper.’ Tyler mumbled. ‘Please. I think he’s dangerous.’

That was able to make Valerie react.

‘You don’t get to talk about dangerous, Tyler. You know what you did to me.’ She spat out venomously and was finally able to look at his face.

Tyler looked terrified. His voice was edged with fear and he looked too frightened to even look her in the eye, constantly eyeing his surroundings like someone was going to attack him suddenly. He had huge bags under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in years; his eyes looked tired, almost dead with no shine. Valerie noticed his lip was split.

‘I know, I know, and I’m sorry.’ He ranted but Valerie didn’t care. ‘It’s no excuse but I was having problems at home and… and Jasper’s dangerous. He almost killed me.’

Tyler looked haunted everytime he talked about Jasper.

‘He didn’t almost kill you, Tyler.’ Valerie corrected him, exasperated. ‘He barely choked you and you deserved it. Fuck off.’ She spat out, trying to leave the classroom with Jessica and Angela right behind her. Tyler didn’t let them.

‘You don’t understand, this was after!’ Tyler yelled back clearly enraged and she couldn’t help but take a step back. Her friends placed themselves in front of her. ‘I- you really don’t know the things he did to me. It was unbearable. I thought I was going to die. I’m so sorry, I-’

‘Stop spitting nonsense.’ Angela argued as she grabbed Valerie’s hand to comfort her and lead her outside the classroom. ‘Jasper is a great guy. He wouldn’t have to do anything if you hadn’t tried to do _that_ to Valerie.’

‘Listen!’ Tyler badgered, making Valerie grit her teeth; she was scared, yes, but she wasn’t the one to handle shit from a man, less alone a man screaming at her. ‘He bit me! He fucking bit me! And it hurt so bad, everything was on fire. I thought I was going to die! He’s dangerous, you have to believe me!’

Tyler was just talking nonsense at this point. Yes, Jasper sometimes lost his cool but he was no rabid dog going around and bitting people. The Cullen’s already had enough drama about them going around without Tyler adding to it.

‘Tyler, you’re absolutely insane! Jasper would never-’

‘Please, trust me. He tortured me! He’s a _demon_ , he’s-’

‘Shut the fuck up, dude!’ Jessica hissed, as she suddenly turned around and grabbed Valerie’s wrist. ‘You should be fucking ashamed of yourself. You’re disgusting! Leave us the fuck alone!’

Before they left the classroom, Valerie took a glance behind.

Tyler looked terrified.

She couldn’t help but wonder…

The Cullen’s usually spent time together at home, but the fact that they had an excuse not to attend school made things better. After spending an entire night trying to catch the vampire – without obviously succeeding – they were all having a joined discussion in the huge living room. Jasper was currently gripping the couch harder than necessary, his grip tightening around the wood and his knuckles going white.

‘I think he has a gift. He has this stupid sense of self-preservation, he knows when to leave, where to escape to… I think this is a bigger threat than what we were expecting. All he has in mind is killing. It’s not pretty.’ Edward said. Everyone eyed him cautiously and they avoided Jasper’s stares as he grew even more impatient.

‘So we just wait until he kills her and I can’t do anything about it?’ Jasper growled. Rosalie sighed in defeat; she hated humans so much. All they brought to her family was heartbreak and problems. She would kill this human with her bare hands if she could; she was literally destroying her family piece by piece.

‘No, son, that’s not what’s going to happen.’ Carlisle interrupted, trying to ease the palpable tension going on between his family. ‘I’m sure we’ll figure something out. Alice, did you see something new?’

‘The vision stays the same.’ Alice commented. ‘She still dies in the end.’

Jasper got up and flipped the glass table in anger, watching as everything shattered around him on the floor. It didn’t even matter; why were they living this kind of life? Why were they trying so hard to pretend, to live around humans instead of living the life they were destined to? For them to give up on someone so soon?

Esme sighed and got up, obviously not pleased to see her living room being destroyed. Emmett followed her right after; he was very attached to his mother and he hated when people get her upset. Rosalie grabbed Jasper’s arm, knowing the altercation was about to be violent and that Jasper Hale was never the one to give up when he wanted answers.

‘She dies because you aren’t helping!’

‘No!’ Alice yelled back, a vase on the left shattering. Edward sighed. Alice was never the violent type, but all of them had changed way too much. Things had never been so weird. ‘She dies because she’s human and because she decided to mess with vampires!’

‘Alice.’ Carlisle interrupted before Jasper could try to attack Alice. Carlisle warned the vampire to stop with his bare look. ‘It’s not her fault. These things happen and there’s nothing we can do.’

‘Let’s remember that they’re killing humans in Port Angeles.’ Edward chimed in. ‘They called Carlisle and Elizabeth in to try to identify the causes of death. Missing brains, missing hearts.’

‘Yes,’ Carlisle nodded. ‘It’s not pretty. The killings are ruthless and show no mercy nor respect for human life, of course, but I wonder why they’re doing it.’

‘To power up.’ Alice pipped in, rolling her eyes. ‘They’re stronger than us and they’re getting ready to fight. We’re going to die.’ She looked at her family, trying to get her point across. ‘All of us. And she will, too. For nothing.’

Jasper growled.

‘Sometimes I fucking hate you, Alice. I fucking hate you right now.’

Alice was a small vampire, yet all Cullen’s could feel was anger coming from her, something that they hadn’t quite expected coming from someone like her, someone so calm and that always put things to perspective. This wasn’t normal behavior coming from the vampire. They would expect something like this coming from Jasper, even maybe coming from Rosalie, but everyone was too shocked to even stop Alice’s violent behavior.

‘And you know why, Jasper?! You know why? Because you love her!’

Edward cringed. He knew what was coming and shared a look with Carlisle; it shouldn’t go like that. It wouldn’t help Jasper, it would only make him the possibilities of him going on a killer spree higher.

‘I’m incapable of loving a _stupid_ hum-’

‘She’s your mate.’

Alice’s interrupting words landed like a bomb on the Cullen Household, yet neither member of the Cullen family said a word.

Jasper stopped. His wide widened and darkened.

Nobody came forward; nobody came forward to tell Alice that she wasn’t right, that she was lying just to hurt him even more and to make things more complicated in his head, to make everything look harder than it was supposed to. As he glanced at Carlisle, he appeared as peaceful as he always had been. Edward was avoiding his gaze, staring at the tiled floor.

Rosalie looked at him in pain.

Pitiful. That’s how they were all feeling.

His world stopped and crumbled on his feet.

Jasper was never the one to just freak out over nothing, but this wasn’t nothing; this was serious.

He liked the human girl. He really did; she brought him feelings that he didn’t think he have, that he never thought would be possible to feel. He somehow felt _human_ again when he was with her, if that was even possible.

But the word mate scared him. It had always scared him even when he thought Alice was the one, even though he never felt connected to her like he did to the little purple haired girl. It made him think; it was almost like there was a tie connecting both of them and the more they walked away from each other, the more it hurt his body; as the distance between them grew larger, the more it hurt. Each day apart that went by, Jasper felt worse, thirsty for blood, for revenge, the more he wanted to go on a killing spree. As things got worse and worse, he would cross her path to save her from a stupid van, a stupid teenager party or a stupid vampire. They were bound to be together. He never felt that with Alice.

Things had been going on like this for so long that he felt like there was no coming back; they would always be tied together by an invisible tie that led them to each other. They could have been separated, but they would always find their way back to each other, with their ups and downs. They would always find each other; they would always find home.

That’s how Emmett and Rosalie described it. That was what happened with Bella and Edward. She was his mate.

But that didn’t explain why he felt like he had known her from before; she was no vampire, it wasn’t possible that he had met her during his lifetime. It also didn’t explain the pain she used to feel when their eyes crossed.

Nothing good and simple ever came for him.

Jasper ripped a tree trunk in rage.

He could feel Edward right next to him.

‘What’s done is done.’ He said, stoically. ‘If she dies, you die. And I can’t have you dying on me, brother.’

On the other side of the ocean, Aro smiled and opened his eyes.

It was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to warn you all that i think my computer is going to literally die at any second lmao. if i stop updating, you know what's going on lmao


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING | read with caution!

‘What do you think about going to Port Angeles to get my clumsy ass some new knee pads?’

Jasper let out a laugh as he finished washing the car’s door with the old sponge. He was helping the girl cleaning her car up on a Saturday morning. Her mother was inside resting and she had already brought them coffee and juice. Elizabeth Addams liked Jasper Hale a little too much.

A few days had gone by since he found out about the whole mate thing and he had definitely grown accustomed to it. He didn’t ask Edward for insight information, he didn’t ask him to intrude Valerie’s mind and find out if the feelings were mutual or not. He just accepted that his mate was supposed to be a human girl that didn’t know anything about the existence of vampires.

‘Why Port Angeles? You didn’t find anything in Forks?’

She hid a smile.

‘Port Angeles has purple ones, though…’

The vampire rolled his eyes and hid an amused smile. She had a problem with purple. Her nails were currently painted purple and her hair was still the same shade of purple that it had been when she first arrived to Forks. Valerie was currently trying to get her mother to let her paint another wall of her room purple and she had been thinking of even painting her windowsill. Jasper thought about climbing her windowsill to kick James’ ass and getting his jeans purple. An amazing idea.

They finished cleaning up her car and planned on going to Port Angeles after lunch. Valerie was having lunch with her mother and since it was Saturday and Jasper’s father was home (a rare occurrence) he went to have lunch with his family as well. What Valerie didn’t know though, was that he was going to spend his free time hunting down James.

‘So…’ Elizabeth Addams was never the one to hoover, but she was curious as to why she had been seeing Jasper Hale, one of the Cullen’s, around so much. ‘What do you think about Jasper Hale?’

Valerie Addams raised an eyebrow as she ate her rice. Well, she _thinks_ that she’s completely in love with him and that it wasn’t just another stupid crush; she _thinks_ that she would never be able to like someone as much as she liked him, but she couldn’t tell her mother that.

‘He’s a good friend. Mike and Eric are really good to me as well.’

Her mother rolled her eyes.

‘Not the point. What do you really think about him?’

Elizabeth was also never the one to be interested in her daughter’s love life, but she couldn’t help but feel _weird_ about Jasper Hale. She loved him, of course; he had saved her daughter’s life, he was a gentleman, very charming and very sweet, but something about him rubbed her off in the wrong way. The Doctor almost felt guilty that she thought such thing about Jasper, the wonderful, intelligent and kind boy, but maybe it was her motherly instincts speaking.

‘He’s a wonderful guy, mom.’

‘Does he respect you?’

‘Of course he does. He’s wonderful. I thought you liked him.’

Elizabeth shook her head. Of course she liked the boy; this was just her being paranoid and ungrateful for her daughter having someone as nice as Jasper in her life.

‘I really do, sweetie. I think he’s really good to you.’

Valerie smiled.

He really was.

☔

Thankfully it wasn’t raining in Port Angeles when they arrived. Forks was a small town and even though Port Angeles was near the small city they didn’t feel the need to hide there. They were holding hands as they walked down the foggy streets; thankfully it wasn’t raining and Valerie had been able to keep her hair under control. She felt good walking next to Jasper but people still glanced at them. He was stupidly handsome, stupidly tall and stupidly charming. She wanted to look good next to him but it was almost impossible; Jasper Hale was just too handsome to be human.

She got her purple knee pads – and got herself in an argument with Jasper since he wanted to pay for them, which he eventually did -, and they also got some coffee. It was nighttime when they decided they would have dinner at Port Angeles instead of driving to Forks without eating.

‘The sky’s beautiful.’ Valerie mentioned as she stared up. Jasper glanced at her and smiled sheepishly; he enjoyed when she was able to enjoy mundane things, to simply stare at the simple beauty of a night sky. He had seen the stars so many times that he had grown used to it; they were just stars, some of them weren’t even there anymore. They were just regular, sparkly points in the sky. ‘You don’t get to see much of this in Arizona.’

‘Will you be going back to Arizona?’ He questioned. ‘To college, or something.’

After discovering that Valerie was his mate – a situation that he handled very maturely, _of course_ – he was scared of losing her. Human’s lives were short and too eventful for his liking and for what his kind was used to. If she were to travel to Arizona and stay there for college, he would have to handle the heartbreak of being a friend – and a distant one – to her.

Valerie wanted to move out for college. She had thought about Europe for a while but then she grew roots and became attached to little Forks and her friends.

And Jasper.

She didn’t care about boys; she really didn’t and she had never been the one to change her plans or her dreams because of a boy, but it wasn’t about Jasper being a boy. It was about her fear of moving away and people leaving, of people dying just like it happened in the past. Her thoughts weren’t on Europe anymore. She had been searching the nearest colleges possible, even though their programs probably weren’t the best and she wouldn’t feel very mentally stimulated. Valerie didn’t have the stomach to leave her mother, her friends and Jasper and one day receive a phone call to inform her that they had passed away.

The purple girl sighed; sometimes she just wished she didn’t feel anything.

_And all of a sudden Valerie was blind._

All of a sudden Jasper Hale wasn’t next to her anymore.

She stopped breathing for a second.

It was so sudden that she didn’t even have time to react. Valerie couldn’t see anything; just a wave of black pitch darkness that embraced her and blinded her from the outside world. _What the fuck?_

‘Jasper?’ It was all she managed to mutter out while trying to grasp an invisible Jasper Hale next to her. As soon as the words left her mouth, she was flying through the air. Valerie felt like she was flying for about ten seconds, but this was a very different flying sensation from the cliff diving jump; this was like some kind of force hit her, like she had been hit by a car out of nowhere. She felt like every bone inside her arm cracked as it hit the floor first, and all her body next. Valerie yelled in pain and hugged herself, rolling her eyes at the excruciating pain coming from her arm. She gasped for air; _Am I dreaming?_

Valerie regained her sense of sight suddenly. The girl found out that she was lying down in the dark and the ground under her was wet, muddy, smelly and hard. She tried to get up as her whole body entered a fight or flight mode, but the pain radiating through her entire body stopped her. She muttered a few cusses and glanced around, trying to find any sights of Jasper or whatever had sent her fucking flying. How she wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack was still a mystery to her.

And then she realized she was in an _alley._

The purple haired girl swallowed the lump on her throat and tried to pretend everything was okay. She had been doing that for so long, it didn’t even matter. It would be okay.

‘Jasper?’ Valerie tried to call out for him, her voice cracking; after all, he was the only one who was capable of making her feel safe. ‘Jasper? I’m scared…’

‘It’s not Jasper, sweetie, name’s James.’ A whispered voice came out of nowhere and Valerie almost snapped her neck as she was looking around for the source. She didn’t know this voice and she didn’t know who the _fuck_ was this James guy. ‘It’s really cute though, you really are his pet, calling for him and everything. What are you going to do without him now, hun?’

_Breathe. It’s okay. Breathe. It’s just a nightmare. This isn’t real._

Valerie tried to get up but her knees kept giving out as all strength she had was taken away from her body. She could sense something – she just didn’t know exactly that, but she wasn’t alone. And Jasper wasn’t with her. She kneeled on the floor as she couldn’t use her arms to get up.

Suddenly, _someone_ grabbed her head and slammed it against the pavement. Valerie stopped _thinking, seeing_ for a second, her thoughts all mushy in her brain. It was like she had been hit by a baseball bat right in the forehead.

Her senses were all over her again; she couldn’t breathe properly and her head was pounding and stinging. Suddenly, it started raining and the _scent of blood was mixing rain._

The memory triggered a reaction from her; her muscles went stiff as she remembered what had happened almost three years ago.

It wasn’t a nightmare. _This was real._

Valerie wiped her forehead with her other arm and realized she had a long gash covering her entire forehead, which was pouring blood and staining the alley in a crimson-red colour. She pressed harder against her wound in order to stop it from bleeding and looked up.

She saw a blond man and a red-haired woman she had never seen before. Her vision was still dizzy and everything on her was shaking, so her state didn’t help her recognizing these people. However, she was _sure_ she had never met these people.

Valerie wasn’t about to die in an alley. She had survived _it_ 3 years later; this wouldn’t happen. Not again, not ever.

‘The two of you can fuck off.’ Valerie spat out, sitting down and realizing how dumb she looked. The two of them just kept staring at her, stupid smiles on their stupid faces. She knew damn well that everything wasn’t supposed to be moving around her, but that was what was happening. She was about to pass out. ‘I don’t even know what you’re talking about.’

The blond man laughed and everything boomed inside her head. She grabbed it tight wanting to scream; it hurt _so_ much. She probably had a concussion.

‘C’mon, sweetie. You’re telling me you’re not his little blood bag, his little dirty secret? Or maybe you’re a puritan and you don’t want to share…’

Jesus fucking Christ. Men were really hard to understand, weren’t they?

The woman was just staring at her while he moved too fast for Valerie to be able to understand what he was doing. He was probably just playing games with her, trying to get her to be even more dizzy. She was about to throw up. Maybe she could throw up in his shoes.

Fear and danger made her reckless.

‘Look, man, just let me go. I don’t even know what you’re on about, and-’

James suddenly grabbed her wrist, smiling viciously, and she screamed – she screamed as she felt that most of her bones had been cracked in the place. He licked her palm and suddenly his mouth was covered in the blood that she had once wiped out of her forehead. She was so shocked that she was able to meet his deadly stare.

Brown met crimson-red.

She gasped for breath, and then it hit her.

**_3 years before, Arizona_ **

_She knew it was 5 am. She knew it was 5 am because everyone else was leaving and they weren’t, and they were always the first ones to arrive and the last ones to leave. The party was almost over and Valerie was throwing up all the contents of her stomach and all the alcohol she had been drinking for the past 7 hours. Mary was laughing._

_Her cigarette bud was now laying on the cold, wet floor of the middle of an alley in the back of the party. Charlotte followed both girls as she laughed at her phone._

_‘Fuuuck!’ She stuttered, laughing out loud as she watched Valerie emptying her stomach. ‘She o-okay?’_

_Mary laughed out loud. She grabbed her best friend’s hair as she kept throwing all the alcohol they had been ingesting for the past hours._

_‘C’mon sis,’ She chirped up. ‘Let it all out. You know it’s over when you throw up.’_

_Charlotte screamed, laughing hysterically, and she went inside to grab another cup of beer._

_Valerie was up again probably too suddenly for her own health and she looked at her best friend. Her very beautiful red-haired best friend was as drunk as she was but she was able to hold her alcohol better. They smiled drunkenly at each other and they hugged in the middle of the alley._

_‘Fuck…’ Valerie muttered grabbing her head in pain. The girl had probably bumped it somewhere on her way out to throw up. Her best friend laughed again – they were always laughing, not only when they were drunk – and linked her arms. ‘We really fucking did it this time.’_

_‘We did, sis.’ Mary replied. ‘That’s why I love you!’_

_And then Mary was snatched away from her in a second; she was snatched away before Valerie could reply that she loved her back._

_Valerie let out a yell which clearly wouldn’t be heard by anyone inside the party as the music was so damn loud; her head was dizzy and she let out a pained scream as she felt her shoulder snap. Her knees hit the cement and she scrapped them, deep._

_Valerie looked everywhere franticly looking for her best friend, looking for a sight of her. Drunks never really think straight and her brain really wasn’t thinking that she had been pushed; she just thought she fell._

_That is, until she saw her best friend looking right at her with her bright, doe-like eyes, terrified out of her mind and frozen in spot. Only when her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the alley contrasting with the party lights, she was capable of seeing that someone was holding down her best friend. They had her in a chokehold and they were hiding in the shadows, all dressed in black and their face covered._

_All she saw was blond hair and red eyes._

_Before she could scream, before she could stop him and get to her best friend, she heard a popping sound._

_Shortly after that, blood was mixing with rain._

_The guy was hunched on her best friend’s body; the gurgling sound in the alley was louder than the music inside._

_Red eyes met brown eyes._

_And suddenly, the alley was painted in red. The blood flooded through Mary’s neck._

_Her head was detached from her body, her eyes rolled over and her mouth wide open._

_Valerie was left blood stained in that alley, dead, just like her best friend._

She remembered everything.

When she came back, James wasn’t all over her anymore.

Jasper was suddenly there right next to her. His body was tense and he let out a growl that she had never heard before. He yanked James violently onto the wall, making him grunt and rolled his eyes. Jasper wasn’t thinking as he made the wisest decision he could: he ran and sank his teeth onto the woman’s neck and ripped her head off in one simple motion. Valerie _heard a popping sound._

A curling, agonizing scream made both of the men stop.

_She remembered everything._

Valerie screamed in agony as she watched Jasper’s speed motions popping the woman’s head off; she remembered everything. She remembered the ripping, the popping, the crimson red.

She remembered the blood.

Mary had been killed by vampires. Mary had been killed by James.

And Jasper was one of them.

Valerie was left blood stained in that alley, dead.

_Again._

☔

Jasper was pacing back and forth.

Edward was sitting in a rock while he watched his brother going berserk and destroying the entire forest in anger. Thank god there was thunder to cover up his rage.

‘I can’t fucking believe this.’ The vampire cursed as he threw another tree against a rock. The rock cracked but so did the tree. Edward watched and sighed as one of the halves of the tree almost hit him. ‘I can’t fucking believe he got me like that. And she just _had_ to fucking faint out of nowhere.’

Edward sighed. He really needed to have a especial place waiting for him in heaven.

‘Jasper, Carlisle said it was just a concussion and a broken arm. She’ll be fine.’ Jasper growled. ‘They’ll call you when she wakes up. You’re too stressed to be around her right now.’

‘At least I fucking killed that bitch.’ Jasper mumbled, still throwing his tantrum and destroying the vegetation around them. Edward sighed again and decided to just let him do it. They were very deep into the woods anyway. ‘I fucking killed his mate and I couldn’t care less.’

On the other side of the forest, Carlisle and his medical eye noticed that Valerie was about to wake up. He dialed Jasper’s phone to warn him. He could only hope that things wouldn’t be that bad.

Valerie’s head was pounding really hard. She was on a very comfortable bed and thankfully the lights weren’t very clear; there was only the dim light entering the room and Valerie could hear the rain and thunder going off outside. Her head ached as the clouds crashed into each other. Her whole body was sore and her arm hurt like a bitch. Opening her eyes wasn’t an easy task. 

She saw Carlisle.

No, she saw a vampire.

She yelled and fell right to the ground.

Her breath got caught in her throat. Carlisle was a vampire. He was a fucking vampire and he had been watching her sleep in a bed in his fucking house.

‘NO!’ She yelled in horror as soon as Carlisle reached her with his super speed and didn’t let her fall. His touch in her healthy arm hurt like a little bitch. Vampires were vile, disgusting creatures. ‘Don’t touch me! You’re all evil!’

Carlisle took a step back. He didn’t exactly know what the girl had seen and what she understood, but he wouldn’t want her to get hurt. If she had this reaction with him, he couldn’t even think how bad it would be as soon as she saw Jasper. His son wasn’t very patient too, so the experience wasn’t going to be very amusing.

‘Valerie, I’m Carlisle. You know who I am and you know I would never hurt you.’ He started slowly. Bella had been strangely good at taking the news, but Valerie was nothing like Bella; he wasn’t exactly expecting her to welcome him with open arms. The girl was still backing up as he stepped forward in her direction. He watched her face going from angry to scared: her eyes were frozen open, her hands were trembling and even though she was avoiding eye contact, Carlisle noticed she was in the verge of crying. He couldn’t help but watch the veins in her neck pulsing. ‘I can keep you saf-’

Edward and Jasper stumbled into the room suddenly, in their stupid vampire speed, and Valerie decided to react like a normal person would: she screamed and grabbed the first she saw – a lamp – and threw it in Jasper’s direction. Thankfully he was fast enough to dodge it.

‘YOU!’ She yelled, pointing straight at him. ‘You’re all insane! I know what you’re!’

‘Valerie, listen to m-’

‘SHUT UP!’ She screamed once again. Now she was mad again. An alarm clock flew, Edward being fast enough to dodge it. ‘Do you think I’m fucking dumb? I should have seen it.’ She was rambling now. ‘I knew I wasn’t insane. I knew it. I know what you are. You’re vampires. You kill people. YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!’

Valerie had never been blinded by rage, but now she knew what it felt like wanting to kill someone. Her bulging eyes were staring right at Jasper like he had betrayed her and he knew he had. She had believed him, she had let him in and he just had to let her down by lying to her and hiding such an important thing from her. Her face was going red and so were her thoughts; all she saw was red as she tried to grab the first thing in her grasp.

Jasper could read her like a book. Rage was pulsing through her veins, but it wasn’t only rage; it was also sadness and disappointment. She had trusted him. She had trusted him and he let her down. Jasper hated seeing her hurt. He closed his eyes. _Happy thoughts._

‘I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE DOING, BUT STOP IT!’ She burst suddenly, blocking his powers and making Jasper take a step back like the word’s had stung him; Valerie felt overwhelmed by anxiety again and the warm waves leaving her body. Valerie grabbed a needle out of nowhere. _Nope. Not needles._ Edward thought. He had always hated needles. ‘I need to leave. Leave me the fuck alon-’

‘Valerie. Valerie, I need you to calm down.’ Valerie looked up. Even though her vision was blinded by rage and emotion, she stopped to look at straight, brown hair. ‘It’s Bella. It’s me. I’m human. You can trust me. Calm down.’

Valerie wasn’t obviously thinking straight, but the word “human” lifted something from her shoulder. Bella’s touch, as warm as any other human should feel, calmed her down; she also saw brown eyes instead of golden and red ones. Bella was human. Bella was safe.

‘NO!’ The sudden reality hit her like a ton of bricks. Valerie pushed Bella and Edward reached to her in an inhumanly speed, impeding her girlfriend of falling straight into her ass, which scared Valerie even more. Jasper was shaking in rage. Doctor Cullen was just watching the scene developing. ‘YOU’VE BEEN BRAINWASHED BY THEM! I- wait what the fuc-’

Valerie fell right into Carlisle’s arms.

Jasper growled and soon he had his father’s neck in his hands, pinning him against the wall in growling; he loved his father dearly but he couldn’t let him hurt his mate like that. It didn’t fucking matter that he was de-escalating the situation; Jasper wanted to kill him.

‘Jasper, calm down.’ Edward grabbed his brother’s arm as his eyes were dark and wide, focusing on his father’s face. ‘It’s a sedative. She’s way too out of herself. It’s for her security.’

Jasper let go of his father and he glanced at Valerie.

Emmett was already next to her and he looked at his brother painfully. This girl was his mate; a fragile mortal that was scared shitless of him and that hated his guts. Her eyes were rolled on her back and her mouth slightly opened as she was wanting to let out a scream that she couldn’t. Her face was stained with tears.

She was still beautiful.

If Jasper could cry, he would.

The sky cried instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how are you liking the story so far? :) xx


	15. fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big chapter ahead. i didn't plan it to turn out like this, but oh well.   
> | trigger warning | as always!

_Mary,_

_I knew you would be my best friend forever from the day I met you._

_From kindergarten to High School, I just knew it. I knew you would be my literally everything for as long as we both lived, but unfortunately I found out that our love, our pure friendship and our companionship was able to cross universes._

_Our time was cut short. I don’t think letters are actually able to reach heaven, but I still write; I don’t think you’re able to hear me, but I still talk to you a lot in my sleep; I don’t think you’re able to see me, but I look at the sky everytime the stars are shining, hoping you’re looking right back at me. I still look behind me when something funny happens in hopes that you’re laughing along. You were never gone and you never will be._

_I’ve written you many, many letters; I’ve written you suicide letters when everything came down falling; I’ve written you love letters on Valentine’s day because there’s no purer love than the love we shared: the sisterly love that bounded us together, that connected us for a lifetime. This is the first “I’m sorry” letter that I’m writing to you. You deserve to know everything from the beginning and you deserve to know why it happened._

_I never forgot you. I never forgot what killed you, I never forgot how you died; I couldn’t. I let myself wander in madness, replaying the scenario in my head everytime that I tried to sleep, everytime that my eyes wanted to close, I couldn’t let them. I didn’t deserve to be at peace when I let you die right in front of me. I will always remember how it happened and how I didn’t do anything to stop it or to switch our places._

_When I moved to Forks I couldn’t help but seeing you everywhere. I saw you at the beach, enjoying the waves with me and feeling the fresh air hit you in the face, complaining about the wet sand everywhere messing up your hair; I saw you right next to me while jumping from that stupid cliff, yelling that we were both insane and that you were going to kill me as soon as we hit the water; sometimes I even turned to my side during class to make a snarky comment about a teacher, just to find out you weren’t there. Not anymore._

_You haven’t been there for a long time, and it’s been the worst long time of my life._

_But what kills me is that I haven’t been able to see you; I saw you everywhere, but now it’s like you’re gone. It’s like you don’t want to be seen anymore, and that scares me. It scares me to think that the only memory that I have left of us is from your last day on earth._

_You haven’t been here for a long time, but he has. He has blond locks, golden eyes and a stupid smile. He was a douchebag at the beginning of our friendship – just like you were, let me tell you -, but then I began to start loving him. Not like I loved you, but worse. I thought this kind of love could kill me. This was the type of love that you warned me so many times about; that men crushed us, girls, right under their feet and that they were capable of killing us slowly with their words and with their actions._

_You were right._

_He had made me feel so special. Everything he did made me feel special, but he’s just like the others. He’s even worse than the others. He’s one of them. He’s on their side, has always been, and therefore he’s responsible for your death._

_But I love him._

_I’m so sorry._

Valerie dropped her pen.

She had woken up in her bed three days ago, muscles sore, throat hurting and face stained with tears; an absolute shitshow of a disast4er. Her mother was very worried about her because apparently Valerie had slipped in their porch when she was coming back home and broke her arm and hit her head. Their excuses were absolutely laughable; they had centuries of existence and they couldn’t come up with a better excuse.

Valerie cried. She cried a lot because she couldn’t believe everything was real. She couldn’t believe that vampires were what really killed Mary, that James had killed Mary and now he was trying to kill her. Bella had called her everyday and even tried to email her but she didn’t answer; Emmett tried as well and so did Jasper.

_Jasper._

He hadn’t killed her best friend but he had been a killer like James. He was part of them. So was Edward, Bella’s boyfriend, and apparently the girl had known about everything and she didn’t even care. She lived amongst them, for fuck’s sake, and had traded her human friends for a bunch of vampires.

Carlisle was one of them too and he worked right along with her mother; he worked around people, saving their lives from terrible diseases and accidents. He saved them until his shift ended; after his shift ended he was just an animal like the other Cullen’s.

But she couldn’t say anything, could it? Three years ago, when she tried to warn them, they didn’t listen. They told her she was crazy. _They locked her the fuck up._

It was almost three in the morning and she hadn’t stopped crying. Her first round of exams right before Christmas was starting and she had been occupying her mind with her studies. It probably didn’t help that she had practice in the next day and that it would be hell on earth. Valerie had to skip one day of practice and she had been absolutely miserable to find out that she wouldn’t be able to play until the next season. She wouldn’t be in Forks the next season.

That is, until her mother came home and said that Carlisle had told her, at the end of their shift, that her arm should have been better by now and that the cast could be taken out.

No, it shouldn’t be better and the cast needed to stay. It had been a broken arm, it would take a lot more than a few days to heal. However, when her mother was confronted with the facts, she simply chuckled and said that Carlisle had told her that it wasn’t broken, it was just hurt and they had misdiagnosed her back in the ER. A shitload of bullshit that her stupidly intelligent mother seemed to believe.

And Valerie was fine. She went to take out the cast at the ER – Carlisle wasn’t there, thankfully – and her arm was fine, it looked as good as ever.

Valerie knew damn fucking well that her arm had been broken. They were messing up with her mind. They hadn’t been to school for a while yet she couldn’t keep her thoughts away from them, their mysterious family and their sob story that everyone seemed to buy.

They were dangerous. They were real. Vampires existed, and they killed her best friend. And there was absolutely nothing she could do.

As her thoughts travelled everywhere in her mind, remembering her about everything she would rather forget, it was growing harder and harder to sleep and rest. The girl could barely close her eyes without thinking about what happened. The fact of having no idea why James was after her killed her inside but it was surely something about Mary; maybe he regretted not killing Valerie in the spot. What were the odds of her literally running into what she had been running away from for 3 years?

It was difficult to get out of bed, to eat, to breathe, to sleep; she used to take sleeping pills et they were ditched once she moved to Forks as it was supposed to be a new beginning. But her past was once again catching up to her, the last memories carved in her brain eating her whole. Valerie had started taking her pills again; she didn’t have nightmares, _no_ , she was too senseless for that and the pills helped. She usually slept hard as a rock and would be too terrified to go to sleep with the option of dreaming, anyway; the purple haired girl knew her dreams would be all about a certain vampire and that vampire wasn’t James. The real nightmare was when she was awake. It was even worse when she was at school.

She parked her car next to Jessica’s, who was already waiting for her. She didn’t ask any questions and the girl was thankful for that. She really didn’t have any answers.

‘Morning.’ Jessica greeted. ‘Ready for practice today? Are you feeling any better?’

Valerie had managed to text Jessica telling her that she would have to be absent on Sunday; she still had her cast on and she hadn’t been ready to play, not after what she witnessed. She went on Monday but asked Coach F. to train her technique separately as she wasn’t feeling very well and could disrupt the team’s focus. Coach F. didn’t ask any questions, thankfully, and let her do whatever she wanted.

‘Yeah, everything’s good.’ Valerie replied dryly. ‘I fucking forgot Biology’s homework, but whatever.’

‘Fuck.’ Jessica muttered under her breath and hit her hand with her forehead, stopping dead on her tracks. ‘I didn’t even remember that was a thing.’

Of course she didn’t. Valerie wasn’t expecting to copy the homework from her anyways, she knew the girl didn’t care about Biology. Valerie needed her Biology grade and exams if she wanted to get into Nursing anyways, so maybe she would do it during lunch. Jessica jogged in order to stay next to Valerie as the girl was literally sprinting her way to school past a grey Volvo. _He_ was the only one at school.

And so was Bella, apparently, as she appeared out of nowhere and stopped Valerie from moving.

‘I need to talk to you.’ The brunette spat out immediately, grabbing both her arms. Jessica raised her eyebrows at her but that didn’t even make Bella flinch. The brunette stood her ground in front of the purple haired girl, her eyes clearly begging for her to talk to her. Valerie sighed; she didn’t have anything against Bella. They had her wrapped around their finger so it was a normal reaction coming from her. Jasper also had her wrapped around his finger; well, he used to, but not anymore. ‘Just the two of us, actually. Please.’

Valerie didn’t want to talk to Bella. She didn’t want her to tell her that vampires were good; she would tell them that they were good people, that they didn’t hurt living people and that they were actually really kind; yeah, she had been expecting the whole _“I’m a blood bag and I like it”_ speech. But even though the Cullen’s didn’t kill her best friend, they were part of their kind; they were part of them and the creature that killed her was part of their world.

And even though she was sure she loved Jasper, she loved her best friend more than she would be ever capable of loving a guy.

‘I don’t think it’s worth it, Bella. You know it’s not.’ Valerie stated dryly and Jessica raised her eyebrows even more.

‘Please. Please, Val.’ Bella repeated; her eyes were pleading and she was holding Valerie’s hand. ‘Please, walk with me. I’ll find a way to let us both go out of trouble of class.’ More like, Edward’s going to bite someone to get them out of trouble. ‘C’mon. This is not for my sake, it’s for yours.’

Jessica didn’t like Bella one bit and she surely didn’t like the fact that the girl was grabbing her best friend like that, but Valerie clearly had the situation controlled as she rolled her eyes and sighed. She looked at Jessica.

‘I’ll meet you after class. Don’t worry, alright?’

Valerie had never been the one to open up to random people, but Jessica was her friend, wasn’t she? They were even close than Jessica had ever been with Bella; why couldn’t she just tell her what was going on? Her relationship with Jasper Hale was still a mystery to Jessica and she avoided talking about that. And wasn’t Jasper Hale with Alice Cullen, anyway?

Jessica sighed. Nothing good ever came from the Cullen’s, Jacob was right. The girl didn’t want her best friend to get lost like Bella did, but there was nothing she could do. Nothing but nod her head, send the purple haired a smile and leave to go to class.

Valerie and Bella were finally alone.

Bella Swan had grown up quite a lot since she arrived at Forks; Edward had turned her whole life upside down. It was hard, it had its ups and downs, but she loved Edward so much that it hurt. Her life wouldn’t have any meaning without Edward. Yet Bella knew Valerie wasn’t like her; Valerie had clearly gone through different things than Bella had and those things shaped her as a person. She was perfect for Jasper and it wasn’t fair that he wasn’t allowed happiness like his siblings were. Bella and the vampire weren’t that close but he was part of the Cullen’s. Bella would be a Cullen soon enough too, and she wanted the best for each one of them.

Valerie was already walking towards the forest and leaving the school when Bella snapped out of her thoughts, jogging after her and catching up.

‘Let me guess, hey brainwashed you into leading me to the forest so they could make me one of their blood bags?’

‘Jesus, Val!’ Bella cringed right next to her. Valerie was tense; their kind had killed her best friend but she still wanted to think that they were different. That Jasper was different. That everything she felt when she was around him was true and wasn’t a product of her imagination and that wasn’t any stupid supernatural power he had, any predatory powers that he put her under. Stupid girl. ‘They’re not like that and you know that! I just don’t want anyone to hear our conversation.’

Valerie sighed. She just wanted a normal life full of volleyball games, she just wanted to get through highschool and start college in the other side of the world. She just wanted to leave everything behind. That wasn’t possible when trouble literally stalked you.

She probably hadn’t freaked out yet thanks to her pills. Thank god to Prozac, otherwise she would have gone absolutely insane with the last events.

They approached the forest’s entrance and Valerie stopped on her tracks. She would talk to Bella, _yes_ , but she had her own limits. She wasn’t about to go deep into the woods with the blood bag.

‘We can talk here. Say whatever the hell you want, you have 5 minutes and then I’m leaving.’

Bella sighed and put her hair behind her ear, breathing deeply. _The blood bag is probably trying to remember the speech they gave her,_ Valerie thought.

‘I know what you’re thinking right now, I really do. You found out in the worst way possible, and I’m really sorry about that, but you need to understand that they’re good people.’

‘They’re not people,’ Valerie interjected, rolling her eyes. ‘They’re monsters, Bella. Wake the fuck up. I’ve seen them killing people.’ Valerie gritted between her teeth. She could feel herself crumbling inside, but the pills were keeping her under control. ‘They’re bad and they shouldn’t even fucking exist. They should be dead.’

‘No, don’t say that!’ Bella almost yelled. She didn’t even know why she had to talk to her and have this conversation; Jasper should be the one trying to talk to her, trying to make her understand that the Cullen’s were really good people. ‘You know it’s not like that. They have never, ever, laid a finger on me. Carlisle’s a doctor, he has saved so many lives along with your mother, you know that!’ Bella grabbed Valerie’s arms, like the gesture would make her understand things better and would shake her into thinking that they were good; the girl sighed. It wasn’t worth it. They were disgusting. ‘Please, listen to me. Carlisle doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, none of them has. Being like this wasn’t their choice, believe me. You need to hear their stories.’

‘Bella, listen.’ Valerie interjected sternly, looking deep into the girl’s eyes. She had missed the pills. Shit, she had missed the control the pills gave her so much. Valerie could talk to Bella and argue with her about this subject for hours without freaking out about them killing her best friend; she _loved_ the pills. ‘You don’t understand. I don’t fucking care. You’re being brainwashed because you’re fucking Edward.’ She spat out, and Bella grew smaller. ‘Tell me, what do they eat?’

‘Blood, yes, but they don’t kill people! They feed of animals!’ Valerie rolled her eyes. She really expected her to believe that the Cullen’s refused to kill people? ‘That’s why their eyes are golden and not red. Please, Valerie. You need to believe me.’

‘Just give up, Bella. I don’t care.’ Valerie growled. ‘You can tell the Cullen’s their little secret is safe with me; that is, until they start killing people. That’s the moment when I make your father a visit. Also, tell Carlisle that whatever vampire-fuckery he decided to do with my arm, well, it worked and I can play. Now, let me fucking go,’

‘Fuck, Valerie!’ Bella cursed, making Valerie, who didn’t know Bella had it in her, jump a little. The purple haired girl raised her eyebrows. ‘They don’t fucking care about their stupid secret. Jasper misses you, Valerie. _So_ much. And he’s so afraid that he has hurt you and that you won’t come back.’

Valerie felt a pang on her heart; not even pills made her stop feeling things about Jasper. Sometimes she really missed his presence, their late car rides and their coffee hangouts. She had absolutely no reason to like him; they hadn’t done anything remotely romantic, yet she couldn’t help but feel like she had just lost someone.

Jasper Hale was dead to Valerie Addams. He was a monster; he was one of their kind, he was responsible for her best friend’s dead. Jasper Hale was dead; he had been dead for god knows how long. He was nothing but a monster who tried to pry on her. Everything that she felt towards him was caused by his supernatural natural, probably.

She wasn’t even surprised that vampires existed. She knew. She knew that they were real when she saw her best friend dying.

‘Don’t talk about him.’ She replied bitterly. ‘He’s a monster. He’s dead to me.’

Valerie couldn’t help but feel her eyes starting to get wet. She turned her back to Bella, but the girl gripped her arm even harder.

‘Please, talk to him. You know he would never hurt you. I know you feel things when you’re with him. Don’t-just don’t give up without talking to him first. Please.’

‘Jasper can go to hell for all I fucking care.’ She growled and made Bella let go of her arm. ‘He tricked me into being his friend.’

‘He didn’t trick you, you were both drawn to each other.’ Bella replied. ‘Please. Talk to him. He deserves that. He saved your life from that vampire.’

Unfortunately, that was true. Jasper Hale saved her from Tyler and he saved her from that crackhead of a vampire. He also saved her multiple times and made her feel safe multiple times. She owed him a lot.

He was still a heartless, disgusting monster in her eyes. And absolutely nothing could change that, not even the thought of liking him more than a friend.

‘Whatever.’ Valerie muttered. ‘We can talk. If he kills me, I’ll come back and haunt your ass, Bella Swan.’

Bella didn’t laugh. It wasn’t supposed to be funny, anyways. Her stupid sense of humor came from trauma.

_She fucking loved Prozac. She was still sane thanks to it._

‘He would never touch you.’ Bella mumbled. ‘Can I- Can I text Edward to tell Jasper to meet you here?’

‘You do you, vampire princess.’ Valerie replied sarcastically, sitting down on a rock. She could feel herself slipping into insanity. There she was, sitting down on a rock in the middle of the forest, arguing with Bella about vampires being good creatures – the same Bella who was dating a vampire – and waiting for an opportunity to talk to her vampire friend who she was falling in love with. Wasn’t her life ironic?

Bella did her thing with her phone and when she was finished she glanced at Valerie. The girl was looking rather pale and rather uncomfortable. The conversation with Jasper would not go well but it needed to happen. From what Edward had told her, Jasper Hale was absolutely certain that Valerie Addams hated him to death and that he was a danger to her after James’ attack. They would end up fighting, Bella was sure of that and so was Edward. Jasper was thinking about leaving Forks to clear his thoughts and control his own emotions, but Carlisle wouldn’t let him. They hadn’t been able to catch James yet, he had escaped and he was nowhere to be seen. If he were to leave, Valerie would die.

‘Just… I don’t know what happened to you in the past, but they’re really good people.’ Bella said, trying to convince the girl. ‘Jasper is a really good guy. He changed a lot ever since you came around. Please, just… Just consider that.’

Bella eventually left and Valerie was alone. She was all alone again.

It didn’t matter what Bella told her; her love for Edward wasn’t real and her love for Jasper wasn’t even love. It was pure attraction caused to them due to their predatory instincts. It was the same with psychopaths: they’re charming so they can attract their victims faster and gain their trust in a way that no one else can. Jasper Hale was nothing but a psychopath and so was his entire family, including Carlisle. And she used to have so much respect for Carlisle.

Yet she didn’t fear for her mother, and that really bothered her. Not because she didn’t care about the woman, no; it was like she just knew that Carlisle was a good man even though he was a vampire.

A branch snapped. Jasper wanted to make his presence known so he wouldn’t scared her. _Don’t look him in the eyes._

‘Keep your distance.’ Valerie growled; it hadn’t really been a good idea. She would just end up just going home, crying her heart out because of Jasper and because of the best friend she missed everyday and feeling sorry for herself. ‘I don’t want a monster like you near me.’

Jasper swallowed. If he could, he would be shedding a tear at that exact moment. Of course she was just like any other human, of course she saw him as a threat; that’s all he was to her, that’s all he was to every single human alive. Valerie was in this mess because of him. It was his fault.

‘I believe I should apologize.’

‘I believe you should leave.’ She bit back, and the vampire found himself sucking in a breath of anxiety even though he didn’t feel those things and he didn’t need to breathe. Of course she hated him. She wasn’t Bella, no, she was a normal human. ‘I’m only talking to you because Bella asked me. So go ahead and feed me whatever bullshit you wish so I can go to class.’

‘I’ve done many things in my life that I’m proud of, but being turned into a vampire surely wasn’t one of them. You need to know this wasn’t something I wished upon himself.’ He said in the most relaxing and considerate tone he could. There was no need to stress her even more; she was already freaking out just by talking to him. ‘I’m really sorry about what happened to you and that we crossed paths.’

He wasn’t sorry that they had crossed paths; he was sorry that they had crossed paths while he was a vampire.

‘Yeah, but that’s not going to bring my best friend back, is it?’ Valerie growled as she walked towards Jasper. She was pissed; oh god, she really wanted to punch him square in the face but she would end up breaking his hand. She still felt stupidly pulled towards him still, which was absolutely ridiculous as she felt so disgusted by him in general, by his nature. ‘Your _kind_ is dangerous and you ruin everything you touch. Get the fuck away from me, from my friends and tell Carlisle that if my mother gets hurt, I know it was him.’

Jasper bit his lip in anger. He wanted to rip off a tree and he felt like he could go on a human killing spree on town, but he managed to get his range under control.

‘You know we don’t hurt people.’ He stated between his teeth. ‘I’ve never hurt you and I had a thousand opportunities to do so. You’re in danger. James and Victoria were after you. They wanted to kill you that night, to make you suffer. They caught my scent in you.’

_James._

Just the mention of his name was capable of getting her nauseous. He had killed her best friend, he had ruined her life so many times in so many ways and after ruining it, he was still after her. Yet she wasn’t scared of him; she wasn’t scared of dying if it meant that he could take her best friend’s killer with her.

It was just revolting that it had all been Jasper’s fault.

‘You...’ Valerie growled, and she couldn’t help but punch Jasper slightly in the chest. He didn’t feel anything, just straight up pain as he was faced with her suffering. He got her into this, this was all his fault. ‘You ruined my entire life. You ruined everything.’

‘I’m sorry.’ He replied sincerely. Her head was low and her fist was still pressed against his chest. It wouldn’t surprise him if she started crying. ‘I had no idea this was going to happen. I’m sorry, Valerie. I know I’m going to hell.’

Valerie was crying. She had never felt so fucking hurt in her damn life. The girl had thought so many times that all of this was just a dream, a stupid teenage dream that she was having. But no, it was very real, these things were very real. The guy that she had been fancying for months was a vampire, he belonged to the kind that had killed her best friend and sent her into a spiral of madness for years and years. And now it was his fault that people like James were after her and her mother and that they wanted to kill them. Everything was Jasper’s fault. She shouldn’t have never ever associated with him.

‘Yes, you are. You’re a soulless, disgusting monster. You deserve to burn for the rest of your disgusting existence.’

Jasper felt a pang of his dead heart.

‘What did you say?’

‘I said,’ She looked at him and he could see her eyes full of tears. They were now full of rage, too, and heartbreak. Valerie took a step back. ‘I wish you were dead.’

‘You’re lying.’

He took a step in her direction.

‘I bet you wish I was.’ She badmouthed, taking another step back and almost hitting a tree in the process. She wasn’t scared, but she was avoiding confrontation. Jasper _loved_ confrontation.

‘You know what Bella said when she found out that Edward was a vampire?’ He muttered, stepping forward in her direction. Valerie took another step back; it was like they were dancing. ‘She told him that he believed he had a soul and that she loved him nonetheless.’

‘I’m not Bella, Jasper.’ Valerie girl spat out; she would never be afraid of him. She didn’t care that he was dangerous or that he towered over her; he truly didn’t care. She spoke to him defiantly; he was a monster, but he would never hurt her. Her back hit against another tree, but she didn’t hold back as Jasper stared at her with his golden eyes, their bodies now touching. She gulped. ‘I won’t sugarcoat the fact that you’re a monster and that I want your kind dead.’

‘Oh, you do?’ He replied. His voice was low, the lowest she had heard and he was whispering. Valerie had never heard him use this voice with anyone, let alone with her. She just knew that his main goal was to hurt her like she was hurting him with her words. ‘Do you know what I want more in the entire world? For your kind to be dead.’ She grew smaller and silent. as his words became harsher. ‘I wish every single one of you could just drop dead or that I was allowed to kill each one of you.’

Tears started to dwell in her eyes again, but she didn’t budge. She was more stubborn than that.

‘You’re no different than James then.’

Jasper’s face was getting closer as he was leaning in towards her. She didn’t move a muscle. His voice was just getting lower and lower as he got closer, and closer, and _closer._ His scent was intoxicating and he was barely whispering as his warm breath hit her face.

‘Who said I was? Maybe I was just pretending when I was near you. Maybe I’m just pretending when I’m with my family. Maybe I’m a cold-blooded killer.’

Their lips were millimeters apart.

‘Maybe you are.’ Valerie swallowed the lump on her throat. ‘And maybe I should care. Yet I don’t.’

Jasper’s hand drifted to her hip in a second, his stupid vampire speed probably helping him a lot. She gasped as he settled his hand there, his golden eyes with a mocking shine as they penetrated her soul. He pulled her closer and their foreheads touched.

‘And what if I do this?’

It felt like they were all alone in the universe, like their souls knew each other all along.

It felt like time stopped, that it no longer existed, that it was a surreal concept and that they had been stopped in time by the sound of their lips crashing against each other.

All wind was suddenly knocked out of her lungs by his strength but she didn’t hold back; she was never the one to do so. Valerie’s entire brain was on fire; she was conscious of her actions, but she acted on an impulse; she was still acting on an impulse as her arms wrapped around his neck. His cold hands gripped her sides, probably bruising her, yet she didn’t care. His breath didn’t quicken, but hers did as his insisted lips parted hers.

She loved him. He loved her.

A branch snapped and Jasper flew away from her, making her fall into the ground in the middle of the forest.

Valerie snapped out it. She covered her mouth, shocked by her actions. The last thing she saw was Jasper running away.

Valerie cried, and so did the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank your for your positive feedback! even though i don't reply i read all your comments and every single one of them makes me want to cry <3 thank yooooou! stay safe xx


	16. sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING | THIS CHAPTER IS DANGEROUS AND QUITE DARK! READ IT WITH CAUTION, PLEASE, AND STAY SAFE!

**VALERIE ADDAMS DIDN’T BELIEVE** in heaven or hell. She didn’t believe in the afterlife and she surely didn’t believe in the purgatory.

She believed, however, that death was nothing but dark emptiness; that it was like falling asleep and emerging into a dark world of feeling nothing and never waking up. She seized to exist once she died.

Valerie wasn’t in any pain; she hadn’t been in pain for a long, long time. She hadn’t felt anything for so long that she was now used to feel empty all the damn time. She was so empty that she didn’t fear death anymore. The purple haired girl didn’t believe in God so she couldn’t exactly be mad at Him or Her or whatever for being alive; but she was mad, _so_ mad that the universe decided to take Mary instead of taking her. She should have been killed in that gruesome and painful way, not her best friend. Mary didn’t deserve it.

The recent events had been enough to drive her to a dangerous place; a dangerous place that she thought she had buried deep within her mind, that she had buried along with her best friend’s body, but it was still very much alive and grew stronger every single day in her existence. She had tried to keep up the narrative of being happy that she was alive, that she had survived and that she had been given the opportunity to exist for much more years, yet she couldn’t. The pain and the guilt ate her alive.

Valerie had betrayed her best friend. She had betrayed the most important person in her life by falling in love with a vampire; by hanging out with vampires and actually enjoy being around them.

Valerie was never the one to fight and she found out during the years that it was really hard to fight against her own brain; she tried to reach out to positive thoughts, positive moments that she had lived with her mother and positive moments that she would live when she moved to another country to study what she loved, but it seemed like her brain had created a wall that stopped her from thinking about those wonderful things; it was like she had been partially blinded and the only things she could see were the pain that she had been through for the last months and her best friend’s death, replaying all over again in her head, over and over again.

But the pain would never end. Not while she was alive.

She lay in her white bathtub fully dressed, still on her black jeans and yellow sweater. Valerie had been in Forks for so long but she had never taken much notice to her bathroom. It looked too _white,_ it brought her a lot of bad memories that she would rather run away from. She wanted to run away from Forks, from the Cullen family, from her existence. She just wanted to escape.

Valerie wasn’t even thinking that her mother would find her sweet baby daughter lying on the tub, wrists open, tears staining her face and bleeding out to death a few hours later. The bathtub was the best option, though; she had thought a lot about how she wanted to die, and she knew that she didn’t want to make a mess that her mother would have to clean up later.

Valerie had her whole life planned out. She had two long ass years to think about it; about who she would want to become, what she would want to do when she was older and sane, when she was capable of making her own decisions. Valerie had a plan for her future even though she wasn’t really keen on having one. She had a plan.

But in reality she didn’t. She wanted to live for her mother, of course, but it wasn’t fair living for her when she was barely around and the girl was the only one responsible for managing and dealing with her own thoughts and pain. It didn’t matter living for a career that she didn’t even know she was capable of keeping, it didn’t matter staying alive when her best friend was gone just like that.

It didn’t help that her best friend’s killer was now after her and Jasper; it wasn’t even worth it. She wasn’t allowed to have anything good in her life. Jasper was gone, Mary was gone and her mother didn’t care.

Suicide wasn’t part of her plans, but she was never the one to follow the script.

As she dug the knife in her white, scarred arm and blood started splattering, staining the white bathtub, she regretted killing herself.

Valerie screamed.

Jasper grabbed his left arm in pain and let out an excruciating, curling scream that was heard kilometers away from the Cullen residence.

Bella was yelling for Edward a second later as she saw the blond suddenly collapsing on the middle of the living room, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Edward was holding his brother a second later, restraining him so he could calm down and stop trashing around. His screams echoed through the whole house and Emmett was suddenly holding him to the ground with all his strength, trying to see what was going on with his left arm.

But there was nothing.

Nothing besides his old white scars.

‘I’m getting Carlisle!’ Bella whispered, her voice dried in panic as she started running, in her very slow human speed, towards the woods. She didn’t know the exact location of the Doctor, but she wondered if he heard Jasper’s screams. It scared her.

Kilometers away from the Cullen’s home, a knife suddenly dropped on the floor, covering the titled, white floor in blood and tears.

Jasper stopped screaming and trashing around.

‘What the fuck?’ Emmett grunted, obviously confused as he noticed his brother was actually sweating and panting, like he had actually been in actual pain. Vampires couldn’t be in pain, not in pain out of nowhere and without a legit source. There was no source around them. ‘What happened dude?’

Jasper couldn’t think.

Jasper couldn’t even breathe, even though he didn’t need to.

He had never felt such pain in his entire life, not even when he was human. It felt like his arm was being cut into little pieces, like someone was skinning him alive and burning the pieces that were still attached to his skin. It _felt_ like they were ripping him apart, piece by piece. He looked like he was about to faint.

Edward looked terrified and Emmett looked confused.

‘Valerie.’ That was all the vampire was able to mutter as he finally got up, coming to his senses. He didn’t know why, he just had a feeling, an _urge_ to see her. He couldn’t even breathe. ‘Call Valerie.’

‘Wh-’

‘JUST CALL HER!’ Jasper growled, snapping at his brother and punching the wall nearby. He was mad; he was _so_ mad and he didn’t even understand why. He started walking back and forth in order to control his anger and anxiety. He could sprint his way to her house and check on her himself but he didn’t find the guts to do so. If she were to be safe, she would actually kill him for randomly appearing in her house in such state.

‘She’s not answering…’ Edward muttered, yet Jasper didn’t even give him the chance to call again, say anything else or even try to stop him. He was running through the woods a second later, Emmett following him right after and Edward catching up to them pretty quickly. He stumbled as they arrived to her doorstep.

It hit them.

‘No. Fuck no.’ Emmett mumbled as he covered his mouth and nose, a growl following it right after. ‘I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t. I’ll get Carlisle.’

And he left.

Jasper felt it too.

The overwhelming scent of blood.

‘No.’ Jasper whined in a mournful cry, quickly climbing a tree nearby. He could exactly tell where the blood came from, and nothing scared him more than the realization of the source. ‘No. Please. Please no.’

He couldn’t quite figure out what was going on on his head; he could only hear Edward right behind him, climbing and clinging to his dear life, like he would catch him if Jasper fell.

He punched a window; there were cracks in her bedroom which looked untouched, like no living soul had lived there for a long time. Everything was weirdly clean, everything was in place, _too much_ in place to be a good sign. The bathroom’s door was locked.

He demolished the door.

Back when he was in the army, he saw a lot of people dying; they were shot, they were strangled to death, they were decapitated and hung, they drowned. The worse deaths that he witnessed were the self-inflicted ones.

Jasper saw a lot of his friends dying and he couldn’t do anything to stop it, he could only stay alive. He also killed a lot of people and creatures while being a vampire and saw a bunch of them killing and getting killed, yet he wasn’t ready to face the cause of his own death so fast. His death was playing right next to him, right in front of his eyes as he stepped into the bathroom – and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

His shoes were stained in blood.

At first Jasper felt like he was human again, like he was actually capable of feeling.

His first urge was to touch her. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her and tell her that she wouldn’t have to be alone anymore, that he was right by her side and would always be, no questions asked. At that moment, Jasper didn’t care that he could feel, that he could smell the blood singing to him as the most important thing at the moment for him was to touch her, to feel her warm skin and the blood running through her veins.

Edward gasped and he was gone in a second.

His feet were the first thing to enter the bathtub as he was careful not to step on her; Her own blood soaked through her clothes and it was starting to stain Jasper’s. He carefully grabbed her body and supported her head with his big hands, cautiously positioning it on his shoulder. Her arms fell lump to her sides.

‘You’re fine.’ Jasper faltered, his voice cracking in the process. He shook her. ‘You’re fine. We’re fine. It’s okay. We-.’

For humans, there were five stages of grief. The first one is denial: _this isn’t happening,_ Jasper was thinking. She was fine. She was perfectly fine and she would wake up at any second, laugh on his face and tell him that he shouldn’t mess up with her and that he was a shitbag. He was no human. He couldn’t be in shock, but he felt detached from the experience. He could feel himself getting warmer and warmed as her blood pooled around him. He held her. She was getting as cold as he was.

The second stage of grief is anger: and suddenly, Jasper was full of rage. How could she do this to him? Were all of their talks, all of their sharing bullshit? How could she leave him just like that? It was his fault. This was all his fucking fault. He could have stopped it, he could have been there to hold her and stop her like he had so many times in the past. _He could have…_

Jasper closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her frail body and inhaled her scent. He growled both in anger and in pain. How could she? _How dare you?!_

All he saw was red, both from her blood and his rage. But Jasper wasn’t human. He wasn’t supposed to hold grudges against a small human that was so weak. This wasn’t her fault, it was his: as Rosalie said, nothing good ever came out from being a vampire, they didn’t deserve it. As he gripped her body harder against his, tears dwelled into his eyes. But vampires couldn’t cry.

As his tears stained her clothes and her blood stained his, he let his hand rest on her neck.

And he felt a pulse.

Maybe being a vampire had its perks; it was a very weak and subtle pulse, yet it was there. He needed to wake up: he wasn’t human, he didn’t have feelings and he acted purely on his instincts. _This wasn’t over yet._

Jasper gripped her arm as tight as he could in order to stop the bleeding without breaking her arm in half. He picked her up, he grabbed her tight and without even looking at the blood behind them, Jasper flew through the window and ran home.

His last thought was that if she were to die, he would be next.

**_Arizona, 4 years before_ **

_They were eating ice cream. Mary was drinking coffee like the addict she was and Valerie was just enjoying the sun, letting it tan her exposed arms and face. It was such a beautiful day; classes were already over and the girls were just enjoying the Arizona sun and good weather. Valerie breathed in deeply and smiled as the sun hit her skin. Mary let out a sigh as she scrolled through her facebook._

_‘Damn. Have you heard about Brad?’_

_‘Who the fuck is Brad?’ Valerie inquired, her eyebrows raised. Their school was huge but she didn’t know anyone named Brad. She was never the one to pay much attention, anyways._

_‘Exactly.’ Mary sighed, as she took another sip of her coffee. ‘He was on the rugby team, I guess. Brown hair, cute beard, all buff and stuff.’_

_Valerie didn’t really pay much attention to boys._

_‘Doesn’t ring a bell sis, sorry.’_

_‘Whatever, doesn’t matter.’ Mary said, rolling her eyes and scrolling. She inspected the screen further. ‘Apparently he killed himself. Slit his wrists and bled to death in the bathtub. His girlfriend found him already dead.’_

_‘What the fuck, man.’ Valerie scoffed, allowing herself to be both disgusted and sad. ‘That’s-that’s some fucked up shit. Why did you even bring that up?’_

_Mary rolled her eyes._

_‘I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t decide to the exact same.’ She pointed out, casually sipping on her coffee._

_‘Excuse me?!’ Valerie asked, clearly distraught at her best friend’s sentence. The red head looked her in the eyes._

_‘Don’t you ever, ever, fucking do that again. Now wake up and go live your life, bitch.’_

_Mary smiled at her best friend and winked. The world dissolved around both of them._

**_PURPLERAINPURPLERAINPURPLERAINPURPLERAIN_ **

Jasper _felt_ her mother coming. He didn’t even flinch and just pretended to be asleep, his head resting on the sofa’s headboard in a very uncomfortable way. Valerie’s breathing was regular but slow; she was still sleeping and thankfully she wasn’t in any pain.

Jasper, however, decided to turn off his emotions.

Elizabeth was clearly drowning in calming pills as she entered the room quietly, followed by Esme. He was thankful that Esme was there, as a mother’s pain was easier to understand to her than it was to Carlisle. Jasper knew she was silently crying, tears streaming down her face as she saw her daughter on her deathbed. Esme’s arms were wrapped around her shoulders in a comforting way.

‘Forgive my son, Elizabeth.’ Esme whispered in a hushed tone. ‘He just couldn’t leave her here. I can ask him to go now that you arrived.’

‘No, no, please,’ Elizabeth replied in a small voice, a voice that reminded him so much of her own daughter. He flinched at the thought of not hearing her voice again. ‘I want him to stay. He saved her life again, he should be here.’

Esme nodded and caressed Elizabeth’s cheek.

‘I’m grabbing some coffee for us. You have my number, call me if you need me.’

As his mother left the room quietly, Elizabeth sat down next to Jasper, still sniffing silently and staring at her daughter’s figure. Valerie had always been the most perfect creature in his eyes, but Jasper knew she wasn’t looking her best to other humans; her skin was pale due to her blood lose and big, bloody bandages were wrapped around her arms. Her purple hair was everywhere, still stained with dry blood and her cheeks were yet to be cleaned. Jasper had wanted to do so, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch her. He didn’t want his last feeling of her skin to be like that. It hurt him to see her like that, it hurt him as much as it hurt her own mother. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Nevertheless, he was thankful that Elizabeth was there; dealing with his own emotions was too much for him and he would gladly deal with hers. That’s what Valerie would want him to do anyways, to keep her mother safe. Jasper decided it would be better to pretend that he had woken up. It was just awkward to be standing there without doing nothing, dealing with her pain. He stirred awake, and the woman didn’t fail to notice so.

‘She was a happy child, you know.’ Elizabeth started, and Jasper could feel that she was remembering a very distant past. She looked nostalgic, almost. ‘Her father wasn’t around but that was okay for both of us. The beginning of her teenage years wasn’t easy; she liked to party and I allowed her to.’ Jasper eyed the human curiously. She was opening up to him, telling him more than Valerie had ever told him and he was thankful for that. He needed to know if he wanted to face her after what happened. ‘Mary was her best friend and they partied a lot, but nothing too serious you know. They were both two responsible girls, very good students and very caring towards others.’ She wiped a tear. ‘After the tragedy, she was never the same.’ Elizabeth’s eyes were now full of tears, and Jasper didn’t know what to do; he handed her a napkin that was placed on Valerie’s side table that she accepted eagerly. ‘I let them take her away from me and she was never the same. I don’t think she’ll ever recover.’

‘She will.’ Jasper didn’t know where he managed to find his voice, but he did. He knew she would survive this, he knew she would be able to get through this. He felt it in his bones. ‘Carlisle knows good therapists. I’m sure she’ll get the help she needs.’

Elizabeth smiled sadly and shook her head; Jasper wondered if she knew more than what she was saying. She didn’t say a word as she got up and caressed her daughter’s purple, tangled hair. Jasper followed her and took a deep breath; it looked like they were paying respects to her already dead body. The only thing that gave him hope was hearing her heart beating, her blood pumping and seeing her respiratory movements.

‘I’m a terrible mother.’ Elizabeth managed to choke out. ‘I’m never home. I’m always working, I leave her alone with her thoughts when I know she acts on them sometimes. I can’t trust you to always be there by her side.’

Elizabeth could trust him; he would never, _ever_ , leave her side if that was what she wanted. But she was absolutely petrified of him. She _hated h_ im, she hated his nature and his kind.

Jasper held Valerie’s hand. It was as cold and as pale as his own.

Yet she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

He would be her partner for life if she wanted to, as creepy as it sounded.

He grasped her hand, hoping that she would grasp his hand back, like he hoped she would grasp for dear life.

‘I won’t leave her side, never. I’ll stay until she wants me to. And if she wants me to stay forever, I will.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry. but it always gets better, i promise.  
> thank you for all your amazing feedback and comments. means the world <3  
> btw: how do you think this is story is going to end? xx


	17. seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING | Read with caution.

Valerie felt his cold hand, which suddenly felt _so warm_ , and then she didn’t feel anything.

Valerie was only feeling pain as she opened her eyes and saw the white ceiling above her; she was used to white ceilings, white walls, white scrubs, white and empty thoughts. As she was hearing all the machines beeping, updating her vital signs and its changes, she realized there was no coming back. She had fucked up. She had done _it_ and there was no turning back.

Valerie didn’t freak out when she saw Carlisle. Whether it had been because of her dream – which was still confusing her but that she would rather not think about at that moment - or because of all the pain killers and sedatives in her body, she didn’t know. But he was there all by himself smiling at her when she woke up.

‘How are you feeling?’

Valerie couldn’t answer Carlisle’s question without thinking about _the_ dream. She probably had been hallucinating due to the changes on her body – it surely had to do with the fact that she almost bled to death – yet the dream was very real and very scary. She felt like she had actually been there with Mary, enjoying the sunlight and enjoying their coffee and their time together; it felt so real and not many things had been feeling real lately. It probably didn’t help that she missed her best friend dearly.

The ending of the dream was what was intriguing her the most, though. Mary’s message was very clear: wake up and go live your life. 

Valerie gulped, realizing her throat was dry and hurting like everything else in her body and glanced at the monitor displaying her vital signs.

Her blood pressure was still very low. She had bled out a lot.

Valerie knew perfectly well what she did. She tried to kill herself and the Cullen’s couldn’t cover it up for her this time. She had to face her mother and she was scared shitless of her reaction. Valerie was so scared of coming back to that white, yet so dark place; she was scared that her mother would take her away from Forks and Elizabeth was perfectly capable of that. Valerie had been so scared of moving in and so excited for moving out to another country, but now she couldn’t bear the idea of leaving the small rainy city behind.

‘I really fucked it up his time, didn’t I?’

Carlisle smiled; it wasn’t a happy smile like she had been used to seeing on him. It was a rather sad one.

‘I’ll tell your mother that you woke up. She’s with Esme.’

‘No.’ Valerie managed to choke out, her throat hurting again and pleading her not to talk. She used her elbows to help her sit down straight on the bed and looked at Carlisle in the eye. The vampire raised an eyebrow. ‘I need to talk to you first.’

It was stupid that the first person she wanted to talk to after a suicide attempt was a vampire, but talking to her mother wasn’t a priority. It was always worse when she woke up after a suicide attempt; her mother would feel even more guilt when Valerie woke up, all bruised, drugged and hurt. She knew it from past experiences that she needed more time before talking to her mother.

Besides, she needed to understand what her dream meant. It felt like Mary didn’t hate the Cullen’s, it felt like she was telling Valerie to live: and to live meant living side by side with the Cullen’s.

Or maybe, just maybe, the dream didn’t mean anything and she was looking for a reason to believe that the Cullen’s were actually good people and that she didn’t have to hate them – that some vampires could be good, and caring, and maybe even loving.

‘Yes?’

Valerie cringed at the pain in her arms. She also cringed at what she was about to ask.

‘Tell me your story.’ The vampire seemed surprised at her request. Well, it wasn’t properly normal waking up from a suicide attempt and ask a vampire all his deepest secrets and his life story. Yet Carlisle knew how humans were, how curious and attracted they were to vampire’s nature. The vampire also knew this wasn’t only about him: it was about Jasper too and the hope to grasp into the concept that not all vampires were bad. ‘Please. I need to know, if I want to understand.’ Carlisle raised his eyebrow.

‘Which one?’

Sometimes she forgot they had a human life before being turned into a blood sucking machine, and that scared her the most. It made her feel more compassionate towards them, and that was scary – and dangerous.

‘I want to know whatever you want to tell me.’

Carlisle sighed, but for the sake of his son, he was ready to tell a story.

‘I was born in 1640 in England.’ Valerie cringed at that and gulped again; that was literally hundreds of years ago and Carlisle didn’t look a day past 35 years old. ‘I lived a simple life back when I was a human, as simple as the 1600’s could be, anyway.’ He laughed silently, almost in a nostalgic way as it looked like he was remembering something very distant, a life that he wasn’t getting back. After all, it was in a very distant past and he could never be human again. ‘My father was a pastor and we were living very dark times in the 1600’s. The church was persecuting people they thought to be witches, werewolves, vampires. My father was the leader of the searches and he didn’t hold back on killing people. Of course he never killed the right ones, the guilty ones: if he were to, he wouldn’t have survived to tell the story. The years passed and I eventually took his place.’ That surprised Valerie. Carlisle didn’t look like he could hurt a fly as a vampire, let alone as a human. ‘I hated the job, I hated killing innocent people but I wanted to make my dad proud. I wasn’t very lucky though as I actually came to find that vampires were very much real when I found a Clan near London. Little did we know that garlic, holy water and crosses didn’t actually do anything. I was attacked and turned that night.’

Valerie gulped. She was sure she would be fainting if it weren’t for the medicine entering her body at that moment.

‘You were-you were turned against your will?’

‘I was, yes.’ He said in a whisper, smiling sadly. ‘I guess it was karma. I had never felt so much pain in my entire life. When the transformation finished, I had been turned into the most disgusting, inhuman and unnatural thing that I was taught to hate my entire life; I was the embodiment of everything I hated, so I understand very much what you feel when you look at us.’ Valerie started playing with her fingers, speechless. ‘I was horrified, I was scared and I was disgusted at myself, so I tried really hard to kill myself. I wasn’t very successful.’

Valerie took that like a punch in the chest. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for Carlisle. Carlisle was always trying to help others, trying to make everything better for everyone, and she couldn’t even think of someone wanting to hurt him or to make him go through such a hurtful process like a transformation sounded like. The realization of Carlisle trying to kill herself was also heartbreaking for the girl.

‘That’s fucked up.’

‘Indeed it is.’ He chuckled. ‘It got better when I found out that I could survive on animal’s blood. Centuries passed, and I found myself living all by myself, just hiding in the shadows and not really doing anything with my life; that is, until I joined the Volturi.’

‘Great. After all that shitshow, you decided to join a cult.’

Carlisle didn’t hold back a laugh.

‘Something like that, yes. I’ll let Jasper tell you about them though, but they are, let’s say, our royalty.’ Valerie raised an eyebrow. The thought of vampires having kings and queen was rather confusing. ‘They were, at the time, and still are, the most powerful coven. They hate humans and they fed off them without a second thought, without any remorse. They actually acted like they were in a cult. They taught me a lot though, I learned a lot while I was with them. They’re very refined and culturally advanced people, with a big library, big books, big technology, and of course, a lot of power. I was giving the first steps to become a Doctor while I was there and I eventually left them and came to America, where I met Esme.’

‘She was a doctor, too?’

‘Oh no.’ Carlisle was still wearing his beautiful smile, but now his eyes were somewhere else. ‘I was very lonely at that time. The Volturi weren’t exactly keeping me company and they didn’t understand my values in life. And then one day Esme was admitted to the ER. She was still very young, probably your age, and had fallen off a tree breaking her leg in the process. We had rather a fun exchange but she was obviously discharged a few hours later. I didn’t know what I was feeling towards her, but it was something that hurt to let go, something that was screaming for me to get her, and it wasn’t her blood.’ Valerie couldn’t help but smile a little. ‘I found myself missing her, but eventually the years went by and I gave up. I wasn’t going to find her again, obviously, and we had very different…’ He hesitated. ‘Views in life. She was a human and I was a creature of the night.’

‘You loved her?’ Valerie asked, a small smile creeping into her.

‘I don’t know if I loved her back then but I definitely knew I loved her when she got admitted a few years later after a suicide attempt.’

Valerie gulped.

‘She was so beautiful. She was so beautiful, and pure, and I found myself missing her even though I thought that was very much impossible. She was dying in my hands and I watched it all happen. I was never really good at handling human deaths, I always thought that as a supernatural creature I could do more, but I couldn’t sentence people to this life. But she was so beautiful and I was so desperate that I did the unthinkable. I thought that maybe she would be happy by my side, so I turned her into an equal.

‘And…’

‘And she didn’t mind. She felt the same towards me.’ Being turned into a vampire was a rather scary experience in Valerie’s eyes, but she couldn’t help but smile widely at their love story. ‘And years later, I met Edward. He was on his deathbed as well and his mother, who begged me to take care of him. It was like she was reading through me. I called Esme and we decided to turn him; he was the son we could never have but wanted so much. He wasn’t mad at me, but he was confused. We were all confused. I was trying to do my best at the hospital, working as many shifts as possible and saving as many people as I could. We moved out a lot, of course, and we met the others along the way. But that’s their story to tell.’

Valerie couldn’t help but feel her heart growing for Carlisle. If he was telling her the truth, which sounded like he was, then he had all her respect. He wasn’t like the others.

‘What about… what about Jasper?’ The question slipped her mouth before she could stop it.

‘That’s his story to tell. I can tell you that Jasper appeared out of nowhere with Alice one day. She saw him coming and it was obvious that they liked each other very much.’ Valerie swallowed the lump that had been forming in her throat. Of course they liked each other very much. ‘I thought that was it; that Alice had found her one true love like Rosalie and Emmett, like myself and Esme… but then you appeared out of nowhere.’

So Carlisle knew.

‘Yeah…’ Valerie mumbled. ‘I appeared and I ruined a perfectly good relationship.’

Carlisle smiled lightly at her, but he decided not to answer. Valerie took that as a signal that their conversation was over and that she would have to ask Jasper if she wanted more information about his life before he met the Cullen’s. Carlisle grabbed her arms carefully; she was too doped to freak out, but she shivered at his cold touch.

‘Your bandages need changing so we need to talk to the nurse. I’ll get her and call your mother, but Jasper’s out there. Would you like him to come in?’

Valerie nodded. She needed to see Jasper; he had saved her life after all and he had been really brave. He had to get through his desire of drinking her blood to save her and get her to Carlisle so she could go to the hospital.

He was a really brave guy. And he saved her. Once again.

‘Thank you, Carlisle, for taking the time to talk with me.’ Valerie mumbled, her brown meeting golden. ‘I appreciate it a lot. And I’m sorry I was cruel to you.’

‘Healing is a process, Valerie. Don’t rush it.’

And he left, leaving her with only the sound of machines beeping and white. White everywhere.

Her bandages were red. She wondered how red Jasper’s eyes had been before he met the Cullen’s.

Jasper had given up on reading and understanding her emotions. He had come to the realization that the process only spiked her anxiety levels. He was silent when he walked into the room and avoided looking at her bandages. He didn’t even look at her face.

‘Thank you.’ The whisper finally came. He realized how pale her lips were. ‘You saved my life. Again.’

‘There’s no need to thank me.’ The vampire replied, his voice softer than it usually was. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get there earlier.’

‘I’m not… I’m not your responsibility, Jasper.’ Valerie mumbled as she messed with her IV. ‘You’re more than amazing. I owe you my life.’ He dismissed her with a wave. She didn’t owe him anything; he just wanted her to be happy and free of worries and of her demons, but at the same time he knew how impossible that was. She could never be happy while he was around. He had killed Victoria, yes, but he couldn’t kill James. Jasper had killed the hunter’s mate and that only made him angrier for Valerie’s blood. It wasn’t a joke. ‘I’m sorry I said those things about you. You guys aren’t monsters… there are worse people out there, I guess.’

‘James is ruthless. He’s not scared of us and he’s mad that I killed his little girlfriend.’ Jasper replied stoically and she nodded. ‘Do you know him? Do you recognize him from somewhere?’

Valerie sighed. Jasper didn’t know anything about her past. He didn’t know about Mary, about the hospital and about the last three years of her entire life. She didn’t want to tell him, at least not in that exact moment.

‘My mother’s outside and I haven’t talked to her yet. Can we talk about this later?’

‘Of course.’ Jasper said, nodding his head. The vampire was sure she knew way more than what she was telling him, but he didn’t want to push; he had been pushing her way too much for the last minutes. It really wasn’t very smart asking her what he was about to ask, but he needed to be sure. ‘Promise me you won’t do something like this again?’

Valerie hesitated. She was too sedated to think about it straight.

‘I’m not happy alive, Jasper.’ Jasper’s eyes turned dark. ‘But I would be miserable dead.’

He didn’t ask anything more; he didn’t have to. He could just feel her mother trying to give her daughter some space outside, but way too eager to come in.

‘That’s great.’ He said, a smirk on his lips. ‘You still need to have lunch at my house.’

☔

Valerie was grateful that Forks was a small town. Thanks to Doctor Carlisle’s stupid powers, no one really remembered about the surgeon’s daughter attempt to commit suicide and her friends didn’t ask her any questions. She texted them though, saying she had caught a very terrible flue and that she wouldn’t be able to go to school until Wednesday.

As Valerie was lying in bed, her bandages just changed, she couldn’t help but wonder how her suicide would have affected people’s lives.

Elizabeth Addams cried, cried and cried a little more when she saw her daughter in the hospital bed looking like utter shit. As a brain surgeon she knew her piece about the importance of Mental Health, but as a Doctor sometimes you really never think that things might affect you personally, it only happens to your patients. Valerie loved her mother dearly and she knew she loved her too, that things were just too much for the two of them sometimes. Her suicide attempt affected her mother deeply; she slept by her side the first two nights she was at home and she was always asking her questions, holding her hand and telling her that she was sorry even though it wasn’t really her fault. If she were to die, her mother would die too.

Mike, Eric, Angela and Jessica were all really sweet. Even though they didn’t know the real reason, they were really worried about the fact that she had caught the flu, asked her if she needed someone to take care of her and Mike even offered to cook for her. What made Valerie cry the most though, was when she received a video of the volleyball team practicing and cheering for her, telling the camera how much they missed her. Her friend’s text messages and their videos hit hard; they were really good people, they cared for her and they would surely miss her if she was gone.

By the end of her second day at home, she received flowers: huge white roses wrapped in a beautiful pink bouquet from the Cullen’s. They joined a little card with their signatures on it and wishes of a good recovery. Between the bunch of roses, she noticed there was a lonely violet. Valerie picked it up and even though it had no card, she knew who sent her the violet.

Valerie had a lot of time to think now that she was home and she couldn’t help but feel conflicted – again - about the Cullen’s. It was rather obvious that she was attracted to Jasper and that everything was pulling them to each other – she didn’t know why, though – and that he wasn’t exactly a bad guy. After talking to Carlisle and getting to know his story (and well, being saved by Jasper a bunch of times) she couldn’t help but feel bad that she put all vampires in the same evil mindset.

Eveything would be over in a few months. She would leave for college and she would never see the Cullen’s again, but James was still after her and she needed their protection. He was obviously very strong and powerful, even for the Cullen’s, and even if she would escape his attacks, he would come back for more. She needed the Cullen’s, and that was final.

Elizabeth had taken a few days off – shockingly – to spend time with her daughter. They avoided the suicide topic, but they did a few things together; they went shopping together, they baked, they watched TV and they talked like they hadn’t talked in a long time. It was nice and she was still completely sedated so it wasn’t hard to keep the bad thoughts away, but Valerie knew things would just start going south again and soon as time passed.

Things started going south on Saturday.

‘I don’t feel comfortable on going, mom. Why can’t you understand that? Jesus.’ Valerie growled lowly, refusing to get up from the couch. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to see Jasper; she missed him and wanted to see how he would react to seeing her again and how would she react herself, but having lunch at the Cullen’s with her mother wasn’t probably on her list of top wishes at that moment.

‘We have to go, they saved your life! Get up and get dressed.’ Elizabeth Addams grunted while she tried to manage her curly, unruly hair, much like her daughter’s. She was dressed in a casual way: a beautiful white formal shirt, a black blazer, jeans and high heels. Valerie was on her pajamas, her hair a curly mess and her mood on the drain. As her mother noticed she wasn’t moving, she raised her eyebrows at her. ‘I said _now_.’

Valerie hissed, but eventually got up and fixed her look in 10 minutes.

They were at the Cullen’s house 10 minutes after. It was a beautiful house, of course, and it looked like it had been made from scratch. It didn’t look like Forks’ usual antique houses, it looked rather modern and it was part of the forest, like it lived amongst it and like it wasn’t a foreign human building. Her mother was excitedly fixing her hair as she almost tortured Valerie to ring on the doorbell. She sighed; this was really stupid. First of all, the Cullen’s would have to literally puke their food out and it would taste like cardboard to them; also, ringing was stupid because they could smell the women from miles away.

Esme Cullen opened the door immediately. Valerie hadn’t met her yet, but she was indeed a gorgeous woman just like Carlisle described. She was a little taller than Valerie, brunette, with golden eyes and an absolutely stunning smile. Carlisle was right next to his wife.

‘Oh, you’re right on time!’ Esme exclaimed. ‘I’m Esme. You must be Valerie and Elizabeth. I’ve heard a lot about you both!’

Esme embraced Valerie, and the girl couldn’t help but feel her motherly instincts swallowing her whole. She gave her an extra tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, winking at her like they were sharing a secret – and they were. Esme then embraced Elizabeth and both women let out squeals of excitement upon meeting each other.

Carlisle was as relaxed as he always was. He received both women with a warm smile and took Valerie in his arms.

‘Glad to see you walking and not strapped into a hospital bed.’ He mumbled while he caressed her hair; Valerie thanked the Universe for giving her someone as cool as Carlisle in her life. She was so thankful for having him. He hugged Elizabeth.

‘Our children are in the kitchen, all ready to meet you!’ Esme chirped in as she took Elizabeth into her arms. ‘Alice couldn’t make it though, and we’re sorry for that; she went to New York to check on some colleges. It’s a really long trip.’

Of course Alice wasn’t in New York and of course she wasn’t checking colleges in New York. While the mothers discussed colleges’ choices, Carlisle led them into the kitchen.

They were cooking. They were _fucking_ cooking. Valerie couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of Emmett trying really hard to get the stove to work while Rosalie was cussing next to him that “he would have starved to death if he hadn’t met her and Carlisle hadn’t turned him”; Edward and Bella were cutting up some vegetables while talking to each other and smiling all cute.

Jasper had finished setting the plates when their eyes met.

Walking into a room where Jasper Hale was present had always been something that Valerie didn’t like one bit and that scared her. However, as time passed and she grew accustomed to his presence, it became a little more bearable and even pleasant to be around Jasper Hale. Nevertheless, after finding out about his secret, she couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy as she was in a house full of vampires. Hearing Carlisle’s story settled her heart a little; it hadn’t been his choice to be what he really was and he didn’t hurt people. It just happened and that was it. By hearing Carlisle’s story, she realized that maybe no one hated more being what they were than Carlisle. He hated himself and he hated his kind. Maybe that was why he showed so much compassion to humans.

‘Good afternoon, ma’am.’ His thoughts were interrupted by Jasper walking in large steps and with the whitest smile she had ever seen in her mother’s direction. She truly liked his voice. He grabbed her mother’s hand and kissed the top of her hand, making the older woman blush. There were not many men like Jasper Hale in the 21st century, after all. ‘It’s a pleasure to have you around.’ He turned his eyes to Valerie.

Jasper wanted to hold her hand, twirl her around, kiss her and say that she looked stunning as she always did, but he knew he couldn’t. She didn’t trust him enough to do so.

As he read her emotions, he could feel that she was conflicted towards his family, towards whatever this coven was. She trusted Carlisle and Esme and couldn’t help but feel like Emmett was a big teddy bear, but she also knew that they were dangerous and that they drank blood.

Towards himself, he didn’t know. Maybe she hated him.

‘Hello, Jasper.’

Jasper nodded his head.

‘Valerie.’

Their eyes were glued to each other. The tension and the silence were palpable in the room.

The awkward moment was interrupted by Edward meeting her mother and Bella running right into Valerie’s arms, thankfully breaking the moment of tension when Rosalie had to say hello to both women. Rosalie really did hate her guts.

A few minutes later, they were all sitting down in the big dining room table. She felt like she was having lunch outside as everything around her was glass, glass and glass and there was a lot of light coming into the room, even though the sun was hidden behind the clouds. Jasper was sitting right next to her and things were very weird as there were two separate groups on the table: Esme, Carlisle, Bella, Edward and her mother, who were all talking about an apparently very interesting ER accident which was making Bella laugh; the other group consisted of Valerie, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett, who were absolutely silent. Rosalie’s obvious beautiful features didn’t hide her facial expressions and she didn’t hide her disgust as she messed with her food, probably wanting to throw everything right into the garbage. Valerie realized everyone was eating and couldn’t help but cringe. The conversation ceased and Emmett put a potato in his mouth.

‘Shit,’ He muttered, choking as soon as he started chewing. He started coughing, clearly a reaction to the human food, and his face contorted in disgust. Rosalie looked at him like she was ready to murder him in the spot. Valerie looked at him, eyebrows raised, and she couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Jasper tensed next to her.

Soon enough, everybody on the table was laughing – except Rosalie, of course – and the conversation was flowing again pretty quickly. Soon enough the oldest Cullen’s were starting the dishes, not letting anyone help them. Her mother looked ecstatic to be there and Valerie was ecstatic to leave. She didn’t like being around them, she didn’t want anything to do with _his_ family. 

Only because she liked them and that scared her.

‘Elizabeth, would you like to see the garden?’ Esme asked gracefully. ‘I’ve heard you enjoy outdoors’ architecture very much.’

Her mother quickly – and excitedly – accepted Esme’s propose to go and followed her outside. Rosalie and Emmett were quick to leave the kitchen in their stupid inhumane speed that Valerie would never be used to, going into the woods. Edward and Bella followed the oldest of the Cullen’s.

Leaving Jasper and Valerie alone.

He came to the realization that he didn’t have anything to lose; he had already lost enough.

‘Would you like to go upstairs?’

‘What for?’ She asked, probably more violently than necessary. ‘Is my mother safe?’

‘You know you can trust Carlisle and Esme.’

_But can I trust you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been reading that a lot of you have noticed that my characters are all ooc! yes, that's true, they are; i just think that they have so much more potential than Steph actually gave them that sometimes i get carried away. if you want me to make any chances in the characters, please let me know!


	18. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING | Read with caution.

Valerie was going up the spiral staircase and even though she knew they wouldn’t hurt her, she couldn’t help but wonder how they would clean the blood from all the glass that surrounded the house when Jasper eventually snapped and murdered her.

Stupid thoughts.

The upper floor was also engulfed by light just like the living area below. All the walls were replaced with glass and Valerie saw her mother and Esme looking at some flowers outside. She also saw a river nearby and even some birds flying around.

Jasper was watching Valerie. He didn’t want to read her emotions but he could still feel her anxiety – there was much less of it than before anyway. All doors were closed as the other Cullen’s had their private rooms and cared about their personal space, especially when there were humans around. He reached to his white bedroom door to which he had moved into after breaking up with Alice and opened it, allowing Valerie to get in.

Valerie knew it was his room as soon as she got in – not only because he invited her, but because there was less light than expected. She could see some light peeking through his thick dark curtains; that wall had probably been replaced with glass as well. Valerie kept her head low as she didn’t want to intrude on his private space. As she stared at her shoes, she saw that the floor was clean, – and not full of clothing like she guessed Emmett’s room was – in a beautiful shape of light white wood. She was startled by the sound of the curtains being opened by Jasper.

Jasper’s room was facing the back of the house; there was only forest surrounding his room, a branch of an ancient almost glued to the wall of the house. Jasper opened the huge window and sat down on the edge of it.

Valerie was engulfed in the forest’s scent and sounds; she could hear the animals walking, running, living their lives; she could hear the river nearby and she could smell the mud, a smell that she had grown so accustomed to in Forks. It was home.

‘The view is beautiful.’ The girl sat down next to Jasper, keeping her distance but feeling comfortable enough to sit on the edge next to him. The fall would kill her instantly, anyways. She dangled her legs and could feel the wind touching her skin. Jasper’s room was in the middle of the forest, living amongst it instead of apart; it wasn’t anything like her house.

‘It’s really peaceful.’ He replied in a whisper. ‘My room is really good when you need to think. It has saved my life a bunch of times.’

She didn’t care about Jasper’s room; it was very impersonal and maybe that was something that perfectly displayed his personality. There was a kingside bed with white sheets, a black bookshelf full of books and CD’s and a small desk. But that was it: there were no pictures, no plants, no souvenirs, no memories; there wasn’t anything that pointed out to it being Jasper’s room. It wasn’t his home.

He was looking at her now. She was looking at his lips.

_God, she hated being in her teenage years._

She sighed and started playing with her fingers, staring at the forest in front of them.

There was no running away from things; it wasn’t worth it. The dead are dead. She did everything she could while Mary was alive; she loved her, she breathed for her, she was always there for her. It was time to start thinking about herself as well.

‘I know James. I haven’t seen him in a few years, but I do know him.’

Jasper sighed and mumbled under his breath. He also knew her from a few years, he was sure, and he could still _feel_ his arm burning where hers was bandaged, but he didn’t say anything. Things were just _so_ confusing. He thought that James was after her because he caught his scent on her; at least that was what Alice told him as she had her vision and that was what Edward read in James’s thoughts. However, Valerie was there right in front of him telling him that she knew who he was. He was looking at her now; he loved looking at her, whether she looked broken or not. He would always be there for her, through thick and thin. Valerie couldn’t help but think that she missed him: not only seeing him in person but his touch, his eyes, his presence in general. She knew that even though she tried to hate him, she would always be there for him, through thick and thin ‘My best friend is my entire world.’ She announced, smiling lightly as the words slipped. She was just grateful that her pills sedated her enough to be able to talk to him about it. Jasper smiled back at her; she thought she would burst. _Why do I miss you so much?_

‘What’s her name?’

‘Her name is… _was_ , actually,’ Jasper frowned. ‘Mary. We met in kindergarten and we immediately decided that we would be best friends forever. Our parents were also really good friends. We went in a lot of trips together, we were on the same classes and we did ballet and played volleyball together. We were glued to the hip, basically.’ Jasper couldn’t help but smile dearly at her memory. Whatever made him happy also made her happy. He envied some human relationships; they all sounded and looked very pure, especially amongst kids. Teenage years were more difficult, though. ‘There was one night when everything changed.’

Jasper didn’t know what happened; he didn’t have the slightest idea actually and avoided reading her feelings, but he felt the sudden change on her mood.

_Grief._

‘You don’t have to tell me.’ He whispered. Jasper wanted to grab her by the arm, scoop her up in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay and that she was safe now, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to lie, James was still a threat and he was still out there looking for her, looking for a breach in their security.

‘It’s fine, you have to know.’ Valerie replied, her voice shaking. He noticed her hands were shaking as well. ‘She died that night in an alley, a vampire killed her. James killed her, but he spared me. I saw the whole thing but I couldn’t do anything.’ Jasper was good at hiding shock, but it was difficult; it was shocking that a vampire like James had spared Valerie after killing her best friend right in front of her. Now it didn’t surprise him that he was now after her; perhaps he wanted to taste her now after all those years. It just proved that James wouldn’t give up until he erased every single trace of his existence amongst humans. ‘It was all very graphic. They found me on the floor unconscious, and my best friend was very much dead next to me.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ Jasper managed to choke out. He had killed numerous humans, yes, but he had never felt regret on doing it. Now he was regretting it, though. It wasn’t fair looking at the effects it had on witnesses, especially on Valerie.

‘I’ve realized it’s not your fault, you don’t have to apologize.’ The purple haired girl mumbled, resting her hands on her legs. ‘When the police arrived I was taken to the hospital and they interviewed me there, it was obviously a crime scene. I- it was my fault, obviously.’ Her pills had clearly taken a toll on her as she wasn’t crying. It felt like her tears had dried. ‘We took _something_ at the party, some kind of drug, I don’t even know what…’ She was clearly embarrassed as she mumbled. ‘They got my exam results back and they thought I was still under the influence of _whatever_ when I told them a man bit her neck, sucked her blood and ripped her head off…’

Even though she was completely emotionless, Jasper could feel her emotions escalating stupidly quickly. He was never really good at de-escalating situations, but they were in the edge of a window on the second floor and he wasn’t sure if he would catch her on time.

_Even though he would always be there to catch if she were to fall._

He focused his thoughts on Valerie as he tried to calm her down. It worked very quickly as her emotions shifted around him.

‘It’s not your fault.’ Jasper said, reassuring her. He shyly grabbed her hand and for his surprise she didn’t flinch. ‘They would never believe a thing about vampires, it just works like that. It’s not your fault.’

Valerie shrugged her shoulders, her distraught about the situation very clear.

‘They brushed it off and assumed it was some junkie from the party. I was so enraged and so traumatized for seeing what I saw that I went absolutely insane. That was when they decided that the best solution for me would be a mental asylum. And I stayed there for two long years.’

Jasper raised his eyebrows and felt his rage levels going up.

‘Your mother sent you to a mental institution?’ She shrugged her shoulders again, sadness decorating her features. It was clearly a tough subject for her and Jasper couldn’t believe that her mother would allow something like that to happen to her daughter. The whole Mary situation traumatized the girl as it was expected but Jasper would never see Elizabeth Addams as someone who would just let her daughter be locked up for two years of her life.

‘Yeah, but it was a really quality one, of course.’ Valerie sounded like she was convincing herself. ‘I had school and therapy and stuff. I got out alive, anyway.’

Therapy clearly didn’t help as she had just tried to kill herself a few weeks ago, but Jasper decided that such situation wouldn’t be worth mentioning.

‘I’m really sorry about your best friend, Val.’ He whispered, and he was being very honest. Everything that hurt Valerie hurt him as well, quite literally. ‘I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is hunt James down, and I can promise you that I’ll kill him with my bare hands.’ She sent him something that looked like a smile. She found it cute that he was available to do that for her. ‘I know it’s almost impossible for you to trust me or my family, but-’

Her fingers rested on his lips. It was like an electric shock was sent from his head to his toes, so he stopped talking.

‘I don’t forgive James. But I don’t forgive you either, Jasper, because there’s nothing to forgive. You’ve proven to me a thousand times that your dead heart is the biggest and kindest I’ve ever known.’

Jasper smiled, and it reached his eyes this time.

☔

Therapy was actual hell. Valerie knew it was mandatory to her recovery but she had a very busy life without therapy; with therapy included in her schedule it was almost impossible to go to school, eat, go to practice and sleep. It probably didn’t help that Jasper Hale decided to be a gentleman and he was very keen on proving her that he belonged to the good vampire trope – even though she had told him several times he didn’t need to. He was currently having lunch with her friends (and not eating for obvious reasons) but it seemed like they didn’t mind having him around.

‘This tastes like _shit._ ’ Mike muttered as he stabbed a plastic-looking burger with his fork. Valerie let out a laugh.

‘It looks like shit too.’ Jasper remarked, making Angela laugh.

‘I understand why your family doesn’t eat this garbage of a lunch, really.’ Mike replied, taking a bite out of it and immediately gagging. The whole group started laughing and Jasper took a chance and put his arm around Valerie’s chair. She raised an eyebrow but she didn’t say anything as she found his _stupid_ smile stupidly adorable.

That wasn’t the only time Jasper had tried to fit into her life and he actually managed to. Some students had grown rather found of the volleyball team and they were now invited to watch practice if they wanted to. Jasper was always there from start to finish. He cheered her up in his own way when she needed the most and he sat on the benches for hours and hours straight as she practiced. He never looked bored, he was never mad when she got out late and he always compliment her on the end. He was always there with open arms when it was worse but he was also there to celebrate her victories and accomplishments. And that meant the world.

Valerie would rather not think about her feelings for Jasper. She tried not to think about the vampire thing, but it wasn’t hard as she didn’t even have time to eat, let alone to think about his desire for blood. His presence had grown so usual, so typical that she never expected to just _not_ see him there. It would _kill_ her to just see him gone one day.

Their relationship wasn’t very obvious; it had grown on the looks they sent to each other, on small smiles and on small gestures. And that was more than enough for both of them.

Unfortunately, life wasn’t always good; they had a Biology quiz on Friday and a tired Valerie was almost falling asleep on her books when Jasper arrived with her third coffee.

‘Jesus.’ She whispered while drinking her coffee. She wanted to scream and tear her books apart but the librarian had a strict rule about not making any noise and she couldn’t be kicked out. Jasper sat down next to her and glanced at her textbook. She had highlighted the entire page with yellow marker; desperate measures, really. ‘You’re an angel. I feel like I’m about to die. I hate Mr. Molina.’

Jasper tried not to laugh and put his arm around her shoulders. She blushed but didn’t say anything. She looked at him; his beautiful golden eyes were glowing, his curly blond locks were hidden underneath his black hoodie and he was licking his lips as he looked at her mouth. _How is this man allowed on school grounds?_

‘I can take you home so you can rest. You’re going to pass, anyway.’

‘No, no,’ Valerie interjected immediately, her thoughts snapping back to reality. She needed to focus on school. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure, really. I don’t know shit.

‘I can literally give you the exam, Val.’ Jasper said, his eyes rolling. Edward literally _knew_ the exam as Mr. Molina decided to print the exam at the library when the vampire was there and Edward read his mind out of boredom. ‘I have all the questions and you don’t have to literally burn yourself out studying.’

‘I don’t know how you got those, but it’s not fair.’ She replied, hiding a smirk. ‘I’m not the only one who has a lot to do; it wouldn’t be fair to the other students who are also busy with life and shit.’

Jasper rolled his eyes again and couldn’t help but chuckle, giving her a side hug. She rolled her eyes as well and tried to focus on studying again. Jasper focused on her.

Things were _hard._ Things were very hard between them but they had been worse. He was just thankful that she knew it was better for them to say together rather than apart; it was better for them to respect each other and be with each other rather than pointing fingers and screaming at one another.

Their entire existence was hard as it was. He was a vampire and he hated his life, she was traumatized and she had been through hell. He couldn’t change being a vampire and she couldn’t change her trauma, but he could be more understanding and she could try to get better. They could only do it together.

Valerie had accepted help. She accepted therapy mostly because she was scared of being dragged to the psych ward again. Her friends would eventually find out and people in Forks talked way too much. If someone were to find out, the vampire was sure she would snap. She already hated therapy as it was, let alone if anyone knew she was attending it.

There was one really bad time in one of her sessions. Jasper usually picked her up after her sessions and she was usually very quiet, very shy and very _not_ interested in talking. But there was one time when he was just playing on his phone waiting for her when he felt an overwhelming sense of sadness, of desperation, of _mourn_. Two seconds after she was hysterically crying on the passenger’s seat, cuddled into a ball.

Jasper was terrible at trying to make humans feel better. He really didn’t know what to say, what to do; there were no words to help her with her pain. It probably didn’t help her case that she had to lie to her therapist and say that her best friend’s whole murder scene was a bad drug trip. It was just too much for her; she would never heal if she had to lie, and she had to lie because of him.

He didn’t say anything. He simply touched her purple hair kindly and rubbed her back in small circles. Valerie started rambling while crying and wiping her tears.

‘You know, I’ve accepted that this is never going to go away. It is painful, yes, but it’s going to be forever.’ She gulped, almost drowning in her own tears. ‘I’m going to be like this forever and it’s going to feel like this forever. I can’t explain this to anyone; I can’t tell my mother, I can only talk with you about this. But sometimes I don’t even want to talk to you.’ Jasper was able to hand her a tissue which she accepted to dry her tears. ‘I can go days without talking to my mother and it doesn’t even hurt me, but then it just hits me that I’m going to die and she’s going to die and I’m just wasting my time. And I have to be so fucking productive all the time, and it even _hurts_ to get out of bed, let alone be productive and do all kinds of shit that people expect me to do everyday. It takes me every bit of strength that I didn’t even know I have to put my two feet in the ground every single morning. And I know that every single morning I’m going to feel the same: fucking miserable. And I can’t talk to my therapist without having a mental breakdown and ruin his fucking papers with my tears. I hate this around here, Jasper. I hate this so fucking much.’

And she broke down in tears again.

Jasper didn’t say anything. He just held her and kissed her forehead.

And for her, that was more than enough.

☔

Valerie was sitting on her desk finishing her nightmare of Calculus homework. Jasper was searching for playlists in her laptop, sitting down against the headboard of her bed. It was Saturday and she had been going to therapy for a month straight. Valerie didn’t have that many sessions, but Jasper was always saying that they were worth her time and that healing took time. Her mother was sound asleep in the other side of the house, getting her energy set for the next day at the hospital. Tame Impala was playing in the background. Valerie suddenly looked back.

‘Are you mad at me?’ She blurted out.

Jasper raised an eyebrow.

‘Why would I be mad at you?’

She squinted her eyes.

‘You can’t answer a yes or no question with another question.’

Jasper chuckled and put her laptop aside. She got up from the chair and sat down next to him, resting her head on his chest. He was surprised for a second, but he was quick to put his arms around her. Valerie looked at him and he smirked.

‘I could never be mad at you, you know that.’

‘Sometimes I wonder if I deserve that, you know.’ Jasper raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re always so nice and patient to me. You never snap.’

Jasper understood what she was referring to. Well, he did snap sometimes, but it wasn’t in front of her.

‘We’re over everything that happened, trust me. I am.’

They stayed silent for a few minutes, both staring at her ceiling and lost in their own minds. Valerie was thinking about her options after she finished highschool and Jasper was thinking how he would stop her from leaving him – or if could even do that. It was wrong.

‘What’s your story?’ She asked, interrupting the silence between them. She didn’t know anything about Jasper; Carlisle had refused to tell her anything about the boy and she would rather hear it from his mouth anyway. ‘Your human story. And then your vampire one, if you want to.’

Jasper wasn’t proud of his human life but he wasn’t proud of his vampire one as well; he could be proud of small accomplishments (like not killing an entire town), but that was it.

‘I-I don’t think you want to know the full story.’

Valerie raised an eyebrow.

‘Is it that bad?’

‘It’s-It’s not like Carlisle’s story.’ He said stoically. He couldn’t change what happened, but he really didn’t want to talk about it. ‘It’s not pretty, nor heroic, nor peaceful.’

Valerie was able to read Jasper like a book. His eyes were distant, his neck was tense and he was holding her like she would start running away from him at any time – he didn’t want to talk, and she respected that.

‘That’s okay.’ She whispered. She wanted to touch his hand, but it was a risky move, so she didn’t. ‘You can tell me whenever you want to.’

‘I can tell you some things.’ He muttered, but she just _knew_ he didn’t want to talk. ‘I can tell you about the good things. I have a few degrees.’

Valerie chuckled and rolled her eyes.

‘Of course you have. What did you take? “Killing Bambi without making a mess in your shirt 101?”’

‘I’m sorry about Bambi.’ He chuckled, rolling his eyes. ‘At least I didn’t try to kill Eric. _Yet.’_

‘Yeah,’ Valerie muttered, like she was thinking about it. ‘His jokes are really bad, aren’t they?’

Jasper laughed.

‘I’ve dealt with Emmett for a long time, believe me when I tell you I’ve heard worse. Anyway, I attended a few universities in New York. I graduated in History and Philosophy.’

Jasper talked about his college experience and her eyes lit up as he referred to those times as good times; he obviously liked college a lot more than he liked highschool, and that made her wonder, just for a second, that maybe he would go to college again and they could be together.

‘Do you want to know about your mood swings?’

Valerie slapped his arm and immediately yelped in pain.

‘Jesus fuck, you’re hard!’

‘I am?’ He raised an eyebrow and smirked. ‘Good.’

‘And dirty minded too, jesus!’ She rolled her eyes and he chuckled. ‘What about my mood swings?’

Jasper smiled.

‘You didn’t notice that sometimes your mood changes while you’re around me?’

‘Yes?’

She did notice. She did notice that he was able to make her feel calm, anxious, loved, scared, all in a matter of seconds. At first she thought he had her wrapped around his finger, but then it became too obvious that it was something else.

‘Some vampires have powers. In my family, Alice, Edward and I are the ones who were gifted, even though it’s really not much of a gift, to be honest. We don’t know how we got these gifts, but I was a very charismatic person when I was a human; I could always get things my way.’

‘Oh, really?’ She stated, looking surprise. ‘You truly look very charismatic and approachable.’

Jasper rolled his eyes and ignored her; Valerie chuckled and snuggled into his neck.

‘When I turned into a vampire, my charisma changed into a power: I was able to physically sense and control other people’s emotions. I can literally feel what you’re feeling and I can change it into whatever I want. I can also reinforce those emotions or I can completely make them go away.’

Valerie was trying to take in things in the most normal way as possible, like it was normal for people to be able to control other people’s emotions, yet she couldn’t help but be proud of Jasper; he was really talented and apparently he used his manipulation for the good things as he always made her feel so calm and loved around him. She remembered every single time that her emotions shifted; when she was going through a hard time at school, when she was thinking of hurting herself, when she was nervous… she always felt a sudden warm wave of tranquility washing over her. That had been Jasper.

She was grateful for having him.

‘Thank you.’ She stated.

He smiled.

‘What for?’

Valerie didn’t answer; she just snuggled again against him.

There was no way to manipulate the love she felt for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter settles things between them so the plot can develop. hold on to your chairs :) x


	19. nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING |

Summer Holidays with Mary were a lot of fun but she used to enjoy the Christmas ones too. Valerie had never met her father as he left her mother before she was just born, but she really didn’t care. She loved her mother’s side of the family, her grandparents being her two favourite people in the world. They spent a lot of time celebrating Christmas at their house and had a lot of fun opening presents, baking, cooking and just enjoying each other’s company.

They eventually passed away and soon became just a sour memory like everything did in her life, and then it was only her mother and Valerie. She started spending Christmas with Mary when her mother started working way too many hours a week, including special holidays. 

Forks celebrated Christmas like any other place in the country did. On the 24th, while her mother was working the morning shift, Valerie spent lunch with her best friends and they shared stupid presents with each other. Thankfully neither of them was expecting the others to spend money in expensive things to impress each other so they had decided to play S _ecret Santa_ and Valerie bought Mike a pair of eggplants’ boking briefs. Eric, her secret Santa, bought her a purple mug with tiny stars. It was a very simple gift but it made her very happy; her morning coffee would taste a way lot better now.

‘Another year, another Christmas.’ Mike said as he destroyed Jessica’s pancakes. She sighed as she realized he wouldn’t leave anything for her to eat. ‘What are you guys thinking about doing for New Years’ Eve?’

‘Well, Eric and I are flying to New York apparently.’ Angela said, all blushy and red while she stared lovingly at her boyfriend.

‘Yep. Christmas present.’ Eric announced, all proud of himself. Valerie smiled lovingly; she loved the couple.

‘Look at that, Mike!’ Jessica grumbled, elbowing Mike right in his ribs. ‘He’s taking her to _fucking_ New York and you don’t even have a plan for our first New Year’s together!’

Valerie couldn’t help but laugh as she looked at her friends; she was so thankful for them, so thankful she had them in her life. She was never the one to express her feelings, but she was just so happy. The girl had never expected to like Forks; she hadn’t expected to make friends, to start playing volleyball and to find a will to live again. She needed to tell them what she felt, she was scared of something happening to them and not being able to tell them how much she enjoyed their company.

‘Hey, guys, can I say something?’ She asked. All eyes were suddenly on her, but she smiled at them reassuringly. ‘Thank you for taking me in so well. I really mean it. It was really hard moving in, but you guys made things a lot easier.’ She took a breath in, trying to control her anxiety, and watched smiles growing on her friends’ faces. ‘Thank you, really. From the bottom of my heart, you’re truly the fucking best.’

They all smiled and cheered, Jessica quickly pulling her into a hug and Mike ruffling her hair in a brotherly way. Angela reached to grab her hands.

‘There’s nothing to thank us for. You’re truly refreshing in this boring town in the end of the world.’

‘Yep!’ Eric agreed. ‘With your purple hair, your random tattoos and your stupidly talent to take Lauren out of her throne and take the team out of the trashcan.’

They all shared a laugh and the girls quickly changed the subject to the volleyball team about their possible sponsors. Their discussion was interrupted by Jessica’s voice.

‘Oh, here comes the man! What’s up, Jacob!’

Valerie wasn’t expecting Jacob to make an appearance, but he did. Apparently he was friends with the whole group even though he was closer to Jess, as he said hello to everyone, high fiving the guys and kissing the girls’ cheeks. He casually sat down, making room for himself at the table with his big muscles. He sat down next to Valerie.

‘Hey Val.’ He said cheerly. He kissed her cheek. ‘How’s that car running?’

‘Better than ever, Jacob, thanks to you.’ She replied, smiling widely at him. He winked at her and proceeded to get into a conversation with everyone else at the table. Valerie was gulping her orange juice when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

**jasper**

_I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Thank you for giving me a chance. x_

Valerie found herself smiling. She still loved him, of course she did, even though love was a very strong wrong, she was sure that she did. And Carlisle was sure of that as well, but she was thankful that he didn’t mention it while she literally was on her deathbed. Valerie was thankful that she figured it out herself. Or maybe Christmas made her a lot more romantic that she was.

**Valerie**

_same, can’t wait!! thank you for not giving up. xx_

As she hit reply, she realized Jacob was getting up to get some more coffee.

‘Valerie, wanna come and help me?’ He casually asked. She nodded, getting up and walking to the cashier with Jacob.

Jacob had always been really sweet and respectful to her. She hadn’t talked very much with him after he repaired her car but they were in a Whatsapp group together with her friends and they chatted sometimes about the usual stuff: sports, school, shopping and the end of the world that Forks was. She was very confused when she saw his neck veins pulsing and his fists closed in a grip. She raised her eyebrows.

‘Are you okay, Jacob?’

‘Listen, Valerie,’ He spat out suddenly, making her raise her eyebrows even more and take a step back; what kind of change of mood was what? People really needed to stop talking to her however they wanted to. He lowered his voice to a whisper. ‘Just warn the Cullen’s that they can’t feed _us_ the same bullshit they’re used to feeding humans.’ Valerie yelped and was about to interrupt his endless rant, but he didn’t let her as he continued spitting things that she didn’t understand. How did he know about the Cullen’s? Had it been Bella? ‘Also, we don’t care about their vampire-mate-fuckery. That is _not a_ fucking excuse to turn _anyone_ into blood sucking demons, and if they do, there will be consequences.’ The amount of information Valerie was receiving didn’t even make sense; she could only look shocked and scoff between sentences. His veins were about to pop out. ‘Do you understand?’

‘No Jacob, I fucking don’t!’ She spat back, half whispering half yelling. ‘What _vampire-mate-fuckery?_ What the fuck, Jacob?’

They were both startled by the cashier’s voice interrupting their whispered argument.

‘So… how many cappuccinos?’

☔

Her house and the forest surrounding it literally smelled of Christmas.

The purple haired girl loved Christmas but back when she was at the psych ward, she was known as the local Grinch as she hated it so much. Valerie was allowed to spend the 24th or the 25th with her mother when she was there; patients were only allowed to spend one of the days out and her mother could only take one day off of work anyway, so it worked for them.

Her plans in Forks were different, though. She had spent lunch with her friends – and she was trying to ignore Jacob’s speech as she cooked dinner – and she was spending the night of Christmas’ eve with her mother. She was working the night shift on the 25th, so the Cullen’s had invited her to have dinner at their house the next day. It was very nice of them and she wouldn’t feel alone for sure.

She was also very excited about seeing Jasper. They had been spending a lot of time together, but Christmas surely made her heart grown a little more romantic as she craved his contact and being with him.

Valerie and her mother had dinner and exchanged presents – Valerie gave her a new stethoscope with their picture engraved that had costed her almost a kidney and that made her mother cry ( _“So you know I’m with you and I’m proud of you when you’re saving lives”),_ and her mother gave her a set of art supplies that probably also costed her a kidney; that made her cry as she remembered how much she liked to paint and draw while she was at therapy and how much she needed it at that moment.

The hours went by and they were watching a sappy Christmas movie on the sofa, all snuggled up with blankets and the lights off, leaving only the Christmas tree’s fairy lights on. Valerie was at peace; she was very comfortable and it was like every other year, but better. The girl was just thankful that she was spending her Christmas at home.

‘I’m really glad you’re getting better, sweetie.’ Elizabeth said, her voice suddenly sounding very weak. Valerie looked at her in pain; she still regretted trying to kill herself and put such burden in her mother. ‘I can’t even imagine spending Christmas without you.’

‘I’m good, mom. I swear.’ The girl wasn’t good, but she knew she would be, eventually. ‘I’m really glad we get to spend this time together too.’

‘I’m really glad too, sweetheart. I love you to death.’

One hour later, her mother was absolutely knocked out in the couch, snoring lightly. The television was just streaming the usual Christmas’ movies that Valerie had already seen so many damn times that she didn’t even want the tv to stay on, yet the talking voices gave her some kind of comfort. She got up, tucking in her mother in a more comfortable position, and grabbed her purple blanket, clutching it into her body. She opened the back door and breathed in the forest’s air.

Valerie sat down in her backyard. It wasn’t raining and it wasn’t really cold – and she thought it should be, it was Christmas, for god’s sake. She was really sad that she hadn’t had the opportunity to see snow, but Forks was just unpredictable like that.

Valerie knew he had come before he made his presence announced.

‘The stars are beautiful.’

Jasper was right; they really were. They were shinning especially bright at that night and she could see them so well.

The wind caressed her air. Jasper breathed in her scent and looked her in the eyes.

‘I was thinking about that too.’ She held up an arm in an inviting way. ‘Come here. We both fit in here.’

Jasper was quick to sit down next to her and clutch his side of the blanket to his body. Valerie snuggled against him and he wrapped his arms around hers, inviting her to embrace him.

Nights like that weren’t usual for them; he knew that Bella and Edward spent a lot of time together at night, but it was different for them, strangely different. It just didn’t feel right being at such late hours at her house. He had decided to take watch to make sure that James wouldn’t ruin her Christmas but he wasn’t expecting to find her out in the backyard, staring at the stars and enjoying being alone.

He realized her scent wasn’t as overwhelming as Edward described it would be. He had found really hard to be around Bella for the first months, but for Jasper it had always been easy; his first years on a vegetarian diet were almost impossible to handle, the thought of killing humans and drinking their blood a constant thought in his mind; he had grown so accustomed to hating humans and everything they represented that he wasn’t even attracted to their blood anymore. Jasper kissed the top of her head, inhaling her scent; her hair smelled like lavender.

‘I was having lunch with Jess and the gang when Jacob Black showed up. Do you know him?’

Jasper’s jaw tensed; of course he knew who Jacob Black was, but was it safe to tell her? Jacob was a good guy; he had told them when he felt the weird scent in Valerie and he had protected Bella in the past. Was he trust-worthy enough to be around Valerie, though?

‘Yeah. What happened?’ He inquired, his eyebrows raised.

‘He was mad for apparently no reason. He told me to warn you guys that you need to stop feeding _them_ bullshit and that he doesn’t care about _– and hear me out_ – all this vampire-mate-fuckery that you guys have been talking about. He also said that there’s no excuse for turning a human, and that’s it.’

Jasper froze in place. Of course Jacob knew, he was an old hag who should mind his own business.

‘Jacob’s fucking stupid and he should mind his own fucking business.’ He spat out making Valerie chuckle. The testosterone levels of teenagers were insane, but Jasper was no teenager.

‘Why does Jacob hate the Cullen’s so much?’ She questioned, lying down on the grass, her head on Jasper’s lap. He caressed her hair and massaged her head through her locks. ‘He said the Quileutes were descendants from wolves or something like that and that you were enemies.’

Jasper rolled his eyes again. Jacob Black couldn’t just shut the fuck up, could he? He didn’t particularly hate him- except that he was an actual dog and he hated dogs – but he didn’t like him either. And he surely didn’t like the fact that he was messing with Valerie’s thoughts. She didn’t need to know that there was a pack of werewolves in Forks ready to kill his family.

‘Jacob’s just pissed that Bella doesn’t like him and chose Edward instead.’ Jasper answered, touching her lips with his pale fingers. She grabbed his wrist and caressed his hand. She wasn’t over how cold he was, yet he felt strangely good. ‘He’s always like that. Tell him to fuck himself next time.’

As the words were leaving Jasper’s mouth, Valerie wasn’t really paying attention. The way his lips parted everytime he said a word – she realized that when he was pissed his accent was even more noticeable – the girl couldn’t help but stare at his beautiful lips. She had never been the one to take the first step, but it was Christmas and she had a Christmas wish, didn’t she?

Valerie’s lips touched Jasper’s and they parted a second later. He wasn’t expecting it but he could have stopped it if he wanted to. The blanket eventually fell of their bodies and Jasper decided to use it as an opportunity to kiss her back.

He wasn’t hungry; he wasn’t hungry for blood, he was hungry for something else that he really didn’t know what. Jasper kissed her once, twice, and she never stopped kissing him back, not even when she felt he was kissing her because he was looking for something, maybe something dangerous: his kiss was deep, urgent, desperate for something, for finding something, tasting something.

Everything was suddenly quiet around them; it was like the forest had stopped to witness such moment, such event that everyone was waiting for. Valerie heard a ringing in her ears, the only thing disrupting the silent of the moment, but she didn’t stop as the adrenaline levels on her body kept rising up.

His strong arms – much stronger than she anticipated - suddenly gathered her body weight against him, pulling her up. A low groan escaped her mouth, not only due to Jasper’s strength but also due to the surprise factor of suddenly rolling over on the grass, their bodies tangled together in a perfect synch. His body was hard and cold against her, but she felt like she was on fire.

Valerie’s fingers gripped Jasper’s blond locks, pulling him closer as her body called for him. He could _hear_ and f _eel_ her veins throbbing as their mouths connected, as their tongues touched and tasted each other. Jasper hadn’t felt like that in a million years. Valerie knew that she wouldn’t want anyone else, not even if she lived a million years more.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled her lower body against his.

Jasper flew back in his inhuman speed, his cold body suddenly leaving hers. Valerie gasped for breath.

‘You’re going to kill me.’ Jasper muttered, ruffling his blond locks to place and putting on his black hoodie. ‘Do you want me to break you in half?’

‘Like you could.’ Valerie scoffed, rolling his eyes at him. Jasper raised an eyebrow.

‘Excuse me, Ms.?’

Her laughed echoed through the whole forest. Jasper smiled.

☔

‘Merry Christmas, Val!’ Bella screeched as she embraced the purple haired girl. She laughed; she had grown quite fond of Bella, even though she was a little infuriating sometimes. ‘Thank god for the no presents policy. I can’t believe you actually made them listen.’

‘It’s easy to avoid any kind of celebration when Alice hates you!’ Valerie said, trying really hard to be funny but making only Emmett laugh out loud. As she saw the boy she immediately embraced him; Valerie had grown quite found of Emmett too. He lifted her from the ground.

‘How’s my little sis going? I fucking love watching you guys practicing. I wish I could join the team.’

‘Wish you could join a girl’s team, you dork?’ Rosalie entered the room rolling her eyes, and Valerie eventually grew smaller. She had a lot of respect for Rosalie and her posture was always the best. She didn’t greet Valerie, she only nodded in her direction.

Bella and Valerie were the only ones who actually had dinner while the family chatted and enjoyed each other’s company. They all looked very happy, but Valerie couldn’t help but feel like she was the parasite around. After all, Alice had to leave so she could join the Cullen’s for Christmas. Carlisle had told her multiple times that it had been Alice’s decision to go away, but she wasn’t so sure of that.

A few hours later, Bella and Edward were playing a very (apparently) interesting game of chess, as Bella was cursing under his breath while Edward was trying not to laugh right in her face. Valerie and Jasper were snuggled up in the couch, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around his arm, his hand protectively covering her hip. They were laughing as Emmett and Rosalie were playing _Just Dance_ with their stupid inhuman speed, Rosalie almost sending Emmett flying a few times as their bodies hit each other while they danced. Esme and Carlisle were snuggled up in the other side of the couch, whispering sweet nothings to each other. 

‘How are they still in love with each other?’ Valerie whispered, and Jasper raised his eyebrows. He soon understood what she was talking about.

‘Well…’ He hesitated. He didn’t want to talk to her about the mates’ business, but he also didn’t want to lie. Truth is, Jasper wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to be the one who didn’t believe in mates, but the idea was scary. When he found Alice, he had grown accustomed to her presence. She was always there and she helped him find a new way of living, whether he liked it or not, it was safer and better than his past life that he regretted so much. He knew that Rose and Emmett loved each other to death and that Carlisle and Esme were literally soulmates, but he wondered about Bella and Edward; could a vampire and a human love each other? Alice had seen Bella coming and Edward had been sure she was his soulmate as soon as he saw her. Bella was immediately attracted to him as well. He didn’t believe Valerie was his mate – he truly didn’t. It would be just _too_ funny to have his mate being a human, a human that he felt so connected with nonetheless and that he felt so comfortable with. ‘Vampires’ relationships are different than humans’. They are… stronger and they usually lasted longer.’

As Valerie watched Esme and Carlisle being absolutely adorable, she wondered if she would have any chance to have something like that as a human.

It was almost 11pm when Carlisle spoke up.

‘I know that this year we promised no presents…’ Carlisle started and she could hear Bella muttering _thank god_ behind her. She could almost say the same; she hated how Christmas was all about gifts and presents and money. Ever since she lost her best friend she didn’t want to think about any of those things. At the end of the day what really mattered were the people sitting around the table and that you could join the evening with, and not the presents under the tree. It was very cliché but she learned it the hard way. ‘But it’s the first Christmas that Valerie spends with us, and we just couldn’t let it go unnoticed.

‘Oh god…’ Valerie muttered. ‘Carlisle, Esme. C’mon, you promised!’

‘Get used to it, sis!’ Bella chirped in, glad to have someone else being the distraction that year. She missed Alice, a lot, but they still talked and Bella knew that the vampire needed to be away from the Cullen household. It was her first Christmas all by herself, but she needed to be all by herself and get things straight in her mind.

Valerie glared and growled at Jasper, who shrugged his shoulders.

‘Blame it on Jasper, I bet it was his idea.’ Edward muttered, trying to get a reaction out of her. Jasper shrugged his shoulders again, all innocent.

‘You would never let me give you anything. I thought that it would be easier to use my parents as my shield.’

Before Valerie could protest, a purple envelope was put in her hands. Valerie raised her eyebrows.

‘I’m mad.’ Valerie said, her eyes shooting daggers at Jasper. He held her and looked at her like a lost puppy. ‘I’m keeping the envelope though.’

The Cullen’s laughed and eyed her expectantly. Jasper had always been a box full of surprises to her, so she really didn’t know what she was supposed to expect coming from him.

‘Try to not get a papercut.’ Emmett scoffed. ‘Jasper hates those.’

‘Fuck off will you, Emmett.’ Bella snapped back, and the Cullen’s bit back a laugh again. They were apparently sharing a joke that she didn’t quite get.

As she opened the envelope and grabbed what was inside, the Cullen’s smiled lightly.

‘I was just- I was just thinking that it would be cool to spend the New Years there.’ Jasper started, whispering at her very hesitantly. ‘I-I thought that you would like to see her grave, if that’s what you really want. If you don’t, we’ll find something else to do.’

It had been a bold move; he knew she could have hated it because it brought her back so many bad memories, but he had been wondering if she would actually like to come back and visit her best friend’s grave; he knew she didn’t have the opportunity to do so yet.

Valerie was in tears as she grabbed the two airplane tickets to Phoenix, Arizona.

‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ She muttered out, hugging Jasper by the neck. He smiled at his family, happy that his plan had worked, and they smiled back at him. Seeing Jasper happy was the best thing that they could ask for. The Cullen’s smiled lightly at the scene; they were happy for both of them. It was hard to see Jasper with anyone that wasn’t Alice, but they knew why it was happening and they both didn’t have anything to do what happened. ‘I will-I will never be able to thank you for this.’ She was still whipping her tears as she held on to him.

‘Don’t thank me, Val.’ He replied, grabbing her tightly in his arms and kissing the top of her head. ‘Just let me do this with you.’

That wasn’t even a question in her head. Of course that second ticket was for him, and there was nobody else in the world that she would want to experience this with other than him. She needed him to be by her side, to tell her that everything was going to be okay. She was also keen on having the time alone just for the two of them.

‘I also have something for you.’ She admitted, still whipping her tears and smiling wickedly. Jasper raised an eyebrow.

‘What about the no presents rule?’

Valerie chuckled.

‘Well, it isn’t anything like airplane tickets. Esme helped me hiding it on the kitchen. Let’s go.’

Jasper was surprised; he wasn’t expecting anything coming from Valerie, and it wasn’t even about the present – it was about the thought put into the present itself and the fact that she was hiding something from him with Esme. As they got to the kitchen, she pointed a finger at him.

‘Stay there!’ She demanded and looked around. ‘Honestly, I don’t even remember where I put it…’ He closed his eyes as he heard her searching and muttering around the kitchen. She finally found it as she let out a small scream of excitement. ‘Right…’ She was getting closer to him, and Jasper couldn’t help but feel a little excited ( _like a stupid human_ ) about her gift. ‘Okay… open your eyes!’

As Jasper Hale opened his eyes, a very excited Valerie Addams was holding a tiny little cactus in a purple vase between her hands.

‘Let me explain!’ She chirped in quickly and eventually started rambling. ‘The vase is purple because- _well_ , because of me. I like giving plants to people and I just thought that you could take care of it like you take care of me. I-I know it has spikes and everything, but I know that you’ll find your way around it like you found around me.’ She looked at him expectantly and bit her lip as he wasn’t giving her any reaction.

Because Jasper didn’t know what reaction he could have. He really didn’t. Everytime he tried to convince himself that she wasn’t for him, that they weren’t meant to be, she proved him wrong.

‘Also,’ She continued, bitting her lip so hard it would probably draw blood, which wouldn’t be a really good idea. ‘I know your room looks empty and impersonal and you’re not like that. And I just thought that the plant would help and that you would open your curtains and enjoy the sunlight more and-’

‘I love you.’

It was just like the movies: she felt everything. The words suddenly hitting her, the breath caught in her throat, her chest and belly hurting; she hadn’t been expecting it. She hadn’t expected anything coming from Jasper because Jasper himself was enough. He was more than enough and he would always be more than enough for her. 

‘I love you too.’

Jasper thought that maybe, just maybe, he could have a happy ending after all.

‘Merry Christmas, darlin’.’ Jasper said, grabbing her waist and holding her close. She grabbed his face with both her hands. She had tears in her eyes.

‘Merry Christmas, Jazz.’

Their lips found their way to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this week's updating schedule might be a little messed up! i haven't written the next chapter yet and i was able to take a few days off to see my family but i won't be taking my laptop with me. i hope you all forgive me :) xx


	20. twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello - ti'm sorry that i've vanished but i enjoyed this time with my family and then work got all messy again and i've been really busy. i'll try to get the updates on time again! thank you for your feedback :)  
> AS ALWAYS, TRIGGER WARNING.

Jasper Hale didn’t trust in Uber – he was an old soul, really - so he had rented a Volvo along with the tickets. He went to get the car and Valerie waited for him at the exit. As she looked around, the girl sighed.

Arizona brought her so many memories back: good ones, bad ones, excellent ones, and life threating ones. The girl knew this was something mandatory, that she had to do in order to heal, yet it still hurt: it still hurt a lot to think that Arizona was her safe haven and her hell on earth at the same time. It was weird.

Valerie had found out that sunlight bothered vampires a lot and that it even had a cool light effect on their skin but that it didn’t burn them, so December was the perfect time to visit Arizona with Jasper and not catch the attention of people. It was also chilly – not the same chilly as Forks, but still – even though Valerie wished she could just feel the sun touching and kissing her skin again. She sat down in the Volvo and texted her mother. It was 11pm of a Friday and they would return on Sunday. Valerie was grateful that she still had two days at home before school started to think about the trip. She had been so happy about it when she received the tickets, but she was starting to regret it now.

‘How are you feeling?’ Jasper asked as he caressed her tight and got the car to move. She shrugged and joined their hands.

‘I’m fine, I guess. I’m just happy to be here with you. I always love when we ride at night, but a whole ass trip together is different.’

‘It is, indeed.’ Jasper replied and he could feel his smile growing. He had lived a lot of years, some alone and some with a partner, some dark and some light, but he had never felt so much at peace like he did when he was with the human girl. ‘My family has a cottage by the beach where we can stay. Are you okay with that?’

‘More than okay, Jasper. This is amazing. I really, really, can’t thank you enough.’

The drive from the airport to the cottage was pretty quick; after spending three hours in an airplane, Valerie decided to roll the windows down and enjoy Arizona’s weather, something that she had missed so much. She had get used to Forks and its rain, yes, but Arizona and its 13ºC of temperature in December brought her really good memories. She inhaled the scents of her childhood, a childhood that she would never have back, but was thankful for not recognizing most of the houses and landscape amongst them; she used to live in the other side of town.

Jasper parked his car next to a beautiful white fence and muttered _“we’re here”._ Valerie left the car and the sound of the waves crashing the shore nearby and the beautiful smell of the ocean filled her lungs as she finally stepped into the sidewalk – into Arizona’s sidewalk, for the first time in three years; she closed her eyes and enjoyed being alive.

As she opened them, she realized that the beautiful wooden cottage inside the white fence was meant for them to stay, being Cullen’s property. It looked as if it was straight out of a fairy tale – not as modern as the Cullen’s house was, but it was very welcoming and it looked warm. The garden outside was kept clean and organized, with no personal items nor any decorations. The entire cottage was made of dark wood, the door to allow the entrance being white, painted with flowers and newly replaced, Valerie realized, as she pushed it open.

It was even better than she was expecting and way more than she would ever ask the Cullen’s for. The interior was very simple, the cottage having only two rooms: the bathroom and a common room. Valerie’s gaze touched every single spot of the common room, where a big kingside bed was placed along with a kitchen with everything they needed, a small sofa with a TV and a small round table for two people. There were no pictures, no flowers, nothing – everything was very impersonal yet so neat and beautifully organized. The cottage had three big windows: one was right next to the bed while the other was next to the table. They were not like Forks’ windows, big and covering an entire wall and an entire floor. Arizona had sunlight sometimes and the family needed to protect themselves from it, so they were smaller windows covered with curtains. Valerie could see sand as she looked through the window and the waves forming in the sea and crashing in the shore; she smiled. She had missed seeing an _actual_ beach, a familiar one. She had loved the ones she had gone to with Jasper, but Arizona was always different. It felt different. Yet it didn’t feel like home.

Jasper dropped their things on the floor, not really caring because they weren’t exactly taking the clothes out of their bags as it was such a small trip. Valerie decided to jump into the big kingsize bed and lie down for a little while Jasper looked through the windows; he was probably looking for signs of trouble, such as James. As long as it wasn’t _that_ sign of trouble, Valerie really didn’t think anything could ruin their perfect trip to her perfect place on earth.

Valerie didn’t feel out of place, no; she was a few kilometers away from where she used to live and from where she used to go to school with, so it was _just_ Arizona. It was just Arizona where she used to live and had been so happy. However, it was also Arizona where she had lost her will to live; it was Arizona which had taken away her best friend, away from her and away from her world; it was the same Arizona that had ruined her life forever. But she was there to grieve; she was there to see her best friend for the last time – at least for some years – and make peace with herself. That was what mattered.

Valerie unlocked her phone and quickly sent a text to her best friends, their Whatsapp’ group going absolutely insane when she sent a picture of the beach behind her. They knew she was going to visit her hometown but they thought she was going alone and that her mother would join her for New Year’s afterwards. They also didn’t know that she was in a mission to escape her past and visit her best friend with a Cullen.

Jasper suddenly held out his hand to her. Valerie dropped the phone, turning off the notifications and just turning herself off from the real world. She took his hand without asking questions, and she was soon being dragged to the beach in his vampire speed.

‘One day I’ll throw up on you, I swear.’ Valerie mumbled, clearly irritated about being dragged like a doll around. Jasper laughed as they both took in their surroundings.

Valerie took her shoes off so she could feel the golden sand touching her feet like it had touched so many years ago back when she lived in Arizona, back when everything was good. The beach was completely empty, the two teenagers being the only ones around enjoying the rhythmic sounds of the waves crashing on the shore. Valerie closed her eyes and breathed in deeply; she could almost feel her best friend next to her.

Jasper looked up at the night sky; he had spent hundreds of years watching the stars yet he could never grow tired of them. The moon was reflecting on the water, unusually round and white. Jasper felt the dark, frozen breeze hit his face, the fresh and deep smells of the ocean mixing with her perfume right next to him.

She was taking off her jacket and sweatshirt before he could blink.

‘What are you doing?’ Jasper questioned, his eyebrows furrowed. Valerie laughed.

‘I’m living a little!’

Valerie took off running in the water and soon after she was diving into the deep ocean. Jasper was after her a second later.

The moon was the only witness of a vampire and a teenage girl finding shelter in each other’s arms, in the end of December, in the cold waters of Arizona.

If only things could last forever.

☔

If only things could last forever, Valerie Addams would have stayed in that water and in the golden sand forever since last night.

The girl was never the one to share intimate moments with anyone; Mary had always been the most open on those subjects, whether it had been about boys, about her Summer romances or about her teenage dramas, Mary had always shared with Valerie her adventures. And Valerie wished she could do the same with Mary, but she wasn’t there. She wanted to tell her best friend how much she appreciated Jasper, how special he had her feel and how much she enjoyed his company.

That was only a small dream of hers, though. It would never happen.

The bad thoughts hit her in the morning. Jasper didn’t say anything but he indeed used his powers on her as soon as he realized the only thoughts on her mind happened to be about her best friend – her dead best friend that was buried a few kilometers away from them.

Valerie was feeling calmer as she watched Jasper graciously swimming in the freezing waters. She thought about joining him but she realized that she liked better watching him using his arms and legs to send himself quite literally flying in the water; everything about him was beautiful. Valerie wrapped a blanket around her and buried her hands on the sand – she had missed her hometown, but it wasn’t _home_ anymore.

After going for a swim, Jasper Hale got out of the water, his clothes absolutely drenched, and threw his body against Valerie’s. The girl let out a screech as she felt his cold body hit hers and getting water all over her. Her noses were touching.

‘How’s the water?’ She mumbled, staring at his lips.

‘Come for a swim.’ He invited her, kissing her forehead. ‘I promise I will let you win this time.’

Valerie rolled her eyes; of course he would never let her win on their races, he swam stupidly fast in his stupid vampire speed and he was too proud of himself and his powers to let her win even if it was just one time. He just wanted to see her hair looking like a wet poodle.

‘I was thinking of visiting the mall to grab a souvenir for your family and my mother and grab dinner somewhere. What do you think?’

Jasper looked her in the eye.

‘We still have to-’

‘I know.’ The girl interrupted him. Valerie kissed his nose and rolled over, his cold and and now wet body pressing against hers. ‘I just don’t want to think about it yet.’

Jasper was okay with going to the mall; he was not okay, however, with Valerie having a mental breakdown over buying whether a snow globe or a biologic wine that tasted like strawberry that she swore Jessica _needed_ to taste. Why were humans so complicated?

Jasper grabbed the snow globe.

‘Does it even snow in Arizona?’

‘Does it matter?’ Valerie growled back, fumbling as she looked at the two things in her hands. ‘Which one do you think I should get?’

Jasper had learned a lot since he had met Valerie. First of all, he must never, _ever_ , ask her why she was mad before she had her morning coffee. He also learned that when she looked for his opinion, if he didn’t pick exactly what she had been thinking she would get rather sad about herself and pick his option instead of hers.

‘Well…’ Jasper hesitated. ‘Which one do you think she will like the most?’

‘I don’t know Jazz, that’s the problem!’

Jasper looked puzzled. He had never, ever, thought he would be standing at a souvenir shop in the middle of Arizona trying to pick a present for his mate’s best friend – and well, that his mate would be a human. He sighed.

‘Why don’t you get the two?’

‘Isn’t that too much?’

Jasper didn’t usually buy souvenirs, he didn’t know.

‘Is it?’

She bit her lip.

‘What if she thinks I’m calling her an alcoholic because of the wine?’

Jasper raised his eyebrow. Humans were weird.

Two hours later, Valerie had finally decided what she wanted to get for Jessica and they were off to eat.

As she nervously looked at her watch was when Jasper realized that she probably did know what she wanted to get – she just didn’t want to be free to go visit her best friend.

☔

It was rather a quick drive, and it was rather late as well.

Jasper could feel Valerie tensing against the car seat, but he didn’t say anything – there wasn’t anything to say if he wanted to be honest with himself. Sometimes silence was also an answer and sometimes silence was his best shot with the girl.

He parked right next to the big stone wall that would – _try_ – to stop them from getting in. Forks’ cemetery was open 24/7, with only a little dark fence stopping people from coming in, but Charlie had never been the one to arrest people for visiting the cemetery at night unless it was for vandalizing purposes. Arizona’s cemetery, however, had a different schedule. It would take some convincing to let the guard let them in, but Jasper didn’t care.

Valerie was shaking as she grabbed his hand, looking for comfort and for his usual cold that felt so warm. Jasper looked at her trying to get a hold of her face, but she wasn’t looking at him, she was actually avoiding his gaze as she looked at her shoes.

Grieving was hard.

The guard was sitting on a chair right next to the big gate that would allow them in, reading a newspaper and looking quite bored.

‘Goodnight.’ Jasper croaked, and the man looked at him and raised his eyebrows. ‘We would like to visit a grave.’

The man chuckled and rolled his eyes.

‘Of course you _would_ , except we close at 5pm. Come back tomorrow, the dead can wait.’

Valerie gripped Jasper’s hand. Jasper exhaled.

‘I said,’ He growled, and the man looked at him startled. Valerie watched as his eyes turned glassy. ‘I want to visit a grave.’

Valerie had seen Jasper’s powers in action sometimes, but she had never seen them _so_ much in action like at that exact moment. As the guard’s eyes remained glassy, he took out the keys from his pocket – which Valerie was sure that Jasper could have simply snatched them away from him, but he liked to do an impression – and opened the huge black gate that towered above both of them. Valerie breathed in, breathed out as the gate opened and creaked. She had tried so hard to avoid this. They had fun all day, having dinner and buying gifts from people in Forks that it was now very late at night – but she had to visit. She had to make peace with herself and with her best friend.

‘You forget a lot of shit everyday. Forget this too.’ Jasper growled to the man as he allowed Valerie to go in.

The cemetery was big. Every cemetery in Arizona was quite different, but this one consisted in a field full of graves. She had seen many around Arizona and they were all so different: some of them consisted only on tombstones, headstones and sometimes graves that were only dirt and clay soil with a cross in the middle – people died more in Arizona than they did in Forks, and they were from all different economic status.

Three lamps were shining light on the first tombstones that they came across; right in the entrance was where they usually buried the babies. Sometimes stillborns. sometimes newborns – if they died with their mothers, sometimes they were still buried in their womb. Their tombstones were decorated with baby bottles, pacifiers with the deceased’s name written and a rather good amount of toys and blankets. As she read the dates of their birth and of their death, Valerie could identify that there were toddlers buried in there as well. She glanced away; she had gone through a lot, but she was sure she could never handle the pain of losing a child.

Cemetery’s in Arizona all followed the same rule: the latest ones to be buried occupied the places in the front. As she walked and glanced at every name, at every date, her breath quickened; they were still in 2020, apparently a lot of people had died in 2020. Jasper was silent as he held her hand and walked behind her – he knew he needed to be there, yet this was her moment and he wasn’t planning on interfering.

Valerie heard brown leaves crunching under her feet but she wasn’t scared, even though it was nighttime – everything was too beautiful for her to be scared. The tombstones were beautifully decorated and had beautiful, precious stones carved to make everything more sacred, more alive – everything was so precious and alive but everything was so dead at the same time.

Valerie’s breaths became irregular as she started seeing dates of death by the year of 2018. Valerie quickened her pace, desperate to find her, desperate to find her best friend that she hadn’t seen in so many years, desperate to find answers and desperate to find a peace that she didn’t even know she would ever get.

‘Val.’ Came the soft voice from Jasper, a few graves away from her. As Valerie walked to him, it was like the grass was swallowing her, like the air was suddenly knocked out of her lungs and like she was sleepwalking.

There she laid to rest for eternity.

Valerie kneeled down, her hands buried in the soil next to _her_ tombstone. Her hair fell down, caressing gently either sides of _her_ tombstone. That was only when Valerie realized that her own tears were washing the dirt away.

Jasper gulped as he used his huge hand to clean the dirt out of her headstone so the words could be read.

**_Mary Johnson, 19/07/2004-20/09/2018._ **

**_Beloved daughter, sister, friend. Never forgotten._ **

_She would have hated it._

She would have hated her grave so much. They only mentioned her as being a part of their family, of being a someone to a certain other someone. They didn’t mention her huge heart, her intelligence and the harmony that surrounded her and that she shared with others; they didn’t mentioned how much of a good kid she was, how much love she was able to give to the ones around her; they didn’t mention her love for coffee, her ridiculous taste in jackets and her bad morning moods.

The headstone was shaped as a heart with the message written in cursive and a picture of her best friend – the most recent one they had, probably - where she was smiling as she ate an ice-cream.

They had promise not to forget her, but her tomb looked so decrepit, so abandoned that Valerie doubted that her parents were still alive – she was almost hoping that they were dead so she could excuse their behavior. There wasn’t anything decorating it – she had expected maybe a picture from their highschool friends, a picture with her and a picture of her family, but _nothing_. She was all abandoned for eternity in such a cold, dark place. And she was all alone. She was like any other dead amongst the sea of dead people buried 6ft deep. She wasn’t special.

Valerie felt like crying, and screaming, and ripping, but she couldn’t; did grieve taste like this? Like dirt, like pain? Was this her wake up call, that she needed to take joy on everything and everyone while they were alive because as soon as they died, they would be forgotten forever?

Tears kept trailing down her pale face; she caressed the stone like she would caress her best friend if she could, like she was right there next to her. But it felt so cold. It felt like it was all a dream and that she would wake up and Mary’s warm body weight would be jumping in her bed yelling at Valerie to wake up and get her some coffee.

‘Valerie. Darling.’

Valerie couldn’t stand the weight of her head, of her heart, anymore. She just wanted to lie down next to her best friend and sleep there. Jasper wasn’t using his powers on her as she felt everything so raw, so hurtful and so real.

He grabbed a piece of her hair and put it behind her ear. Their eyes met, hers all puffy and red and his darker than they were supposed to. It hurt him as well.

‘I brought you this. I thought you would like it.’

She looked at his hands; she hadn’t seen it when they were walking, but now she did.

Jasper held out to her a white rose and a white frame. She took it in her shaky hands.

A picture of the two best friends in the beach. She had never seen it before, but they looked so beautiful, so alive – they looked so tan, their skin kissed by the sun, their hair lighter than it usually was as they were eating ice cream, their bodies full of sand.

She screamed into her hand as the memories flood into her. Jasper held her.

‘How-’ She didn’t seek for an answer. She put the frame on the gravestone, the rose next to the picture, and closed her eyes again. She touched the tomb, and it was suddenly warmer.

Time stood still as the two best friends said goodbye; the wind stopped blowing, the birds stopped flying mid air and the cemetery belonged to the death again as the two worlds touched.

Valerie’s heart started beating faster as she realized that no tombstone was the bridge of their connection; her love for her best friend was capable of opening doors into another world, into another dimension if it were needed. They would always be together, and they would always be each other’s soulmates.

The fireworks set off suddenly.

It was officially 2021. It wasn’t another year without her best friend, no – it was another year of honoring her memory.

Valerie got up, hugged Jasper and touched his lips. She still had him, and she would have him for _eternity_.

‘Happy New Year, Jazz.’

‘Happy New Year, Val.’

And that would be the first year together of their entire lives.


	21. twenty one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!! thank you for your amazing feedback :)   
> a comment left by one of my lovely readers really made me think so i just wanted to say a few things, as i've realized this story might be a little confusing:  
> \- some of my characters are ooc because i wanted them to be a little different than they are in the books and movies - it's been too many years and i've read a lot, watched a lot of movies and i really wanted to make something different!  
> \- the story doesn't follow, at all, the books nor the movies! there's no timeline in this and it's not 2008 anymore or anything like that - it's happening on these current days for plot purporses!  
> \- some things that happened to bella might happen to my character (e.g.: james following her, the van thing etc.) if these things are happening to my character, they didn't happen to bella! i'm just using them and replacing my character and her point of view!  
> i'm sorry if i wasn't clear enough or if you didn't understand, but i hope this covered things and thank you, y lovely readers, for bringing that to light!   
> now here's another chapter, a little different than usual. as always, trigger warning!

Valerie was patiently waiting for Jasper’s ride to the forest. The Cullen’s had invited her to watch them play Baseball on a Saturday – something that Bella swore that Valerie _needed_ to see – and she eagerly accepted the invitation as it was an excuse to spend the weekend out of the house and to be with Jasper. She was currently waiting a block away from the clinic where she was currently going to therapy. Just by going Valerie was taking the risk of being seen leaving an appointment with her psychiatrist, and Forks was a small town where gossip was the only source of amusement.

It was a good day for the girl; it had been better than usual anyways. She hadn’t had a mental breakdown in her little chair in front of the Doctor and he actually congratulated her as he was seeing some improvement in her. It probably also helped that her pills were starting to do its job 3 months after she started therapy and that she was feeling a _little_ better than before. Waiting had been the worst part and trusting the Doctor hadn’t been easy as well, but she did it. Feeling a little less desperate than before was always an accomplishment, and she had grown used to small, very small accomplishments.

Jasper finally appeared out of nowhere, mumbling angrily under his breath, his blond locks wet by the rain and a black hoodie covering his head.

‘I’m sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a single _fucking_ parking spot to- _Oh._ Oh damn. Are you okay?’

Jasper was startled for a second as the human girl literally jumped right into his arms. He grabbed the back of her thighs, holding her as she looked for comfort in his chest, snuggling and hugging him tight. They were glued for a few seconds with a very confused Jasper holding on to her; as he read her emotions, he couldn’t find anything but _happiness._ Valerie finally snapped out of it, held his face between her hands and looked him deep in the eyes.

‘I’m officially 3 months clean today. _We_ made it, Jazz! 3 fucking months!’

Sometimes Valerie mad Jasper think that his heart was alive; he could almost feel it _hurting_ with pride.

The thoughts between the two stayed between the two, of course, as the only thing the passerby’s saw was two kids absolutely drenched by the rain – a blond spinning with a purple haired girl in his arms, both smiling at each other and laughing, followed by a kiss of adoration.

☔

Nevertheless, as stormy clouds gathered in the sky and Valerie accidentally stepped on a puddle in the forest’s clearing, Valerie wasn’t so excited anymore. Jasper grabbed a baseball bat from the car and started spinning it on his hand. She laughed.

‘Bella was almost begging me to come. Is it _that_ boring?’

Jasper wrapped his other arm around her and laughed out loud.

‘I guess you’ll have to find out.’

Valerie used to think that Jasper Hale was the strongest person she had met in a long time; that is, until she met Bella Swan and her capacity of holding her until all the bones in her body were crushed into dust.

‘Val! You came!’ Bella greeted excitedly; Valerie looked at Jasper in a pleading way, begging him silently to stop the brunette from crushing her. Jasper laughed at them and hugged Edward who was next to them in a second.

‘You’re later, bro. I thought you were scared that I was gonna kick your ass.’

Jasper rolled his eyes and growled, pushing his brother against a tree. They dashed their way through the field and occupied their respective positions in the game, leaving the girls behind to talk to each other.

‘Vampires playing baseball? Is this as cool as it sounds?’

Bella was jumping on her spot. Valerie had never seen her so excited for something.

‘Yes! Just get ready, you’re going to love it, and-’

‘Valerie. I see Bella has already made you acquaintance to our little game.’ Esme was suddenly next to her as the two girls positioned themselves on the lateral spots of the field, hugging Esme and waving at Carlisle who was currently having a discussion with the boys – probably about not cheating. Rosalie was stretching her long legs next to a tree and she simply waved at the girls.

Clouds gathered in the sky as the three women spoke to each other. Rosalie’s enhanced senses were the first to be triggered.

‘I think it’s coming!’ The blonde announced. Everyone was immediately running to their respective places on the game while Edward was holding the bat, ready to probably destroy the poor ball with his strength, Valerie thought. Jasper was in front of his brother, ready to throw the ball and sticking out his tongue at his brother. Valerie smiled; they looked like five year olds. ‘Yes! In 3, 2, 1…’

Jasper threw the ball.

Edward missed it.

He fell down on his knees.

‘Ed?’ Bella quavered, her voice suddenly cracking as she rushed to Edward immediately, Valerie following. Jasper was there much faster.

‘Edward?’

Edward’s eyes were wide and dark as he was kneeling in the field, staring into empty space. The vampires looked around, trying to find and smell a threat that Edward was sensing, probably hearing. Valerie grabbed Jasper’s hand immediately. He grabbed hers back.

‘I hear.’

‘Glad to know so.’ Emmett replied cheekily, rolling his eyes. ‘What’s going on, bro?’

Edward and Jasper shared a look.

Jasper went a little paler than he usually was

‘No.’

_‘Yes.’_

‘What are you talking about?’ Rosalie interjected clearly confused. Valerie was thankful that all the family – and Bella – seemed confused as well. Only Edward and Jasper seemed to understand what was going on.

‘I have to tell her.’ Jasper spat out. Edward growled.

‘No, you don’t. Leave.’

‘I _have_ to.’

‘If you want her to go absolutely insane, yes, go ahead and tell her that the vampire kings are coming to understand why we’re killing other vampires. I think that’s a good idea.’ Edward argued, his voice raising. The mood froze. Esme and Carlisle started talking in super vampire speed while Rosalie looked like she was about to rip her hair off in anger. Bella looked unsettled. ‘It’s even better if you think how’s our relationship with them going with the whole Bella thing. You have three minutes to get the _f_ -never fucking mind. They know she’s here.’

 _Fuck Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ Jasper thought. They couldn’t have any peace, could they?

‘What’s going on?’ Valerie inquired, her voice calmer than usual. She was stupidly calm as she grabbed Jasper’s arm looking for answers. He looked her right in the eyes.

‘Did Carlisle tell you about the Volturi?’

His whole family was on panic mode and everything was happening around her in a rush. She could only see shadows of people moving, talking, growling. Edward was talking to Bella and calming her down even though she had met them before; Valerie had never seen them, but it was clear that they scared everyone. 

‘The holy gothic vampire kings?’

He smirked but felt guilty immediately afterwards – they were in danger, it wasn’t funny.

‘Something like that. They’re coming to talk to my family. Stay behind me but don’t hide, they probably know about you and if they don’t, they’ll find out by your smell. _Don’t_ talk to them, I do the talking if it’s needed. Try to not look terrified.’

Valerie nodded. She wasn’t behind Jasper but she wasn’t exactly next to him either as she grabbed onto his shirt.

As the temperature dropped even more and the rain suddenly stopped, Valerie knew they had arrived.

At first she could only see 5 hooded figures dressed in black capes walking towards them; they really carried themselves like royalty. But then she realized it was so much more than that: they looked like they had an entire army behind them. Valerie counted at least twenty other vampires until Jasper squeezed her hand like he was begging her to look down and avoid their gazes, avoid their interest. The girl wasn’t able to take a proper look at her faces and analyze them like she wanted to, like her curiosity and maybe _something else_ begged her to. She could only hear their voices.

‘Carlisle. Esme.’ A low, honeyed, and high-pitched voice spoke; it was a mixing of so many sounds that Valerie couldn’t find a way to describe the voice in her head. The person spoke calmly, in a very controlled and plummy way.

Valerie could see Carlisle nodding in cordiality.

‘Aro. Caius. Marcus. I’ve seen you brought your guard.’ Carlisle smirked as he looked behind them, staring at all the hooded figures that Valerie couldn’t count. ‘To what do we owe the pleasure?’

‘Oh, my dear friend, you know sometimes we just like to show off.’ The voice kept talking in a cheery and Valerie _really_ wanted to look up, but Jasper’s grip was telling her otherwise. ‘We’re not here to fight with such _small_ army, of course. We were just notified that apparently one of your children isn’t getting along with a Clan of nomad vampires and killed one of them.’

Valerie’s breath got caught on her throat.

‘Yes, I did.’ Jasper interjected, his voice calm but his accent slipping out as he was getting angrier and nervous. ‘I felt that the male was a threat to my family and I killed his mate. I wish I could have killed him too.’

Valerie didn’t know many things about the Cullen Family, but Jasper knew that the Volturi really wanted someone like him in his guard. They were all over Edward, Alice and Jasper everytime they crossed paths and that was why they avoided them. They had tried really hard to get them to join the Guard, yet Jasper was pretty sure he would rather be fed to werewolves than to do such thing.

‘Oh, yes, _family_ , as you call it.’ Aro dismissed it. Of course he didn’t know anything about the word family. ‘Your Clan looks as tight as ever. However, and I hate to talk about this,’ He snickered and Valerie felt like he was scanning the crowd. ‘I would like to talk to them first before we talk about killing our own kind for _no_ reason, Jasper. Where’s dear Alice?’

‘Alice is busy with other things, Aro.’ Carlisle replied and taking a step forward, trying to take the attention away from his family. Aro wasn’t looking at Alice; he knew he was looking right at Valerie hiding behind Jasper and it would be just a matter of time until he asked who she was just like he did with Bella. ‘And I’m sure it’s also very busy in Volterra. I’m sure you’re in a hurry.’

He ignored them.

‘Volterra doesn’t worry me, dear Carlisle. What worries me, though, is that my Guard is getting rather _agitated_ with your snacks. It looks like you have two of them now instead of one!’ Jasper growled. Valerie took a step back, gripping his shirt harder and he protected her with his left arm. Edward sighed in despair; he hated the Volturi so much. ‘Who’s the new addition, may I ask, dear Jasper?’

Aro knew. Of course he knew.

Valerie had been scared shitless of vampires in the past, but now they just started to annoy her with their stupid capes, the stupid sense of royalty and the stupid idea of ruining a perfectly good day. They had killed her best friend, they had ruined her life so many times, they made her think she was insane for two long years. Valerie inhaled; she had tried to kill herself for fuck’s sake, she didn’t even want to be alive; there was nothing to be scared off. As Jasper was about to answer, she gripped his shirt harder.

‘You can address me, I have a name.’ She spat out, finally looking at Aro. Aro was tall – he was tall and he exhaled power with a large army behind him and a cape on his shoulders, but he also exhaled curiosity. Valerie knew he was a monster and that he hated humans, but she couldn’t help but being curious as she looked at him too. His jet black, straight hair reached his shoulders and he looked even paler than the Cullen’s, probably because his eyes were crimson-red as he _watched_ the girl. Aro raised an eyebrow and smirked, as the blond right next to him scoffed and muttered _“The disrespect”_ between his lips; Valerie didn’t even glance at them, staring deep into Aro’s eyes. Jasper was almost having a heart attack – and his heart was already dead. She stopped hiding behind him, taking a step to his left and Jasper growled. ‘It’s okay. They wouldn’t come all the way from Italy just to snap my neck and leave, would they? Airplane tickets for all these people were probably expensive.’

‘Jesus fuck Valerie, shut up.’ Edward muttered, and Aro was apparently finding everything very amusing as he started laughing out loud. His high-pitched laugh echoed in the trees. Bella was obviously terrified while Valerie was stupidly intrigued.

‘Of course we wouldn’t, my dear. I see you and Bella have a lot in common, yet you’re so different from each other.’ Valerie would never respect vampires. She could respect the Cullen’s, but she would never respect anyone like the Volturi. Aro would never, _ever_ , deserve any kind of respect coming from her, and his red eyes angered her. She smiled ironically at his words. ‘I would like to see. May I?’

He extended his hand in her direction, a few feet away from her. She raised her eyebrow. What did he want to see with his hands?

‘To the hell you are.’ Jasper growled, putting her behind him again. This time, Valerie didn’t protest. ‘You aren’t going to touch her.’

Aro laughed dangerously.

‘Carlisle, it seems like your children have a special need to disrespect authority. If I want to see, I will. Unless…’

‘What do you want to see?’ Valerie interjected, her eyebrows raised. Aro looked surprised at her question, but he was quickly to smile back at her again. Valerie wasn’t stupid – all his reactions were on purpose, his only goal was to make her curious.

‘Let me guess, they didn’t tell you? Oh, the Cullen’s are very good at keeping their stuff private.’

‘Aro has a gift.’ Jasper muttered. ‘Like I do and some of my siblings. He can see your entire memories and thoughts just by touching your hand.’

She looked at Aro. He looked fascinated by her.

‘That’s kinda creepy.’

Aro laughed hysterically again.

‘What’s your name, my love?’

‘Valerie.’

‘Valerie, my dear, it is a little creepy, yes, but totally worth it. And it doesn’t hurt.’ He gave her a white, creepy smile. She wondered how many necks he had ripped off with those teeth. ‘I promise.’

Valerie shrugged her shoulders. She would rather be killed by royal vampires in the forest than by the rat called James in the middle of an alley. Jasper was growling the entire time that she was walking towards Aro and he was walking right behind her, staying millimeters away from her as Aro’s hand enveloped hers.

It was over as soon as it started.

Aro’s eyes shining her reminded her of the stars in Arizona. Valerie raised her eyebrows and he sent her the creepiest smile she had ever seen. Aro sent a shrill scream that made Jasper tense immediately, pulling the girl towards him and hiding her behind him once again. Valerie looked at Edward, knowing he was very intuitive and that he could probably understand what was going on. He looked like he was about to puke at any second.

‘That would never happen.’ Edward growled. ‘Believe me. She wouldn’t want to.’

‘Of course, dear Edward.’ Aro replied. Valerie was very confused; what had Edward seen? Why was Aro acting like that? Jasper was still growling and she was still confused. Aro glanced at Valerie. ‘You’re had a very tough life for a human, my dear. I think that kind of changed you… for the best of course.’

Valerie raised an eyebrow.

‘I disagree.’ The blond was growling and so was Jasper, clinging into her and protecting her with his body. ‘It just made my stupid existence worse.’

‘It could be worse, couldn’t it? After all, you’re clinging to dear Jasper over there. Come, son, come. May I see?’

Jasper growled again, standing his ground and clearly not wanting his thoughts to be displayed to Aro. They were kinda fucked up.

For Valerie, it had been very quick; for Jasper, it had felt like an eternity. When Aro was finished, he was smiling.

‘This was a little unexpected, but I’m glad you’ve found your mate.’

Everyone sucked a breath in, including Jasper.

‘English, please.’ Valerie said, rolling her eyes and clearly losing her patience and her self-preservation.

‘Oh.’ Aro smiled widely, once again. ‘You didn’t tell her.’

‘I’m still here, god.’ Valerie tugged on Jasper’s sleeve but he clearly didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to look at her. He was quiet and he was standing there like a statue. ‘What is he talking about?’

‘What do you want?’ Jasper suddenly spat out, his anger rising as Aro smiled. ‘Just shut up and I’ll do everything you want to.’

Edward read Aro’s thoughts.

‘It’s not worth it, Jasper.’ He grumbled. ‘His decision is made.’

‘Cullen’s and their stupid fixation on humans never fails to amuse me.’ Caius said angrily, and Valerie wasn’t properly calm as well. They were talking in codes with their stupid capes – jesus, she hated the capes so much – and she knew they were talking about her yet she couldn’t understand what he meant.

‘My dear Valerie,’ Aro started, his voice sweet as honey. ‘I find your ignorance quite amusing, yet you’re so full of knowledge. Don’t you understand? Jasper has found his forever mate. And stupid me over here thinking for centuries that it would be Alice!’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Valerie, dear…’ Aro smiled. ‘You’re smarter than that. Who else I would be talking about? This is all about you, of course.’

Valerie looked at Jasper; she looked at Jasper like she was begging him to tell her that Aro was wrong, that he was manipulating her and that it wasn’t like that – that he had fallen in love with her because he wanted to and not because it was a thing that vampires did.

Her entire life had been chosen and dictated by vampires – they had ruined her life.

As soon as Jasper avoided her gaze and looked down, she knew that they had ruined her chance of being loved – truly loved.


	22. twenty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there! i'm sorry i've been out lately - i was on vacation with my family again and i'm finally done with work! :) i start college again in September and i'll be having crazy shifts, but the story is already coming to an end!  
> i hope you like this chapter, it's a little bigger than usual! thank you for your feedback and hope to see y'all soon! 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING.

Aro messed with her guts. He really did.

It wasn’t over yet; she could feel it in her bones that it wasn’t over with Aro by the way he smiled wickedly at her, by the way he looked at her, by the way he didn’t even say _goodbye;_ he just said that he would see her soon, winked at her with his red devilish eyes and he left, his Dracula looking-cape swirling behind him.

And that was it.

The Volturi left after right after they dropped the bomb, as silently as they arrived, but Valerie’s ears were ringing and she didn’t hear a thing for a few hours afterwards; she was blocking everyone’s thoughts, everyone’s words as Jasper dragged her out of the place, riding the car back to the Cullen’s residence at a dangerous speed.

_What’s a soulmate?_

Valerie had asked such question so many times, not only to herself but also to her mother and Mary – _what’s a soulmate?_

Mary always laughed out loud at her question and rolled her beautiful, alive eyes – the girl didn’t believe in true love, she never had, even though her parents looked very much in love and the boys at school were on their knees for her. Mary had told Valerie several times that she was her soulmate, that soulmates didn’t need to be romantically involved and that it just felt like _it. It just felt right._

And it really did feel like right with Mary. She died when Mary died.

But Jasper brought her to life.

However, deep in her guts, she knew he wasn’t her soulmate. She didn’t feel like _it._

It was harsh. It was harsh sitting in that couch with Bella as the entire Clan besides Emmett, who was outside the perimeter watching for enemies (that were apparently growing in dimension and danger, from the Volturi to James), was discussing the subject of the Volturi appearing. It was still too soon. They knew that Bella would only be turned after graduation, but they didn’t talk about it – they only wanted to meet Valerie.

Valerie didn’t know that the Cullen’s had a variety of ideas on why the Volturi were in town. She also didn’t know that they weren’t willing to share their ideas with her. There was only one thing in her mind.

_What’s a soulmate?_

‘Hey, Val,’ Bella called her sweetly, sitting down next to her and grasping her hand. It was easy for Bella, it had always been easy. Edward loved her, she loved him back and they didn’t have any issues between them, no trauma involved, no mixed feelings, no uncertainty, nothing. They were just in love. ‘I’m making coffee. Would you like some?’

Valerie didn’t answer; she didn’t even have the guts to look Bella in the eyes and talk to her, so she simply nodded and kept her eyes down. Bella sighed and walked to the kitchen, defeated on taking a word from her mouth. She had learned to leave Valerie alone when she needed it the most.

When she was out of sight, Valerie let out a sigh that she didn’t know she had been holding.

_What’s a soulm-_

Her thoughts were interrupted by Rosalie sitting in the couch right next to her, back where Bella had been. _Rosalie_ , from all the people.

Her anxiety levels spiked. That was her sofa after all, and maybe she should get up and leave. What was she even doing there, still? She should be at home, thinking to herself and in her environment. She wanted to be alone.

‘You want to run away, don’t you?’

Rosalie was looking straight forward, her beautiful jawline being hit by the light coming from the window and her golden eyes not meeting hers as she spoke; sometimes Valerie wondered if a woman like this was even real.

‘Yeah.’ The girl replied, her voice stuck on her throat.

‘You do that and my brother dies. Do you want that?’

Valerie knew that Jasper and Rosalie were close like real brothers were, but that they had grown apart because of her arrival. She didn’t like humans and she was protective of her brother, she knew that. Valerie wondered how much Rosalie wanted to kill her.

‘No. Of course no.’

Rosalie was never the one to be nice without a cause; she wasn’t the one to be nice just because someone needed it, she wasn’t nice just due to the goodness of her heart – at that moment, she _needed_ to be nice for the sake of her family.

‘I want to run away too.’ Rosalie said. Valerie looked at her surprised, her eyebrows raised. Their eyes met. ‘I hate this life and I hate my existence. I hate every single day that I spend in my own skin, every single day of hunting until I feel full, every single day of resisting the urge of killing someone. But what I hate the most is knowing that everything is moving forward and that I’m stuck like this, forever. I’ll never have a _real_ family. I can’t have kids, I can’t have grandchildren. I can’t grow old.’ Valerie didn’t have any words to comfort her, and she didn’t dare to interrupt her. Everything that Rosalie said was true and she was really sorry that it was – Rosalie was dead in a way, she was stuck in the day that she died. Valerie wondered if that wasn’t worse than death itself. ‘The only reason why I’m here it’s Emmett.’

Valerie smiled. She really loved seeing Rosalie and Emmett together.

‘He’s your mate?’

Rosalie didn’t reply.

‘I hate men, vampires or not. I hate them more than I hate humans.’

The purple haired girl gulped.

‘Why?’

‘I was born in New York in the time of the Great Depression. Things were hard, of course, but my father’s job kept us afloat and living comfortably in the high class. My status helped, of course, but it was my-’ Rosalie hesitated and ended up chuckling and rolling her eyes, like the idea was now ridiculous. ‘-my beauty, my clothes and my jewelry that were the center of attention. I was very self-centered and very vain, but I was also too naïve, much like Bella still is.’ Rosalie’s eyes didn’t meet hers; she stared forward, her eyes focusing in the beautiful window to the forest outside. ‘I was very materialistic and focused on my beauty, but the child inside me who still dreamt of being married with a big house and a nice husband who kissed me when he came home from work was still alive. And that was how I met Royce.’

Rosalie talking about her human life wasn’t something that Valerie had been expecting, but it was surely something that she enjoyed hearing about. She didn’t want to intrude, but she wanted to know more.

‘Did you love him?’

‘Oh yes, I did.’ Rosalie smirked. ‘I loved him even more when he and his friends raped me and beat me to death, leaving me to bleed and die in the middle of´the street.’

And that was what made Valerie _truly_ shut up.

Sometimes she thought she was selfish; she thought she was selfish and picky and egocentric, that she asked way too much from her friends, from her mother, from Jasper, and that she gave them nothing in return. The thought hit her: maybe she was really like that, wasn’t she? How cruel of her, bitching about the situation while Rosalie had been through so much, bitching about how hard she had it when Rosalie had lived through hell. She didn’t know what to say.

‘I’m really sorry.’

Rosalie smirked.

‘Don’t be. I got my revenge.’ Rosalie had the same look in her eyes that sometimes Jasper had: the look of quiet missing something, of missing something that they both knew would never return. Maybe she was thinking about her human life. ‘Carlisle saved me, but him being a man didn’t help me into trusting him nor Edward, but I got pretty close to Esme, and that was enough to make me want to stay. But I was still thirsty; blood thirsty. It wasn’t easy controlling myself as a newborn, but it was even harder when I smelt blood coming from a man; it was like he was begging me to kill him, to get my revenge once again, to just end with their existence. To live in a world where men were supposed to be killed. Killed by me.’

Rosalie’s voice never changed its tone. She kept talking in the same monotone yet icy and calm voice even though she was talking about bleeding human beings to death. Valerie wasn’t afraid of her – she wasn’t afraid of a lot of things anymore.

‘How did you trust Emmett?’

The vampire knew the question wasn’t only out of sheer curiosity – Valerie needed to understand how to trust Jasper, how to trust their world and their kind.

‘He got attacked by a bear, the jackass.’ Rosalie rolled her eyes and Valerie couldn’t help but giggle. ‘I could smell his blood from miles away, but when I got there, surprisingly I didn’t want to kill him. I was smelling his blood but I was also feeling it _running_ through _my_ veins. And that’s when I knew that it would be always him.’

The girls shared a moment of silence – moments of silence were uncommon in the Cullen household as something was always happening, yet at that moment the house sounded like a funeral home – everything was quiet, everyone was quiet, except from the casual whisper and coughing that could be heard to break the tension.

Valerie had enjoyed Rosalie’s story, yet she didn’t feel with Jasper most of the things the blonde said she felt with Emmett. Valerie truly didn’t feel Jasper’s blood running through her veins – he was dead and he had been dead for a long time and she knew that. There was no turning back.

But at the same time, was he really dead?

When they held hands, they weren’t _only_ holding hands. It felt like they were walking through life together, even though Jasper’s remained the same and hers rushed through the years; she could remember every single one of their night rides, coffee shares and beach hangouts, and she realized that she held those moments close in her living, beating heart. Valerie wasn’t scared of him; the only thing he brought her was comfort, joy, light. She could feel his love and affection in every single one of her cells. She wasn’t scared of him, she was scared _for_ him. She was scared that something would happen to him, that James would hurt him or the Volturi. But Valerie knew, deep in his heart, that their bound would never be broken. Jasper was always there, even when he wasn’t; Jasper would always be alive in her heart, even though his body and his soul had laid to rest a long time ago.

 _No, I’m not mad at him,_ she realized. It didn’t make sense to be. She was just mad that-

Rosalie had shared a piece of her heart with her, so it only sounded fair that she did the same.

‘It’s just that they got _her._ ’ Valerie spat out, impressing herself at her sudden snap. Her voice grew smaller. ‘I feel like I’m always running. I feel like I’m always running in the right direction, in the direction of everything that I love, that I want, that I desire; I feel like I’m constantly sketching something on a blank page and then your kind comes in, rips the page and sketches everything for me, like what I want doesn’t matter.’

Rosalie smiles sarcastically.

‘I guess life’s fucking unfair for both of us, isn’t it, princess?’

☔

Things were okay between them.

After talking to Rosalie, she realized it didn’t make sense to be mad at him. It wasn’t his fault and at least she could clear her head from all the demons that screamed that maybe Jasper didn’t love her back and that she was making a fool of herself.

The girl had tried to ask Edward what Aro was thinking, what Aro thought that made Edward say that she would never accept it, that she wouldn’t want that, whatever _that_ was. Valerie wasn’t stupid. She knew the deal Edward had between him, the Volturi and Bella - Bella were to be turned into a vampire as soon as possible.

Valerie began to think if that would be her future to, but Edward refused to answer.

Her relationship with Jasper remained the same. They still grabbed coffee, they still went on walks and night car drives, but they didn’t hold hands, they didn’t look each other in the eye for too long and they shared a few words by text sometimes. He was still there in Biology and History; she was still there at his house on the weekends, trapped as he hunted James; he was still there on her game days and she was still there, sitting next to him in the cafeteria. She wondered for how long.

‘Who’s that new girl? Any idea?’ Jessica asked, her eyebrows raised and her whole body turning in the new girl’s direction. Valerie stopped biting at her apple to throw a careful glance.

‘No idea, sis.’ She replied, shrugging her shoulders. The girl was Jessica’s height, her hair black and wet probably due to the rain outside. She had brown eyes and her face was small compared to her body. She was cute and looked a little lost, looking for a table to sit down at lunch time. Valerie felt for her; she had felt really lost in her first day too. She nudged Jasper, who was currently playing Candy Crush on her phone. His eyes glanced at her and he caressed her tight, in order to tell her that he was listening. Valerie nodded in the new girl’s direction. ‘What do you see?’

Jasper scrunched his face.

‘Pretty normal human feelings.’ He whispered so Jessica couldn’t hear him. ‘Scared, lost, doesn’t know what to do.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m on level 894, by the way.’

Jesus, that stupid game. She should have never showed Jasper Candy Crush. He didn’t install it on his phone, saying that it was “a stupid game”, but he was always draining her battery while playing like a maniac during classes, lunch and recess. He even kept her phone during training so he could get to higher levels. She rolled her eyes.

‘Jess, call her.’ Valerie said. ‘So she can join us. It’s sad being lost like she is right now.’

Jessica was suddenly very excited. She didn’t like when people felt like outsiders and Forks was way too small for her liking, she really enjoyed meeting new people. She winked at Valerie and got up, walking her way to the new girl.

She came back with a very scared new Forks’ student who was avoiding their gazes.

‘Guys, this is Amanda! Amanda, these are my friends: Eric, Mike, Angela, Valerie and Jasper.’ Jessica said, pointing towards each one of them. They all sent her a smile while Jasper only glanced at her for a few seconds and nodded, before coming back to his game and caressing Valerie’s tight with his left hand.

At least he was giving her _some_ attention.

Amanda sat down shily next to Angela and smiled shily.

‘Where are you from, Amanda?’ Valerie asked, trying to put her at ease. It was hard being the new student, she had been through that.

‘Arizona.’ She replied in a small voice, sending a smile in the girl’s direction. Valerie piped in.

‘Shit, really? I’m from there too! That’s really fucking cool.’

Jessica smiled all excited.

‘What are the odds? That’s so cool, two Arizona girls!’

Amanda smiled sweetly.

‘I really miss the sun.’

Valerie laughed. That had been really cliché, everybody talked about the sun in Arizona.

‘You’ll get used to the rain, believe me. Forks is my home now, it grows on you.’

Angela piped in.

‘Can we see your schedule? To see if you got classes with any of us.’

The girl looked a little overwhelmed and she smiled at her in sympathy. She knew what was like to feel like that, to feel so lost and hating a new place so much. They ended up finding out that she had Biology with them and Literature with Jasper. She also shared a bunch of classes with Mike and Eric.

As they were talking, Edward, Bella and Emmett entered the cafeteria. Emmett slapped Jasper’s neck so hard that he almost dropped the phone and Edward rumbled Valerie’s hair, her wild curls screaming for mercy. Bella just looked down and kept walking, her shoulders suddenly tense as she saw her old friends. Jasper told Emmett to fuck off and Valerie gave Edward the middle finger. The family laughed and kept walking, sitting on their usual table.

‘Amanda, that’s Bella!’ Valerie said, smiling and pointing at her brunette friend. ‘She’s also from Arizona. Do you remember her or something?’

Jessica quickly found out it wasn’t Bella that had caught Amanda’s eye.

‘Oh no sweetie, don’t even go there.’ Jessica snorted. ‘Emmett Cullen is like, _married.’_

‘And he’s also my brother.’ Jasper piped in, without taking his eyes of the game. Valerie rolled her eyes. He was really addicted to that stupid game, wasn’t he?

‘Don’t get all smart on me, Jasper Hale.’ Jessica rolled her eyes. ‘I used to ship Valerie with Emmett, not with your creepy staring ass.’

‘Jess!’ Angela interrupted Jessica, as Valerie giggled. ‘That’s rude, shut up and listen to this. My parents are travelling on the weekend so my house will be totally empty. Let’s give a proper welcome to Amanda to Forks!’

Everyone started cheering immediately and making plans to buy food and put together some playlists.

‘We’re going camping, we leave Friday evening.’ Valerie said and she felt rather bad that she wouldn’t be there to give Amanda a warm welcome. God knows she needed it.

‘And you didn’t invite us because-?’ Mike questioned, his eyebrows raised and pretending to be mad. He wouldn’t last around Jasper and Valerie for a second.

‘Because Bella’s coming and my asshole of a brother too.’ Jasper piped in again. Valerie noticed he was reaching level 905 in that stupid game. How many levels did that game even have? ‘You can come and cuddle with Edward.’

The group erupted into laughter as Mike rolled his eyes.

Valerie pretended she wasn’t seeing Amanda eyeing Jasper so much. It was nothing, after all.

It started being something on Tuesday, in Literature.

Valerie was doing some Chemistry exercises in class when she felt her phone buzzing in her skirt’s pocket. The teacher was pretty chill and even let them use computers to take notes, so she took her phone off.

**jasper <3**

_Amanda talks a lot._

Valerie raised her eyebrows and quickly tipped her answer.

**Val**

_you’re talking to her?_

**jasper <3 **

_Don’t get mad at her, it’s not her fault. You know it’s part of our nature._

Of course – of course Amanda was totally blinded by the Cullen’s beauty, but she just had to go for the one that she wasn’t sure if was single or not. After all, Jasper and Valerie were together in the eyes of their friends, but they were not _together together_ and they never said they were; they weren’t exactly public. Valerie had seen Amanda looking at Jasper, sometimes she didn’t even hide it. What hurt her though, was that Jasper was actually being friendly.

And then she realized she was being really stupid.

Sorority had been her key word her entire life. It had been hard on her to argue with Lauren – girls were, after all, practically raised on hating each other, on competing to have the best hair, the best body, the best grades. And she hated that. Girls were supposed to thrive and rise together as equals, not as enemies.

So Valerie breathed in, shut her damn mouth and remembered herself that it wasn’t cute to be jealous.

**Val**

_i know, it’s ok. miss you already. see you at lunch._

Jasper replied back and Valerie started digging on her Chemistry exercises again; she really needed a better grade if she wanted to enroll in nursing school the next year and not even Jasper should take her mind off her dreams. He wouldn’t want her to be mad.

Apparently he didn’t want to have lunch with her either.

She found it weird at first; Jasper was always there first on Tuedays, as Literature was in the building right next to the cafeteria and Chemistry was in the other side of school. However, they were 10 minutes into lunch break and Jasper wasn’t there yet.

Amanda wasn’t there either.

‘I know what you’re thinking.’ Angelica interrupted her thoughts. ‘But Eric texted me. He has this class with them, teacher’s just being an ass and they have to finish answering his questions before they leave.’

Valerie sighed and realized she had been gripping an apple way too hard between her fingers She sighed again; stupid girl. It wasn’t cute to be jealous and it wasn’t cute to have second thoughts about Jasper.

And after all, he could do whatever he wanted; they weren’t dating, they weren’t exclusive, they weren’t even a _thing._ They were simply soulmates.

She chuckled.

‘I’m not thinking about anything.’ Valerie replied, taking a sip on her soda. Angela rolled her eyes.

‘He only has eyes for you, believe me. I think you should tell him how you feel. He’s just a boy, he doesn’t get it.’

Valerie nodded; Amanda should feel welcome, not threatened.

Girls support each other, they don’t tear each other down.

Valerie smiled as Jasper appeared suddenly and sat down next to her, hand on her thigh.

She tried to pretend that she didn’t see Amanda following him right after and sitting down next to him.


	23. twenty three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | TRIGGER WARNING AS ALWAYS |

Wednesday was, as always, practice day. After a long interrogation about her athleticism, Jessica ended up inviting Amanda to try for the volleyball team. As Valerie put her purple knee pads on – and shivered as she remembered the day in Port Angeles when Jasper bought her those – she wondered about her friendship with Jessica.

Jessica was her friend, she was sure of that. She wasn’t a _best_ friend like Mary had been to her, but she was truly really nice and supportive of her. She hadn’t been paying much attention to Valerie for the last few days but like Jasper had told her once, Jessica really enjoyed having new toys to play around with for a while. And Amanda was just that – a shiny new toy for Jessica. Valerie wasn’t the news around Forks Highschool anymore, so she had less value as a friend at that moment than Amanda. Valerie couldn’t help but wonder if the similar happened with Bella and Jessica.

‘I think you’re going to do just fine! Look at Val, when she arrived here she hadn’t played for centuries!’

‘For two years, Jess.’ The purple haired girl replied, putting her hair up in a ponytail and sighing. It wasn’t like she didn’t know how to play when she arrived – she wondered if Amanda would be any good. She hoped she was, it would be great to have more people looking forward to playing Volleyball for Forks. After all, a great deal of the team was graduating that year. ‘For how long haven’t you played?’

‘I’ve never-’ Amanda bit her lip. ‘I just played on Gym class as a mandatory sport. I really wanted to join a team though.’

Oh. Valerie bit her lip, suddenly feeling sorry for Amanda. Everyone had to play Volley once in a way in class – it was a mandatory sport that was used to grade the class, much like Basketball and Football were. She felt for Amanda, as playing for a team was very different than playing around at Gym class. Amanda would literally be eaten alive by Lauren and her demanding attitude. Valerie wondered if it was even worth it to go out there and play and watch a fellow mate be literally humiliated to exhaustion.

But practice wasn’t that bad; Valerie focused on her part of the team and on their game. Sometimes she couldn’t help but notice how Amanda looked at her while she played and the little smiles she sent on her way sometimes. Valerie smiled back at her whenever she could; she felt for her, she must have been terrified and Lauren didn’t help one bit. Amanda wasn’t good but she wasn’t bad either, and even though school would end in just a few months, Jessica said she wouldn’t mind training her shiny new today so she would get better quickly and maybe she would have a chance to play in one of the upcoming games. Valerie sighed as Jessica winked at her, knowing she would have to tag along in their practice time… like she didn’t have enough shit to think about.

Jasper was waiting for her outside. They were going to grab some coffee and just enjoy some time together as Valerie was always too damn busy doing something whether it was studying, practicing or taking care of the house while her mother was gone. She wondered how the relationship with the boy looked to most people. Maybe the teenagers in Forks really thought she was a home-wrecker, arriving and making Jasper Hale leave Alice Cullen, just so she could be seen hanging out with him like friends did. Perhaps some of them thought she was just playing him, playing with his feelings and with his love for her – it was nothing like that, though. She wanted to act different around him, she wanted to be able to show him her love, but she couldn’t, she just couldn’t. And she didn’t know why. At first Valerie really tried to stay away. She tried to stay away from him, from his bad attitude and his bad mood but she had fallen – slowly, yes, but she did – in love with him.

She was putting her thigh high boots on – she wondered if she would slip in the rain and fall on her ass - when she heard Jessica muffling a laugh from the showers.

‘Oh, don’t even go there. She won’t like that.’ Jessica muttered, and Amanda replied something that Valerie couldn’t quite catch, yet it made Jessica laugh hysterically. ‘You’re diabolical, girl. You’ve just arrived and you’re trying to steal someone’s man?’

Valerie bit her lip.

After all, that was exactly what she did to Alice Cullen. Karma really comes to bite your butt, doesn’t it?

Valerie left as quickly as she could, the sound of her heels against the wet floor indicating her presence to the two girls. Jessica didn’t come to say goodbye; the only thing she heard were laugher coming from the showers again.

Jasper was outside the building waiting for her. It wasn’t raining and she wasn’t cold, but what she had just heard sent a shiver down her spine. Before she could hug herself to try to get some heat into her body, Jasper already had his jacket around her.

Did she deserve Jasper Hale?

‘Thank you.’ Valerie said, letting the corners of her mouth draw up in a smile. He smiled back at her, his perfectly white teeth making her envious.

Was she enough for Jasper Hale?

As they walked to the parking lot to get into Jasper’s car, she grabbed his hand. Jasper was quick to react, interlocking their fingers together and opening the car door for her. She giggled.

‘Ma’am,’ He said cheekily as he helped her to sit in the front. Yeah, boots with such a big ass heel on a wet pavement weren’t really a good idea, but the vampire had grown used to her taste on clothes. Jasper ran at a normal human speed to the driver’s seat as she turned the radio on and The Fray instantly started playing.

Jasper was humming the song as it started raining. Valerie looked to the landscape, the too green landscape of Forks, and then stared at the man next to her.

He was perfect. He was perfect not only on the outside with his looks that could kill – well, quite literally -, but also on the inside. His jawline was still the same, looking like it had been carved in stone by the Gods; his hair had grown longer, blond locks covering his face and now touching his shoulders. She couldn’t help but reach for his cheek, letting her fingers run through the marble skin of his face. He grabbed her fingers and kissed them.

Jasper Hale was everything she wanted and maybe something more. She looked at him and wondered. She wondered what the hell was wrong with her for not seeing what she had next to her.

Valerie had seen how Edward and Bella showed love and affection with each other – with small smiles, kisses, hugs, holding hands at school and just being… just being together. She wasn’t like that with Jasper, not at all. The moments they had shared together were important to her, memories that she would hold forever in her heart, but they would have been memories that you could share with your best friend too, not exclusively with your boyfriend. Maybe there was something wrong like her and she only saw him as her friend.

Yet she wanted to kiss him out of the blue sometimes, just for the heck of it, but she was too scared. Valerie wanted to be more intimate but something held her back.

Perhaps it was the Volturi; perhaps it was the thought of Aro wanting something from her, something that she didn’t quite know what, but that Edward knew and refused to tell her. Or perhaps it was James’s shadow, always lurking and getting himself ready for them to let their guard down so he could finish what he started two years ago.

‘Jazz?’ She hesitated, her voice lowering as the words rolled out from her mouth.

‘Yes, love?’ He hummed, not taking his eyes off the road and smiling. Her chest hurt. She loved him; she was sure of that. But why couldn’t she show him that?

‘Do you find me cold around you?’

Jasper raised his eyebrows. Her emotions were all over the place but he couldn’t quite read what was going on.

‘Cold?’ He inquired.

‘Do you-do you think I don’t love you because I don’t show love like Bella does to Edward?’

 _That_. That had been the question that had been haunting his sleepless rest for so long. Sometimes, in the middle of the night in the darkness of the forest, he wondered. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was good for her, if he was a good person; if he was good enough of a person to be next to her, to be deserving of her love.

And then he usually snapped out of it and rolled his eyes; sometimes he sounded like Edward when he had fallen heads over heels for Bella – talking about not deserving her love and being a disgrace to both vampire and human kind, almost crying in his room

Jasper smiled and grabbed her hand.

‘I think you have a lot of healing to do, and that’s what really matters.’

»»»

Elizabeth Addams had to admit that her daughter had a different glow on her. That was undeniable.

Jasper Hale did her good. Jasper was a good kid, with a good family and a good future ahead of him. From what she had seen, Jasper kept her daughter company for the most time, not allowing her to sulk in into her thoughts, not allowing her to feel anything less than love. Jasper Hale was important for Valerie Addams and that couldn’t be denied. Elizabeth owed him a lot. She was still spending way too much time at the hospital, way too much time working and not paying attention to her daughter. That was her fault, of course, but it hurt her to leave her patients unattended and Forks in need of help. Sometimes she wondered if she even was a good mother.

Elizabeth opened her daughter’s bedroom door. She was almost drowning in a sea of polaroid pictures and tape, looking at her phone probably looking for inspiration to decorate. One of the walls of her room was purple while the other one was still white – and oh, she was truly bothered that the wall was white.

‘Hey love, dinner’s ready. What are you doing?’

Valerie smiled; it was a true smile, truer than it had been in months; hell, it was wider and more beautiful than it had been in years!

‘Hey mom. I got these new polaroids, I’ve decided to put them up.’ Elizabeth approached her daughter as she started decorating her walls. Valerie had pictures with her grandparents, pictures with her mother and some pictures from her old life. Elizabeth grabbed one of the endless vacations with Mary. As Valerie looked behind, she smiled. ‘That was an amazing trip, wasn’t it?’

Elizabeth smiled, but she hesitated.

‘It really was, my love. Are you sure about putting these up?’

Valerie smiled sadly.

‘Yes, mom. I think it’s really important. I love those and… I’m healing, after all.’

Elizabeth kissed her daughter’s forehead and gave her the picture. She grabbed the next one in the pile.

Valerie was sitting on Jasper’s car – Elizabeth still wondered how such a young kid could have a car like that -, her legs intertwined with the boy’s waist and her hands on his chest, hugging him from behind as he laughed at the camera. They were clearly caught mid-laugh and Elizabeth couldn’t help but smile kindly at the picture. She surely had never seen her own daughter so happy, but Jasper Hale smiling like that was new to her too. She guessed that they really liked each other, really enjoyed each other’s company, and that was enough for her at that time.

‘I wanted to talk to you about college, sweetheart.’

Valerie kept hanging up the pictures.

‘What about college, mom? I still have the whole year ahead of me.’

‘That’s true, yes, but I think we should talk about it now.’ In reality, Elizabeth was just curious about Valerie’s options. Last time they talked, right before they moved to Forks, Valerie wanted to go to the other side of the world all by herself. Elizabeth wondered what her daughter would like right now.

‘I’ve talked to Jasper about it, too.’ Her daughter admitted, trying to get her unruly hair out of her face. ‘We were thinking about England. Edward and Bella are thinking of coming too, but we haven’t exactly talked about which colleges.’

Valerie wanted to laugh at that conversation – Edward and Jasper had been to college a bunch of times. They hadn’t really talked about it. Bella couldn’t go to college, of course, as she was about to become a vampire just like the Volturi wanted after the graduation. Valerie ached at that; she could relate to Bella so much because she was just like her, a breathing living being, but then one day she would be gone. She had talked to Jasper though, and he didn’t mind moving to England to start a new life and get another degree if he really had to. She liked the idea of having Jasper around her as she faced another challenge in her life.

‘Has Jasper decided his degree yet?’

‘English.’ Valerie answered. Jasper was tired of History and Philosophy.

‘That’s curious, I thought he would be more of a science guy.’ Valerie scoffed; _not at all, mom, not at all._ There were things in his life that not even science could explain. ‘I also wanted to tell you I talked to the head nurse at work. You can come by next Friday.’

Valerie had asked her mother to shadow a nurse for a day; she really felt like Nursing was her calling but she wanted to see someone on the job first and spend a shift on her shoes. She was grateful that her mother had found a way to make it possible.

Little did she know.

»»»

Little did she know.

Little did Amanda know that she was about to be punched into oblivion.

Thursdays were harder than the rest of the week days for Valerie. She usually spent her Thursday evening locked in the library with Jasper, trying to study and do homework. However, as Edward and Bella joined them and the boys decided they didn’t want to be quiet for a stupid number of hours, they sat down by the cafeteria where they could talk loudly. Valerie wasn’t expecting her other group of friends to join, though. Even though it was awkward and they didn’t talk a lot, Jessica and the rest of her friends sat with her, Bella and the guys, and they brought Amanda along.

Valerie tried not to react at Amanda sitting down next to Jasper, but it was really hard. She kept reading her notes over and over as Jasper played Candy Crush next to her, one of his arms wrapped around her chair. Edward must have read her mind because he chuckled.

_Not funny, Cullen. I want to choke her to death._

‘I think that’s illegal.’

Everyone stopped writing and reading and raised their eyebrows at Edward as he had talked out of nowhere. Bella sighed, probably knowing what was going on, and Valerie chuckled.

_Can you read her mind for me?_

‘That’s also illegal, sweetie.’

‘What the fuck, Cullen?’ Angela snapped, chuckling. ‘What the hell is illegal?’

‘Nothing, really. Sometimes I just can’t keep my thoughts to myself.’

Her group of friends – except Eric and Angela – were a little freaked out by Edward. Bella and Jasper shared a look of curiosity, but they didn’t say anything as Valerie kept rolling her eyes and Edward kept chuckling.

Fucking vampires.

Amanda didn’t try anything. That is, until they were leaving at 6pm and it started raining.

‘Oh, it’s raining.’ The girl said, biting her lip. She then looked straight at Jasper. Valerie raised her eyebrows as the girl started playing innocently with her fingers. ‘You live out of town, don’t you? I do, too. Could you give me a ride?’

‘No.’

Valerie was the one to answer; she didn’t want to sound insecure, she didn’t want to sound like a control freak but enough was enough and that was fucking enough.

‘What Valerie means, is that Jasper is not going straight home today.’ Edward interrupted her, sending her a glare. ‘I’m taking Bella to my house, we can give you a ride.’

Amanda’s face fell a little, but she thanked them for the ride. Jasper helped Valerie as she gathered her books but he didn’t say anything; he could probably feel that she was pissed and well, just because he was a vampire it didn’t mean he wasn’t scared of women.

Her group of friends said their goodbyes and then it was only her, Jasper, Edward, Bella and Amanda walking to the parking lot.

_Leave me alone with her, Edward._

Edward looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

_Please._

Edward Cullen sighed. Fucking humans.

‘It’s really pouring. You girls stay here, me and Bella are going to bring the car. Jasper, can you come along?’

Edward must have read Jasper’s mind saying that no, of course he wasn’t going to come along and leave Valerie there, but something in Edward’s eyes must have told him to come. He swallowed and looked at Valerie.

‘It won’t take me long, love.’

She nodded.

And finally, Valerie was alone with her. She didn’t lose any time.

‘You’re gonna stop that shit.’

Amanda raised an eyebrow. Valerie closed her hand around her own thigh, gripping it hard and exhaling in order to calm herself down. She didn’t want to make a scene, of course. It probably didn’t help that Amanda was looking at her in a very confused way, like she didn’t understand what was going on.

‘Excuse me?’

‘No, I don’t fucking excuse you.’ Valerie approached the girl; she noticed Amanda was taller than her, but she didn’t care. ‘You’re gonna stop making puppy eyes at Jasper, and you’re gonna stop it now.’

‘I’m not doing anything, Valerie.’ Amanda said, her sweet voice making Valerie grow even madder.

It still hurt in her chest that she had to make a scene and that she had to tear another woman down like that, but she already had enough shit to deal with. It was time to end things before it got worse – before it got personal.

‘Oh, yes you are.’ Valerie growled. Amanda didn’t take a step back, but she didn’t care. She was going to, she was going to make her. ‘Jasper and I, we’re together and we’ll be. There’s nothing you can do to change that.’ Amanda was still smiling. Valerie really wanted to wipe that smile, that _stupid_ smile out of her face, but if she were to throw the first punch they would probably lock her up in a mental institution again. ‘Did I make myself fucking clear?’

‘Crystal clear.’ Amanda replied, but Valerie knew damn well that it wasn’t over yet.

Suddenly, Edward had parked the car next to both girls. Valerie sent him a thankful look and she walked to Jasper’s car, that was currently behind Edward’s.

As she sat down, Jasper chuckled.

‘Look at you, for a second I thought you were going to slit her throat.’

‘Jesus.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I just know what’s she’s trying to do and I just warned her so she doesn’t make a fool of herself.’

Jasper scoffed. He had never been good with human drama – let alone with drama involving girls, human or not – but it wasn’t Amanda that had been bothering him.

‘I wanted to talk to you about Jessica, though.’

‘What’s going on?’ Valerie inquired, her eyebrows raised. Jasper sighed.

‘Jessica sometimes isn’t the best person on earth, sometimes she’s not who she says she is or she’s not really thinking what she’s saying. She can be… - he hesitated – rather _mean_ in her mind. That’s why she stopped being friends with Bella.’

‘Let me guess, Edward read her mind and told Bella all the petty shit that’s in her head?’

Jasper chuckled.

‘Yeah, something like that. I’m just trying to warn you.’

‘You’re trying to tell me she’s been thinking shady shit about me?’

Jasper’s lack of answer answered Valerie’s question.

Was anyone in Forks who they said they were?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello there, i hope you enjoyed this update!! i can't believe we're almost at the end of the era 1 of purple rain :((


	24. twenty four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | trigger warning |

‘Everything ready?’

Valerie smiled as she placed her school backpack in Jasper’s car, chuckling as she watched Bella literally trying to use her skills on Tetris to balance a bunch of bags inside the car. Emmett had been nice enough to get everything they needed from each house, including the three bags that Valerie had packed with clothes that, in Jasper’s opinion, would last for a month, even though they were only staying for three days. As Bella was getting settled into the car, praying that the bags wouldn’t fall, Valerie hugged Emmett. He lifted her up from the ground and whispered in her ear.

‘Heard you tried to drag someone’s face on the asphalt yesterday.’

Valerie let out a laugh.

‘Your brother is being dramatic. It wasn’t even asphalt, the floor was made of stone.’

Emmett laughed again and wished them a good trip, high fiving his brothers and sending Bella a kiss. Valerie sat down next to the girl in the backseat as Jasper drove and Edward rode shotgun; none of the girl’s music taste, in Edward’s opinion, was good enough to be riding shotgun.

Bella was talking about her trip with Edward last year. Apparently they went to visit her mother in Arizona and Valerie muttered a few things about Jasper and hers’. There wasn’t anything that she wanted to talk about other than the great time they spent in each other’s company, the swimming in the cold, deep waters and how cozy the cottage where they stayed looked.

Jasper sent her a smile from the rear mirror and their eyes locked together; Valerie’s mind wondered everytime they caught each other’s stares. What if he didn’t want to go to college with her? She had told her mother that they would go together, but was Jasper ready to leave his family for her? Was it fair that she asked him that?

Their car was surrounded by trees and the sounds of the forest as Jasper sped through the road; she didn’t know how fast he was going but both vampires were big fans of speed. Bella didn’t look bothered – maybe she had grown accustomed to it – so Valerie didn’t say anything until the car came to a stop.

‘Bathroom break?’ Bella inquired hopefully, making her boyfriend laugh. As Jasper turned the keys on the ignition and they left, Valerie decided she needed to grab some coffee. Yeah, she wouldn’t last a the trip without drinking coffee.

‘How are you handling with Bella in the back?’ Jasper asked, as his fingers laced with hers almost immediately as she left the car.

Valerie swallowed; his touch didn’t make her uncomfortable, _no_ , she was used to his touch and sometimes it was even painful to avoid his touch. They were mates, they were supposed to be glued by the hip.

Even though Valerie knew in her heart that she loved Jasper Hale, something didn’t sit quite right. She just didn’t know what.

»»»

As they walked through the woods, the trees stood tall in front of them; it was just like Forks, but Valerie enjoyed the change of scenario for a while. The atmosphere felt different in there; she felt like she was away from all her problems, all the drama that lived in Forks. The air felt fresher and cooler than it was in town as it caressed her skin and hair. As the boys carried the bags, Bella ended up finding the perfect spot to set up the two tents that they had brought with them. Valerie got out of one of her bags her purple-colored tent, setting it up between two trees while Jasper worked with burying the camping stakes on the ground so they could get everything settled for the night.

Edward was amazed at how fast Valerie had set up their tent.

‘It’s one of those that opens when you throw it in the air, you know?’ She inquired like it was a normal thing. But as Edward’s face grew even more confused, she knew it didn’t work. Bella’s laugh was heard from inside their mess of a tent.

Valerie stood there for a while, letting the breeze blew against her face, refreshing her like an ice cream on a sunny day. The rustling of leaves and the birds singing made her feel some type of way. She was no vampire and she surely didn’t have enhanced senses, but it was impossible not to feel weirdly connected to nature.

As Valerie and Bella set the things inside the tent, Jasper and Edward started gathering sticks for a campfire. It was getting rather dark since they only left Forks when classes ended, the sun had already set and the only thing providing light to the campfire were two camping lamps that Bella had found in Charlie’s spare room and three flashlights.

They shared jokes and laughs between each other as they set things ready to enjoy a night around the campfire. Valerie’s last camping session had been with Mary a few years ago and she missed it a lot, if she were to be honest. Valerie set up the chairs where the group was going to sit while Edward and Jasper were too busy trying to poke each other with the marshmallows’ sticks.

The stars were at full display that night; Valerie was wrapped in a blanket, Jasper with his arm around her as the light coming from the fire lit up his features.

‘I wonder if Jessica knows.’

Bella’s head shot up at the mention of her old friend; she had tried really hard to avoid Jess finding anything about the Cullens, but she had been nosy their whole friendship. It didn’t surprise her that Jessica pushed Valerie into talking.

‘I haven’t seen anything in her mind that could hint to that, but she’s always too busy being petty, so I usually tune her out.’

‘Jacob Black told me some things, you know.’ She mentioned as she played with the roasted marshmallow in her hand. ‘Legends. He sounded like he was sharing some private jokes with her.’

The Cullens shared a look so quick that Valerie almost didn’t catch it.

‘I’m sure that Jessica thinks they’re just legends. She has no reason to think otherwise.’

Valerie nodded her head – still not very sure about that – and Bella was up on her feet in a second.

‘I’m absolutely exhausted!’ She yawned, grabbing Edward’s hand. ‘We should be going. Sleep tight, Val! See you, Jazz!’

Valerie smiled at Bella and watched as the couple disappeared inside their tent. She noticed that Jasper was tense – more tense than he usually was around her, anyways, and the simple raise of her eyebrow made him start talking. He pulled her into his lap and Valerie hugged his neck with her arms, her head resting on his shoulder as he spoke.

‘It’s hard, you know.’ He whispered, even though Edward could hear them. ‘The Volturi already know that you and Bella know about us, but another human that isn’t connected in any way to us knowing about our existence? That would put our whole family at risk, and maybe we would have to leave Forks. Forever.’

Valerie nodded; the risks were obvious.

‘Do you think I should try to find something? You know, about Jacob and Jess?’

Jasper chuckled and he ran his hand through her hair, putting a piece of her hair behind her ear.

‘I’m sure the vampires got it covered.’

»»

Valerie awoke to the sun piercing through the purple’s fabric of her tent. She opened one eye slowly, and then the other.

And Jasper was playing Candy Crush with his left arm while his right arm was wrapping her waist. Valerie rolled her eyes and laughed, her head on Jasper’s chest. He was on level 1020, aiming for 1021 with no struggle at all. Valerie swung her leg around his waist and he kissed her forehead.

‘How did you sleep?’

Jasper’s presence while she slept was foreigner; she wasn’t used to sleeping next to someone in the middle of the woods, let alone that person being a vampire, but as she was wrapped in a few blankets with Jasper’s hand around her waist, she just let it go.

‘It was nice. How did _you_ sleep?’

Jasper let out a chuckle and his lips met hers in a tender kiss. Valerie grabbed more into him, her hair immediately reaching for his golden, soft locks. Jasper kissed her back with the same excitement, his tongue slipping to meet hers in a frenzy. As she was about to sit in Jasper’s lap, a voice coming from the outside startled her.

‘ _Ew,_ that’s fucking disgusting Jasper. Don’t even think about that, we’re right here! You’re all disgusting.’

Valerie raised an eyebrow at Jasper, wondering what the fuck he was thinking to make Edward react like that, but the vampire only growled and rolled his eyes, leaving a kiss on her lips again.

Valerie stepped out of her tent with the vampire following right behind her. Bella was already sitting down and having her breakfast – juice and dry ass waffles that they had packed in a rush the day before – and Valerie sat down next to her, hugging her.

‘You’re a real asshole, Edward Cullen.’

Edward rolled his eyes.

‘This is a family friendly trip!’

Bella muttered something under her breath like _“old fashioned little bitch”_ while Valerie covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing. She shared her blanket with Bella as the air around them was apparently growing colder and colder, the colder months of the year catching up to them. Before the girls noticed, Jasper and Edward disappeared to quickly appear one minute later, changed clothes and wet hair. Bella raised her eyebrows.

‘There’s a stream nearby.’

‘Of course there is. And no, I’m _not_ going. I might drown.’ Bella grumbled and Valerie ended up laughing; Bella almost drowning in a camping trip didn’t look that impossible.

‘What are we going to do today?’ Valerie asked both boys, drinking her juice as Jasper sat next to her and put her on his lap, balancing her thighs in one of his legs.

‘I think a hike would be pretty cool, we just have to make sure Bella doesn’t kill herself in the process.’ Jasper mocked. Edward tried to hide his smile from Bella who threw a water bottle at him. He caught it easily like it was nothing. ‘Then I think we could definitely check the stream without Bella drowning.’

Valerie nodded. It was a great plan. She was glad she had brought her camera with her, she wanted the memories she was sharing with these people to last forever. A weekend away from Forks was better than she could ever imagine it, it felt better than anything. It would probably be Bella and Edward’s last trip before the change and God knows how much they both needed it – and it would also be Valerie’s last trip before she went to college.

The girls got their backpacks ready, putting some food, water, flashlights, a first aid kit – god bless Bella – and two jackets inside. The bags were quite heavy and the boys ended up carrying them as they started walking towards the immensity of the woods surrounding them. As the sudden clarity hit her eyes, Valerie wanted to get her sunglasses but she knew they wouldn’t give her a full vision of all the beauty surrounding her, all the vibrant colors around her.

As they went deeper and deeper into the woods, all her senses turned on as she heard birds chirping and creatures running around living their lives around them, the squirrels dashing up the trees to probably feed their young; Valerie looked up seeing the sky vanishing between the trees; it didn’t look like it would start raining even though the sky was grey. Everything was so clear, the light was so strong as the sun was hiding between the clouds. Her heavy boots felt the damp soil beneath them, the sound of leaves cracking under her shoes. The girl inhaled and held the air in her lungs; it was different from Forks, not only because the forest was probably much more ancient and held a lot more of history but also because she got away – she got away from Forks and she couldn’t be happier.

‘Don’t fall, Bella.’ Edward muttered and Valerie realized Bella was as pleased and as entranced in the beauty of the forest as she was, her mind now set on another world. The trees grew thicker in the surface but their roots were starting to show, penetrating the surface of the floor. Edward was probably scared that Bella would fall on her face.

‘I thought that we could take this one.’ Jasper said next to her, as he pointed to a trail on the right. ‘It leads to the mountains. I think you’ll like the view.’

Edward held out his hand for Bella to take and they started following the pat that Jasper mentioned, Bella stopping from time to time to look at some flowers or creatures and snapping a picture or two.

‘Have you been here before?’ Valerie asked, as she looked instinctively for Jasper’s hand. He reached out to her and led her to the trail.

‘A few times, yeah, just hunting around, not camping though. What do you think?’

‘It’s beautiful.’ Valerie answered truthfully, smiling as they went up higher and higher on the trail. ‘What have you seen from the world?’

‘Well, I’ve seen most of the States, of course. Emmett and I took a little hunting trip around the country a few years ago, it was nice. I’ve been to Brazil and South Africa as well.’

‘What about Europe?’ She asked. ‘You know, the college thing that I talked to you about.’

Valerie wanted to go to college in England. She didn’t want to stay in the States and she had made that clear a ton of times – the Nursing programs were better in Europe and it had always been her dream to get away from the States. Jasper always thought that her opinion would change, that when it really came to it, she would like to stay in America.

It was dangerous to go to Europe because of the Volturi.

The Volturi wanted her and they wanted him; they had made that clear more times than Jasper was willing to admit. Going to Europe with her was possible, but not without risking himself and, most importantly, risking Valerie and his family. They would just make them another visit and he was scared that they would spill blood this time.

‘I think we can think about… - he hesitated, trying to read her emotions; it hurt him to notice that she had her mind set on Europe and that was final. She wasn’t giving up – we can think about compromising when the thing comes. We can talk about this sometime other, yeah?’

Valerie couldn’t help but show her disappointment; he was right, right now they had all the time in the world to themselves, away from worries and deception. It was ridiculous to be thinking about college at such times. She sent him a tight smile and kept on walking.

Bella sounded like she was about to have an asthma attack. Jasper laughed silently.

‘Piggyback?’ Edward finally asked and Bella nodded eagerly. Valerie raised her eyebrows.

‘You think you can beat me there?’ The vampire asked.

_Beat? There?_

Jasper rolled his eyes.

‘Maybe tomorrow, you showing off motherfucker.’

Edward let out a laugh that echoed through the trees and all he left behind was dust and the rustling of the leaves and trees. Valerie was suddenly very excited to try it.

‘Why don’t you do that to me?’ She had to admit that running on vampire speed up a hill on Jasper’s back seemed really exciting. He laughed.

‘I want us to be normal in the middle of this much insanity, Val.’ The crease between her eyebrows appeared instantly; he wanted _them_ to be normal? After everything they had been through, after what she had found out, after Edward literally sprinted the hill with Bella on his back like she weighted nothing? ‘But, if you really want to, I can do something cool.’

That sparked up some interest in her.

‘What is it?’

Jasper offered her a piggyback ride just like Edward did. As she jumped into his back, giggling like a school girl, Jasper approached a tree.

‘Hold on tight, my hands will be busy.’

‘Your hands will be busy with wha-’

Before Valerie could finish her question, before she could even take a breath, she felt like she was suddenly falling behind; she grabbed tighter onto Jasper, her legs locking around him, and she looked behind her shoulder.

Was he climbing a huge ass tree with her on his back?

The girl was at the loss of words – and honestly, scared shitless – so she hung on tight for a few more seconds as she felt branches and leaves scratching her skin.

A breeze hit her in the face suddenly; overwhelmed by everything and still a little dizzy from closing her eyes too hard, Valerie stumbled back, the vampire immediately grabbing her.

‘You wouldn’t want to fall right now, believe me.’ He chuckled in her ear.

She opened her eyes.

They were on the top of a tree. It felt more like the top of the world to her.

‘Jesus fuck,’ Valerie muttered, grabbing even tighter onto Jasper. ‘This is…’

‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ He questioned, his arms around her mid-section as he stood in a branch larger than them both. Delighted by the view – yet scared shitless of falling -, Valerie felt like she could touch the clouds, they were so close. She saw the stream nearby, its waters in a too clear blue shape, almost supernatural. The mountains cut the sky, their pointing tops piercing through the clouds. Everything down there was shallowed up by green.

The air buzzed around her. As she breathed the cold air that felt sharp in her lungs, Valerie took a moment to soak in what it felt like the best moment of her life.

It was majestic, breathtaking. It was nothing she had seen before, not with Mary, not with her mother; and she was sharing it with the man next to her.

She looked at Jasper.

‘How do you feel?’ He questioned.

‘Alive.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for enjoying this chapter with me! i would looove to hear your feedback! much love as always xx


	25. t w e n t y  f i v e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | trigger warning |

Valerie and Bella had _so_ much fun.

They had _so_ much fun that it was currently 7:30am and they were pulling up with Jasper and Edward to the school’s parking lot, their tents still lazily packed on the back of the car and the same clothes they wore on the day after. Both of their phones were drained, their batteries dead for almost an entire day. They were supposed to be back on the day before, but they decided that Forks would still be there one day later and they were on the road on the next morning, ready to attend school a few hours later. Both teens were riding on adrenaline and coffee, and also on their happiness of such a great weekend. As soon as Valerie stepped out of the car, people were whispering. The girl looked at Jasper, her eyebrows raised and trying to fix her hair.

‘Fuck, does my hair look that shitty?’

But Jasper wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was looking at Edward, his eyebrows raised.

Suddenly, Angela was hugging Valerie.

‘ _Leave_. Please. It’s not worth it.’ Her friend whispered in her ear, a tight embrace holding her by both her shoulders. ‘It’s okay. But please, just go.’

Valerie tried to detangle herself from Angela’s arms, tried to understand what was going on and why the fuck was everybody whispering when Jasper grabbed her by the elbow and started dragging her to the car without a word. His jaw was tight and his body was tense, even colder than usual.

‘Hey, let me go Jasper!’ She growled as she trashed around him but obviously not being able to escape his grip. ‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Val,’ Bella started, her voice sweet as honey. Valerie almost couldn’t hear her with all the whispering next to her coming from the other students, and coming from the voices in her head telling her to just leave. ‘It’s really not worth it. Just go with Jasper, I’ll handle this.’

But she didn’t want to leave – she had the right to know what was happening. ‘No!’ She tried to look at Jasper but his gaze was impenetrable, his fingers wrapped in her arm and his eyes lost on the crowd. ‘Jaz? What’s going on?! Can somebody please explain what’s going on?’

‘She deserves to know.’ Suddenly Jessica was next to her, her arm placed on her shoulder. She was looking at Jasper, though, and Valerie never thought the brunette would have the guts to stand up to him. ‘Valerie, why did you move to Forks?’

She raised her eyebrow.

‘What? Why? What are you talking about?’

‘Jessica…’ Jasper growled as a warning, but Jessica didn’t stop.

‘Why did you run away from Arizona, Valerie?’

Valerie swallowed.

‘Wh- What are you even talk about, I don’t know!’

‘Val, it’s not worth it.’ Mike sighed, and only then the girl realized he was there too. ‘We know. Everybody knows.’

‘Kn-knows what?’

Valerie _knew_. Deep down, she knew the answer to that question, but she still asked it. Angela was the one to break the news, doing so in a small, scared voice, holding both her hands against her chest.

‘Mary. The-the homicide. The mental hospital. I’m-I’m sorry.’

Valerie’s world stopped.

‘How?’

That was her only question.

Her answer took the shape of a girl leaning against Jasper’s car.

‘You…’ Valerie growled, as her hands started shaking. ‘You fucking bitch.’

‘No. Don’t do that.’ Jasper grabbed her by the elbow again. She had never felt so infuriated in her entire life. As she clenched her fists and dug her nails on her hands, she could feel her body irradiating madness as she saw the smirk on Amanda’s face; fuck the mental hospital, _fuck everything_ , she was going to end her right there and then. She was going to wipe that stupid smile of her face with her hands. As soon as she was ready to throw something in her head or simply attack her with her hands, she suddenly felt much at peace, like it was just a regular day and nothing had happened. _No, you don’t fucking fool me, Jasper Hale._

Valerie looked at the person she _loved_ the most, her eyes growing wider and wider as she saw his jaw tensing, his eyes focused on her. She growled.

‘Jasper Hale, you leave me the fuck alone right now.’ She gritted between her teeth. A wave of insanity washed through her again. Jasper let go of her arm and Valerie walked to Amanda, breathless with an anger she had never thought possible to find inside herself. Amanda was still smiling but it was growing smaller as Valerie approached and she realized nobody was actually going to hold her and stop her.

‘What the actual _fuck_ did you do?’ Valerie spat out, her hand colliding with Jasper’s car where she was currently leaning against. Amanda jumped a little at the sound and sudden movement, but she didn’t wipe the smirk of her face.

‘I didn’t do anything, honey.’ She replied venously, smiling at Bella after. ‘People at Arizona talk, and I thought that yours – _our_ – friends should know who they’re dealing with.’

Valerie swallowed. She realized that Jasper was behind her, like he would be there for her if she fell.

‘People at Arizona _what?’_ Valerie questioned again and hit Jasper’s car once more; she knew her hand would hurt at the end of the day but she couldn’t find a shit to give about that. ‘I’m going to fucking kill you, you fuckin-’

‘Ask Bella.’ Amanda interrupted her, the smile now growing widely as Bella’s face turned into a frown. ‘What do people say in Arizona about her, Bella?’

‘Don’t drag Bella into this.’ Edward muttered; Bella still talked as she blushed and fidgeted with her fingers. 

‘I-I’m sorry, Val.’ Her small voice said, avoiding to look her friend in the eyes. ‘People talked about that… a lot.’ She swallowed. ‘It kinda is… an urban horror legend.’

Valerie wondered, for a second, if she wasn’t in a horror movie.

She was just starting to grieve. She was just starting her new life, in a new city with new friends, and everything had been turned upside down from someone that she received so well in the small city, trying to make her feel at home, from someone that she knew she shouldn’t have trusted, but that she did. And that bit her in the ass, just like everything did in the end.

Valerie was shaking and she realized Jasper was, as well. He was shaking because he was mad – he was mad that people actually spent their time gossiping and ruining his lover’s life, ruining her grieve. She had left her life behind. But it wouldn’t let her – it kept running after her, nonstop. To calm himself down as her emotions were drowning him, he manipulated Val’s emotions. She was so shocked she didn’t even have a reaction.

‘Don’t you have anything to say in your defense, Valerie?’ Jessica snickered, and suddenly Valerie was mad again. She was growing madder than it was safe for her and Jasper could feel that as he gripped into her arm, his fingers probably leaving a mark on her skin. ‘I’m your best friend, I’ve always been by your side, I’ve always put our relationship firs-’

Before Jessica could finish her rant and before one of the Cullen’s could react, Bella Swan took a step forward and punched Jessica right in the jaw, making the girl stumble right into Mike’s arms.

The world stopped; everything was silent for a second, everyone was staring at each other like God had descended to the world. Bella Swan _actually_ punched Jessica Stanley in the jaw. Jessica was holding her damaged body part, mouth wide open and eyes wide; Valerie thought that she really looked like a fish.

‘You fucking bitch!’ Jessica shrieked, running in Bella’s direction so she could punch her or probably grab her hair. Edward moved forward before she could do anything, but Valerie could see from the corner of her eye that Amanda had started to run in Bella’s direction too.

‘You _fucking_ try me, bitch.’ Valerie muttered in her ear, grabbing her arm and then her hair, the girl almost falling on her back as her whole body bent backwards. The whole school was watching the incident and Edward looked at Jasper with a glaring look; they had to get out of there before the Principal came before they had any problems, they were already dragging enough attention. Valerie looked right into Amanda’s eyes and pulled her hair a little more. ‘If you ever, _ever_ try to fucking touch me or mess with my life again, you better know that I’m going to be part of another homicide.’

Seconds later, she was sitting on the backseat of Edward’s car, her seatbelt on. Edward jumped to the driver’s seat, Jasper riding shotgun and grunting at the sea of students gathered around the scene so Edward could reverse the car and leave.

Bella was sitting right next to her, her hair everywhere, her hands shaking and her face paler than she had ever seen it.

Valerie realized that were in the little things, like maybe punching a girl for you, that best friends could be found.

»»»

Jasper’s room was still dark, empty and impersonal – it didn’t smell or looked like Jasper, no, not at all. He probably didn’t even spend any time there.

The only light Jasper allowed inside his room was the one that was currently touching the cactus Valerie had given him on Christmas; the little plant was happily laying on a nightstand, right next to the window. Valerie smiled at how well kept it looked.

Jasper was sitting on his bed, his eyes glued on his mate as the girl looked through the window, staring at the forest outside and thinking about what had just happened.

He wondered if it would be always like this. If the world where they lived would always be filled with sorrow, pain, deception. Everytime she started to trust him more, everytime she started getting better, something would happen and all their hardwork was reduced to nothing.

‘How are you feeling?’ He asked; even though her face was covered by some light coming from outside, he couldn’t _see_ her very well – he couldn’t see very well through her, anyways, and that was something that scared him.

‘I wasn’t expecting it.’ She admitted, sighing and walking towards him. She grabbed his hand, which he accepted eagerly, and interlocked their fingers. She stepped between his legs, his right hand resting on her hip. ‘It just makes me think that this isn’t the place for me, you know? My past still follows me and I’m scared that it always will. I have to leave the United States.’

_I have to leave._

_I have to go to Europe._

That was everything Jasper was understanding from her words – she was going to Europe whether he wanted it or not, whether he would go with her or not.

Because that was who she was.

He pulled her against him, Valerie letting a small groan as she collided with his chest. His hands slid through her hair – the hair he would miss so much once she was gone, that he would never have the opportunity to feel against his fingers ever again, the mess of curls he would not touch while she spent her time studying in Europe.

In a heartbeat, his tongue was suddenly in her mouth, attacking her and stealing her ability to breathe. For a while, Valerie didn’t care that her lungs begged her for some hair, that her chest ached as her lungs couldn’t continue to perform their vital functions; she didn’t care that she was getting light headed, that her ribs were bruising from his grasp – Jared grabbed her body like she was slowly sliding between his fingers, never to be found again, disappearing to Europe and never looking back again.

As Valerie kissed his neck, Europe didn’t matter anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to publish the next (and last!!!) chapter until thursday! thank you sooo much for reading!


	26. twenty five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | trigger warning |
> 
> READ THE END NOTES PLEASE!  
> Also,  
> I'm sorry.

‘God, I can’t believe I’m about to do this.’

‘You are, and you’re going to be amazing!’ Jasper’s fingers caressed her face as she grabbed his hand and pressed it closer to his face, feeling it cold as usual yet so comforting and gentle. ‘You’re going to love it and you’re going to wish you were a nurse already.’

‘Yes, yes, you’re right, I’m going to be fine.’ She nervously replied, staring at the hospital waiting for her. It had never looked so huge. ‘You’ll be here when the shift is over?’

’11:30pm, right? I got it. I’ll be here.’

Valerie nodded her head; she was only working an eight-hour shift but that didn’t stop her from being nervous – hell, she was shaking from head to toe. Her mother was well-known in the hospital and the nurse was her friend but that didn’t stop her from being absolutely terrified of fucking up, of making a fool of herself or even worse, finding out that being a nurse wasn’t for her.

After a few words from Jasper and a kiss of good luck, Valerie entered the building.

A few minutes later she was already her scrubs and found out that the nurse she would be shadowing for the day was Mrs. Turner and that Mrs. Turned was absolutely amazing. She was the head nurse of the unit and she was hilarious as she explained everything to her like she was a colleague and not just a student with high hopes and no knowledge.

‘First things first, we receive report from the other nurses in this room. We only have four nurses in the afternoons so we get seven patients each, it’s a big unit. As you’re receiving report you write everything you need to know, everything that’s important about the patient, about his current health state and everything you need to do on the shift. I always like to go and check each one of my patients before we start with the medication, but it really depends on the day and the shift.’

Valerie was really happy as she followed Mrs. Turner everywhere; she explained everything to the girl like she was a nurse in training and she was delighted to meet the patients they had in their hands, every single one of them needing their help.

The afternoon flew pretty quickly. At 9:30pm they had time to have dinner and she spent some time talking to Mrs. Turner about colleges in England; the woman had studied there, after all. It was a nice talk and she was able to get to know a little more about the different Nursing programs. She had grown even more excited at her description of Europe; she couldn’t wait to tell Jasper everything and get him to leave with her.

‘Okay, I’m going to grab some coffee, alright sweetheart? Would you like some?’ Valerie nodded her head, thankful at her question; she really needed some coffee. ‘Alright, I’m going to get us some outside. All our patients are stable and if you need anything the other nurses can help you. Start writing down what we should report to the next nurses.’

Valerie nodded her head, taking the notebook out of her scrubs and her blue pen. The unit was strangely silent, her being the one in the Nursing station. One nurse and one CNA had gone with Mrs. Turner to get some coffee while the other ones were still having dinner. It had been such a _quiet_ afternoon and evening.

A dim, red light startled her and she stopped writing. One of her patients – bed 4, room 2 – needed something, as she had just hit the call light. She decided to get up to see what she needed, already thinking of bringing a nurse in if it was something health related and not just the need of a glass of water, for instance. As she walked to the room, she checked her report sheet – the patient was a female, 78 years old: Mrs. Cameron.

‘Mrs. Cameron, what can I help you wit-’

_Darkness._

_She was gone._

»»

When she woke up, the pressure on her throat almost made her pass out again; as the pain hit her, she wished she had. Her first instinct was to survive and get oxygen to her brain so her hands wandered immediately to _whatever_ was grabbing her in order to ease the pressure in her throat.

As she felt a dead cold hand on her throat and a white arm around his waist securing her and almost breaking her in half, she knew she was going to die; _he_ had finally found her and there was no way Jasper or anyone else would come to save her. Her vision was dizzy as she realized she was in a room. A room she had never been to.

Angela was asleep on her bed, blankets covering her and a book still in one of her hands; she probably fell asleep while reading it. As Valerie looked around, panicking and not understanding what the fuck was going on, _he_ whispered in his ear.

‘I really, _really_ want to kill you, but wouldn’t it be more fun to kill one of your friends instead and make you watch?’ Valerie’s guts clenched in disgusting as she tried to talk, to _beg_ for help, but his grip on her throat against her vocal cords made it impossible. She tried to move against his grip, she tried to kick him, but his grip only tightened against her. ‘Who dies today?’

Valerie stopped fighting and trashing around; he had already killed one of her friends, she wouldn’t let him kill anyone else. If she were to die, that would be okay – that would be okay because she knew Jasper would hunt him to the end of the earth if he had to just to avenge her death. So she stopped fighting. She stopped doing everything altogether, surrendering.

She was gone again.

»»

Valerie woke up with a headache and a sharp pain on her back. She realized she was on the ground – what ground though? _Where?_ Her throat burned as she took gasps of air and swallowed, feeling it dry and tasting like cardboard and blood.

He was sitting on a chair. Only then she saw the racks of clothing, the dispensers full of shoes and mannequins hanging around. She was in Port Angeles.

‘I was hoping you would recognize the place.’ James had a big grin on his face, one his legs swinging around and a grin plastered on his face. Valerie looked around: she did. She had been there with Jessica a long time ago, shopping for skirts and jackets. She failed to understand why such place would be important to James. ‘The first time I caught your scent you were here, with your friend, just doing girls stuff…’ He smirked again. ‘Totally unprotected… Does your boyfriend let you do that?’

Valerie’s head was hurting and her throat still tasted like iron on her mouth, but her rage was growing at an extreme speed. _This_ was the man that killed her best friend; the man that tried to kill her, the man that ruined her life and her existence.

Valerie Addams was sure she was going to die. She was sure she was going to die in the hands of James, but it couldn’t end just like this, _no._ She needed answers.

‘Are you here to finish your job?’ She questioned as her voice shook and came weaker as she intended, her vocal cords still recovering. Valerie suddenly realized all the lights were off in the store and that everything outside was dark – no one would see her, no one would hear her.

Valerie tried to kneel, to get up.

‘You know that it’s the hunt that excites me, doll.’ The vampire answered looking her up and down. She couldn’t help but feel powerless, scared even, as she looked into his red eyes. That was when she realized that maybe she was scared to die – maybe she now had something to lose. ‘When I saw you in this store for the first time… _I had to._ I just had to taste.’ He was now slowly getting up and walking in her direction; Valerie still had a lot to say, a lot to ask. She started backing away, her feet and her elbows helping her on her escape. James was quick to stop her as he grabbed her by the arm violently, twisting her wrist. Valerie bit her lip; she wouldn’t scream. She wouldn’t give him that. ‘But then your stupid boyfriend just had to kill my fun, didn’t he?’

His grip tightened on her wrist, stronger than she had ever felt – bone crushing, almost.

‘Why did you fucking kill my best friend?’ She spat out, her hands shaking as he stopped grabbing her wrist and started looking at her legs. The question was sent flying in his direction, and for the first time, Valerie realized she had caught the vampire off guard.

‘What are you talking about, sweetie? Are you jealous?’

‘You killed my best friend, you asshole!’ She screamed, and rage finally engulfed her whole. She got up and punched him in the face.

James’s face didn’t move an inch. Valerie’s knuckles were bloody, the skin rupturing due to the force of throwing a punch – a weak punch against a _wall_. Valerie looked horrified at what she had done: blood. _She was bleeding._

The girl only had time to cover her knuckles before James sent her flying with a flick of his hand.

Her head and the store’s counter met, as she finally let out a scream as the object pierced through her scalp. Her purple locks were strained in red.

Blood.

_Blood everywhere._

‘What best friend, lovebird? I didn’t touch that your shopping partner, if that’s what you’re asking.’

Valerie growled; she was getting light-headed and James’ eyes were growing wider and wider at the scent of her blood. She just needed to fight a little more – he liked the fight, he liked to play with his food. If she kept on fighting and struggling maybe he would hold on a little longer without draining her and she could get some answers.

‘You killed my best friend almost 4 years ago in an alley, in Arizona. Don’t tell me you don’t fucking remember it.’ She spat out angrily, her hands putting pressure on her wounds. Valerie stopped trying to look for a way out – there was no way out. She just had to accept it.

James seemed to think for a while.

‘Baby girl, I’ve only been in the States for a year and I’ve stayed in Port Angeles.’ He shrugged his shoulders and he crouched down next to her, his face too close from the blood pouring from her. ‘4 years ago I was in my honeymoon with Victoria in Russia. And now, I don’t remember every single teenage girl I kill, but I didn’t kill anyone in Arizona, sweetheart.’ His fingers trailed their way to her knuckles, pressuring her wound and making blood gush out. His hands were now covered in her blood. ‘Speaking of Victoria… didn’t your mate kill her in front of me?’ James’s words were nothing to her. He was lying, of course he was lying. He had killed Mary, and not even on her death-bead he was willing to admit so. ‘I think it’s only fair that I kill you in front of him too, hun? Where is he, lovebird? He isn’t here to help you because he doesn’t know you’re here. And now that they don’t have the fortune teller with them, they’ll never know that I have you.’

Valerie didn’t care that she was dying – the only thing that she cared about what that James hadn’t been the one to do it. Why would he lie to her? Exactly, he wouldn’t. He would only brag about kill her to make Valerie suffer anymore.

She couldn’t die. She couldn’t die because she hadn’t found who had killed Mary, and she needed to find who did so. She couldn’t die without avenging her best friend.

Valerie smiled wickedly through the pain and the suffering, _and the disgusting smell of blood._

‘I guess you’ll have to keep me alive, then.’ Valerie spat out, writhing in pain and gritting her teeth. ‘If you really want to make him mad and kill me in front of him, you have to control yourself.’

‘Oh, I will keep you alive.’ He smiled wickedly, grabbing a piece of her hair and yanking it right where it was pierced and pouring blood; Valerie gritted her teeth. She wouldn’t scream, not anymore, she wouldn’t show him that it hurt. ‘He’s a little slow, so I’ve noticed, so we’ll have to wait a while. Tell me something, sweetheart. _How_?’

Valerie tried to get up, but he wouldn’t let her. His face was too damn near her, too damn close to contact, too damn _close_ to his red eyes. He yanked her hair again looking for an answer. She just hoped she wouldn’t faint.

‘How what?’

‘How does he bite you if you don’t have any bite marks?’

‘Looking for a little human to be your blood bag, James?’ She replied through her gritted teeth as her headache pounded her entire body. She bit her tongue and James’ laughed boomed through the shop.

‘Maybe I have a position open. Would you like that?’

He was fucking disgusting and his face was too close.

She spat on him.

She received a punch in the nose back and he let go of her hair, sitting on the chair next to her before she could even yell in pain. Her head hit the ground again and she screamed in agony, grabbing the back of her head while she tried to stop the gushes of blood coming out of her now crooked nose. Fuck, had he really broken her nose? She didn’t have money for a nosejob. Fuck him. Fuck the Cullen’s. Jasper better pay for a nosejob with his money.

Trauma truly made her funny.

As blood dripped to the floor and stained her white clothes, her purple hair and the marble ground, she realized the smell was also growing terribly strong. James was already fidgeting on his chair; she didn’t have much time.

‘How do you feel about belts, sweetheart?’

She smiled through the terror. The blood from her nose was dripping to her mouth as she talked.

‘Don’t tell me that you want to punish me with a belt? Didn’t see you for that type of fella.’

James smiled again. She was terrified.

‘You’ll see. Anyways, since we’re in a clothing store and you’re wearing that horrible thing, I thought a belt would make the outfit a little better. Which one do you like the most?’

‘Didn’t know you were into kinky asphyxiation, you crazy freak. They had that in your times?’

He didn’t answer. She wondered for how longer she could push his buttons until he snapped or until Jasper and his family decided to arrive.

He had two belts in his hand – a black one and a brown one, both made out of leather.

‘Which one is it going to be, baby?’

She smiled, her teeth stained with blood.

‘I really think the leather’s business is a little bit cruel to the animals, don’t you think?’

He snapped.

Two belts were suddenly wrapped around her neck.

The only thing she knew as she gasped for hair, her blood flooding everywhere mixing with her tears, was that depriving the body of oxygen was going to kill her slowly.

She passed out sooner than she expected, just to find herself awake once again, a few years before, reviving her nightmare, over and over.

_‘We did, sis.’ Mary replied. ‘That’s why I love you!’_

_And then Mary was snatched away from her in a second; she was snatched away before Valerie could reply that she loved her back._

_Valerie let out a yell which clearly wouldn’t be heard by anyone inside the party as the music was so damn loud; her head was dizzy and she let out a pained scream as she felt her shoulder snap. Her knees hit the cement and she scrapped them, deep._

_Valerie looked everywhere franticly looking for her best friend, looking for a sight of her. Drunks never really think straight and her brain really wasn’t thinking that she had been pushed; she just thought she fell._

_That is, until she saw her best friend looking right at her with her bright, doe-like eyes, terrified out of her mind and frozen in spot. Only when her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the alley contrasting with the party lights, she was capable of seeing that someone was holding down her best friend. They had her in a chokehold and they were hiding in the shadows, all dressed in black and their face covered._

_All she saw was blond hair and red eyes._

_Before she could scream, before she could stop him and get to her best friend, she heard a popping sound._

_Shortly after that, blood was mixing with rain._

_The guy was hunched on her best friend’s body; the gurgling sound in the alley was louder than the music inside._

_Red eyes met brown eyes._

_And suddenly, the alley was painted in red. The blood flooded through Mary’s neck._

_Her head was detached from her body, her eyes rolled over and her mouth wide open._

_Valerie was screaming. She could her herself screaming non-stop, the music hurting her ears as she screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and she tried to run to Mary just to fall on her knees again, her knees scrapped._

_He was still there – whoever he was, he wasn’t leaving. He was there, his head low and his face covered with a black hood._

_‘What the fuck did you do?!’ She yelled, her voice croaking and her hands stained with blood from her best friend. Her tears were mixing with the rain. ‘Who are you?! Why?!’_

_As a blond lock escaped from his hoodie, she fainted._

Valerie knew she was awake because she felt the point of a needle scratching her skin and then suddenly piercing it.

‘Take Emmett outside and give me the blood bag! Just leave, Jasper!’

Valerie was awake.

She was awake and she was still in her scrubs. Still soaked in her own blood, blood still running from her head, from her hands.

The blood wasn’t the problem at the moment.

‘Valerie?’ She couldn’t see anything but she could hear Carlisle’s voice. She focused on his face and he was slowly yet surely appearing in front of her. ‘Open your eyes. I need to check for damage.’

She opened her eyes and she knew that Carlisle had sensed something in her; that she was different, that she wasn’t herself. Carlisle was relieved as he did find that she had no brain damage – he couldn’t know it for sure without a proper exam, but from his physical examination it didn’t look like it. They had time to stabilize her and get her to the hospital.

‘Where are we?’ She asked, her voice crooked as she tried to get up.

‘Be still, sweetheart.’ He asked her as he pushed her back again, his hand in the back of her head, supporting her, as he lay her down again. ‘We have a blood transfusion going and then we have to get you to the hospital. We’ll find something to tell your mother but I need you to stay calm. Can you do that for me?’

She nodded.

‘Can I talk to Jasper?’

At the mention of his name, Jasper flew right next to her.

But she wasn’t her and he knew that as he grabbed her opposite hand.

‘I’m right here, love.’

‘Where were you three years ago, on September the 20th?’

Jasper stopped breathing.

He hadn’t always been good, he knew that. He was new to the vegetarian diet and it was obvious that he hadn’t always agreed with it, being hard to control himself for such long periods of time. It was just adding more suffering to their already doomed existence. It didn’t help that he was always overwhelmed by everyone’s thirst, their needs crawling onto his skin and digging deep under it.

He hadn’t expected for her to find out so soon.

He knew. Jasper knew what he had done and it hit him when they started being closer. _As golden met brown, pain: I’ve met you before._

His father was working silently on her wounds, trying to patch her up the best he could in the position they were in. His posture was calm yet tense – Carlisle knew something was going on, he just didn’t know exactly _what_.

Jasper wasn’t feeling guilty; as he kneeled next to her body, he wasn’t feeling anything.

‘No answer?’ She chuckled darkly, her eyes wet with tears probably due to the pain and due to her discovery. ‘Let’s try something else then. What did you do to Tyler?’

_Tyler._

His body tensed at the mention of the boy’s name. He had done what he had to do to protect her, to protect everyone from that dangerous maniac. Maybe he had gotten some pleasure out of it, anyway; he always liked torturing people, taking information out of them, being useful. At the mention of the boy, Carlisle looked up at him.

He knew that look. He wasn’t mad at him, but he was disappointed.

‘Tyler got what he deserved.’ He choked out, his voice stupidly stuck on his throat. He was clearly guilty and he was showing it.’

‘What did he deserve, Jasper?’

Her voice was calm. He was surprised that she was dwelling into Tyler’s subject for so long; he had done _so_ , so much worse.

But he couldn’t read her. Not anymore.

‘He almost hit you with a van once.’ Jasper replied bitterly between his teeth. ‘And he almost assaulted you.’

Valerie chuckled; she chuckled darkly, a chuckle that he hadn’t expected to come out of her throat.

‘Tyler was right, you’re a monster. You bit him.’

_She thought he was a monster._

Carlisle stopped patching her up. He was frozen – he had heard what the girl said and he clearly wasn’t expecting it. He had to be away for a long, long time and put his thoughts away, almost cleaning his head and his murderous feelings so Edward wouldn’t have the opportunity to read what he had done.

‘I didn’t turn him, Valerie.’ He stoically replied. ‘I did it out of revenge; I did it out of revenge for you.’

Valerie chuckled again.

‘Are you sure you did it out of revenge? Or you did it because you’re missing human blood?’ Jasper didn’t reply. He didn’t like to admit that he indeed missed human blood – that he missed the strength it gave him, the euphoria running through his body everytime he tasted just a drop of that sweet substance – fuck, he missed it so much. She was right. Valerie’s eyes were dark in contrast with her pale face, and she looked at him, eyebrows raised and voice low. ‘That’s what you’ve been missing for a while, isn’t it? You escaped. You left Forks a few years ago, you went to Arizona while you were on a killing spree and you did it.’ She paused. ‘What did you do, Jasper?’

The words left his lips as the time stopped.

‘I killed your best friend.’ Valerie smiled sadly; he couldn’t read her. He couldn’t fucking read her and he was so worried about that, and he was so ashamed of what his father must be thinking of him as he could _feel_ sadness radiating from him in Jasper’s direction. It was all too fucking much for him. ‘I’m sorry, Val. I mean it. I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t know.’

Valerie smiled again, reaching to his hand. He grasped hers, grabbing her hard, probably hurting her even more, probably _begging her_ to stay with him, so she wouldn’t leave her mate, so she wouldn’t leave and leave him living his existence in sorrow and guilt and-

‘I love you, Jasper.’ Valerie said, her eyes wide and a sweet smile on her face. She sighed. ‘But I can’t forgive you.’

After that, Valerie Addams never saw Jasper Hale again.

That is,

_Until…_

**3 months later, Forks.**

Valerie was hit in the head.

‘Hey, bitch. I’m talking to you!’

Valerie took her headphones off and gave up on her Biology homework. She just couldn’t get anything done in peace, could she? She rolled her eyes and looked at her friend.

Her house was a mess, she couldn’t deny that, but her mother had to be pick more shifts at the hospital because they had a fucking electricity problem and they needed to repair the whole thing – so she wasn’t really home a lot anymore, even more than usual, and Valerie didn’t have much time to get everything cleaned up. A very mad Angela had currently stopped making them both a sandwich, as she had tried to get her friend’s attention for so long.

‘Yes?’

Angela’s yelling turned into a whisper.

‘Why in the hell is there a man dressed up like Dracula on your porch?’

Valerie shot up from the sofa.

Her legs almost stopped working; her legs almost crumbled and she almost wanted to cry – yet she laughed. She laughed because she could never get any peace, could she?

‘Aro.’

‘Aro?’ Angela repeated like a mad woman.

Valerie jogged to her front door.

Fuck. _Aro._

‘My beloved, sweet Valerie…’ The man whispered sweetly, as he opened his arms to embrace her, his cape scrapping on the ground and opening with his movement. Like she would ever touch _that_. ‘We meet again.’

‘Who’s this, Val?’

The girl swallowed the lump on her throat. She hadn’t seen him for such a long time. Valerie couldn’t say that she had forgotten about him, but she almost had. She almost had forgotten about him, about his world, about the stupid liking he had taken on her, the liking that got Edward _so_ worried before they left that he _had_ to leave her a letter, and-

‘Angela, please.’ Valerie whispered. ‘Leave. Please. I’ll talk to you later.’

Angela didn’t ask any questions; she had dealt with Bella and her moods and the fucking weird things that happened around her, for fuck’s sake, so she wasn’t really ready to deal with Valerie’s bullshit without freaking out. She left by the backdoor and as soon as Valerie heard the door, she snapped.

‘What are you doing here? Why are you alone? What do you think you’re doing, showing up at my doorstep like that?! I have neighbors, you know? Do you even know what’s a neighbor?’

Valerie Addams knew damn well that a vampire so ancient and important like Aro wouldn’t let her talk to him like that if he didn’t need her for something, if he didn’t have a _little_ interest in her and in what happened that day at the baseball field, something that she hadn’t quite catch up on. Aro had seen something in her that the Cullen’s refused to tell her, but that Edward had tried to explain to her.

‘Dear god, sweetie.’ Aro said, rolling his red eyes. She shivered. ‘I’ve always found Carlisle a little smarter about creating his new vampires. Were you raised in a barn?’

Valerie rolled her eyes. ‘First of all, I’m not a creation of his. Second of all, they left months ago and I haven’t talk to them.’ She held her hand in his direction, inviting him to _look_. ‘You can check.’

‘Oh, I know, I don’t have to check. However, I would like to know why they left.’

‘Are you here to kill me?’

‘No. I’m here to kill your mother and your best friend.’

She swallowed the lump on her throat.

‘Please don’t.’

‘Don’t? Oh, sweet little human…’ He caressed her face and Valerie closed her eyes in repulse. His touch was ice cold and his hands were hard, a touch nothing but harsh. ‘Please doesn’t work with me. However, there’s something that might make me stop from killing them…’

She could never run away from it. The vampires would always trace her path, whether she wanted it or not.

‘I would do anything.’

Aro smiled wickedly and he was suddenly holding his hand out to her, expecting her to grab it.

‘ _Anything_? Care to accompany me to Italy?’

Valerie swallowed.

She grabbed his hand.

**END OF ERA ONE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been a hell of a journey that has come to an end! it was a pleasure writing to you guys, thank you so so much for your important feedback and for always sending some love to this story :)   
> this was the end of the era one of purple rain.   
> let's wait for era two, shall we?


	27. twenty seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's baack, back again!!

**PURPLE RAIN | ERA 2**

Up until this day, Valerie Addams thought that the worst day of her life was the day her best friend died. _Now_ she knew that the worst day of her life was saying goodbye to Forks.

‘I love you too, mom.’ Elizabeth embraced her daughter, tears threatening to spill from her eyes and her arms begging for her not to let go of her baby daughter. The surgeon tried to keep her emotions inside for the sake of her daughter, trying to not get emotional and be happy for her baby, but it was hard letting go of a child. It was even worse when your mother instinct was telling you that _something_ wasn’t quite right.

‘You could stay, honey. You could stay for two more months. Stay for graduation, stay for-’

Valerie smiled sadly.

‘I’ve graduated, mom. And I have a place in England, I want to start my life as soon as I can.’

The lies burnt her throat, but she hid the hurting of lying underneath the hurting of leaving; leaving because she had no other choice. If her mother wanted to live, then she would have to live with the sadness of her daughter leaving her forever. It was better to live without her than to not live at all. 

‘I’ll miss you, you know.’ Angela whined, her arms enveloping her best friend in a tight hug. The girl had secretly hoped that Valerie would stay, that they would walk to get their High School diplomas together and that they would go to a big party after, getting themselves drunk until they couldn’t talk; Angela dreamed about going to the same college in the States as Valerie so she could get away from Jessica’s toxicity and start over with someone that appreciated her as a friend, that appreciated her kindness and that shared the same with her. But it was impossible: Valerie Addams wanted to go to Europe and that was where she would go.

They dropped her off by the airport entrance, right in front of the parking lot. She told them that she would feel better this way, that it would hurt less to leave them behind and just go, to just walk her way to her airport gate on her own.

That wasn’t the main reason.

Finally alone, Valerie grabbed her tickets. Italy waited for her.

England would never become real.

»»

The last time she had been on an airplane had been with Jasper.

Valerie swallowed the memory; Jasper was dead to her. Jasper wasn’t part of her life anymore, and if she could, she would love to erase every single memory of his existence from her brain. So no, the last time she had been on an airplane hadn’t been with Jasper Hale – it had been with her mother when she was going to Forks to start all over. The only thing she started all over in Forks was a new cycle of insanity.

Valerie could try to forget about Jasper, but she would never forget Aro’s words.

_‘I’m sure you could graduate early, with a little bloody hand.’ Her world shook. Once again, vampires were deciding everything for her: her faith, her dreams, her entire life. She had no other choice but to go with Aro, even though she had no idea what he wanted. He wasn’t going to kill her, no, she was sure of that. He wanted her for something. Maybe he was expecting her to give him information about the Cullen’s – information she didn’t have. Valerie had come to the realization that she didn’t know anything about the family; after all, Jasper had lied to her for so long that she couldn’t decide what was true and what wasn’t anymore. Aro looked pleased, like he could hear her inner monologue. ‘I’m sure you would want to do it the human way, go to college, do whatever you humans do, but I also know you wanted to go to Europe.’_

_‘Not to live with you, that’s for sure.’ It was her answer. Aro looked pleased once again._

_‘We appreciate people with a brain, people with the desire of being better, to know better. All types of Art are important, but the Arts of the Mind are the ones which appeal to me the most. I’m sure you can agree with me. Our library and our knowledge would be at your full mercy and desire.’_

_Valerie couldn’t agree with anything. She didn’t want to go to Volterra to live with a Vampire Coven that was dangerous, that had no respect for human life and that had antagonized the Cullen’s for so long. After all, the Cullen’s weren’t to blame for Jasper’s behavior and she still had a soft spot for them._

_‘What if I want to leave?’ She swallowed. ‘Can I leave?’_

_Aro smiled wickedly._

_‘Does that matter, dear? Do you have much of a choice?’ It was his sweet reply, his cold hand reaching towards her cheek._

_She didn’t let him touch her. She shed a tear instead._

The memories were now only memories. After what happened with Jasper, the Cullen’s had moved, Bella going with them and Charlie agreeing God knows how. But Valerie couldn’t stand being in Forks anymore, as Forks had turned into Phoenix – her personal hell on earth where everyone looked at her when she walked by, where everyone whispered behind her back about what happened in her past.

So Valerie had no other chance than to leave her mother and Angela, to fly right into Aro’s arms.

Valerie found Volterra to be just like Carlisle and Jasper described; full of smiling, innocent people who talked in a language she didn’t understand, that walked those streets with their kids on their hands and shopped on small shops built in the archways of ancient buildings. Volterra was full of small houses full of flowers, music and children playing and talking, woman working on their gardens and men chatting about their cars. Volterra was too different from Forks.

It looked almost too normal to be true.

As the taxi driver left her next to a beautiful fountain with her two huge bags and two backpacks, she wanted to sit down next to the laughing children playing with the water. She wanted to sit down for a while as she let the sun soak in her skin and pretend that her life wasn’t going to be a living hell for the next years – maybe, if she were to be lucky, Aro would be done with her in a few days and she would just disappear, leaving her mother and Angela with no trace of her existence.

At least she would meet with Mary soon enough.

The castle – palace, haunted house, whatever that thing was -, looked almost inviting in daylight; every stone looked like it had been carefully placed, carved especially to be placed to be set on perfection; from afar and with the sunlight, the stones looked almost yellow-ish, but not in a dirty way – every single centimeter of the stones looked polished, shining and blinding her with almost as many strength as the sun did. There was a large turret rising above the rest of the structure, almost piercing through the sky, and some windows scattered around the building; she wondered what those were for; she also wondered if she would be able to see the sun again, the streets again, to hear the children laughing again, once she set foot inside. Probably not.

Valerie had to remember herself that the castle had probably been built on blood and tears from humans and maybe vampires who had suffered in the hands of the Volturi; she had to remember herself that there was nothing beautiful or interesting about it. She wondered if the walls inside could talk and if they could, if they would choose to cry instead.

Dragging her bags with her, she was soon in front of the big entrance – literally big, as the wooden door looked like it could handle a thousand horses trying to tear it down. She grabbed the handle, ready to make her presence announced, just like Aro told her – even though she was pretty sure he knew she was there already and was just fucking with her mind. Before she could say goodbye to Volterra, to her mother, to the sun that she was leaving behind, someone opened the door.

That someone didn’t have red-crimson eyes, a stupid smile and straight hair to their shoulders – that someone wasn’t Aro, as Valerie was expecting; it was a human woman a few years older than her. She stood a little taller than Valerie, with long, jet black hair and a beautiful symmetrical face. Her eyes were green, she was still breathing and she wasn’t that pale, which brought a little comfort to Valerie, but soon made her want to run away – what was a human doing there, and most importantly, why was she smiling?

‘You must be Valerie,’ She spoke, Valerie immediately noticing her American accent. So she wasn’t Italian. ‘Master told me you would come. My name is Gianna.’

_Master?_

Fuck it. Fuck everything, she wasn’t going to be calling Aro Master. She wasn’t about to be calling anyone Master, for the matter. She gave Gianna the cold shoulder, of course, not even answering her or acknowledging. That didn’t seem to bother the woman as she let out a giggle and pointed Valerie to come in so she could close the door. Valerie wanted to close the door on her face and run away, but she didn’t have much option, so she stepped inside.

And honestly, it was the weirdest shit she had ever encountered.

It was a reception area – it was literally the reception area of a museum. There was a desk and ancient tables around with a lot of flyers with information about Volterra and the Volturi castle, ancient furniture scattered around and paintings decorating the big stone walls.

‘We don’t usually use this entrance, we usually use the church one but I guess Aro wanted you to see Volterra. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ No answer from Valerie. ‘Well, I’m going to take you to your room so you can rest, I’m sure it was a very difficult trip.’

It wasn’t a difficult trip – it had been the worst trip of her entire life. She had literally flown to her death sentence and she was walking right in its direction. As Gianna kept babbling about how fantastic the castle was, how great the weather in Volterra was and how much she just loved her Masters, Valerie realized she was being led to an elevator. The thought of Aro using the elevator made her want to crack up. She was really fucked, wasn’t she?

By looking at the numbers on the elevator, she realized the elevator only went down, even though there were clearly more floors above them. Valerie was curious about finding out about them – she wondered if she would survive enough time to explore the castle and maybe find some of Aro’s dirty secrets. Gianna clicked on the -1; she had no idea what there was on the -2 or -3 and she was almost sure she didn’t want to find out. So her room was located on the -1, which meant she would literally be living under the castle’s floor. She could only hope that Aro remembered that humans couldn’t really breathe without oxygen.

‘The living area is mostly beneath the city, on these three different floors.’ Gianna explained, while they went deeper and deeper. ‘The first floor is where our rooms are located and they accommodated everything so they could receive human life in here.’ She looked too happy about that, like her Masters had been kind enough to do that. ‘It’s only the two of us down here, but we have heating and ventilation and everything. There’s also a kitchen, a dining room and a common living space.’

‘That’s where they keep their blood bags, I suppose then.’ Valerie spat out, and Gianna flinched a little; she obviously didn’t like her Masters being offended, but she acted like she didn’t hear Valerie.

‘We’re not supposed to visit the other two floors, so if I were you, I wouldn’t try to go there.’ As soon as Gianna said those words, the elevator doors opened and she stepped into the floor.

Valerie could breathe. She was happy that at least she could breathe, but it was clear that this area was colder than the reception one. There was a lot of artificial light and a lot of tapestry and paintings decorating the stone walls, but that was it. Everything looked ancient, old, dead. And Valerie hated it deeply. As they walked, Gianna was pointing to every door, indicating the living room, the dinning room and the kitchen.

And then there was another door that Gianna didn’t open.

‘I have to go upstairs. This is your room. Master Aro told me you’re supposed to wait for him inside. I’ll see you around.’

And then she left just as soon as she arrived.

_Thank god._

Valerie’s room looked like somewhere where the King of England would like to live, except that _fuck no._ It was all decorated in a mix of medieval and gothic furniture and everything was red and black. Everything was cold and everything screamed “get away while you can.”

She put her bags next to the bed and stood in the middle of her room taking in her surroundings. Her bed was as big as the one in Forks, but it didn’t look nowhere as comfortable. The headboard was black and red and she realized the bed had side drawers – maybe she could keep some blades there when she really felt like killing herself. Both besides were black with small dragons decorating the edges, carved into the wood clearly a few centuries ago. The vanity in front of her bed was also black, with a red mirror that reflected the image of someone that was already dead. She had a closet to put her clothes on, but she knew she wouldn’t last enough days on Hell to actually put her clothes away. It was better to keep them on the bags, anyway.

Valerie sat down on the bed, dust making her cough.

Everything was cold– too cold for her liking, not only in temperature but also in mood. She couldn’t help but compare the way these people lived to the way the Cullen’s got her used to. Everything was warm, beautiful and soft at the Cullen’s.

Volturi weren’t clearly fans of soft.

He wanted to make her aware of his presence; maybe to scare her, maybe to feel superior, she didn’t know. The only thing she knew was that Aro was coming, and that she needed to brace herself.


	28. twenty eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> | trigger warning |
> 
> this chapter is a little small than the others as i really wanted to update and because i really didn't want to give away too much of Volterra ;) we will have time for that!

The doors apparently opened without Aro having to touch the door knob, like any ordinary vampire would do. He liked to show off, apparently. Valerie couldn’t lie; by spending time with the Cullen’s she had grown to see some weird shit, but she was still expecting to see the black handle of the door slowly but surely turning to let Aro in, but that didn’t happen. The door opened wide as soon as it sensed Aro’s presence. He wondered if he had a special gift of opening doors with his mind or if it was some new modern technology that hadn’t arrived to Forks yet, but had mysteriously arrived to the dungeons of an Italian Castle. It didn’t matter; she wouldn’t be sleeping that night after that anyways.

‘My sweet, dear Valerie.’ Aro giggled, his arms reaching towards her as he wanted to embrace her. Valerie didn’t move, hoping that he wouldn’t dare to touch her. ‘It’s a pleasure to know that you’ve safely arrived to your new home.’ The girl breathed in deeply as she heard his words and reminded herself that she was doing this for Angela and her mother – she was doing this for the safety of those that she left behind in Forks. She decided not to answer, just staring at Aro’s red eyes and pretending that she didn’t want him dead. ‘I hope Gianna was a good guest and that showed you around.’

‘She did, thank you.’ Valerie replied politely, biting her tongue in order to keep her from telling him to fuck off. Her true wish was to tell Aro to just _fucking_ spend the rest of his eternity burning in hell.

‘That’s wonderful to hear, my dear!’ He replied, putting his hands up in a theatrical way and then intertwining his fingers in front of his body. ‘I hope you enjoy your stay; after all, you’re a guest, not an enemy.’

Valerie bit back an answer _once again._ She wondered for how long she would be able to not reply to his stupid remarks. She wasn’t a guest, she wasn’t an enemy – she was a prisoner. Valerie nodded, dismissing him and not really caring about what he was saying. There was nothing she could do, nothing but accept whatever he was about to throw at her. He was expecting an answer, apparently.

‘Thank you, Aro.’ She ended up spitting out, her words clearly letting out her rage as well. Aro didn’t stop smiling clearly not bothered by the venom in her voice.

‘Now now, go change! We have a lot to do today.’

_Change?_

Wait, was that a stupid vampire cape in the chair?

It wasn’t Halloween yet and not even in Halloween she would wear that – she wasn’t one of them. She was really good at ignoring the obvious so she decided to ignore that he told her to change.

‘What is there to do today?’

‘Oh, nothing really, my dear. I just want to show you around and go through the basics with you. Meet me in the living room when you’re ready.’

_Meet me in the living room._ She wanted to chuckle. If someone were to tell her that she would be meeting Aro, an ancient vampire in the living room of her dungeon located in his Italian Castle, she would have giggle the fuck off and punch that person. Yet now there she was, getting ready for the people that she hated the most in her entire life. The fucking Royalty that wanted to kill her family.

She was sure that Aro could _hear_ her thinking, but he didn’t care. He was gone and the door had closed behind him before she could blink.

Valerie sighed. She approached the chair, thinking about ripping the cape with her bare hands, when she finally saw what she was supposed to wear.

Aro apparently had been playing with fire, since he decided to pick a red, velvet dress that she had never seen someone use in the 21st century – and not in the 19th either - and that Gianna hadn’t been wearing; hell, the woman had been wearing jeans and heels, why couldn’t she stay in her own clothes? Valerie wasn’t going to wear some Victorian dress or whatever the hell was that.

Aro decided to complete her outfit with the help of some red heels and the stupid cape, of course. Why did she have to wear the cape? Gianna wasn’t wearing a stupid cape. Was he humiliating her?

Valerie was already playing by his rules; she was already leaving everything behind her to join him – _or them_ – to do whatever she was expected to. She wasn’t going to wear no damn cape, she wasn’t going to wear no damn dress and she surely wasn’t going to be playing by _all_ his rules.

So Valerie opened the door without even looking at the cape twice. Except that the door didn’t open – the door knob didn’t even move as she tried to turn it.

Valerie wasn’t strong. She wasn’t strong enough to take down a century old wooden door, but she was pissed. She was pissed off because he truly was playing games with her. Had he locked the fucking door? She hadn’t heard a thing. Yet it didn’t look locked, it looked like it had simply sewn itself shut. Valerie Addams hadn’t been more pissed off in her entire life, and she wasn’t stupid either. She knew what he wanted.

This was the vampire world and there was nothing she could do except sigh and grab the stupid cape as he wanted her to. It felt heavy on her hands, she didn’t know if the heaviness was coming from the guilt or from the weight of the material itself. The only thing that Valerie knew was that she didn’t want to wear it and play his little game. But it was what happened.

The cape was heavy on her shoulders; too heavy. And she finally realized that it was heavy with guilt.

The door opened once the cape was carefully placed on her shoulders. Aro was truly a sneaky motherfucker.

Valerie sighed as she made her way to the living room; the cape was flowing behind her and touching her legs, almost touching the ground but not quite; it almost looked cold, except it was the symbol of death for her. Wearing it only meant that she wouldn’t live for too long to tell the story. The temperature had dropped as she walked around the quarters, and she wondered if it was due to the weather, due to Aro or due to guilt.

Aro was sitting on the couch. Valerie Addams never thought the day where she would see Aro sitting down on a red couch would come, but there he was, sitting down and looking at his surroundings like he was a normal ass person. He smiled wickedly as he looked at her.

‘I see you’re wearing what we provided you with. Almost everything, at least.’

Valerie smiled back ironically.

‘It’s really meaningful to me that you gave me a choice on what to wear.’

Aro didn’t seem to care about her smart remarks. Instead of replying, he was already walking to the exit without bothering to tell her to go with him. Valerie followed him, noticing he walked in a way that the Cullen’s did: everything about the way he walked screamed Royalty. Valerie was expecting that, but she couldn’t help but hold a chuckle; _what even was this?_ It didn’t look real in her head. She was almost expecting Emmett to pop out behind a statue and tell her that she was being pranked and-

And she swallowed the memory of Emmett. She didn’t know any Emmett.

‘As I assume Gianna has already told you, this is your living quarters. On the floor below us, you’ll find the reason why you’re here.’

_What was she here for?_

‘Which is…’

‘To study, of course.’ Aro announced dramatically, giggling as he marched to the elevator. ‘As I told you before, that’s what we’re here for: for you to develop your arts of the mind.’

She just wanted to be a nurse, for fuck’s sake, not join a vampire coven to develop her _arts of the mind_ – whatever that thing meant, anyway. But apparently there was someone in her life that hated her – that really hated her and that made her endure things like these.

An awkward silence followed, Aro gently humming a song that she didn’t recognize; it was probably from the other century anyways. His smile grew wider as the elevator doors opened and he pointed Valerie to get in.

The elevator eventually made its way to the floor below. Valerie noticed the temperature had gone down a little and she grabbed tighter to the stupid cape; she would need to get her jackets out of the bags. If she survived one day more, that is.

The library was huge; it looked like one straight out of the fairy tales she used to love so much as a girl, from all the princess tales that she had read back when she was a child; she noticed it had every single subject that she could think about sitting on the shelves, but she didn’t let her eyes wonder for too long; she would have time to do so. It was too dark, too dusty, too _cold._ So she stared at her shoes instead, sighing as she was very bored and not at all interesting in touching those beautiful books, about reading their pages and finding out all their secrets.

‘This is our library.’ Aro announced. ‘It has been untouched for a while, as you may have noticed. We like to keep ourselves updated on science and the wonders of the world in our own quarters.’ He smiled and the surface of a table that was probably older than Valerie’s grandparents. ‘It’s all yours, my sweet Valerie.’

‘Why are you doing this?’ She finally questioned, her voice snapping. It was still not clear in her mind why he would be something like this. Was he trying to hurt the Cullen’s? ‘If you’re trying to get to them, it’s not worth it. They don’t care.’

But Aro simply smiled and shook his head.

‘There are more important things out there – and more dangerous – than the Cullen’s, my darling. Now, it’s time to meet the Guard.’ Valerie was about to intervene and tell him to go to hell, that she would rather not look at that annoying blond with straight hair again - when he shut her up with a single raise of his hand. ‘Now now, dear, your questions will be answered with time.’ He smiled wickedly. ‘And we both have a lot of time.’


	29. twenty nine

Jasper Hale had been going on a killer spree for the last few weeks and he had never felt more alive in his entire existence.

He left his family – not family, not anymore; he left _them_ back in Alaska. After what happened, the Cullen’s had been too shaken to try to find somewhere to stay on their own, so they went to stay with their cousins for a little while to have some family time together after a bad event in their lives. The idea of _cousins_ made Jasper laugh – they didn’t have cousins, they didn’t have a family, they were no family. They weren’t connected by blood, they were connected only by one thing: by their thirst. Or, on the Cullen’s case, their stupid rejection of such thirst.

Jasper was no Jasper Hale anymore and he surely wasn’t no Jasper Cullen.

As he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, blood smearing through his skin and staining his white shirt – human blood, _true_ blood -, he was _Jasper Whitlock **.**_

The Cullen’s weren’t very happy at Jasper’s revelation of a life they didn’t know, of the life of a killer that enjoyed making his victims suffer. It was true that Jasper had done a lot of shit in his lifetime. He had cheated the Cullen’s rules without them knowing because that’s who he was: he was a vampire. He wasn’t a domesticated pet, he was never the same as Carlisle. Carlisle didn’t like human blood – he liked helpings humans, he liked to see them happy. The same with Esme, Edward, and the rest of their sheep.

But Jasper loved the rush. He loved the rush he felt when he drank human blood, when he fought against other vampires for a prey. He loved everything about spilling blood and drinking from the warm, live source. He had loved every single opportunity he had when he was with Maria and once he was back, he had come to the realization that nothing could stop him from following such life.

The Cullen’s tried to contact him sometimes. He ran away, he really tried to; he had gone to all the States in the US but the Cullen’s had always found a way to send him a message and to make sure he received it. He had smashed his phone a couple of weeks ago, so their messages had started to come via humans. When they realized Jasper killed the poor humans after receiving the message, they started sending vampires on his way; some of them were Carlisle’s friends but they followed Jasper’s diet. How hypocritical of them.

It didn’t matter anymore, anyways. He was to do whatever he wanted – he was alone and he was free. He was finally ready to embrace a life of killing, of using humans to serve only one purpose: his thirst.

It was 3am when he headed to a bar next to the decrepit apartment where he was staying in Arkansas. He had never been the one to drink – hell, his dead stomach couldn’t even handle coffee – but he had grown used to the bitter taste of alcoholic beverages. He had grown to like it, more exactly. It cut the taste of blood. And it wasn’t like he didn’t like the taste of blood – he loved it. It just felt heavy on his stomach after, heavy on his head and somewhere else – if he was a romantic, he would say it felt heavy on his heart. But he wasn’t.

The music was too loud for his liking, and so were the humans. He could control himself, he knew he could, but he couldn’t control his anger towards the fragile creatures. He just wanted to be alone, to be by himself, and sit by the bar while downing some alcohol that he wasn’t even able to name.

He had lost so many experiences while with the Cullen’s.

Jasper sat by the bar and realized that one of the bartenders that always saw him around was working that night. The bartender didn’t need to ask him as he handed him a cup of the white, weird drink that he always ordered a few seconds after spotting him. Jasper started drinking. He would never get intoxicated.

A few minutes later, a woman sat down next to him.

Her hair was an electric pink that Jasper had never seen in Forks, but that brought him painful memories that he would rather not feel nor think about. He tried not to look at her and avoid her, but her bright hair and the lights of the bar caught his attention. She was small in weight and height and didn’t even look old enough to be there.

She was also looking at him.

‘Hi.’ She chirped in, too close to Jasper; too close for him not to roll his eyes. Her voice ringed in his ears; _too much, too fucking much._ Jasper closed his eyes as he took another sip of his drink trying to pretend that she wasn’t there; praying that she would just leave with her bright eyes, _coloured_ hair and stupid need to be attracted to danger like someone he knew so well – or used to know. ‘I’m Blake. What’s your name?’

Jasper didn’t want to answer. He wanted to tell her to leave and to fuck right off so he could be alone and enjoy his drink in peace while he got mad at his family, at his life and at the stupid lifestyle Alice had dragged him into. He had been stupid – so stupid to follow her. He had actually thought he would be able to control himself around humans even though his family’s thirst was always clinging into him; Edward didn’t bother him, not anymore, but Emmett and Rosalie still had their problems controlling themselves. And they thought about blood a lot. They never fell on the same trap as he did, though.

They always managed to follow the rules Carlisle lived by. He was the only one who wasn’t capable, the exception of the rule. And that was why he left: he wanted to be alone and to live by his rules.

He had hoped the stupid girl would be gone by now, but she was still there, still sitting next to him and still smiling at him. A shade of purple light touched her hair.

‘Jasper.’ Jasper mumbled; maybe she would leave him alone after that, he could only hope. He scratched his throat like something was burning him – and it was, but he decided to keep it in control for now – and ordered another drink. She ordered a beer.

‘Where are you from Jasper? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.’

He was downing his drink a second later; he could control her emotions. He could fucking do that and make her leave him the fuck alone to drown his sorrows in alcohol. He could make her feel so nauseated that she would throw up her literal stomach literally down her throat; he could make her so scared that she would go insane on the spot.

Jasper could also kill her.

Maybe that would shut her up.

‘Seattle.’ He answered as he avoided her gaze; he was looking straight at the drinks behind the bartender the whole time. ‘On a road trip.’

She didn’t seem to care that he didn’t look interested; Jasper tried to analyze what a girl like her was doing in a place like this. She couldn’t be older than 16, could she? Probably not. She still had some baby fat in her cheeks and her eyes still lingered on the bartender for too long when she asked for a drink; she wasn’t of age and she surely wasn’t used to being in a place like this.

‘That sounds awesome!’ She replied, downing her beer and asking for another one. Jasper was weirded out; he didn’t understand why she seemed so attracted to him. He couldn’t sense any lust coming from her, not even a feeling of need of human interactions. She was just neutral – a neutral girl who was having fun. But she was also growing scared and anxious as the minutes passed and they didn’t talk. Jasper was silent, and so was she. He wanted to leave; he wanted to leave so bad, but he was curious.

He was also growing hungry.

‘Look, I have to be honest with you, I-’ She bit her lip and Jasper rolled his eyes; here they went. ‘I think you’re too attractive to be looking that lonely. Don’t you have a girl on you?’

Anxious. She was growing anxious and scared. But still no lust. Jasper was confused.

She was trying to seduce him, that was obvious. But what did she want?

‘No.’ He answered, and at this time, he looked at her. She looked taken back by Jasper as their gazes met. Her pupils were dilated. That’s when it hit him.

But he waited. He waited for her to talk, to tell her what she really wanted from him, what she was really asking – because Jasper knew. And he hated himself for that.

He was the one asking the question.

‘How much?’

The girl in the bright, pink hair was scared shitless; he could _smell_ her sweat from there, how scared she was of this man that was clearly larger and taller than her, and what he was going to do to her in the back of the bar – but she was still there, and she didn’t budge when she answered him in foul language.

‘You can cum in my mouth for 40 dollars.’

Jasper didn’t know anything about this type of business; he had never been interested in it, had never tried it and didn’t really know anything about it, so he was in no place to discuss prices.

What he did know, though, was that this girl was barely out of highschool and that she wanted to suck guys at the bar so she could get 40 dollars.

He noticed the way she breathed; she was now terrified. He noticed the way her chest was going up, and down, and up and down again, and how she really wanted to cry at what she was saying. Jasper noticed that her eyes were fixated on a guy sitting with a few girls on the tables, and suddenly, he knew that someone was exploiting a young girl for profit in the middle of fucking Arkansas.

Didn’t she have a family? A boyfriend? Someone who cared for her?

Jasper got up. He realized she was too small next to him.

‘Let’s go, then.’ It was his cold answer.

Jasper didn’t miss a thing as they were leaving the bar together. He didn’t miss the way she eyed her pimp, her eyes full of fear and his full of lust; he didn’t miss the way she tripped on her way of following his large strides; he didn’t miss the way her lips were chapped and he could probably be sure that her nostrils would be doing a line of coke with the money he was going to pay her; he didn’t miss the way her hands shook while she opened the door, and he didn’t miss the way her knees collided on the floor in front of him.

Jasper didn’t want no sexual favours – he didn’t want a blowjob.

He wanted to kill her.

He was thirsty and she was doomed. She probably had nowhere to go – nowhere but her pimp – and honestly, Jasper thought that death would be better than anything that she was currently living; better than the drugs, the alcohol, the prostitution.

He didn’t care that she was crying while she kneeled in front of him even though he still had his jeans on. He didn’t care that she whimpered in pain when he grabbed her throat in a fast motion and pressed his body against hers, her head colliding with the wall and his teeth against her neck, ready to pierce through her skin and drink the substance coming from her veins.

All that mattered was that suddenly, _pink_ hair was everything he could see.

Jasper was suddenly mad. _She_ didn’t have pink hair. _She_ wasn’t living with a pimp in Arkansas. _She_ wasn’t the one he was gripping hard enough to break. _She_ wasn’t the one he was trying to sink his teeth into, to save her from a life that was probably already too miserable.

 _She_ wasn’t _her._ And maybe that was the problem.

As the realization hit him, Jasper flew.

He didn’t know where he was going; he could only remembered that he had left a girl with pink hair crying on her knees on an alley, holding to the last straw of hope that she wasn’t getting killed, just like he left a girl with purple hair crying on her knees in an alley, holding her best friend’s body, four years ago.

Jasper Whitlock hadn’t changed. Not even for Valerie Addams.


	30. thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Volturi's story might be slightly headcanon.

Valerie was eating pancakes when she realized that she hated Jane even more that she hated Aro. And hating someone more than she hated Aro wasn’t easy.

As she wrapped the stupid magical cloak (that apparently opened doors) around her shoulders, her mind wandered to the time that she had met the Guard. The day before, Aro had decided it would be a great idea to introduce her to The Guard without warning them beforehand. They were all old, creepy and red-eyed creatures that didn’t give a shit about her and were too busy to even acknowledge her, but the rest of the fucking Kings – or whatever they were – were a little more bothered. Caius bitched a little to Aro about letting humans inside and giving them access to their library, _like they had the fucking cure for cancer inside those books or something like that_ , and Marcus simply stood there, smiling creepily – but reminding her weirdly of a cute grandpa – and saying that she was very welcome to the Castle. He was a weird man.

What – or who, whatever – really bothered her wasn’t even Alec, who quietly nodded in her direction, respecting his leader’s choice; it was Jane, his twin sister.

She was a little fucker, wasn’t she? With her blonde hair, precious bright red eyes, ready to make people drop on their knees while she said _“pain”_ like everything was a little game; Valerie had heard stories about her and did look absolutely ridiculous. When they first met, she looked at Valerie like the girl had chosen to join their stupid little Coven, like Aro had given her a fucking choice besides threatening to kill her entire town.

Valerie stabbed her pancake once again in fury, realizing that she hated that blonde bitch and also realizing that it was almost 9am. She really needed to call her mother and tell that everything was fine. She probably should message Angela too and check on her. She wasn’t dead yet and she didn’t want them to freak out and send the entire army to look for her – well, at least while she was still alive. She would eventually stop answering and then the army would be involved.

Not knowing how the weather was on Italy but feeling rather cold, she entered the elevator and adjusted her cloak to her shoulders and hummed the stupid music that was playing in the elevator between her lips.

She had accepted her faith, honestly. If she could take a piss at their faces and bother them, she would. If she could make Jane want to strangle her on a daily basis but not being able to, she would. She wouldn’t die in vain, at least.

Gianna was writing something in the computer – probably trying to find a way to get some more visitors into that creepy ass Castle – when she looked at Valerie.

‘Are you supposed to be here?’

‘I don’t know. Shall I lock myself downstairs?’ Valerie replied in anger; she hated Gianna. She couldn’t understand how someone like her would just accept a life like this willingly, why someone would _want_ to live this life. ‘I’m going to make a phone call outside. Don’t worry, I’m not fucking running away.’

‘I don’t think you should.’ Gianna got up, her heels clicking on the floor. Valerie rolled her eyes. ‘Master Aro isn’t here yet, and-’

‘And I could care less!’ Valerie interrupted her, her hand opening the stupid castle door with all her strength and then closing it back in anger.

She was finally outside.

The sun hit her face and warmed her, illuminating her cheeks and her hair; it felt like she hadn’t seen the sun in centuries. There were a lot of people going around the city – shopping, walking their dogs and snuggling their babies, talking to each other and taking pictures of the beautiful picturesque views. For a while, Valerie didn’t even remember that she was a prisoner right under an entire village’s nose; Volterra was also a tourist point and a lot of people were there on vacation. Not everyone was a prisoner like she was. And that warmed her heart.

It was so weirdly stupid and unsettling, watching people wearing t-shirts while she was wearing all black, heels and a magic cloak, holding her phone ready to call her mother that thought she was studying abroad to become a nurse. Everything was so different than she had expected. It looked like a movie and she was the stupid main character that would probably die within a few days.

She sighed and leaned against the castle’s walls, ringing her mother’s number.

‘Baby?’

At that point, Valerie wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and beg her mother to have her back, to bring her back, to kiss her on the cheek like she usually did before she went to sleep. Just once, just one more time.

She had accepted her death, but she would miss her mother so much. She would probably never see her again. The time would come where she would have to stop talking to her, to just stop reaching to her and then she would have to erase everything from her family. She was supposed to disappear, and she was supposed to do it fast.

‘Mommy?’ Valerie held back the tears, but as they spoke, she told her mother that she was crying tears of joy.

She was not.

»»

Valerie was still crying and about to head inside when someone pulled at her cloak, making her shrill in surprise. Fuck, was Aro trying to drag her ass back inside? Hiding her tears and her red face behind her hair, she looked at the source of the pull, ready to tell Jane that _no,_ she couldn’t drown her in the fountain while everyone watched-

Her eyebrows rise.

It’s a child.

It’s a small child and a family of five staring at her like she’s a city attraction – and she realizes she is, after all. She has purple hair, she’s wearing black and a cloak and she’s standing in the outside of the Castle – she doesn’t look like a prisoner, she looks like she’s there for fun and having the time of her life.

Valerie looked at them and realizes they looked like a proper family and that they all look the same: black hair and green eyes, with two older children and a small one that was currently in a staring contest between her hair and cloak. The parents are obviously very embarrassed as they pull their child towards them.

‘We’re so sorry, ma’am! She just got excited.’

They’re clearly there on vacation. She looks at their clothes and sunburnt faces and the backpacks they’re carrying, and she realizes that’s one happy family that’s exploring a foreign country. She will never have that opportunity. Not after what she’s here for.

She smiles sadly.

‘It’s okay, no problem.’ She tries to smile at the kid – who’s still trying to grab her hair and her cloak, and she prepares to leave. Valerie doesn’t want to talk to people, to normal people – they will make her only sadder. ‘Have a good day.’

She’s ready to leave and get inside when they talk to her once more.

‘We would really like to visit the museum and the Castle. When does it open?’

Of course. Of course they would never understand that she was wearing the cloak because she was being held hostage by a vampire coven – they thought she worked there, that it was part of the attraction of the Castle. She smiled sadly again.

‘I’ll send my colleague on your way.’

They seemed happy with her answer, the parents thanking her and the children screaming in happiness. She wondered why the Volturi had made the Castle into an attraction for humans. It surely didn’t look like something they would do for the pureness of their hearts, but it was understandable that it was easier that way to hide from humans – if they could visit it, they wouldn’t think it had secrets living within those walls.

As she went inside, slipping inside the wooden door and closing it behind her, Gianna was immediately in front of her.

‘Do we already have visitors?’

Valerie didn’t answer; Gianna had clearly heard the conversation. Her boots click on her way to the elevator, and she decides that it’s time to explore the library. There was nothing else she could do, after all.

»»

Valerie spends three hours looking for it: for a way out that they wouldn’t find. For a tunnel, for a secret passage, for a book that, when activated, opens a secret door to the outside world or, if she was lucky enough, straight to Forks. But luck is surely not in her side, so she ends up sitting down on the library for a few hours.

She grabs the book that currently interests her the most: she wants to understand the story of the Volturi. So she sits down and lights a candle – that’s the only way she can read – and opens the book on the first page.

She was expecting it to be written in Italian or Latin or maybe other language that she couldn’t understand – and it wasn’t like Google Translate would work in a literal dungeon. Thankfully that version of the book was fully written in English and apparently it had been translated by Aro. Of course; he wouldn’t drop the opportunity to tell his side of the story, the story of the Coven that was literally his entire life. That made her aware that maybe she couldn’t trust the narrator of the story she was about to read; if she wanted to be honest with herself, though, she had no other sources or options to learn about them, so she started reading what she had in hands.

The title immediately made her laugh. They were really full of themselves, weren’t they?

  1. **_THE FOUNDATION OF THE PEACE AND THE CIVILIZATION_**



_Words are the strongest weapon on Earth._

_The words “History” and “Story” are often misused even by the most powerful and intelligent vampires. So we start using the strongest and greatest weapon on Earth to tell our Story by talking about our History._

_When it all started, the World was at stake – not just the human world, even though the importance of it is still a matter of discussion between our species – but the vampire world. Laws were being broken, havoc was rising, and there was no one to stop it from happening; the event of our extinction was looking more and more real everyday, and our fellow Creatures of the Night were unaware of that._

_The Revolution started in Greece. Caius and Marcus were gentlemen that appreciated the Arts – the Greek Arts that were pulsated in the beautiful city that I’ll never forget, the City where I was born, raised and Turned. I found out, very quickly, that the people that I shared drinks and interests with were also very keen on the Arts of The Mind and in the Arts of Power. Even though I had always been a lonely man, these people were strong._

_Strong people tend to gravitate towards each other._

_So that’s what we did._

_We were soon joined by my sister Dydime, who eventually became Marcus’ mate, and Athenedora, Caius’ wife. Together, in an alley in the Dark, with promises of love, revenge and power, we formed the Volturi._

_The World was in flames when we started. The Creatures of The Night that roamed the Earth were scared, with no one to lead them and show them their full potential; there were vampire hunters, of course, some of them of no intelligence and some of them highly intelligent that needed to be stopped._

_Fearing extinction and fearing the loss of our Brothers and Sisters, we were soon travelling the world looking for the most of the most: we gathered The Creatures of The Night with the most useful and rare gifts. With only their help and their heart and mind on the most important goal of them all – conquering peace and stability for vampires – were we able to relocate to Volterra: the city that would become our eternal land of Glory, Respect, and Ruling._

_We fought; we fought a lot of wars to defeat our enemies and the ones who didn’t want to join our cause – we fought the Romanian Coven and the Egyptian Coven along the way. A lot of blood was spilled – vampire blood, the most powerful on Earth. It was with deep sorrow that we had to take such measures, but we did what we could to protect the ones we cared for the most: to protect our Brothers and Sisters._

_The last two elements of our Coven were Jane and Alec; I usually call them our secret weapon – even though everyone knows this and fears them – but that’s what they’re: unstoppable._

_The Volturi are untouchable because these gifted children joined the Coven. It hurts my heart to think that, if they hadn’t been guided by the right people, they would be fighting on the other side and magical, vampire blood would be spilled, and such talent would go to waste. After all, every drop of vampire blood is precious._

_But our Story has just started, and our History still has a lot more to-_

Valerie stopped reading.

Her eyebrows were raised; she hated Aro as a narrator, but she also hated him as a person so that really didn’t surprise her. She had some questions, though. Aro had a sister – a sister that she knew nothing about, that he didn’t mention and that she never saw – and there were other women besides Gianna on the Coven.

_Where were they?_

By now, it didn’t matter; she couldn’t stop thinking about what Edward told her. Her heart still ached for the loss of the vampire, as he had done everything he could to protect her from start to finish. He had left her a clue and he had warned her – but she hadn’t understood it back at Forks and she still couldn’t wrap her head around it.

Also, as much as she wanted to get that entire family out of her mind, it was impossible. Aro was planning something, and that something included more people than herself.

And she needed to be aware of that.

So she closed the book, and even though she knew that Aro knew absolutely everything that happened around the Castle, she grabbed the book in her hands and left the library; if she wanted to understand more about whom she was living with – even though the book was written in Aro’s perspective – she needed to read the entire thing.

That is, if she stayed alive enough time to do so.

As she leaves and runs to her room, Valerie doesn’t see Aro or Gianna. She eats alone and she goes to sleep.

Valerie wonders about the different ways that she could kill herself in Volterra. She didn’t know how much longer she could stay strong.

»»

Jasper wonders about the different ways that he could kill himself in Canada.

His family was still sending him letters and was still begging him to come home, but he didn’t listen. He had heard enough from them and he had been too fucked in the head to deal with them. He wanted to be by himself, he wanted to let himself drown in pain and self-pity like Edward did when he first met Bella.

Except Edward was being a drama queen and had no reason to, and he had.

He doesn’t have any feelings for her anymore but he still wonders where she is and how she’s doing; he wonders if Forks is treating her well and if she finally decided to drop Jessica and her stupid friend group.

He wonders if she’s captain of the volleyball team – he smiles at himself and knows that she surely deserves it. He wonders if she still uses the same thigh high boots – even though she knows damn well those were not safe shoes to walk on the Forks’ slippery pavement. He wonders if she still wears the same skirts even though it’s stupidly cold outside.

He wonders if she still loves night car rides as much as she did.

He wonders if her hair is still purple.

He wonders if she still drinks her coffee black and if she still wants to be a nurse.

He wonders if she’s moved on with her life.

_He wonders if he’ll be able to move on with his._

He snaps; he can’t think about that. She’s nothing to him, not anymore, and she never was. She was just a human that he should have killed when he killed her best friend.

Deep down, even though his heart is pure of hatred and misery, Jasper Whitlock just hopes, to the bottom of his dark heart, that Valerie Addams is safe and away from his murdering reality.


	31. thirty one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to post a new chapter before christmas day but if i don't - merry christmas! (if you celebrate it, of course!)  
> I know we want to spend this year with our loved ones but we are going through very, very hard times. Stay safe and keep in mind that some people can't celebrate Christmas this year because they're literally gone. I'm sorry if that's the case with someone in your family. May they rest in peace.

**_As The Vampire World crumbled to flames, we realized what we needed to find._ **

**_Order._ **

**_Humans are the agents of chaos; it saddens us to a certain extent that us, Creatures of The Night, aren’t able to control our liking for Chaos. Every Society needs Order and Laws, especially a Society that’s reborning from the Ashes._ **

**_Throughout the Centuries, we found it to be important to establish – and of course, begin to enforce – a number of Laws. As much as we care for our Brothers and Sisters, the Law stands above us all;_ **

**_These Laws are, for obvious reasons, not written._ **

Valerie rolls her eyes and literally exhales in literal pain. Why is Aro so damn full of himself?

Of course he wouldn’t write the rules, probably for some stupid ass reason that she couldn’t understand. What did he mean by obviously they weren’t written?! She was left in the dark with that chapter and she had actually spent time reading it. What a load of bullshit.

Valerie drops the book as Aro walks in. She can almost hear him and she’s sure he realized what he’s doing, but she soon opens another book about _“The Greatest Medical Discoveries”_ when he looks at her.

He always carried himself with the same posture: shoulders high, smirk on his face, cloak dusting the floors on the castle. He was always happy, never mad at anything, the same stupid smile dancing on his lips. She hadn’t seen him in almost two days, but she usually spent her days locked in the below floors. He surely had a lot to do with his stupid Guard and the blonde bitch – a lot of shit that she didn’t care about.

‘Hello dear. How are you handling this change of scenario?’

Valerie spared a glance at him, but then she went back to the discovery of Amoxicillin and kept taking notes on an ancient notebook that she had found. She had hoped for some parchment and a quill, but she wasn’t in Harry Potter.

‘It’s been great, like a vacation.’ She smiled at Aro. ‘Except it’s a vacation in Hell.’

Aro smiled wider.

‘You have no idea how happy that makes me, my sweet girl. Now now, I need you to come with me. We have business to discuss.’ Now, that was interesting; well, maybe not interesting, but surely a change in scenario. She really wanted to understand what was going on and what Aro wanted from her, but that didn’t stop her from feeling a little scared about it. Valerie raised an eyebrow, but she got up as quickly as she could. If he were to kill her, she just hoped that he would do it quick – and sooner. She hated waiting. ‘Come with me, my dear, and we shall meet The Guard. Don’t you worry now, it’s mostly talking we’re going to do. At least for today.’

He walked towards the elevator and she followed him; the girl was thankful that he wasn’t pulling up his vampire speed when he was with her.

‘Is this about me?’

Aro smiled again, and he clicked on the button to the main floor. She raised an eyebrow.

‘My dear, didn’t I already tell you that there are more important things than you in this world? Than life itself?’ He sighed. Valerie rolled her eyes, hoping that he wouldn’t notice her, but he obviously did. ‘C’mon, don’t be in such a bad mood. It’s going to be a very interesting meeting.’

_A very interesting meeting._ She couldn’t help but chuckle; of course it wouldn’t be a very interesting meeting. She just wanted to kill herself sometimes.

They arrived at the main floor and instead of seeing Gianna, Valerie realized no one was there to greet them. Aro walked straight into a wall, and he pushed it open like it had been a door there.

The wall moved. Valerie wanted to gasp, but she needed to control herself. Aro was truly powerful, she couldn’t deny that; she knew that vampires could do things like, _run at a fast speed,_ but it was like Aro was using magic or something.

This man was nuts.

The room had stone walls, a table that Valerie realized was probably five meters long and a few chairs. It was fucking freezing inside and Valerie muttered a few curse words as she fiound that Jane was already sitting on the table, her twin brother next to her. Caius and Marcus were also sitting down.

‘Oh, I’m glad everyone has already arrived.’ Aro applauded their earliness on getting to the meeting, and he quickly strides to a chair, pointing Valerie to sit down on the chair next to him. She sighed as she realized she was obviously going to be sitting right in front of Jane. ‘As you can see, my sweet darling, we still have a lot of chairs left. We obviously don’t have enough people in the Council.’

Valerie wonders what he means by that – after all, there were still at least five chairs empty – but she finds out that she doesn’t care. Jane growls as she sits down. She rolls her eyes.

‘Hello, Valerie.’ Marcus says, and Valerie can’t help but be surprised. He looks almost like her cute grandpa, and she can’t stop thinking about that. She can’t hate him that way.

‘Good afternoon.’ Her reply is ice cold – not really for him too, but for Jane definitely, and she stares at Aro, waiting for him to just start talking.

‘I called this meeting upon the recent discoveries of a new Southern Clan. Isn’t that true, my brother?’

Caius nodded.

‘We’ve heard from our Guard that they’re a group of 10. They have been succumbing themselves to the pleasures of the Human World and one of them was recently found by the Human Police, feasting on the flesh of a Human. The officer was then killed, and the case was opened as a murder. They’re looking for whoever did it.’

Valerie can’t help but feel a shiver running down her spine. How could they talk about it like it was nothing? It didn’t surprise her though, from everything that she had read in Aro’s book. They obviously didn’t care about human life. The only thing they cared about was Power and Knowledge and helping vampires to thrive in a world full of parasites – parasites that were, unfortunately, humans.

And she was sitting down in their meeting like she was nothing, like she wasn’t one of them.

‘So they’re not disguising it as an animal attack.’ Alec concluded, and Aro nodded.

‘My dear Maximum.’ He looks at a vampire that Valerie hadn’t seen yet; he was huge, broad shouldered, and he looked scary as fuck. She was grateful that she had been able to bring her medication with her; if she wasn’t under the influence of her pills she would probably be freaking out already. ‘Do you think we can manage to get the 10 of them to Volterra?’

So they wanted to kill them with their own hands. _All_ of them.

Aro was a ruthless little bitch.

Maximum didn’t hesitate.

‘Of course, Master.’

Aro celebrated by clapping and smiling across the room; everyone else was serious and Jane looked pissed, but that was nothing new and nothing that she wasn’t expecting. They hadn’t liked each other from the start, and it was obvious that her presence wasn’t appreciated amongst The Guard.

 _Well, fuck you all then,_ Valerie thought. She wasn’t there because she wanted to. She was there because she was literally dragged there. Caius intervened again.

‘So you’re planning on punishing them, brother.’

‘Of course.’ Jane spoke up, and it’s all venom; Valerie wasn’t surprised, not at all. ‘They break the Laws, they die.’

At the same time, Valerie understood. She understood the rage and the hatred towards vampires who killed humans – after all, they had ruined her life - but at the same time she didn’t understand how Jane could hate her own species.

So Valerie scoffs and rolls her eyes at her words. Her red-crimson eyes look towards her immediately, and she’s hissing like a goddamn cat. Valerie raised her eyebrows.

‘What is she doing here, anyway?’ No one answers. ‘She’s not with us. She’s with the Cullen’s!’

Aro laughs.

‘Dear Jane, calm down. She’s not with the Cullen’s; she’s part of The Guard now.’

Jane is hissing at her again.

‘My my,’ Aro begins to say, but Valerie interrupts him.

‘Do I look like I’m here willingly, Barbie?’ Valerie throws at Jane, who is just ready to burst. ‘Did you lose all your brain cells during the transformation?’

Aro cleans his throat before Jane can reply.

‘Our meeting is dismissed.’ He says, nodding to everyone in a dismissing way. Everyone is clearly glad to get out of the room as the conversation was clearly going south and no one wanted to deal with teenage girls. Jane is still growling as she leaves, her brother following her and muttering to her – probably some comfort words, Valerie realizes.

‘Aro.’ Aro was ready to join his brothers, but he turns his back and looks at Valerie again, a warm smile covering his features. She stands her ground and looks at him in the eye. ‘Can I go get coffee? From the city?’

It’s ridiculous that she has to ask him, honestly. Nevertheless, she’s a prisoner there and she has already made up her mind about that. She’s stuck there and she will always be at his mercy. It was easier – and more intelligent, to be fair – for Valerie to stay on his good side.

‘Of course you can, my dear.’ Aro replied. _Fuck yes,_ she thinks. She really needs to get away from all this craziness. ‘Just make sure you come back. He then laughed – the same insane laugh that he always showered her with. ‘Just make sure you come back. We wouldn’t want you running away, would we?’

_Of course they wouldn’t._

Valerie rolled her eyes and turned around. She went to get ready to go to the city.

Meanwhile, Marcus followed Aro to their shared balcony. Invisibly to the Human Eye, the balcony gave them a privileged view to Volterra. They could see the majority of the city, including the cafés where Valerie would probably be visiting; the Volturi could see their whole kingdom, and it had never looked so good.

Marcus grabbed the railing with both hands, and he looked at the man who had become his brother.

‘Why do you want her here?’

Aro simply smiled.

»»

Valerie is sitting on a coffee shop.

Black coffee reminds her of him, so she asks for a latte instead. As she sips it, she realizes she misses black coffee.

She’s scrolling through Instagram. She has never been the one to care so much about her social media as life in Forks was dead – and honestly, she wasn’t following anyone from Arizona anymore – but now that she was away, the only way that she felt connected to the people that she left behind was Instagram.

Angela had been eating dinner with Mike and Eric in Port Angeles a few hours ago. It didn’t even look like timezones were real sometimes, but they were. Her friends were probably sleeping by that time and so was her mother, while she had just gone to a vampire meeting.

Angela hadn’t recorded a video of their dinnertime, she had just taken a picture of the food, and Valerie realized how much she missed their voices. She truly missed her friends and everything that she left behind.

She sipped her latte one more time.

She could still see the Castle from there. Her own personal hell, her own prison.

As she scrolled through Instagram once again, she found out that Bella had posted a picture. Bella Swan wasn’t very active on social media either – she usually kept her life private and her thoughts locked in, but she had posted a picture of a fireplace, Alaska tagged in the location.

Valerie sighed.

Was Jasper in Alaska with them?

_Fuck that. Fuck._

It doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter before, and it didn’t matter now. She didn’t need to be thinking about Jasper right now. She was stuck in Volterra, and it was all her fault.

Valerie snapped out of her thoughts and texted her mother, asking her how she was doing, and snapped a picture of her coffee; nothing that could point out that she wasn’t in England, obviously.

Her mother was working night shift in Forks. She answered her text message.

_I miss you, love. How’s nursing school going?_

Valerie sighed.

_Amazing._

»»

Aro is watching Valerie scrolling through her phone while he sits in his personal study, a few miles away from her location.

With a devilish smirk on his mouth, he starts writing a letter. 

“ _The potential of your mate is astonishing; The potential of you two together would be astronomical._

_I hope you find a Home in Volterra soon enough._

_Aro._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... y'all missing jasper? bc me too sis  
> maybe next chapter........


	32. thirty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's your christmas present: a big update!  
> thank you so much for your support and merry christmas!

From what Valerie could understand, The Volturi barely talked to each other and when they did, they argued – a lot. Valerie usually heard their altercations because Aro literally wanted her to be present while they argued with each other. They argued about stupid shit though: it was mostly about her future – Caius and Jane clearly wanted her dead while Marcus wanted to teach her things. Yes, teach her thing, and he seemed rather decided. They also talked about the humans they wanted to have for dinner – she learned that it was illegal to hunt in Volterra, so she still wondered where they would be getting their blood from – and about Power. They talked about conquering Covens but they always came to the same realization: they were powerful enough as the Volturi and everyone respected them.

Valerie wasn’t surprised. She knew that they were ruthless, she knew that they were bad people, but she had also grown accustomed to it. It was definitely harsh to face the reality that she was growing colder with each interaction with them, but that was the reality. She was truly tired of trying to pretend that she liked them and that everything was okay when it wasn’t – it _really_ wasn’t.

Things weren’t always bad, anyway. She had surely grown accustomed to the whispers and side-eyes coming from crimson-red eyes. The Castle was now a lot emptier than when she had first arrived: Maximum, Jane, Alec and another few elements of The Guard had travelled to bring the Southern Clan to them so they had been gone for a few hours now. Valerie couldn’t say that she was thankful for that, but she was. She didn’t appreciate Jane’s presence.

Since she had literally nothing to do and she rarely talked to Marcus – and when they did, it was awkward and uncomfortable -, Valerie started spending her time in the library. She opened the book that was now so familiar to her and started reading. The first paragraph was creepy as fuck, but she had seen so much shit that she’s not even surprised anymore.

  1. **_JANE_**



_No chapter makes me happier to write than the one about the one where I got the children that I’ve always wanted._

_I saw Jane for the first time when I shook hands with an old friend of mine – a nomad vampire who was just happening to visit us. She was still disgustingly human, however I could almost immediately see the potential, the strength, the wilderness. Both children of the woods, Alec and Jane would be the perfect addition to my Guard as soon as they became of age._

_Life wasn’t easy in England in the 1800’s. Stupid tales of witches, wizards, cats giving bad luck – the town’s people had always been superstitious_ _and unfortunately bad luck seemed to be following the twins I wanted to have and keep to myself so much. I knew they would have amazing gifts as soon as they turned._

_Their parents – also human, of course – were of as low intelligence as the townsfolk. As time passed, bad things happened to the kids who bullied the children or hurt their mother; as superstition grew and people talked, the twins were accused of being witches and condemned to be burned at the stake._

_It didn’t surprise me; humans weren’t smart at all, and they knew nothing about wasted potential._

_I turned Jane, along with her brother, when they had just turned 13._

Valerie stopped reading and she felt as though as she had been drowning and had just now submerged; she felt the need to breathe, and breathe, and breathe. Valerie Addams felt the need to get air into her lungs, as it seemed that everything was knocked out from her.

He had turned children into vampires. He had turned little children into monsters. He had put them through the pain of the turn because he wanted them; because he wanted their gifts.

Jane was no bitch. She wasn’t even a teenager to begin with, like Valerie thought she was; she was a little kid, a little kid who had suffered a lot through her childhood and instead of saving her, Aro had put her through even more pain and suffering – and now it was an eternal suffering.

Jane was probably as damaged as she was.

Valerie closed the book with a thud.

Jane was a victim of Aro. Just like she was.

»»

Edward is worried about his brother.

He was back, and that was enough to worry him. They were all in Alaska – not with their cousins, of course, the whole family had grown tired of that – but in their own house, a little something that Carlisle bought in a hurry when Irina and Bella argued, an episode rather erotic in Emmett’s opinion, and rather scary in Edward’s.

Jasper had managed to find them. He strolled through the front door and asked if he could take the attic, and that was it. He didn’t say hi, he didn’t give an explanation; he was just there out of nowhere and then he disappeared to the attic. Esme had obviously followed him as soon as the words left his mouth. Edward was almost sure Esme would have started crying as soon as she saw his son if she could.

Everything was great for some days. Great was an understatement, but it was somehow acceptable dealing with everyone. Jasper rarely came downstairs to socialize. He stayed up there, Rosalie being the only one to be able to talk to him, and sometimes he let Esme in. He didn’t want to talk to Edward, even though they had been close before. Everything had changed.

Up until that day.

Bella woke up with a headache, which didn’t help to lighten Edward’s mood. He was always worried that something would happen to her; human beings were too fragile and even a little something was dangerous for them. Carlisle had some painkillers available on his clinic on the basement so he went to get them.

When he was back, Jasper was destroying the living room. As he trashed all their sofas, the rest of the family just watched.

Ibuprofen on one hand and a glass of water on the other, Edward just stared as well. Emmett was next to him a while later.

‘We’re fucked like we’ve never been, bro.’ He’s not chuckling like he usually is when Jasper – or Edward himself – is having a tantrum. His face is stone cold and suddenly his brother looks bigger. He looks like he’s ready to fight.

He hands Edward the letter, and as soon as his fingers touch the material, it was what he was expecting it. He was expecting it and he had warned _her_. He had warned her so many times, he just couldn’t believe she didn’t listen to him.

No one is taking care of the situation. Carlisle is just staring at his son destroying things while Esme is holding her husband for dear life, tears would be falling if she had them. And Edward understands; he truly does, because they used to do the same when it was him, but Edward knows Jasper is following – willingly – the path to insanity. And he doesn’t like it one bit.

‘You should stop him, Emmett.’ Edward grunts, and he snatches Bella by the waist and gives her the pills and the water, telling her to go outside with Esme.

They needed to have a family meeting to discuss things. To discuss the Volturi.

Edward couldn’t help but fear for Bella and for himself too. If they went after Valerie, nothing would stop them from going after Bella either. He needed to keep an eye on her.

Emmett follows his brother’s advice.

‘Jasper, c’mon man.’ He starts. He approaches his brother like he’s a wounded animal, avoiding harsh movements and afraid of scaring him off. Jasper doesn’t seem to be listening. ‘Jasper, you need to sto-’

Jasper didn’t stop.

As Emmett grabs him, Jasper is screaming; not because he is being held, but because he can’t stand the thought of being held anymore.

»»

  1. **_CARLISLE_**



Valerie doesn’t read it. She doesn’t even scan the first words, the first paragraph, the first page.

She closes the book, closes the chapter, just like she closed the chapter in her life where Carlisle was present.

The past is to stay in the past.

»»

Two months had passed since her arrival and eventually she came to the realization that she could do this; that she _had_ to do it.

She had the cloak, she had the ability to visit town and get coffee, and she had books; she was still reading about the Volturi and about their History, about their laws and their highs and lows, even though she knew she couldn’t trust the narrator.

Valerie still thought about her mother all alone in Forks and she still missed her, but she managed. At least they were still alive.

She talked to Marcus sometimes – mostly about Surgery on children (he was weirdly intellectual and weirdly interested on the subject), but also about other things. He avoided the Human subject, but he was glad to talk about Volterra, about the birds, about the Earth; the Earth he had been living in for so long, for so much longer than Valerie, and he was glad to tell her about all those things.

Meanwhile, Aro only spoke to her when strictly necessary and she did the same. Caius wasn’t even in her list of _“blood-sucking-demons-i-can-talk-to”_. They hated each other more than anything.

Jane and the others hadn’t come back. It wasn’t like she wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation with Jane and Alec, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. They were children, vampire or not. They were little children that had been dragged to this world. Fuck, they were 13!

Valerie had started to realize, as she read the book, that Aro was the villain in everyone’s stories. How could they put all their faith in him? Was it some kind of spell that she didn’t recognize, or were they made prisoners just like her? Why was he the leader? Why did they respect him so much?

Would she ever trust him that much?

Aside from her murderous thoughts about Aro, it was just an ordinary day at the castle. Valerie got up from bed and dressed in her clothing along with her cloak – the stupid cloak was growing on her, she had to admit that – and walked her way to the exit door. Since she was allowed to get out as much as she wanted to she wanted to use her privileges as much as she could before Aro regretted giving them to her. They were in the beginning of April and the weather in Italy Italy wasn’t particularly cold – after all, they were heading to the summer – but sometimes they still had unpredictable rain, and she enjoyed being protected from it with her cloak.

Rain reminded her of Forks. She hoped it wasn’t raining.

Gianna was typing on the computer. Valerie leaned against her desk.

‘Hey.’ She didn’t understand the woman. Aro had talked to her about it, how Gianna wanted to become a vampire and embrace the lifestyle, but she still couldn’t understand. She had spent a shitload of time in her company though, and it wasn’t like she hated her anymore. She had started to see everyone with different eyes ever since she read the book; she hated Aro even more than she was willing to admit and was starting to feel sorry for the rest of his Guard. And Valerie felt for Gianna specifically. She was certainly looking for something that she would never find, and if she found it, she would end up dead. They were just using her, playing with her, just like they were with Valerie. ‘Do you want me to get you some coffee?’

‘You’re going to the city?’ Gianna asked; she wasn’t allowed to leave the Castle as much as Valerie was able to; not only because Aro apparently didn’t let her – which didn’t make sense, but was true – and also because she had a literal job. Valerie’s job was to just be there and breathe. ‘I don’t think you’re supposed to go today.’ Valerie was already rolling her eyes while Gianna was searching for something on her timetable. ‘Yes, today there’s a guest coming, and-’

‘And I’m not the one supposed to welcome them, so…’ The girl shrugged and walked her way to the door, ignoring Gianna’s literal calls for help from someone. Gianna was rather dramatic sometimes.

Valerie walked the streets of Volterra; people were already walking around doing their daily tasks. She kept her head low and the cloak as close to her body as possible. It was rather cold that morning and she would rather not get sick.

She ordered a latte from her favorite coffee shop, the one down the street and close to the fountain that she first saw when she set foot on Volterra. It was 11am in Volterra, so it was 2am in Forks. She texted her mom anyway, sending her a picture of her latte – honestly, she only ever sent her pictures of her drinks – and she dropped her phone, enjoying the breeze.

Her mother’s reply made her phone buzz. She picked it up. 

_‘I’m always expecting a picture of you in your scrubs and all I get is latte!’_

It was meant to be on a funny way, Valerie knew that, but she didn’t open the message. She would only get sad if she thought too much about it.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t wearing scrubs and saving lives at the Hospital. She was wearing a cloak and she was submitting herself to ancient vampires.

»»

Valerie and Gianna were finishing their lunch when a meeting was called.

Meetings were called when the ringing of the ancient Castle Bells started. Oh for fuck’s sake.

‘I can’t believe they’ll let you see it! I wish I could be there.’

Valerie sighed. Gianna was rather dumb sometimes.

‘I don’t even know what’s the meeting about, Gianna.’

‘You don’t?’ Gianna squeaked, like it was _so_ bad, like it was a sin that she didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. ‘The Guard managed to bring the Coven that they had been hunting to Volterra, they’re going to be executed today!’

_Oh, great,_ Valerie thought. Now it was time to witness vampires being torn apart and stuff. She sighed and looked at her meal; maybe she should have waited a little more to have lunch.

‘Well, is there something else you want to tell me?’

‘Well, we have a new vampire guest an-’

‘Jesus woman, I was being sarcastic.’ Valerie muttered, grabbing her cloak and wondering if she could wear her pajamas to an execution. She decided against it – even though Aro’s face would probably be funny – and quickly put on a sweater, jeans and her usual heels, literally flying to the elevator. She didn’t want to piss Aro off. ‘Don’t worry Gi, I’ll snapchat the whole thing and send it to you.’

Gianna rolled her eyes. Valerie laughed, and the elevator doors opened.

Aro was there.

‘I thought you weren’t coming, my sweet thing!’ He looked happy to see her, but of course he didn’t trust her; why would he, anyway, if she didn’t trust him either? She sent him a smile and shrugged her shoulders, clicking on the button to send them to the main floor.

‘Oh, dear Aro, of course I would never lose the opportunity of watching vampires die.’ She winked at him. ‘It’s my favorite hobby!’

His laugh could be heard around the entire castle; Valerie smiled again as they got to the main floor. Aro was still laughing.

Maybe she should have been a comedian.

He only stopped when they reached their Throne Room.

Valerie had visited that specific room once, and only once. She usually avoided it as it looked empty; too empty.

Volturi had a very specific – and _good_ , Valerie had to admit – taste. Taste in everything, to be quiet fair. They had ancient items decorating every room, every wall, every little space of their castle; everything was full of statues, plants, paintings and a mix of gothic furniture. And it matched.

The Throne Room, however, the place where the Volturi received their enemies, was empty.

Empty and cold.

Huge, stone walls, polished to the bone; a huge window on top that allowed the sun in – Valerie looked up and saw the beautiful sky of Italy encapsulating the room, trapping them in – and stairs that led to three huge thrones sitting in the middle of the room.

Caius and Marcus were already sitting on the thrones; Valerie realized The Guard was behind them, their cloaks on and their faces staring at the ground.

‘My dear, you stand behind us. I’ll call you when I need you.’

_I’ll call you when I need you?_

She wanted to laugh on his face; like she would ever fucking do anything but watch.

Valerie walked in The Guard’s direction; everyone was staring at her, their red-crimson eyes leaving the ground and penetrating her soul instead. Valerie knew they could hear her blood, her heart beating, the way her hands shook when she approached them; she was very much human. She stood behind Marcus’ chair – just because he was less creepy – on the first row and stared at her heels. She didn’t know how these things worked, but now she was rather nervous.

After five minutes of being silent, Jane walked into the room. Valerie felt for her for a while; Aro was at fault. He had made her grow up and had made her do these horrible things. She was just a child. She shouldn’t be there.

Behind here, Alec was carrying a vampire and Maximum was carrying two others. Valerie didn’t take her eyes off the ground enough time to stare at their features, but they looked reckless; one of them didn’t have a shirt and the rest of their clothes were torn.

‘This is what we managed to bring, Master.’ Jane said in her droning tone, as Alec and Maximum put the vampires on their knees, each one in front of each throne. Valerie wondered why they were kneeling above a huge drain, but she had learned not to question everything that she saw in Volterra.

‘Oh, my wonderful children, I’m so glad to have you back.’ Aro said, making Valerie breathed in deeply. ‘What happened to the rest of them?’

Jane shrugged her shoulders.

‘They didn’t make the trip.’

Valerie understood. Like, really. She truly did. She also hated vampires a lot, especially the ones who killed humans, but it didn’t make sense to her. It didn’t make sense at all that these vampires – who also killed humans – were killing vampires that were… killing humans? It was absolutely ridiculous in her opinion, but she played along with it. She stood her ground, staring at the stone marble floor in front of her.

Aro was occupying the middle throne, but he was the first to stand up. He put himself right next to a now very struggling vampire – who, Valerie noticed, was immediately put down by Jane, landing face first on the floor – and faced The Guard.

‘As You know, we despise every act of rebellion against our Own. These gentlemen,’ He pointed to the vampires kneeling. Valerie took a look at them; they were probably on their thirties, but Valerie wondered how old they really were. ‘broke some of our rules. Now, would you like to tell the lady about the rules that you’ve broken?’

Aro is pointing at her.

And like a spell had been broken, the vampires snap. Valerie could see in their eyes their change. Suddenly, they’re yelling and they’re trashing and they’re trying to get to her and-

And she stumbles back, colliding against another vampire from The Guard, and it all goes downhill from there. She realizes she’s the only human in a room with more than 40 vampires. She realizes she’s in danger as she can hear hissing and growling.

‘Now now, let’s calm down, shall we,’ Aro chuckled, but she didn’t find it funny – not at all. Her hands shaking, she clings to her cloak like her life depended on it; and maybe it did. Aro clearly has some kind of spell on his Guard, as the hissing and the growling stops immediately. ‘Now now, Valerie is our guest and she should be treated as such.’ He paused; it sounded like he was taking a deep breath, but Valerie knew he wasn’t breathing. He was just a dramatic little shit. ‘Now now, I was just asking you about the rules, so I’m going to ask again. Gentlemen, would you like to tell the lady what rules did you break to be kneeling in front of us right now?’

‘ _Hunts must be inconspicuous, and vampires’ interactions with humans must not draw wide attention_.’

The words are spoken.

Valerie is suddenly shaking.

Aro smiles.

‘Oh, I see you’ve decided to join us.’ He faces The Guard, his eyes lingering on Valerie for a little longer. ‘I didn’t have the opportunity to formally introduce you to The Guard, but is life worth living without a little surprise?’ His laugh is maniac, but no one finds it funny. ‘It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Jasper Whitlock.’

Valerie meets his eyes.

She doesn’t feel pain, she doesn’t feel sorrow, she doesn’t feel anything;

She doesn’t feel anything but pure hatred.

Jasper is wearing all black and is using the same cloak she is.

His eyes are red.

Valerie Addams had always thought that if she were to meet Jasper Whitlock again, it would be like they showed in the movies. She would feel everything in slow motion, and their eyes would meet, and they would run to each other and whisper sweet nothings, and then they would kiss. They would truly feel like soulmates.

It didn’t happen.

Valerie Addams didn’t react. She didn’t react because there was no reaction possible to the presence of Jasper Whitlock in Volterra. There was no reaction to Jasper Whitlock joining The Guard, occupying the place behind Aro’s throne right next to her. There was no reaction to his eyes looking for her.

There was no reaction because she didn’t care anymore.

The minutes passed. People spoke; Caius spoke and Aro said a few things and Jane laughed and apparently tortured people as she heard a lot of screaming, but she couldn’t find the will power to care.

As Valerie heard cracking, screaming, and suddenly nothing, she realized she had found out the purpose of the drain in the middle of the room.

It wasn’t like it mattered, anyway. They deserved it. Those vampires deserved death. And they got what they deserved.

The meeting was dismissed. She gets up to leave, and notices Marcus’ lingering stare on her. He almost looks like he’s sorry.

She reminds herself that vampires can’t be sorry.

Valerie is almost leaving the room. She’s almost leaving the room but he’s there. He’s still there and she knows he wants to talk to her; after all, they know each other. She knows what he’ll say. He’ll say that it was stupid of her to go to Volterra; that she was just a human with no sense of self-preservation.

_He killed your fucking best friend. You know the rules now, and he broke one of the rules._

When she arrived at Forks, she was in his territory. But now, Jasper Whitlock had just arrived to the place where Valerie Addams had started to get familiar with.

Valerie hears her heels clicking on the floor and her cloak dusting the blood in the ground.

She leans towards Jasper, her mouth next to his ear.

He’s not breathing.

‘Do you know what that means?’

Valerie pointed to the inscriptions on the throne wall. Jasper Whitlock was a fluid Latin speaker, but he didn’t answer; he would rather not. His eyes flew through the inscription. Valerie spoke silently. ‘ _Nemo Est Supra Leges. Et Sic Semper Erit Vita Brevis Ars Longa Mors Velox._ ’ He notices she wasn’t struggling with the words and he couldn’t help but being scared. They had been teaching her. Whatever they were trying to do, they had been teaching her. And she had been accepting their lessons. ‘ _No one is above the law, and so always will life be short, art long, and death fleeting.’_ Valerie Addams looks Jasper Whitlock in the eye. She hopes he’s drinking every single word that she’s saying; she hopes he understands the true meaning behind it. She hopes he understands he’s a murderer. ‘Welcome to Volterra, Jasper.’

She gives him a slight push with her left hand and then she leaves.

The only thing she leaves behind is the sound of her heels clicking on the floor.

And then she’s gone.

Jasper’s not sure if she’ll ever come back.

_To him._


	33. thirty three

**_II. MARCUS_ **

_Marcus is a reader._

_He was young when I met him – young but tired, young but not seeking power; he was simply seeking control of his own life, thinking that maybe, just maybe, by seeking control of everyone else, he could finally became the leader of his own life._

_His gift was too interesting to ignore. He could read emotional ties between people, which gave us a fair advantage on trusting – or not – on other Covens and other vampires. It also gave us the power of manipulating powerful vampires and their mates. If they didn’t want to join us, then they would both be a threat to us – and they would have to be eliminated._

_Marcus was, and still is, a very powerful vampire and leader. It’s just a shame that he has become so depressed due to-_

Her thoughts were still lingering on the book. She was reading the chapter dedicated to Marcus when Gianna entered her room screaming bloody murder about some tourists that asked her if they could buy a cloak; apparently, Valerie’s outings in the city were suddenly making people aware of the living situations in the castle.

The sound of Marcus’ fingers turning the page made her snap again, and she decided to ask a question to pretend that she was interested in his words.

‘Why?’

_Fuck, he really looks like a grandpa._

The girl hoped that he doesn’t have a weird gift on mind reading or something – that would have been truly weird, if an ancient vampire like him could read her mind and figure out that she was calling him grandpa. But fuck, he really looked like one.

Maybe an almost dead grandpa – _fuck, he was so pale after all –_ and maybe a creepy grandpa with red eyes but still-

Still a grandpa.

‘They thought that infants didn’t feel any pain.’ Marcus pointed graciously to a picture of an open-heart surgery being done on an infant – apparently, back in the days, they didn’t use anything to numb the pain since they thought that children didn’t feel any pain. Valerie realized how long and pale his fingers were and she could almost imagine the amount of blood that those fingers had touched. It was almost ironic that he was talking about barbaric acts. ‘A rather ancient thought, if you ask me.’ As she didn’t answer him, not really wanting to discuss about ancient thoughts and cruel practices to a bloodthirsty vampire, he decided to continue on his lesson. ‘As you can see in this picture, this is a ventricle and-’

And she shut down her thoughts. She couldn’t handle him talking about hearts, and blood circulating through veins, and blood loss, and death, when he was literally the image of death itself.

‘Do you have any more questions?’

_Why are you here?_

He knew so much. Perhaps, Valerie thought, he knew more than Carlisle about Medicine, about Health, about humans. Valerie was so conflicted about him.

‘I think I just need to study it a little more.’

‘I’m not talking about those kinds of questions.’

Valerie didn’t know why; the only thing she knew for sure, was that she didn’t know why something called her to trust Marcus. Perhaps she trusted Marcus because he had made a face when Jasper joined them – a very characteristically unpleasant face. Marcus also didn’t kill any of the vampires in the bloodbath that was the execution, leaving the job to Caius, Aro and Jane, and he even avoided looking. Fuck, he even looked bored.

Valerie needed to take her mind off Jasper. There was nothing he could do to help her: he was stuck there like she was and he had killed her best friend. He was a ruthless killer, and nothing more. He was just like the other vampires. But the only questions in her mind were _why me, and why Jasper?_

However, something in Marcus’ story rubbed her in the wrong way. Aro almost described him as… _good_. An actual good person who became a vampire by accident and didn’t want anything to do with Aro’s antics. Aro described him as depressed.

Why was he so gloomy?

He was still a vampire, though. And vampires couldn’t feel depressed.

She wasn’t dumb; she was perfectly aware of where the question came from. Her bound with Jasper – or what was left of it, anyways – probably didn’t go unnoticed by Marcus. If he was that good at reading relationships, he could probably see all the ways Valerie had fantasized about killing Aro. 

‘The young boy is setting you off, isn’t he?’

He really was a grandpa; he almost looked like a worried grandpa who wanted the best for his granddaughter. As Valerie looked him in the eye, they were red; red like the blood that he spilled, but not red in hatred like Caius’ eyes, not red in thirst of power like Aro’s.

They were nothing but red, sad eyes. And that was scarier.

‘I’m aware of your gift, Marcus.’ The girl mumbled as she began drawing – or trying to draw, she clearly didn’t have a gift to draw – the anatomy of the heart. ‘I think you’re smart enough to answer that yourself.’

He chuckled; like, a vampire actually fucking chuckled. Was everyone in the fucking castle going insane?

‘I am, yes, but I’m terribly interested in your relationship.’

Valerie bit back an answer.

‘You must have a terribly boring life, then.’

Marcus smiled. His teeth weren’t stained in blood, but she couldn’t help picturing them like that.

‘To answer the question that’s been all over your mind, it _hurt_ to look at him in the beginning of everything because love is supposed to hurt.’

Valerie’s eyebrows shot up.

She still remembered, she still wondered; she still wondered why it hurt so much to look at him, to be in his presence when she first met him.

What Marcus was saying, though, was a load of bullshit.

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘I had the greatest love story of all times.’ He then smiled sadly. ‘I lost the greatest love story of all times, too.’

Valerie was left speechless.

»»

Jasper was sharing the quarters with Gianna and her.

At first Valerie thought he would stay in the secret chambers that the Volturi and The Guard shared; it only made sense, after all, that Gianna and Valerie were away from them since they were the humans, but apparently Aro had decided it would be funny to have Jasper joining them downstairs. She hadn’t seen him yet, not since the execution, and she tried not to think about that.

He was nothing to her.

She was having lunch in the kitchen – if he thought she would start being sad and locking herself up in her room again, and believing that load of bullshit that love was supposed to hurt, he was wrong.

Love wasn’t supposed to hurt. Love was beautiful. Love was so many things.

She loved Mary; she loved Mary so much, her best friend in the entire world, and it didn’t hurt.

In a way, it made sense though. Loving her hurt now that she was gone.

Valerie was sinking in her thoughts and using her quarters as if no one else was there – especially Jasper, because he wasn’t – when Gianna decided to join her. Another pain in her ass.

‘My god, so many visitors today.’ She sighed, sitting down in the living room and clearly looking – and feeling – rather defeated. ‘I hope they enjoy themselves.’

Valerie sighed.

‘The Castle is beautiful, of course they’ll enjoy themselves. Well, that is, only if Aro doesn’t come across them, of course; his face is far from fucking enjoyable.’

Gianna was making herself some coffee. She suddenly stopped and turned around, a confused expression in her features.

‘I’m talking about the Volturi, of course. Not about the visitors.’

Did Gianna have any braincells? Valerie wasn’t sure anymore.

‘Of course they will. They like the attention the humans give them.’

Gianna looked puzzled. She furrowed her eyebrows one more time and she worked in silence in the kitchen, putting her meal on the microwave and sipping her coffee. However, Gianna had never been the one to hold her tongue, and she definitely needed to speak.

‘Val, listen, they-’ She sighed. ‘How many visitors do you think we have during the week?’

Valerie shrugged.

‘I don’t know, I’m not in charge of that.’ Valerie shrugged her shoulders again as she kept eating her food carelessly. The girl already had enough things in her mind, Castle visits weren’t something that she really cared for.

‘We have more than a thousand daily. I know you aren’t around very much but I thought you should know about that.’

Valerie was confused. She stopped eating and she looked at Gianna. Valerie didn’t know the woman very well – they were living together but they weren’t properly friends – but she realized the way her hands were shaking as she drank coffee. She was nervous.

‘I don’t understand what you’re talking about.’

Gianna talked, at once.

‘They’re very powerful. They need to be, you know that.’ Gianna swallowed a lump on her throat. ‘But they need to eat to be powerful.’

That’s when it hit Valerie.

Valerie got up. As soon as she was up and her cloak touched the floor, she suddenly felt dizzy; very dizzy. Her vision was clouded and her hands were shaking as she tried to grab the counter to support herself and regain energy to leave.

To run.

Gianna was talking to her. She could hear her but she couldn’t listen. As Valerie’s walk became wobbly, Gianna was suddenly screaming something on the lines of _“Oh my god, are you going to faint?!”_

Valerie couldn’t think. Valerie couldn’t speak. She could only try to walk to the bathroom.

She vomited her lunch, grabbing the toilet seat with as much strength as she could. She soon realized her tears were mixing with what had been her lunch.

They were killing the visitors. The visitors were their bloodbags.

She couldn’t help but remember the little family that had talked to her; she couldn’t help but remember the kids, bright and full of life, that had wanted to visit the Castle so much; the way that little girl touched her cloak and stared at her hair, her eyes full of curiosity. The family that had put her trust on her to make their appointment to visit.

They were all dead. They were all fucking dead.

Valerie had led Gianna right to them. Valerie had led the poor family right into The Volturi. She was as much as a murderer as they were.

She was kneeling, feeling the cold stone floor in contact with her skin.

She wouldn’t cry. Valerie was too tired of crying. She wasn’t a hopeless little girl anymore.

So Valerie got up.

‘Where are you going!?’ Gianna shrieked, trying to get a hold of the clearly furious girl. Valerie was quick to avoid her – she was thankful for all her years playing volleyball and her ability to dodge – and entered the elevator in a motion. ‘Valerie, you just wai-’

She didn’t care.

The main floor was currently very silent. Valerie was very sorry that she hadn’t placed a tracker on Aro, but she had feeling that she knew where he was. She walked right into a wall, a door appearing as it sensed her cloak – _fucking magical castle_ – and soon she was walking into the Throne’s Room. She could still smell the blood.

The blood of little kids, and parents, and people with a family, and dreams, and hopes, and-

‘You fucking monster!’

Aro was currently sitting on his throne, talking to Caius about something; they were enjoying the sun that entered the room from the glass located on the roof, both looking like a fucking disco ball.

Caius looked puzzled at Valerie’s entrance, while Marcus seemed to grow smaller as he kept himself quiet. Aro smiled as soon as she saw her.

‘My dear, what do we owe th-’

‘You shut the fuck up!’ Valerie raced towards him, her heels making her slip in the ground that was still wet – probably wet from water used to wash the blood of their victims – and jumped the steps to the throne, standing right in front of Aro. She noticed Maximum taking a step forward towards her, but Aro stopped him with the wave of a hand. She was closer to him than she had ever been, his non-existent breath not hitting her face; for a moment she forgot he was dead. He was always so well-spoken, so _alive,_ that sometimes she forgot he should be 6ft deep rotting. ‘You know what? I’m done! I’m _fucking_ done playing your games.’ Valerie didn’t know what to say; she should have seen it coming and it was her fault that she didn’t. Of course they would be killing the visitors. Why wouldn’t they? They were ruthless. They were _fucking_ monsters. Valerie took the cloak off, throwing it at Aro’s feet – now _that_ made him look rather pissed off – and screamed on his face. ‘Whatever this is, it’s _fucking_ over. You can go fuck yourself, and-’

She felt like she was slowly slipping; slowly slipping to insanity as she screamed at Aro and told him what she really thought about him, about how much she wanted him dead and how much of a monster he was, when suddenly-

When suddenly there was nothing.

‘Thank you, Soldier, for taking the time to calm down our rather agitated guest.’

That’s when she saw him, stalking in the corner, just entering the room and wearing the same cloak as she had been wearing, the same stony expression on his face, the same fucking look of entitlement; the same feeling of entitlement that he had everytime that he messed around with her life.

Jasper avoided the look of hatred Valerie sent in his direction.

‘And you can go fuck yourself too!’ She shout out, turning her back on them, turning her back on everyone, on vampires that could kill her with a snap of a finger, and she realized she had no way out of the room without her stupid magic cape. ‘Let me out.’

‘Val-’

‘Don’t fucking say my name.’ She pronounced every word very carefully, still standing in the same place and still staring at the same stone wall. ‘I said, _let me out.’_

Jasper was behind her in a moment, the door finally appearing and letting her out, and she soon left the room, Jasper following her as quickly as his vampire speed allowed him.

Aro smiled.

‘She’s out of control!’ Caius finally snapped, his hands colliding against the arms of his Throne. ‘We have a human under our roof that we’re not allowed to kill and that’s out of control!’

Aro smiled once again. Marcus finally spoke.

‘It’s a shame.’

Aro’s grin grew wider.

‘They’ll both come around.’

Outside, Valerie was jogging towards the main door, the fucker called Jasper following her. She was quick to open the huge Castle door and stepped outside.

People were everywhere and the sun was shining; everyone was smiling and living. She realized Jasper was hiding inside the Castle, carefully avoiding the sun and the curious human eyes. She had gained a lot of self-control ever since she left Forks, but things were getting harder; it was getting harder to do everything. It was harder to breathe in the same room as them. It just got worse with Jasper’s presence.

Valerie looked at him; he didn’t look like the same man she knew – or thought she knew. The initial glow he used to have back in Forks was replaced by a dark aura surrounding him.

Perhaps it had always been there and she was too blind to notice.

Maybe it was the red eyes.

He was a murdered, just like them.

Valerie didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to look at him, acknowledge him; acknowledge that maybe he was suffering too.

It didn’t even look like it - she could feel it.

Their bound maybe her feel it, feel his pain, feel his sorrow and his desire to leave; but she didn’t let him fool her. Not anymore.

‘Come out, you fucker.’ She growled, the sun covering her face. ‘Come out like the fucking murderer you are. You’re not even ashamed, are you? You fucking should be.’ He didn’t answer. He remained calm, looking at her and avoiding the sun light. Looking untouchable. But she knew how to reach to him. ‘Carlisle didn’t teach you to be like this.”

He finally snapped, his red eyes growing wider.

‘You don’t get to fucking talk about Carlisle!’

Valerie didn’t even dare to look at him – she didn’t want to. She simply took off running to the streets of Volterra, losing herself in the crowd.

As she stumbled through the crowd, kids and parents and fucking _people e_ njoying their lives, she cried. Volturi would eventually kill them.

And her only option was to stand there, watching.

»»

Jasper didn’t bother to wipe the blood of his mouth.

After Valerie’s outburst, the vampires in the Castle got quiet mad and needed to be fed. Jasper feasted on a brunette that he decided to ignore that had eyes like Angela, Valerie’s friend back in Forks, and he threw her body to the ground. Her head cracked. He couldn’t find a shit to give.

‘How are you enjoying your stay, soldier?’

Jasper hated Aro with a passion. He hated him even more now that he was spending time with him, that they were getting closer and closer. Not in friendship, but they were seeing each other way more than Jasper wanted.

However, Jasper envied Aro. He knew what he was doing and he didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was slaughtering entire families of travelers. Aro didn’t care, and Jasper wanted to be able to not give a shit.

However, he couldn’t forget the way she ran to the crowd, scared of him. _No, not scared;_ repulsed by his presence.

As a screaming woman was thrown against his arms, Aro being the giver of his brand new gift, he decided to play his part.

Playing his part was the only way to keep her safe.

‘I’m loving it.’

He sank her teeth on the woman’s neck, and he felt no regrets.

»»

After her outburst with Aro, after crying for two hours straight outside and wanting to drown herself in the fountain, she was calm.

Valerie punched a wall.

Twice.

Blood was everywhere.

There were not many vampires in the castle, but the ones present literally flew their way to her. Growls were heard. Ripping and fighting and tearing apart were heard. Valerie was thrown against a wall.

And then there was only her and Marcus in the library.

With her eyes full of tears, she struggled to breathe.

‘You’re here to kill me? Have the meal all for yourself?’

Marcus simply chuckled – in his own royal way – and then Valerie saw that he had a medical kit with him.

‘Oh no, I don’t usually make a meal out of my friends.’ He sat down – it was almost ridiculous seeing him sitting down in a chair so small – and he opened the first aid kit. ‘Care to tell me why you punched a stone wall?’

_Friends?_

She didn’t care. He was stupid.

‘Maybe it’s because I love living in this castle so much.’

Marcus simply chuckled and wiped the blood off her knuckles. She tensed. Perhaps he was just cleaning the dirty blood to eat later. Perhaps he would-

‘I’m sure Jasper’s presence doesn’t help things much.’

Valerie stayed silent as he used a saline solution to clean her wound. She winced at his touch, at how cold and dead his hands felt. How terrifying it was that Marcus was now replacing her vampire doctor. It was terrifying that she trusted Marcus more than she trusted Carlisle back then.

‘I guess it doesn’t. But Aro knew. He knew and he still did it.’

Marcus started bandaging her hand. He was very careful and well practiced, his hands working their way around hers as she was made of glass.

‘I had a mate once.’

Valerie wanted to know. She really wanted to get her hands on that _specific_ book because fuck, she was sure there was something there that would clear her mind from “ _the greatest story of all times”_ that Marcus talked about, but to be fair, she had no fucking time for beautiful love stories between vampires. She had no fucking time for people to glamorize her relationship with Jasper either.

‘Cute. Why did she leave? I’m sure the fact that you’re all psychopaths played a part on it.’

Her bandage was finished. Marcus was suddenly up on his feet.

‘She died.’

_Oh._

_»»_

Vampires couldn’t kill themselves.

For a vampire to die, they would have to be murdered – or at least have someone else do it.

She couldn’t help but wonder…

She couldn’t help but wonder that something about Dydime’s death wasn’t right. She opened her chapter, and read the first sentence.

**_VII. DYDIME_ **

_My sister wasn’t very happy being around us. Marcus wasn’t either. And I couldn’t let them leave._

Something finally clicked in her head. Perhaps her way out were Aro’s dirty secrets.

What happened to Dydime?


	34. thirty four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, i would like to say that i am SO very sorry for the delay on the updates.  
> Another COVID wave has hit my country, and this one has left me personally absolutely shattered. I've been working for six days straight with only one day off a week and nothing has killed me more than that. Thankfully things are starting to get a little better since the country is in total lockdown. It is no excuse for the delay, but it has been impossible to me. I hope you understand and I hope this huge chapter helps to cope with the disappointment. I would never give up on this story, there's much more to come. Thank you for not giving up on me either!

The days were harder and harder to endure Jasper’s presence.

They rarely crossed paths – Valerie was sure that Jasper made it possible for them not to see each other. It was better that way for both of them. It wasn’t like they enjoyed each other’s company.

_Not anymore._

Valerie rarely got out of the library; why would she, anyway? The haunted Castle, haunted by the souls of the people that bled to death on its marble floors, had nothing to give her. She spent her days reading that book about The Volturi (secretly trying to find what was rubbing her the wrong way about Dydime’s death) and she talked to Marcus. They talked a lot and they shared some thoughts about the world, and science, and humans.

They talked, but never about what she really did want to talk: Aro.

He was shady. He was _fucking_ shady and she was absolutely sure that he was hiding something – a lot, actually – but to be fair there was nothing she could do to find anything.

_It wouldn’t be his own book the reason of his falling, would it?_

Of course it wouldn’t.

So Valerie was stuck; stuck in the mystery that Aro was and stuck on why Dydime and Marcus tried to leave the Volturi – and mostly, why weren’t they successful.

Sometimes Marcus spent time with her, sometimes teaching her and sometimes just lingering in the library for some peace from the psycho that Aro was, and Valerie wondered why he was still living there. He didn’t look exactly happy living under those conditions – but he was still there. Decades later, he was still living under Aro’s rules. But _why_ was that?

He never explained her why. He explained a lot of things, mostly medical things, but he rarely spoke about the vampire world.

Valerie tried not to let her mind linger on those thoughts; it was none of her business. She didn’t belong in their world and there was nothing she could do.

But there she was: in Volterra, stuck with the Volturi.

Valerie decided to get out of the Castle on a very cold day. It was freezing outside – it was the middle of December and she wondered if she would have the opportunity to see snow in Volterra. Probably not, but she could only hope. There was nothing she could do anymore but _hope._

‘Do you want to come outside? Get some coffee?’ She had asked Marcus. She hadn’t just ask just out of politeness – there was some there, but _only_ some – yet she was sure that the more time she spent with him, the more she trusted him. Things were very different than when she had first arrived in the middle of summer. It was never sunny now, and the rest of The Guard would sometimes leave the Castle during the day – even Aro did that sometimes. Marcus, however, remained in the darkness. Hiding.

_Why was that?_

He had smiled at her.

‘Thank you for your invitation, but I would rather stay inside.’

Valerie rolled her eyes as she put the cloak on her shoulders again.

‘You have all eternity to stay inside.’

Marcus sent her a sad smile – if she could even call his creepy smirk that – as they left the library.

‘Let’s hope the eternity is not forever.’

As she travelled through the Castle, she realized there were a lot of things that she hadn’t noticed when she first arrived. The darkness lingering, the silence, the cold corridors. Volterra was beautiful and the Castle was something else, but the creatures that inhabited the building were slowly draining its energy.

Outside was a different story. Even though it was colder than it had ever been, people were still enjoying their daily lives and their activities. The visits to the creepy Castle, the main attraction in town, were now rare. Valerie knew they were still killing people, but there was nothing she could do.

She was as stuck as the visitors were – the only difference between them was that she was still alive.

Valerie was finishing her coffee, sitting on a picturesque café, when her phone started ringing, Gianna on the other side of the call.

‘Did the Castle blow up? Please tell me it did with them inside.’

‘Valerie- oh my god, you can’t say those things!’ Gianna was now whispering on the phone, her tone outraged at Valerie’s words. Valerie smirked, knowing that Gianna couldn’t see her and loving how much she was able to get on her nerves. ‘Aro is calling you to a meeting.’

Valerie rolled her eyes.

‘On a Sunday?’

Gianna hesitated on the other side of the line.

‘I don’t think they actually follow human schedules. How long will it take you to get here?’

Valerie hung up the phone. She didn’t have anything against Gianna to be fair, but she was growing tired of the stupid meetings. What was that now? Who were they killing in the Throne Room? A vampire? A human?

Maybe Jasper? Well, she could only hope…

Nevertheless, the thought made her flinch. Jasper killed a lot of people, but him dying wasn’t something she wanted to watch.

As Valerie carried her body through the cold, narrow streets, she could almost imagine what the meeting would be like in her head. Jane would be in the corner standing on the feet of the man that literally killed her when she was child – for the goodness of his heart, of course, that would be his explanation if Valerie were to ask him – and the vampires would be sent on some stupid mission to kill some other vampires because Aro was bored. Valerie would stay in the Castle bored to death. That would probably be it.

However, when she joined the Throne meeting, there were only four people in the room.

One of them was Jasper Hale.

She ignored him. Her heels clicked on the marble floor, the sound resonating through the walls, and she kept her eyes on Aro; trying to read his mind, trying to read his soul, trying to read something, just _something_ , that would make her know his deepest, dirtiest secrets. But she had no magical powers or no gifts; she was just human.

‘Oh Valerie, thank you for joining us.’ Aro clapped excitedly, his straight posture taking up all the Throne that he was sitting on. Valerie simply bowed her head – not out of respect, but out of desperation to get him to trust her – and stared at him after. ‘We couldn’t get this meeting started without you.’

She smiled. It hurt her mouth to even do so.

‘Of course you couldn’t, I’m your secret weapon.’

Aro laughed maniacally. Caius rolled his eyes while Marcus looked dead – well, he always looked dead anyways, but didn’t look as happy this time.

‘That you are, my love, that you are.’ He concluded, a smirk on his lips. ‘Thank you for joining us. Now now, tell me you two: what is it that we have to celebrate this month?’

There was nothing to celebrate in Volterra.

They were both quiet – too quiet for Aro’s liking.

‘Soldier Whitlock? I’m sure your Coven pretended to celebrate it. What is it that we celebrate in December?’

‘Are we throwing a Christmas party?’ Valerie interrupted – not because she was excited, but because she couldn’t bear to hear Jasper’s voice answering him. ‘Maybe we could use Caius as a disco bal-’

Caius growled; Marcus laughed.

‘Now now, my love, I admire your likeness of disrespecting authority, but I can’t allow none of that! We’re not having a Christmas party, no, but you are.’

Valerie looked confused. Jasper kept his head down.

‘Do you want us to put up a Christmas tree on the room? I would love to do that. We can use the corpses of the people you kill as a decor-’

‘There’s a vampire in Port Angeles that I would like to see… exterminated.’ Aro ignored her. He always ignored her smart remarks, so it came to no surprise that he was speaking about business while staring right at her like she wasn’t talking.

Valerie wasn’t surprised. It always came to killing someone. Aro proceeded with his speech.

And Forks isn’t that far away from Port Angeles, is it?’ Valerie’s heart stopped. ‘Why don’t you two go and spend Christmas home?’

‘You’re not using her as bait!’

Jasper’s burst was unexpected, to say the least. Valerie lowered her head; the thought of hearing him speak hurt, but the thought of him trying to protect her hurt even more. Because he never wanted her to be safe, he never did. His actions had put her through too much misery for her to beable to talk about. She couldn’t forgive him, but she couldn’t ignore their bound either.

Valerie chose to stare at Marcus, looking for some sort of reassurance. However, there was none. He looked a less dead, and he was currently staring at Jasper, his red eyes curious.

‘I’m not using her as bait, soldier.’ Aro replied, his eyes rolling to the back of his head like the thought of doing it would be ridiculous. ‘You’re both from the surroundings and I’m sure Valerie misses her family. It’s just that Christmas is coming around, and why don’t you two kill two birds with one stone?’

_To kill._

It was always about killing.

‘I’m sure we’re perfectly capable of doing that.’ The words fall out of her mouth before she can stop herself; not because she wanted to, but because she _had_ to. Aro needed to trust her. ‘We appreciate the opportunity of visiting our families.’

‘Valerie!’ Jasper yelled, outraged; his cloak was now on the ground and she could see that he was wearing all black.

His outfit took her back to Forks, in a way. She was dragged back to the first time that she saw him, and how much of an asshole he was.

Back in Forks, he wasn’t Jasper Whitlock; he was Jasper Hale, with his siblings and his parents and his strange motorcycle, and his strange appeal to take her to coffee even though he hated it; he was Jasper Hale walking her to class, he was Jasper Hale walking her to practice and cheering her on the bleachers; he was Jasper Hale playing Candy Crush on her phone, he was Jasper Hale climbing trees with her and showing her the most beautiful landscapes in the world. He was Jasper Hale swimming in the deep waters of the ocean, he was Jasper Hale feeding a pigeon out of kindness. He was Jasper Hale saving her from a suicide attempt, and he was Jasper Hale showing her his scars.

As their eyes met and all she saw was rage and _red_ , she reminded herself that he was Jasper Whitlock, and that he killed people for fun.

Jasper Hale was dead.

‘Please don’t call me by my name.’

It didn’t come as a warning, as a threat; he words came out of her mouth as a pleading.

A single tear slid down her cheek.

»»

Her mother was ecstatic that she would be spending Christmas at home. Well, at least for two days. They were leaving on the 20th, to have at least some time to find the vampire and kill him under Aro’s orders, and then spending Christmas at home until the 25th and be back at Volterra in the 26th.

That was the deal. And not getting the job done or staying for too much time – or attract some unwanted attention – would bring them trouble. And trouble for them meant death.

Valerie was packing her bags with Gianna’s help. Or at least that was what Gianna thought she was doing.

‘What’s up with you and the blondie?’

‘Caius and I? Oh, we are deeply in love.’ Valerie replied back as Gianna handed her a sweatshirt. The brunette rolled her eyes, handing her another piece of clothing.

‘You know I’m not talking about him. I’m talking about Soldier Whitlock.’

Valerie wanted to laugh. _Soldier Whitlock._ He wasn’t Soldier Whitlock, he was Jasper.

Just Jasper.

Just a murderer.

‘There’s literally nothing going on between us.’ She replied, zipping her backpack; they were only planning to stay for a few days and she wasn’t in the mood to be dressing up every single day. What was she supposed to wear for vampire hunting, anyways? ‘I met him when I met the Cullen’s. That’s all.’

Gianna didn’t look too convinced, but she let it go.

‘It’s just cute, the way he looks at you.’

She found herself being unable to breathe. It was never easy for her to talk about Jasper and about their past. But it was even harder to have others talking about it. It was a subject that brought her shame and that she would rather not talk about.

‘He looks at me like he looks at you, Gianna. Like I’m a meal.’ Valerie looked Gianna in the eyes. She felt sorry for her. She felt sorry because Gianna thought that she had a chance; she thought that the Volturi would just turn her into one of them. She was wrong. Gianna shook her head.

‘He doesn’t look at you like that. You should pay more attention.’

The last thing Valerie wanted to do was pay _more_ attention to him. Yet she would have to, for six long days.

»»

If the plane ride had been awkward, Valerie didn’t even want to talk about the car ride.

At first she wanted to drive. She wanted to drive specifically off a cliff, but Aro was rather adamant on his orders; Valerie wasn’t supposed to do anything that would potentially hurt her – well, besides killing a vampire, of course. Jasper had managed to get his hands on a car – she wondered if it was stolen – and she was just sitting in the front seat while he drove next to her.

It almost looked like the old times. As they were arriving to town, she didn’t feel nostalgic or sad; she just felt nothing. There was nothing for her in Port Angeles anymore and there was nothing in Forks for her anymore. Even if there was, she couldn’t have it. Aro would take it from her.

Nevertheless, it felt like old times. Jasper driving and Valerie on the front seat, playing with her hands because they were buzzing with energy – fuck, she really wanted to punch him.

Not awkward at all.

‘Where would you like to stay?’ He asked. He hadn’t talked to her in so long, they hadn’t been in the same car together for so long that she had forgotten how his voice sound outside those Castle walls.

But it couldn’t be any different in Port Angeles. It wasn’t _only_ about the place where they were, but also the situation they were in. So she didn’t answer. Why would she? They weren’t friends, they weren’t anything. They were just spending time together for the sake of killing someone else.

‘We could stay in my old family’s house.’ He said in a small voice. Valerie scoffed, _loudly_. Like she would fucking want to stay in the same place as he was. ‘And then we can come back tomorrow, hunt him down and go back to Forks. And you can spend time with your friends.’

_What fucking friends? You took that away from me._

Valerie shrugged; staying at the Cullen’s would be nothing more than hurtful. Everything in that place reminded her of a life that she could never have back. So she shrugged her shoulders again, and that seemed to be enough for Jasper, who was as uninterested on their special trip as she was, and soon they were driving to the Cullen’s.

The forest around them was silent, and so were they. There was nothing to say between a red-eyed vampire and a purple haired human; nothing but spiteful insults, nothing but pure hatred sweating through their pores. So they stayed quiet as Jasper parked his car inside the Cullen’s garage – everything was still freakily clean for Valerie’s liking – and they stayed quiet as they entered the house.

Everything was pretty much the same. Everything was untouched but it still _felt_ like people lived there. Valerie knew that wasn’t the case, though. The Cullen’s had moved a long time ago, people had checked. People in Forks were curious, way too curious to leave the house in the woods alone, but they were always too scared to check the inside. They would just stare at it from outside.

Valerie still remembered the living room where she spent her first Christmas with Jasper; she still remembered every sound coming from the TV as Emmett and Rose played a stupid game, as Esme and Carlisle whispered sweet nothings to each other on the other side of the couch and she had asked herself – and the man next to her – how could they love each other so much.

Valerie doesn’t allow the thoughts to enter her brain; everything was nothing but a memory now, including the Cullen’s.

She tells Jasper that she’s taking Emmett and Rosalie’s room. He doesn’t seem very happy with something, but no words are spoken as Valerie goes up the stairs. Until he talks.

‘Valerie.’ He speaks out, the words feeling so weird running off his tongue. ‘I was wondering if we could just- just stop fighting. At least for today.’

‘I don’t want to fight, Jasper.’ She replies. ‘I’m too tired for that.’

He hesitates.

‘Okay. Promise me that we won’t argue until we kill this vampire.’

She knows what he’s doing; Jasper has always been a soldier, and he doesn’t want anything to bother him, to distract him from such an important mission. And to be fair, he had a point.

‘I’m alright with that.’

With no more answers to give him, Valerie goes up the stairs. Except her feet move straight to a room that she’s very familiar with, and her eyes fall on something that she recognizes.

It’s still alive, and it’s still growing and thriving. It looks well-kept.

It looks like someone has been taking care of it everyday since that last Christmas.

As she touches the cactus with her finger, blood slips.

At least she’s still alive. At least she can still feel pain.

She bleeds alone.

»»

It’s the morning time when she wakes up. Music is playing downstairs. It takes her a moment to understand that she’s not inside those cold castle walls and that she’s in the Cullen’s house instead. It almost brings her joy to see Emmett’s stupid posters of rugby players that she doesn’t recognize decorating the white walls, and some makeup that Rose left scattering around. It hurts her heart to think that everything is abandoned. 

Valerie supposed it was Jasper playing downstairs. It’s not perfect like when it’s Edward playing – it’s just rough and angry, like he had any reason to be either of those things; like he his life had been ruined like hers had.

Valerie takes a moment to breathe and to look through the window; she’s in Emmett’s room because it just feels safer in there, and also because she knows Rosalie would be pissed at her. Valerie chuckled at that thought; Rosalie had been right about everything in the end.

She tries to turn the shower on and surprisingly, there’s water – hot water! Forks was colder than Italy – definitely fucking colder, for sure – and she would rather die than shower with cold water. Vampire torture was one thing, but showering with cold water? Not gonna happen.

After showering and changing her clothes – she was looking for her cloak for a moment, she had to admit, but she wasn’t supposed to wear it until midnight; until the hunt.

She didn’t want to talk about the hunt; she didn’t even want to think that she needed to go out with Jasper – actually going out to kill someone because Aro wanted them to.

Valerie shook her head; she was in Forks. She was finally in Forks and she had her life back, at least for a few hours. Grabbing her phone, she looked for Angela’s number.

**_Vals_ **

_hey boo! i’m in town! wanna grab some coffee tomorrow? At noon?_

Her mother still didn’t know; she was only expecting to arrive on the 24th – she was sure that if her mother knew that she would be arriving sooner than she had told her she would handcuff her at home – but she really needed a dose of normalcy with Angela; she had always given her that. However, she was to be stuck with Jasper the entire day in the house, not allowed to leave – apparently, killing the stupid vampire was their priority.

**Angel**

_‘course!! i’ll text you the address. see you babes xx_

Valerie sighed. She had a few hours to kill until the night.

Jasper kept playing. She really wanted to smash that stupid piano in his head.

It was unfortunate that they had their stupid truce going on.

»»

11:30pm.

The more she was with Jasper, the more she hated him. There was nothing they could do, though. They had to do what Aro had sent them to. And that was killing that vampire.

Jasper was on full killing mode. He was currently putting rope and a container with gasoline in the back of the stolen car, while Valerie was making sure that she had everything she needed: her cloak and a knife, basically. Jasper was also wearing his cloak – a statement that the Volturi wanted them to make. It was rather ridiculous to be dressed like that, but a statement was a statement, after all. It looked rather fashionable, though.

Jasper spoke to her the same way that he spoke when he was talking about hunting down James and killing him.

‘Your knife isn’t going to kill him; it might leave him confused, dazzled or even angry, but it can also give us time.’ He explained in a stoic voice while entering the car. He looked as pained as she was, and it seemed like he wanted to end things as faster as possible. Valerie didn’t want to talk to him, but she understood that this mission was dangerous and that if she wanted to spend Christmas with her mother, she would need to follow his rules. Otherwise she would probably die. ‘What’s the plan?’

Valerie sighed, sitting in the front seat next to him. Before she could start talking, Jasper was already leaving the Cullen Residence, speeding through the streets and dark paths leading them to leave Forks and enter Port Angeles.

‘Well, he’s supposed to be in the pub. Since Aro decided I’m serving as bait, I need to get inside, talk to him, seduce him into coming to an alley, and then, if you don’t chicken out, you’re supposed to be outside and kill him. We’re supposed to also set him on fire and send him some kisses from Aro, but I really don’t know how we’re going to do that, but still.’ She shrugged. ‘You’re the vampire, you’re the one in charge.’ Valerie finished her speech and realized that Jasper was gripping the steering wheel probably tighter than any human could – and probably tighter than it was safe. She noticed the way the veins in his arms – probably empty of any blood and empathy – were trying to pop out. She rolled her eyes. ‘For fuck’s sake, what do you have stuck inside your ass now? What’s the deal?’

‘I don’t want you to go inside and serve as bait.’ It was Jasper’s stoic response, his hands still gripping the steering wheel, his feet still landing on the accelerator. The streets were crowded – a lot of people were doing their final Christmas shopping – but Jasper paid no attention to it. ‘It’s fucking ridiculous. He could kill you. You could fucking get killed, and-’

‘And what, Jasper?’ Valerie replied back, her voice a few octaves higher. She turned her body in his direction, the car still speeding through the crowded streets. They were almost in Port Angeles; what was his fucking point on driving like someone was dying? ‘I could get killed, and fucking _what?_ People die everyday. I _wanted_ to die a few months ago. Or did you suddenly forget that?’

Jasper gripped the steering wheel tighter. And tighter. Valerie could hear it crushing under his hands.

‘Of course I _fucking_ remember that!’ He yelled; Jasper had never yelled at her, not with red eyes, not full of rage, not for simply being _mad_ that she was stating facts. ‘In case you suddenly forgot it as well, _I_ was the one who found you minutes away from fucking death!’

‘Congratulations, you _fucking_ hero!’ Valerie snapped back. ‘Maybe I wouldn’t have tried to kill myself if you hadn’t killed my best friend right in front of me!’

‘Are you saying it’s my fucking fault?’

Valerie was suddenly screaming her head off.

‘Are you trying to say it’s not?!’

They were suddenly silent, very silent, like they realized they had crossed a line – they had broken their truce, after all. After not talking for so many months, they were suddenly yelling at each other – and that had been everything they had done for a long time.

Back in Forks, they never argued. They never had bad days – they were always good days because life was too short to have bad days, and they were too grown to have stupid arguments over something that they couldn’t change – something that she had tried to forgive him for.

They were silent. Suddenly, everything was very silent – the car speeding through the streets, the sound of electronic music coming from the open pubs. Yet it was silent – it was just the two of them.

‘I can’t change what I did.’ Jasper said; she has heard that so many times and she has accepted that so many times, yet she finds herself bringing the same conversation to the table over and over and over again; ‘And we shouldn’t be arguing today. We have a job to do.’

It was true; they had a job to do and surely it wasn’t the right time to discuss such things. Whether they liked it or not, they were now part of The Volturi – and they had seen enough people having their heads ripped off due to having unfinished business with them.

‘You’re right.’ It had always been hard for Valerie to admit that people were right – especially people that she had grown attached to, just to have them leave and stab her on the back. ‘Is that the one?’

She pointed towards a pub with bright neon lights that glowed the entire street green. It was one of the smallest pubs on the street, yet probably the most crowded one. It matched the description. She could see people’s shadows inside and she could hear the music pulsing inside car, coming from the inside. Yeah, she could definitely see a vampire having fun inside. There was a back door that she could recognize that led to an alley that was definitely too dark to be safe. They would kill him there.

‘It matches.’ Jasper nodded. She looked at him once again, and realized how much the green suited him. His blond curls caressing his neck and the way his cloak pressed against his broad shoulders made her shiver. Suddenly, she wanted to punch herself in the head; _not the fucking time._ ‘He’s supposed to be a really tall guy with-’

Valerie rolled her eyes and opened the door.

‘Dude. I’ll just check for the first guy with red eyes, it’s not a vampire nest, there’s just one.’ She put one foot on the sidewalk and while her body was still in the car, she turned to look at Jasper. ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes. Stay safe.’

A ghost of a smile hinted on his lips, but Jasper didn’t want to smile. The situation brought him everything but joy. He hesitated, and before she could go outside, he grabbed her cloak.

‘We don’t have to do this.’ He spat out suddenly; it was now or never. ‘We can leave. I can take us to another continent in one hour. We can leave without a trace.’ The words flew out of his mouth faster than Valerie could understand. ‘I know you would never forgive me. I know. But I owe you this. I owe you a new life.’

Valerie shook her head; a ghost of a smile hinted on her lips.

‘They would kill us Jasper, and then they would kill our families.’ He let her go, and she stood outside the car. ‘Make sure you’re there in time to save my ass. You don’t want me to fucking haunt you to eternity.’

»»

The pub was packed. Truly packed. Valerie had missed parties – Aro wasn’t a party animal – and she was there to hunt a vampire, so a mix of sweat and adrenaline was sweating through her pores. While drunk people danced on the dance floor and stepped on her, she made her way to the bar and ordered a beer.

The barman asked for her ID – obviously – and she handed him the fake one that she always used. Beer on hand, she scanned her surroundings.

It wasn’t too hard to spot him – he was looking right at her. Her purple hair probably played a part on that, probably, and so did her cloak. Valerie had specifically chosen a short, sparkly dress to wear to the special occasion, as well as some thigh high boots that she had bought during the day. After all, going to a party with a sweater on wasn’t going to attract him. Jasper didn’t like her choice; he had rambled on and on and on about looking like a shiny toy for him to play with, to which Valerie had answered that she was a woman, not an object, to which Jasper had answered that this vampire couldn’t give two shits about internal misogyny. Valerie wanted to punch him in the face. She didn’t.

Realizing he had his eyes on her, she sipped the beer – cold against her lips, sliding down her throat and hitting her stomach that, she had to admit, was hurting in _fear,_ and leaned against the counter, what wasn’t covered of her legs on full display.

_To him._

The thought sickened her, but the beer sliding down her throat helped. Valerie looked away from his prying, red eyes – a way to look distracted, a way to look into him but not _that_ into him, and suddenly, she was spinning back and there was a man.

He was tall – probably taller than Emmett. He wasn’t as buffed as he was – honestly, was anyone bigger than Emmett? He was bigger than her closet – but it looked like he enjoyed going to the gym.

He looked normal. Absolutely normal, apart from being a vampire. Valerie had only met the Cullen’s – and James – but then she went to Volterra. She saw a lot of vampires in Volterra and they were always the same – pale, red eyed, blood thirsty. He was the same.

Valerie wanted to talk; wanted to tell him something that would wipe his stupid smile out of his mouth, but the words were stuck. Her throat was too dry. So she ended up taking a sip of her beer, tried to steady her breathing, and said,

‘Oh, hi.’

He smiled wickedly.

‘Hi there, beauty.’

»»

Jasper was hiding in the shadows.

The older the vampire, the wisest he was. This vampire was only 10 years old – pretty much a newborn compared to Jasper. He wasn’t the smartest from what The Volturi had told him and he also wasn’t the strongest.

Yet he couldn’t help but be scared for Valerie. She was taking too long – too fucking long for his liking – and she was stuck inside with him. Jasper was able to feel her emotions; she was scared, terrified even, but she was fine. She was still breathing.

Times were tough. Times had never been tougher for Jasper Whitlock. He thought he had found peace away from his family, away from their lifestyle and away from Valerie, but he had been wrong. He couldn’t run; from the moment that his mate was designated to be a human, he was truly fucked in the head. The only way to escape was to kill himself. He hadn’t found the will to do so; it would hurt his family and he had no idea how that would hurt Valerie.

She hated him. He was sure of that, at least; she hated every fiber of his being and there wasn’t anything he could do to make things a little better for both of them. They were not living in Forks anymore, surrounded with his family and surrounded with people that wanted the best for both of them. They were surrounded by a Coven of vampires that only wanted one thing: blood.

He snapped out of his thoughts as he felt her emotions suddenly shifting; she was now scared, and from what his hearing and smell could sense, she was being dragged to the alley. Right on fucking time.

‘You’re not that much of a gentleman, are you?’ Jasper could hear Valerie muttering insults under her breath as she was dragged down the stairs to the alley, her body colliding with the wet, dirty wall behind her. Jasper wanted to laugh for a moment; she never lost an opportunity to ramble. The vampire was suddenly up on her face, his breath hitting her face and her eyes growing wider as he smirked, his teeth showing up. ‘You should buy me a drink first, don’t you think?’ The vampire didn’t answer, simply smirking and staring at her neck – Valerie gulped in fear, realizing he was probably simply looking for the best place to bite and find her veins. ‘I mean, it would be the gentleman thing to do. Aren’t you a gentl-’

Jasper was looking for the best opportunity to stop him, the right time to throw himself at him and pop his head off. He knew that Valerie was absolutely terrified – and _nothing_ would _ever_ bother him more than that – but stepping up on the wrong time could cost her life.

‘I can smell _him_ all over you.’

_That_ made Valerie gulp in fear again. He saw her stop breathing for a second, but she was quick to regain her posture.

‘You’re being rude all over again.’ She rolled her eyes and Jasper noticed she took the opportunity to look around – to look for him, probably. ‘Saying that I smell bad, and-’

Before Valerie could continue her rambling, Jasper stopped hiding in the shadows and flew.

»»

That motherfucker.

Valerie wanted to bash his fucking brains in. He _truly_ was a motherfucker. There she was, literally sweating in fear as that bastard talked about smelling Jasper all over her; they were dumb. Vampires fucking stink, apparently, since he had managed to get his smell all over her and the vampire apparently understood their little stupid plan.

Jasper is suddenly on the man’s back and they fall face first to the ground. Valerie can _hear_ the pavement shattering as their bodies collide against it. Valerie in the wet pavement, steadying herself on the wall as she watches the way Jasper struggles, and scratches, and bites, and the way the vampire tries to fight back; he’s apparently stronger than Jasper – younger, too, and probably way fuller of human blood – but Jasper is wiser, and he isn’t afraid of fighting back.

Jasper is controlling the vampire – physically wise, at least, as he’s restraining him against the floor – and he has one knee on his back while his hands are restraining his wrists. The vampire is growling and struggling and almost howling, as he hisses Jasper to just _get the fuck out of him._ Valerie almost feels sorry for him – almost, because then she remembers she’s a vampire.

Jasper nods, and she takes a step forward, grabbing the gasoline next to their stolen car. The vampire is now looking at her, his head smashed against the ground by Jasper’s boot, but he’s still looking at her with the same blood thirst eyes. With the same rage, with the same want to kill her as he had before. That only fuels her rage more.

‘The Volturi send their regards, Henry.’ Valerie smiles wickedly – she doesn’t smile because she enjoys being a part of The Volturi; she smiles because another vampire is going to die, - and Jasper is looking at her too. He’s looking at her with the same wicked smile on his lips. He used to hide how much he loved to kill, and to destroy, and to _burn,_ but he has started to realize that maybe, just maybe, Valerie can burn with him.

Henry hisses, and Valerie isn’t scared as she drops gasoline all over him.

It’s a shame that her head hits the floor a second later.

No one could know, really; no one would be expecting Jasper to let it slip – to let such an important moment slip as he looks at Valerie like she’s the only one for him in the world, like he wants to burn everything with her; no one is expecting Jasper to let Henry slip between his grasp. However, that’s what Henry does. Next thing Jasper knows, he’s being chocked and there’s teeth all over him, reopening his old white scars, from the days where he used to fight the same creatures that he’s now trying to kill along with his mate.

Valerie is still cursing her soul out on the floor. The first thing she does is check her head – and thankfully she’s not bleeding, but her head hurts and she’s absolutely sure it’s going to hurt even more in the morning. Her moment of glory and badassery was interrupted by Henry, and she couldn’t be more pissed. The audacity of the motherfucker!

The purple haired girl is about to curse Jasper out like she always does, when she realizes that Henry is very much alive, very much blood thirsty and that Jasper’s face is shattering.

Henry has Jasper on a death grip, and Jasper is trying to say something – he’s trying to say something as Valerie watches his neck and his head becoming two different parts.

And Valerie is just standing there, mouth wide open, hands trembling in fear as she w _atches_ Jasper dying.

_Slowly dying._

He’s trying to speak; he’s trying to say something. But she can’t hear him. She can’t hear him because Henry is laughing, he’s laughing so hard and so loud because she’s just a human, and she can’t do anything to stop him, and he’s laughing because he’s killing someone else’s soulmate-

That’s when she remembers.

She’s suddenly back on earth, and she’s aware that she’s in an alley all over again; she’s aware that it’s raining, she’s aware that there are two pairs of red eyes staring straight at her and that it’s cold, and she’s shivering, and she can hear the sound of the party going inside while someone is dying outside.

She had lost Mary to Jasper. He had been the cause of her death a few years ago, back in a similar alley.

Valerie let Mary die. She wouldn’t let Jasper, though.

Valerie grabs the knife quicker than she thinks she’s able to; she snatches it off her thigh high boots, and Henry is laughing even harder as he thinks she’s going to try to kill him with it.

Valerie smiles.

‘As I was saying,’ She speaks up, her voice trembling in fear, her clothes completely wet due to the rain, her hands shaking due to the adrenaline and fear, her lungs trying to breathe but constricting due to the cold December breeze, ‘The Volturi send their regards.’

Valerie Addams plunges the blade on her arm, and she slashes her flesh.

Suddenly, and just like the last time, blood is mixing with rain. And so are her tears.

Blood drips from her arm to her hand, caressing her between her fingers – and then, just like a few years ago, blood is dripping on the floor.

Valerie is crying as the memories flood her, as her arm hurts and the blood drips, and she cries as she looks at the two vampires in front of her.

And in the second that she sees the way Henry’s nostrils widen at the smell of her blood and the way Jasper’s jaw clenches, she’s not scared.

Her soulmate is right there.

It happens in a matter of seconds; in one second Henry is _flying_ in her direction, hissing and growling and biting into the air, and in the next second, Jasper’s bitten arms are flexing, his fangs are coming out and he’s bitten through Henry’s neck, his head falling to the ground.

As a _popping_ sound is heard and a head rolls in the pavement, Valerie grows a little smaller. Everything is too similar from what it was back then.

There’s a literal body being set on fire in the middle of Port Angeles, but Jasper doesn’t care. He doesn’t care as he flies to her, as their bodies collide and they both shatter at the same time; their knees hit the wet pavement at the same time, and they hug each other tight, tighter than they had ever hugged, and it seems like forever as they’re lost in each other’s limbs.

‘You saved my fucking life – my worthless fucking life, Val.’ Jasper mumbles, Jasper _shatters_ under her hands, and for a brief second, she allows herself to close her eyes and hold him close. For a second, Valerie forgets everything that he has done and she grabs his blond locks with more strength than she ever has, and she holds him close.

‘I couldn’t lose you.’ She whispers against the crook of his neck. ‘You’re-’

She doesn’t say it. She’s not able to say it, because she doesn’t believe it.

Valerie _didn’t b_ elieve it. She didn’t believe in soulmates until hers almost died in front of her.

One of her soulmates had died before. And even if the other did deserve to die, she would never let it. Because she knew that deep down, Mary had forgiven Jasper. So she could, too.

Jasper has learnt to read through her. And he doesn’t need her to speak.

He looks her in the eyes; he can see his own reflection – the red on his eyes staring deep into the sea of her brown ones, and he also knows he’s not worthy of her.

For the first time in forever, Valerie doesn’t seem to care that his eyes are red.

His lips are red too when they collide with hers.

All she sees is red.


	35. thirty five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a small chapter, but it's the best i can do before i work for the next 6 days straight. i hope you guys like it!!

It’s 2am and Valerie is cussing her heart out as she tries to stitch her arm up.

She’s all by herself.

She’s all by herself by choice; she didn’t like to suffer in front of other people, let alone suffer in front of Jasper. After Henry had almost tried to kill them, Valerie was still very much sure that she didn’t belong in The Volturi – they had almost been killed while doing their dirty work. She would hang up Aro on the ceiling as soon as she arrived and she would throw a piñata party and invite all the tourists currently visiting Volterra. It would serve him as a punishment. 

The Cullen Residence was abandoned, but some of Carlisle’s medical tools were still around. She had managed to find her way to his sewing kit, and she had tried her best to fight through the pain while trying to remember everything that Marcus had taught her. Maybe she should have paid more attention, she realized, as she convulsed in pain and her hands shook so hard that she couldn’t get one stitch right.

As her flesh burned and tears fell down on face, she thought about Jasper. She thought about everything that had happened, but she mostly thought about how she was so close to losing him. She had become lost in herself when her first soulmate was killed – what would she do if the same happened to Jasper?

She didn’t want to think about it.

After everything that happened, Jasper had managed to drive home like a lunatic and set her on the kitchen counter. He had tried – he had tried _so_ hard to endure the blood, the smell, the gore, but he simply couldn’t. Valerie realized that it was easier seeing Jasper Whitlock suffer between the Castle walls; it was harder seeing Jasper Hale suffer in Forks. So she pushed him to the woods, an animal probably suffering the consequences of her actions.

By the time she was done, she was sure it would scar even worse than all her other scars. Valerie scoffed; she was used to it by now. She decided to stay still, sitting on the kitchen counter and taking deep breaths as her hands and her legs were still shaking; she would probably pass out if she were to get up, and nothing would be more ridiculous than that.

Everything was still a literal bloody mess. She would have to clean it sooner or later and probably open some windows and doors to let the smell out; that is, if she didn’t want Jasper to go absolutely nuts and go on a killing spree – and she would probably be part of that killing spree.

He found her scrubbing the counter a hour later; her eyes were almost closed as she scrubbed with her right arm, her left arm left immobilized probably due to the pain that she was currently feeling – and the terrifying thought of pulling some stitches. Jasper took a deep breath before entering, holding his breath.

‘So, we did it.’ Valerie said, washing up her hands, blood going down the drain. Jasper’s jaw tensed. ‘Now, what?’

‘Now you get to spend Christmas with your mother. And then we go back.’

She sighed. That was their only option – to go all the way back to Volterra and leave everything behind once again. It was hard leaving Forks – way harder than she had anticipated, way harder than the first time.

Volterra was beautiful, and it was something new; something that she had wanted for so long. But _oh_ , to be young and made a prisoner in a Castle full of murder vampires. That hadn’t been her plan when she had wanted to go to Europe; she just wanted to study. Now, Valerie wasn’t sure that she wanted to go to college anymore. She wasn’t sure if there would be any life for her after Volterra.

‘When do you think they’ll kill me?’

Jasper’s jaw tenses again; he thinks about that a lot. At first he thought he had understood why they wanted her around, especially Aro. He had always wanted Edward and Alice to join his Guard and had even bothered Jasper about it, but why kidnapping Valerie? It would make more sense to kidnap Bella. At least that was what he thought.

‘I truly don’t know, Valerie.’ He answered while sitting on the stool in front of her. ‘I think he’s plotting something but I can’t understand it. I can’t sense his feelings well enough.’

‘Doesn’t your family have any idea?’ Jasper shrugs; they didn’t even try to contact him ever since he moved in, which is probably the best way to keep things at bay. He has already done enough damage to his family.

Valerie is tired. She’s tired of losing people, of trying to escape her future and her past. There was nothing she could do anymore, nothing but go to bed and go to sleep.

‘I’m meeting Angela tomorrow for coffee. Can I borrow your car?’

‘It’s our car.’ Jasper mumbles, shrugging; he then smiles. ‘I mean, it’s someone else’s, but whatever.’

Valerie smirks.

‘Good night, Jasper.’

»»

‘I don’t believe this! It’s you, it’s really you!’

Valerie hugged Angela, and she had never felt so weird while doing so. Angela was warm, and alive, and Valerie could almost, just almost, hear her heart beating as they embraced. She wasn’t used to hug someone that was still alive.

What had her life even become?

Angela had been the first to arrive to the little café where they decided to meet right in Forks’ border. The girl hadn’t ordered yet since she had been waiting for her best friend to come. Valerie had to get a cab in order to get to the café, but she was pleased as the car ride had been normal – and the driver hadn’t been speeding through the streets like Jasper enjoyed doing. She almost thought about driving their stolen car like she had asked Jasper a few hours before, but there was something that screamed at her to not do it. Maybe it was the fact that it was probably still stained in her blood.

‘I can’t believe I’m back!’ Valerie replied, sitting down in front of a very smiling Angela. She was different, very different than when they had first seen each other. She still had the same big eyes, the huge glasses and her beautiful, kind smile, but she was absolutely glowing. She looked truly happy. ‘How are you? How are things going?’

The girls ordered two coffees and Angela decided to eat some cake even though it was almost lunch time; Angela was studying Biology in California which sounded pretty exciting in Valerie’s opinion, but all she wanted to hear were Valerie’s antics.

She had none. Well, she could tell Angela about the magic cloak, the ancient Castle, the beauty in the narrow streets of Volterra, Aro’s creepy smile and her new grandpa, as well as about the vampire that Jasper and her had killed last night, but she was sure Angela was expecting something more… educational.

‘How’s nursing going?’ 

_Well, I stitched myself up last night._

‘Oh, it’s alright. It’s just books and books and more books.’ Valerie was quick to change the subject. ‘What about Biology? And Eric?’

Angela was apparently happier than she was – well, why wouldn’t she be? She was spending time with Mike and Jessica and everyone else – even though she was quick to tell Valerie that she was growing tired of their constant drama, which didn’t surprise the girl. If they were like that in high school, she couldn’t picture them in college.

As she heard all their stories and adventures – college parties, weekend escapades to the woods, time spent at concerts, time spent studying on the library together, Valerie was happy for her friend – she was also sad because she would never get to experience the same things they were experiencing. She was only taking two classes: _“How to survive the Volturi”_ and probably _“Hunting Vampires 101”._ Her mother would be so proud.

‘That seems a lot of fun, Angie.’ Valerie replied, sipping on her coffee and trying to sound happy for her friend. It wasn’t like she wasn’t happy, because she was – she just wished she could be as happy as Angela was. She deserved it too. ‘I’m glad you’re enjoying it and that Eric is still there to support you.’

‘What about you, Val?’ Angela seemed to hesitate for a while before asking her the question. ‘Have you talked to Jasper?’

After shit had hit the fan – meaning, after Valerie found out what Jasper had done and after the Cullen’s leaving Forks – she told Angela that she had broken up – or whatever they had going on between them – with Jasper because he was moving out and she was graduating early, and they seemed to come to an agreement that they didn’t belong together anymore and that things wouldn’t work out. Angela was heartbroken for her best friend but she supported her through the whole thing. Now, Valerie didn’t want to talk about it. She hated lying to Angela.

‘I left everything behind when I left Forks, Angie.’ Angela took offense at her words; Valerie laughed out loud. ‘I didn’t leave you behind of course, you silly!’

The hours went by quicker than they expected; they ended up grabbing lunch nearby, a simple meal, and since it wasn’t raining they walked through the streets. Valerie just hoped that her mother wouldn’t see her out of nowhere and ask her what the hell she was doing in Forks without telling her.

They were saying their goodbyes when Angela asked the question Valerie had been avoiding.

‘Valerie, I don’t want to push your buttons but,’ Angela sighed and she hesitated. With her big brown eyes hidden by her glasses, she stared at Valerie. ‘I still remember that man. Who was that?’

Valerie’s smile strained.

‘A friend. Just a friend, Angel.’ 

»»

‘I’m back, bitches. Did you all miss me?’ That’s what Valerie says when she enters the Throne Room, sunglasses covering her eyes and heels clicking on the floor, looking like a whole tourist just arriving to the Castle. She throws her backpack to the ground – Caius rolls his eyes at that – and Valerie hisses in Aro’s direction. Maybe she had been spending too much time with Jasper since she was already hissing at people. ‘I bet you thought you had seen the last of me. Well, you didn’t. Because that’s what you wanted, right, Aro?’ She circled around the room. ‘Fucking suicide mission you sent us on.’ Aro is silent as she rambles about how they almost died and how much of a loss her death would have been to The Volturi, and Jasper is behind her sighing; she had always been theatrical like that. ‘Anyways, we’re here. We killed the motherfucker, but not before he tried to kill us. Are you happy now?’

Aro is silent, but he’s grinning. That bothers her even more.

‘I’m glad you were able to accomplish your mission. How’s Forks?’

Valerie bites back an answer.

‘Well, go see it yourself and then tell me.’ Valerie replies, rolling her eyes. ‘Now, I’m sure my library misses me. Can I be excused?’

She was excused a few minutes later – after Caius had ranted about the importance of taking missions seriously and that exterminating Volturi’s enemies wasn’t a joke – and she was able to go back to the library – her safe place in the Castle.

After spending time with her mother and Angela, she just couldn’t deny that Forks was her favorite place on earth. Her mother was there and she had the best memories in there that she could have ever hoped for. She wondered if she would miss her mother if she were to be at college with Angela and the others. She probably would – being away from her mother had always been hard on her, but the thought of staying away from her locked up in a Castle was even worse.

But now she was a woman with a mission: she hadn’t forgotten about Dydime and her mysterious death – and her mysterious wish to leave her brother along with her mate. Something was sketchy, and maybe the library had some answers.

After looking for almost two hours between books and books and books, Valerie eventually came to the realization that there were only two people alive that had the answer: Aro and Marcus. And none of them trusted her enough to tell her.

Feeling rather bored and sad about not being able to uncover the mystery, Valerie ended up deciding it would be better to just go and grab some coffee in the city. Coffee made thinking a lot easier these days.

Gianna was at the front desk again.

‘What’s up bitch,’ Valerie greeted her, while Gianna rolled her eyes at her choice of words. ‘Did you miss me?’

‘I actually did, yes.’ Gianna replied, a small smile decorating her features. ‘It gets boring without you screaming bloody morder at Aro.’

‘I bet it does, I’m just funny like that.’ Valerie shrugged her shoulders. ‘Is there anything you want me to bring you from the city? I was thinking of-’

Her speech is interrupted by the Castle bells.

_Oh, for fuck’s sake._

‘A meeting?’ Gianna looks surprised, but ecstatic. ‘Are they going to kill someone?’

‘Fuck these meetings!’ Valerie yelled, Gianna looking very much terrified about who would be able to hear her. ‘How much do you want to bet I’m going on a suicide mission once again? Fuck this.’

‘Valerie, c’mon,’ Gianna tries to reason. ‘You should be gratef-’

‘Fuck off, Gianna, fuck off!’ Screams a very pissed off Valerie, her heels clicking on the floor – as they always did – and her purple hair flying behind her; her wild hair was as pissed off as she currently was. She would probably get blood all over it again, and it wasn’t like her arm was recovered yet. The fact that she had missed coffee time because of Aro probably didn’t help either.

Valerie Addams joins the Throne Room a second later.

‘What now, Aro, _what fucking now?_ ’ She screams as she enters the room and as soon as she spots Aro. ‘I’m not going on a fucking suicide mission again. Well but you know what, I _fucking_ might. I fucking might if you let Caius come with me. I might show him how to have fun without looking like someone ate his grandma for lunc-’

Valerie Addams shuts her mouth for the first time in her life when she sees Alice Cullen standing in the Throne Room, wearing a cloak next to Jasper.

»»

The smoke of her cigarette pollutes Volterra’s atmosphere. For a second she almost feels guilty of doing so, but then she realizes that as much as Volterra has of beautiful, it also has of a prison; her own personal prison, her own little hell.

So he keeps on smoking, sitting down on the big stairs that lead to the front door, breathing in and breathing out the air of a very peaceful night.

Jasper lurks in the shadows. He’s used to that.

Valerie has become more aware of her surroundings; she had started to see these little things, these little things that might have escaped her human eye before, but that is now trained to spot – she wonders if it’s because she knows there are other worlds amongst them, lurking in the shadows. She steps on her cigarette, and she speaks.

‘You can come out. Or you can stay right there looking like a creep.’

Jasper comes out, and eventually sits down next to her. They share the silence and the beauty of a sempiternal and internal battle: they both want to leave, but they have their reasons to stay. For Valerie, those reasons being keeping her mother and her friend back in Forks alive; for Jasper, being protecting Alice from Aro’s wrath.

‘It doesn’t change anything.’

At that point, Valerie almost lights up another cigarette. She doesn’t want to talk about it; she doesn’t even want to think about it. She looks him in the eye, and he’s hurting.

She wonders who he’s hurting for the most.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Alice coming here.’ He stops talking, only the sound of some cars going by in the distance and the water disrupting their silence. ‘It doesn’t change anything.’

Valerie knows what he’s talking about. Valerie knows he’s talking about his feelings – Jasper Hale had never been opened about his feelings, but then again neither had Valerie. They didn’t share the same relationship that Edward and Bella did, full of love and kisses and sunshine, and demonstrations of eternal kindness and the need of being and belonging to each other. Jasper Hale and Valerie Addams had acted just like friends for a long time, and they still did. It had always been hard for her to demonstrate her feelings, to share a deep bound with someone. She didn’t know how to do so.

‘Why do you think she’s here?’

Jasper shrugged; he had an idea, but he couldn’t be sure about it.

‘I think Aro is up to something with us. Carlisle has a lot of friends.’ They looked straight at each other, their eyes sharing how much they missed Carlisle and his wise words. ‘It’s not easy for them to feel like someone has more power than they do, whether it is because he has so much self-control or because he was once a member, I don’t know. But he’s trying to get to us.’

Valerie thinks about it; she thinks about the fact that now, Jasper and herself are members of the Volturi. They’re still trying to get Carlisle; they’re still trying to find him and to make him join them again. What would happen if Valerie wanted to leave? What would happen if Jasper wanted to leave?

‘Why did you come here?’

Jasper hesitates.

‘I think we both know they have their own persuasion methods.’

She can’t deny that; they definitely have. Valerie was scared for her mother, was scared for her friends, and now she was even scared for Bella, Edward, Emmett; people that she once met and loved as close friends. They could be in danger – and it was all her fault for taking Alice’s place.

‘Jasper,’ Valerie starts. She avoids looking at him, looking straight at the stars decorating the city. ‘Did they threaten to kill your family?’

‘They did, yes.’

‘But why did you come? Do you really think your family wouldn’t be able to defeat them? Carlisle is so strong, and so is Emmett.’

Jasper hesitates once again.

‘I’m not talking about the Cullen’s, Valerie.’

‘ _Oh.’_

Valerie Addams tries not to think about Christmas last year, spending time with the Cullen’s wrapped up in Jasper’s arms. She tries not to think about this Christmas either, just a few days ago, where she sat in the same table as her mother and Jasper, eating and talking and dreaming about the future.

She remembers how much light decorated his eyes that night – now golden, just like the star that her mother used to decorate their Christmas tree with – and how much she missed being wrapped in his arms. Valerie had never appreciated the Christmas’ tradition much, but being away from her mother for so long was enough to get her on the spirits. It didn’t help how much Elizabeth Addams loved Jasper Hale; it didn’t help that she wanted her daughter to be happy with the first man that made her smile in a long time.

Valerie Addams had lost herself on Jasper Hale on Christmas day. The same man that destroyed her life and that put it back up with stolen kisses, stolen smiles, stolen feelings.

There’s already too much hate in the world she’s living, too much wrath, too much war – the Volturi are nothing but war. She can’t change what happened; she can just pray that one day, she’ll be able to lose herself on Jasper Hale and tell the story.

Valerie lights up another cigarette.


End file.
